An Inconvenient Marriage

A/N - Thanks to those who have reviewed.

DMS – Snape’s parents are still alive and no, Lucius won’t be recovering. Severus would make sure of that….


Part 3

I slowly expanded my product range, my instincts urging me to think of the kind of potions I could have done with when I was at Hogwarts. As well as treatment for spots, I made a potion that would combat the effects from those latghtsghts of studying, as well as one that would help to soothe emoti ups ups-and-downs. These products proved to be popular as well, and I was touched when I received earnest thanks at times - even from Slytherin students to my surprise (though they would only say it when they had furtively checked no one else was in earshot). But then, Slytherins were keen in trying any new product that would be heirheir best interests to have.

I was surprised when an invitation was owled to me at the shop one day, my presence \'kindly requested\' at an upcoming party after work in a few days for those who ran/worked in the shops in Diagon Alley. I felt a small glow of satisfaction in feeling that I was slowly but surely being made part of the community here. The invitation made it clear that partners would be welcome as well, and I averted my eyes from the parchment in my hand for a moment. There would be no point in asking Severus to come – I knew that he would sneer at the very idea and besides, he had no wish to involve himself in my life anymore than he had to, I knew. As always, I felt a pang inside at such thoughts, then swiftly put them aside as I had learnt to do as well. I hurried off to find a quill to pen my reply of acceptance.

The party was on a night of the week that was usually set for one of my \'designated dinners\' with Severus and the thought that he would not care if I missed eating dinner with him seemed to echo dully in my mind. In the end I found myself asking one of our house elves, Bitsy, to pass on my polite regrets to him that I would not be at that particular dinner because of said party.

On that day I came home from the shop half an hour early, quickly took a bath and then dressed and prepared myself carefully. When I looked at myself in my mirror afterwards I conceded that my appearance in my golden-brown dress would do. My hair was swept up with copper pins and with the addition of some subtle makeup (that I had learnt to apply with much trial and error) I looked far older than I was. Apart from its colour, I had become quite fond of the dress I was wearing for the way it gently enhanced my (practically non-existent) bust.

My sole concession to jewellery (besides my plain wedding ring) was a small amber necklace that had belonged to my mother. I knew from the house elves earnest chatter to me that the Snape family jewels consisted of a necklace and matching bracelets of magnificent emeralds set in silver. Severus had never discussed them with me, of course. Anyway, I had this odd fancy that if I did wear them, the emeralds would be icy cold against my skin………

Once I was ready with the obligatory (tiny) handbag, wand in a discreet pocket and wearing a brown velvet cloak I used for \'good\' occasions, I descended the main staircase and walked towards the room where I would Floo to my shop.

I was surprised though when Severus silently stepped out of the shadows, barring my way. His black eyes moved swiftly over me, taking in every detail of my appearance and his face was tight.

I nevertheless said in a calm voice, \"Yes?\"

My politeness seemed to infuriate him and he glowered down at me, his eyes flashing.

\"Where are you going?\" Severus said icily.

I eyed him. \"I\'m going out to a work function tonight – I asked Bitsy to let you know,\" I countered in faint puzzlement. Bitsy was unfortunately the type of house elf who would practically beat herself up in the \'joy\' of having a task to do for me.

\"So she did,\" he snapped. \"However, you could have thought to inform me yourself. And as for your work…….it seems I have to hear about the…..remarkable success of your shop from my own students these days before I hear it from my own wife.\"

I had a sudden image in my head though of Severus\' grim face in catching one of his Slytherin students (\'my own students\' definitely meant Slytherins to him) furtively using my spot treatment, with said student eagerly explaining to him how good the products of his own wife were!

I didn\'t know how to reply to his words though. Why would it matter to him whether I had told him personally I was going out tonight or not? Also, on one hand I was pleased to hear of my popularity, but on the other hand I didn\'t know what to make too of his attitude that he should have heard it from me first – it was unlike him.

Was it my imagination that there had been a note of…….hurt in his voice for a moment?

He looked at me, clearly expecting an answer and then smiled grimly at my silence. \"You were always the most talkative person I had ever known. But these days I barely hear a word from you.\"

Another puzzle. Since when had he cared these days whether I talked to him or not? I was not someone to give up a fight easilyt I t I had slowly come to terms with the fact that Severus\' heart could not be reached or touched in any way. Trying to see a motive other than petty resentment behind his words now was difficult for me.

I shrugged in the end. \"You have your own life and I have mine,\" I observed quietly. \"This is a marriage of convenience now - just like you wanted.\"

Severus pounced on that last remark, moving closer to me. \"But you were keen to marry me rather than Draco, were you not? You were certainly eager to share my bed when I had to ask you,\" he said softly, watching me.

My temper flared as I looked at him. What kind of mind game was he playing with me now? \"Yes, I did,\" I said flatly, though I felt anger and pain rising up in me, making me be quite frank with him for once. This was certainly the longest, bluntest conversation we had had together for a while. \"But remember, I was forced into marrying at my age by the stupid law, and out of the choice of you and Draco, I respected and admired you more. I always defended you to my friends when they went on about you – I had even come to like you in some ways.\" I did not say the word \'care\'.

Severus was visibly taken aback……and then there was an odd light in his eyes as he looked at me. \"Then perhaps you will understand me when I say that I have come to realise I want…..……more from you these days,\" he said abruptly, his hands moving in an odd way at his side.

I did not know which was the stronger emotion inside of me – shock or anger. Now that I had \'changed\' - running my own business (without many problems) and practically ignoring him these days, had he come to see me, his wife, as a \'challenge\' to be conquered? And did his comment mean that even though his body was back to \'normal\', he now saw fit to have me in his bed again as well?

That he desired me of his own free will….

\"You rotten bastard!\" I hissed in anger, my hands clenched, and Severus involuntarily took a s a step back.

I went on angrily, the words pouring out of me now like a long-suppressed flood. \"I wanted to make the best of our marriage at the beginning, I thought we could both try at least. But that curse ruined everything, and you clearly hated having to touch me. You said you could only \'tolerate\' me too as a wife. Do you know how that made me feel? You didn\'t want me to have your children either, as if I was dirty, with dirty blood. And then after you found the antidote you were so pleased at being \'free\' from me!\"

Severus\'s face was an odd, pale colour. \"Hermione, listen to me……...\" he said urgently.

I didn\'t want to listen.

\"Well, I\'m glad for you, but yere ere obviously so pleased at not having to \'mate\' with me anymore that I realised something. Do you know what that was?\" I snapped.

\"What?\" Severus said tightly. In his tension his hands were clenched too at his sides so tightly that I could see the whites of his knuckles, but I had no pity within me.

\"I realised there was no point in sharing anything anymore with a husband like you. And now you come here and say you want \'more from me\', and I can guess what that means! And no doubt you would end up making me drink your filthy potions afterwards like before! Why should I talk or even look at you anymore!\" I said furiously.

After the furious torrent of my words Severus looked as if I had hit him, as if he had never sat down and consciously imagined how our marriage had been from my point of view. No doubt he had only been able to focus on how he had been required to have a wife – that he had been too wrapped up in his own fury at being \'trapped\' to really try or want to make the best of the situation.

To my dismay I felt tears starting to run down my face. Despite the things he had done and said to me, I had never allowed him to see me cry. Ever.

\"Are you happy now you\'ve made me cry?\" I choked and turned away from him, wiping the tears away as fast as I could.

His reply, when it came, was very quiet. \"No.\"

To my surprise after a moment I felt a handkerchief being pressed abruptly into my hand. Startled, I automatically clutched at the soft material and stared down at it, blinking through my tears. It was a dark green handkerchief with a silver \'S\' neatly embroidered in a corner. Severus was close enough for me to touch him, and he was looking at me with an oddly tired expression on his face.

My anger was draining away and it left me feeling weary inside.

I glanced down at my wedding ring too, merely a plain gold band that had the appearance of being chosen at randI haI had been so proud of myself lately of being able to \'cope\' in my marriage, of saying firmly to myself that it didn\'t matter anymore if there was no true affection or love shown to me. But now I dully realised it did matter – I wanted a husband to hug and hold, to cuddle up with in sleepy pleasure at night, to feel a mouth pressing loving kisses upon me …..I didn\'t want to be treated as a barely-tolerated mistress, to be called only when it was convenient for Severus. In his house I was slowly but surely turning into a hard person I didn\'t recognise anymore. The protective shell I had put around my heart was turning it into stone.

I turned my head slightly so I could wipe my eyes with the handkerchief in what privacy I could find. The material had the scent of Severus about it – the oddly woodsy smell of hidden things growing quietly in a dark, green forest. When I was finished I turned back to him.

\"Thank you,\" I said stiffly, handing the handkerchief back to him. There was an odd twitch in his face as he took it back from me, as if I had hurt him by turning away to wipe my eyes.

\"I thought I had won when I succeeded in shutting you out of my life as much as I could after I found the antidote,\" Severus said grimly. \"But now I see that I have lost after all…….and all that I have left is a wife I have taught to hate me.\"

\"I don\'t hate you,\" I said quietly. \"But you have made it easy for me to do so.\"

There was a flicker in his eyes for a moment when I said I didn\'t hate him – was it hope? But then it faded.

\"No matter what my father wished, I never had any original intention in getting married,\" Severus said tightly to me after a moment, as if he had to drag this confession out of himself by force. \"Let alone to an ex-student such as you, and I was furious at beinligeliged to do so.\"

I said nothing but the expression on my face clearly said to him that he had made this quite clear in the time we had been together.

There was a faint twist to his mouth as he continued. \"That damned curse only caused to bring me humiliation as far as I was concerned – being trapped in a marriage with a wife I was compelled to constantly desire.\"

I stared at the ground for a moment. I did feel sorry in some way for him, but so far his words only served to make me wish that a divorce would be possible - so that both of us could be put out of our misery.

He went on. \"I was obsessed with finding a cure – I didn\'t want to be a slave to my body, nor did I want your continued pity. Or the affection you tried to give me. When I found the cure I was overjoyed, for now I could keep you safely at arms distance and lead a separate life as much as I could. I came to realise I had succeeded too well in keeping you at a distance after you set up your own shop and effectively became a stranger to me. I had alienated my own wife – something I started to regret.\"

It was as close to an apology as I had ever heard from him, but I felt the damage he had done to me was too great.

I looked at him. \"Though I don\'t hate you, you\'ve hurt me, and I can\'t forget that,\" I said levelly. \"I don\'t knowI caI can forgive you yet. It\'s not as if we can both turn back the clock and start this marriage differently.\"

His smile was bitter as he pushed a hank of black hair away from his face. I noticed that his shoulders had slumped slightly. \"No. And I see it is too much to ask for a second chance from you. That uld uld have treasured any children you chose to give me one day, because you would have been more than worthy to be their mother,\" he said quietly.

He glanced at the clock that was on a nearby wall. \"I am keeping you from your party – you don\'t want to be late,\" he said with finality and turned and walked away from me.

I stared at his retreating back. I could go to my party now without another word to him tonight, and when I came back…………

I suddenly seemed to have a vision in my mind of long, dreary years to come of our marriage, with both of us eating our meals in complete silence, neither of us knowing the way across the vast gulf between us.

I couldn\'t forgive him for the way he had treated me in our marriage. Not today, and not tomorrow. But tonight he had tried to reach out to me as best as he could………perhaps one day I could look at him and see someone I could truly care for. Perhaps one day I could look at him and see a husband who loved me……..

Didn\'t they say that journeys always started with a single step?

\"Severus,\" I called awkwardly after him sto stopped and turned to face me, his face unreadable. \"Yes?\" he said stiffly.

I coughed. \"Would you like to come to the party with me? Partners are allowed, after all.\"

Severus stared at me in amazement and then his thin mouth softened for a moment.

\"I believe I would, Hermione.\"

FINIS

A/N – Well, I hope you enjoyed my version of the \'Marriage Law\' challenge. It was originally going to have a bleaker ending, but I ended up deciding to give them the chance of some light at the end of the tunnel.