It's always easier to run

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Chapter 3

\'Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you. - Horace \'
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Hermione had retired to bed moments after seeing that Snape was settled. Convinced that his presence would mean hours of tossing and turning on the lumpy sofa, she was surprised to find the next morning that she had fallen asleep almost instantly. She blamed it on over stimulation. She had gone to sleep almost calm, and while this feeling had been a soothing and welcomed commodity, it surely wasn\'t to last.

For Hermione did awake the next morning, it wasn’t to the gentle sound of the sparrows outside her window. It wasn’t to the familiar sound of her alarm going off as some Classical music soothed her. And it wasn’t to an excellently brewed cup of cocoa waiting for her downstairs from some mystery man.

No, what Hermione woke up to was Professor Snape’s nose.

This was accompanied shortly after by his dark eyes, burning into her own. She did her best not to yelp, but being an only child, and now one that lived on her own, Hermione wasn’t exactly used to waking up to anything or anyone. And so was the cause of her starting on the sofa and letting out a most unladylike yelp as Snape backed jerkily away from her.

“What are you doing?” she demanded, the groggy sensation of sleep leaving her as his eyes bore down on her. The mouth guard she wore inhibited the crisp tone of her words. “You can’t just-“ at this she stopped, realizing she was clad in ugly pajama’s.

She pulled her blanket up over her chest, and absently tried to smooth her flyaway fringe. The latter was to no avail. She swallowed thickly, the taste of sleep still in her mouth, and one that was most unpleasant.

“I was seeing if you were awake, obviously.” Snape said haughtily, refusing to look anything but indifferent or vexed. Hermione thought this to be a strange answer, especially coming from Snape of all people.

She looked up to Snape from her bed, seeing him in the morning light now as he stared back at her. Lines of age etched his face, most familiar, some not. She had expected to see tinged of gray at the temples of his hair, but found it all to be the familiar raven black she conveniently recalled of her youth. The lips were still that familiar thin line of displeasure, the posture a ballerina would be envious of, and those eyes. She remembered them well.

Sitting there under his gaze then, Hermione suddenly realized what it was like. She’d often thought it icy, piercing even when in school. And while this was the case when he was cutting and cruel, when he was merely gazing in a manner of bored indifference intermingled with careful speculation, the effect was that of being covered by a black, wool blanket in the heat of summer. Scorching, inescapable and suffocating.

But when he spoke –and he of course did and rudely- his eyes changed then. They turned into large, black pools of water. Dreamlike in a way, she could almost envision stepping alone the shores of this steely lake, dipping one toe in and shivering and it’s freezing contents.

“Are you quite finished?” Snape snarled, breaking her of her prior thoughts. Hermione –refusing to be undermined- noticed at that moment that he was still wearing his boots, and in her sitting room no less. Carefully tracing the inevitable trek from the hallway to the room with her eyes, Hermione could detect the faint remnants of dirt and twigs splayed haphazardly over the carpet.

“If you insist on wearing your boots in my home, Professor,” Hermione said haughtily –and more than a bit peeved- trying to look collected as she sat there in her pajamas, arms folded and her mouth guard slurring her speech. “Please have the common courtesy to use a cleansing spell on them.”

Snape was silent a few moments, regarding Hermione with severe scrutiny. Since she had done the same to him a matter of moments before, she tried to be cordial about the exchange, although he had the advantage of not just being woken up. She could only imagine how puffy her eyes were.

But as Hermione sat there, glaring at her Professor she realized how absurd their present meeting was. This was a man that had seen her when she had tried to be most professional. This was a man she could never envision coming into the Gryffindor common room, no less. And now, here he was standing in her home and seeing her in her pj\'s.

The effect on her was startling, as if a brick in the wall between them had started to crumble. And while she wasn\'t sure if he felt the same, the air around them changed.

“What is that contraption in your mouth?” Snape demanded as if he too felt the tension, suddenly querulous as he looked to her. Hermione fought back the urge to roll her eyes at his inquiry, finding it most unneeded at the present moment.

“It’s commonly known as a mouth guard.” Hermione said sloppily, trying to accentuate her words. She refused to pull it out in front of him, she had her dignity. “I have to wear it at night.” Knowing this would only lead to more questioning she saved him his breath, for undoubtedly he would need it later. “It’s to keep me from grinding my teeth in my sleep.”

Snape gave her a look that Hermione later recalled as either disgust or boredom, but didn\'t care to differentiate. Her alarm hadn\'t gone off, for glancing out her window it had to be five a.m. at the latest. Letting off a groan she prepared to sink back into the comfort of the sofa when she realized the severity of Snape\'s presence.

Snape was here for a reason, the only question was, what?

\"Get dressed.\" Snape suddenly said, motioning to her flippantly with his hands as Hermione gaped at him in surprise. \"I\'ll explain on the way.\"

Hermione -in a state of groggy hysteria- let out a small giggle that never would have passed her lips were she still a student. Accompanying such a brash faux pas she also let a snort escape her. \"Pardon me?\"

\"Oh I see,\" Snape said sharply, the familiar sarcastic tone practically dripping from every word spoken. \"Reverting back to being a Muggle had hindered your ability to hear properly? Fine.\"

He leaned over to her face then, his voice becoming a bellow and the words forcefully plastering across her face in warm torrents.

\"RISE THIS INSTANT MISS GRANGER, WE\'VE MUCH TO ACCOMPLISH.\"

With that his back straightened and he leaned back on his heels, giving her an eyebrow arch of indignation, as if surprised that she hadn\'t risen immediately. Hermione was past shock. Not only had Snape yelled in her face, he had done so with the expectation that she would simply simper under him and obey. Obviously many years in the dungeon had been more detrimental than she could have ever imagined. He was void of any tact.

She surreptitiously slipped off her mouth guard, placing it on the table beside the sofa and looking back to her Professor in question. There were so many questions and none that she thought she wanted answers to. She’d given up that life hadn’t she?

\"Professor Snape.\" Hermione suddenly piped up, finding her voice to be far too scratchy and suddenly meek to be impressive, especially to someone like him. \"May I ask, just what are you doing here? Why did you pass out on my doorstep last night? Is something wrong back at-\"

\"Shall I answer a question of yours?\" Snape said stiffly, interrupting her as she clamped her mouth shut, her teeth grinding. \"Or do you insist on rambling?\"

\"No sir.\" she said inwardly seething. Here she\'d made him comfortable, she\'d been so hospitable, and when she requested a few answers, he was ten times ruder than she recalled in her school days. Still, her cordial mannerly upbringing insisted that she play the role of the attentive ex student.

\"Would you care to sit down?\" She said, motioning to a seat across the room as she stood. \"I could make you a cup of tea if you-\"

\"We haven\'t time for all that Granger.\" Snape spat, standing by the chair across the room. He seemed more at ease there, and Hermione thought she knew why. For now a few feet away from her on the couch it was as if he were at his teaching podium in Potions class.

\"You are needed back at Hogwarts.\" Snape suddenly snapped, his dark eyes alight. \"You Miss Granger are requested immediately by the Headmaster himself.\"

There was a pregnant pause in which Hermione was sure she was to be filled with all the appropriate information. Instead Snape moved to cross his arms and fix her with an irritated glare as if to say, \'What?\'

\"That\'s all?\" Hermione said in awe, Snape looking surprised. \"That\'s all you\'re going to tell me?\"

\"For now.\" Snape said darkly, his mouth down turned. \"Now. Get. Dressed.\"

Hermione looked to Snape suddenly pulling out his pocket watch and heaving a large sigh. Evidently he wasn\'t aware of how much his presence unnerved her.

\"Why would you come to fetch me?\" Hermione suddenly inquired brashly, \"Of all people?\"

\"The Headmaster sent me.\" Snape said roughly, as if trying to convey that this hadn\'t been a choice of his while at the same time, trying not to appear as if he were some messenger boy. \"He knew that I had extensive knowledge of inner London, and due to my past had significant experience in tracking.\"

He began walking around the room, looking more agitated than usual.

\"Hmmm.\" Hermione thought puzzled, her curiosity getting the better of her. \"I suppose I just thought it would be easy to track an ex witch. Why not just use tracking spells?\"

\"Since you became a qualified Muggle the moment you desecrated your wand,\" Snape hissed at the thought. \"Such spells proved to be futile. It\'s quite impossible to find someone who doesn\'t exist.\"

Hermione went to duck her head in embarrassment at his words when she remembered just why she had destroyed her wand. Just why she had left the wizarding world, and Professors and Headmasters and so called friends. Such recalling gave her a pounding migraine, and a clenching of her teeth that even her appliance couldn\'t cushion.

\"That\'s exactly why I did it.\" She spat angrily, the furious tears stinging her eyes. \"That\'s why I left the whole thing behind me. I didn\'t want to go back to Hogwarts. I didn\'t want to see my old friends. I didn\'t want to spend every day remembering what the wizarding world had done for me. I didn\'t want to be a witch anymore and now I\'m not.\"

As if she had personally offended him with the last comment, Snape whirled around, coming over to her only to grip her shoulders roughly in his larger hands. The tapered fingertips dug into her shoulder blades making her hiss out in pain. Before she could protest Snape had lowered his face to hers, his nose almost pressing against her own.

\"Listen here you ungrateful little girl.\" Snape spat out, startling Hermione with his fierce and close proximity. He could see the white around dark outer ring of the girl\'s eyes, and could almost smell her fear as she shook under his grip.

\"You never stopped being a witch.\" Snape continued, his voice low and rumbling. \"One does not stop being magic. Simply because you chose to run and hide from your past does not mean that you stopped being anything. It merely marks you a coward.\"

\"I was afraid.\" Hermione insisted lowly, her dark eyes practically blackened with fury at his harsh words. \"Afraid and angry.\"

\"Fear and anger doesn\'t give you the right to toss away the gift that you\'ve been given.\" Snape insisted, his hands still gripping her slight shoulders. \"You were offered something others could only dream of-\"

\"And at what cost?\" Hermione interrupted angrily, the glossy sheen to her eyes becoming shinier under his gaze. \"I have to give up everyone I love just because I\'m a witch? If someone had told me that before this whole thing, trust me, the outcome would have been much different.\"

\"But you did become one.\" Snape insisted, his face close to hers. \"The past will not change. You are a witch.\"

\"Not anymore.\"

\"Your idiotic stubbornness will only lead to more ruination for the wizarding world, don\'t you understand that you stupid girl?\"

With a burst of furious strength Hermione pulled from Snape\'s grasp, seeing that he simply let his grip slip from her as she rose. She was still much shorter than he, but her size had nothing on her anger.

\"I don\'t care!\" she screamed, not caring if her neighbors could hear her. She was standing now, her anger making her body shake. Snape seemed utterly unimpressed, but continued to listen.

\"I gave up on that life. It\'s the only thing I\'ve ever given up on in my entire life and it wasn\'t easy but I did it. And now, here I am finally picking up the pieces of my life and you come swooping in here expecting me to drop everything to go back? To go back to the pain? To go back to him? How dare you!\"

She heaved, her breath coming out in ragged gasps as she glared at him. His dark eyes were flat, and she found him completely unreadable. Suddenly, before any words could be spoken her alarm went off in her bedroom. Shooting and irritated glance over at Snape she stood, wrapping the bed sheet around her as armor.

\"If you\'ll excuse me Professor.\" She sniffed, seeing that tears had slipped down her face without her knowing. \"I\'m off to have a shower. Then I will get dressed. Then I will go to work, because that is what I do every day.\"

Snape watched her in stony silence, saying nothing. His tall figure still rigid, still domineering and still uncaring. His eyes followed her frame as she shakily made her way to the bathroom, flicking on the lights.

\"While I am in the shower, you will leave. I will go to work, I will try to forget this ever happened and I will go on living my life.\" she gave him a backwards glance before slamming the door, more tears spilling down her face.

\"Goodbye Professor Snape. I am sincerely sorry I ever knew you.\"

The final slam of the door resounded in the apartment long after the initial swing, and while Hermione\'s words had been true and strong, and her feelings as plain as day, she was fairly certain that this was not the last she would be seeing of Professor Severus Snape.