Crossing the Line

Chapter 3: Hopeless


Severus awoke early the next morning. He was not well rested by any means, but at least he was no longer in pain. Stretching leisurely under his thick, emerald green sheets (despite being a Slytherin colour, it was also his favourite colour), he decided that he wouldn\'t be going to breakfast that day either. He didn\'t want to deal with having to put students in their place so soon after the new moon. Instead he just summoned the food Potter had left for his lunch the other day and promptly devoured it in bed.

After he\'d finished and sent the bowls back to the kitchens, he set about getting dressed and awaiting Potter\'s arrival. Throwing on another informal black outfit, since he didn\'t really intend to deal with anyone else today, being a little weakened by the new moon, he started clearing a space in his sitting room. This was simple enough; he merely had to shrink the coffee table between the two armchairs (one used, one as good as new) and place it on his mantel. That created more than enough room for Potter and him to sit comfortably on the plush rug in front of his fire, an excellent place to start, because fires happened to be trance inducing. To further encourage the atmosphere, however, Severus lit some sage incense and magicked the room to play soft, calming background music.

Once all this was done, Severus had a moment to stand back and admire his work. Aside from the small wet spot on the rug by the door (blood serum took a long time to dry), the room seemed completely in order. He hadn\'t led a meditation before, but he felt no nervousness. Now that he was well and better able to reflect on Potter\'s behaviour, he decided he truly did want to help him relax.

Being tense would just earn his handsome, youthful body more scars. He may have not known the man too well, but with this new truce, he had to admit, simply because he wasn\'t so beyond appreciating things well formed, Potter was good looking. Besides that, many more scars might kill him; Voldemort seemed to be getting closer to his ultimate goal as the years wore on. Yes, Severus admitted to himself. He did want to help Potter, and not just for Albus\' sake. The man was far too young to wear the self-world-hating look that he\'d seen in him last night; one Severus knew he often sported himself.

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Brushing his hair out over the back of his crimson, button up, long sleeved shirt, Harry did a cleaning spell on his mouth (having just had breakfast in the Great Hall--not many students had shown up since it was still early yet) and crossed the bedroom, into the sitting room, and out the door. Pausing briefly to pull his black, form-fitting jeans over his matching boots, before turning around and re-setting his wards with the same meticulous care as he always did, Harry turned and briskly walked down the hallway, rapping lightly on Severus\' door. Seconds passed before a quiet \'enter\' was heard. Harry cautiously walked in, feeling a tingle of a few left over spells of the wards; obviously Severus had been speaking the truth when he\'d said he\'d leave some of his wards down for Harry. He looked around at the elegantly styled room. There was a lot of dark wood, stone, and dark colours, exactly what he\'d expected. Instead of cold, it looked almost cozy.

Looking over at Severus, who oddly enough was seated on the floor in front of the fire, Harry discovered that the general layout was similar to his own with the kitchen door off to the right, the study in the north wall, and the bedroom of to the northwest of the entrance door. Toeing off his boots, Harry set them neatly to the side of the door and walked over to the other man, surprised at the feeling of the plush carpet underneath his feet when he entered the sitting area. His own Persian carpet had it\'s own delights, of course; he secretly loved to walk around with just his bare feet, loving the soft feeling of the material underneath him.

Following the man\'s silent order to sit down, Harry complied and crossed his legs Indian style, imitating Severus\', cocking his head at the music, but shrugged it off since the other man had obviously put it on for relaxing benefits.

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\"Close your eyes and breath deeply for a few moment. Try to clear your head and concentrate on nothing, but the sound of my voice,\" Severus said, in a softer tone than usual for meditation purposes as he noticed Potter looking at him a little strangely out of the corner of his eyes before obeying.

Severus turned soundlessly to face him so that he could judge his reaction to the meditation and see what else would need to be done; when he felt Potter was starting to relax, he continued softly. \"See yourself standing in empty black void with no wand or any other weapon; just you. You are safe here, nothing can harm you. This is a sanctuary. Slowly focus your attention to the energy coursing through your veins... feel its power... its magic. It is the source of all your strongest emotions and the life source of your very being.

\"See that energy, that core of your power, and see that same energy emitting a soft white light from within you. It flows like an unformed ghost, a warm and familiar presence within you, wild and waiting to be tamed. Hold your hand out in front of you, as though you held a wand in it... try to focus all your energy there, see all the light flowing and compacting in your hand in the shape of a wand. Hold it loosely, but maintain control and when you\'re ready, close your fist tightly over the wand of energy. Once you do that, the magic will disperse back into you, returning safely and painlessly to its source.\"

Severus delivered the meditation slowly and smoothly, trying to make it easy for Potter to lose himself in the words and really be able to visualize what he told him, thus giving him plenty of time between commands.

When he neared the end, he simply came back to a few key phrases and repeated them again and again, trying to impress upon Potter that the ending of the meditation was within his control and Severus would simply wait until he opened his eyes.

The ultimate goal of this meditation was eventually to have what Potter was visualizing to happen in the real world. Once he was capable of focusing his power without his wand, thus producing wandless magic, Severus could start training him in more complicated Nosferatu magic. He wouldn\'t have any idea how this meditation went until Potter opened his eyes, but he was hopeful that it had gone well, he seemed to take to the trance easily after all.

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Focusing on Severus\' words, Harry found himself in a black oblivion. Before he could start to panic at the endless darkness, Severus\' words pierced his mind, albeit gently, commanding him to calm down and to see the magic inside him.

Slowly, streaks of sparkling white mixed with a very light green swirling around the space, lighting up the darkness. They twirled around him as he watched amazement and wonder in his eyes as he stared at the beautiful magic. Magic that he saw was too beautiful to be his since he\'d used his magic for destruction; how could it be so pure looking?

While following the soothing voice, Harry focused on the lights, until a small globe appeared in the middle of the black abyss. Walking forward, Harry looked down at the bright white ball--sparkling emerald dust slowly weaving its way in and out of the white lights.

Harry reached forward, holding his hand out like he would normally hold his wand. The sparkling lights twinkled faster, blinking quickly, before it slowed down and started to seep into his hand forming the shape of a wa- no, forming the shape of a dagger.

Suddenly, out of the sparkling light, a black globe appeared, like sludge on top of crystal clear water. Black oozed off the globe and weaved up the light connecting the globe and the light-dagger in Harry\'s hand. The black entangled itself with the bright light, twirling around the dancing sparkles, before choking them, locking onto them and not letting go. As pain coursed through his arm, he dropped the light-dagger, but the globe didn\'t let go. The black sludge slithered up his arm, curling around his bicep, creeping up his neck, slow, yet also too fast for Harry to do anything. Or was he immobilized? The black globe, now having shaped itself into a deformed snake, slithered up his face and entered his screaming mouth.

Gasping, Harry\'s eyes snapped open, blazing red, as he leaned forward coughing into his hand. Thick liquid oozed out of his mouth. Looking down, Harry\'s eyes widened. Blood.

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Severus\' eyes widened as Potter\'s eyes snapped open and he started to cough blood. Something had gone very wrong. Gently taking Potter\'s hand in his, in the guise of wiping off the blood with a handkerchief, Severus\' slipped into his own little trance to check on Potter\'s magical signature. He was experienced in both things, so he doubted it would go noticed by Potter. His energies reached out and--Voldemort--he shouldn\'t have been surprised. This was going to be a lot more dangerous for Potter than he thought. There was no telling what Voldemort would try to do through their link. Severus would have to go with him next time.

Looking up calmly into Potter\'s mildly distressed face, Severus tried to explain calmly. \"This has to be Voldemort\'s work, Potter, since he has a connection with you. While I doubt he\'s skilled at all in the branch of magic that I\'m trying to teach you, he\'ll use any gateway he can to get to you. This is going to be a lot more dangerous than I anticipated. I\'ll have to go with you next time.\" He glanced down at Potter\'s now clean hand and back up at Potter, \"Can you tell me what happened, exactly? Anything you can tell me about what you saw or felt could help me make this easier for you.\"

There was no doubt in his mind that Potter was a strong wizard, he could tell that much from his magical signature and all the years he\'d known him at Hogwarts as a student, but he was bound to have other road blocks. Being held up on a pedestal like he was by the wizarding world, it had an all to common affect of causing him to delude himself to believe that if he didn\'t live up to everyone\'s expectations, then he was worthless. Severus had experienced this in Voldemort\'s ranks in the beginning and then when he turned to Dumbledore as a spy later on. He should\'ve been surprised, but he wasn\'t. Every time he got involved in something with Potter, it was always more complicated than he would originally have thought it would be. No matter, he\'d made a decision and he was going to stick to it. If it was the last thing he ever did, and it probably would be judging from Potter\'s former difficulties with Occlumency, he would teach Potter Nosferatu magic and see Voldemort fall at last.

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Gently taking his hand back, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to dull the headache there. Voldemort, of course. Why hadn\'t he thought of it? Of course, the bastard would interrupt. Fuck, he did it almost every night to him. Harry just had the delusion that he was free in the day. Now even that was taken away.

Looking up at the other man, he blinked his eyes a few times, his vision felt weird, almost like he was seeing things in a dull haze, then he finally righted his vision and frowned. \"I did everything you told me to.\" He looked down, thinking about what he\'d seen. \"There was a ball of magic, my magic, and I held out my arm.\" He looked up in surprise. \"But instead of a wand, it was a dagger. As soon as the lights completed the shape, black sludge went up from the ball. It wrapped around the dagger, constricting it, and then it wound it\'s way around my arm until I dropped the dagger, and it transformed itself into a deformed snake. Then it slithered into my mouth,\" he shuddered, swallowing the taste of bile and blood in his mouth, then looking back up continued, \"and then I opened my eyes.\"

Looking to the side, into the flames that were still going strong, probably due to magic, Harry sighed.

Severus stayed silent, either thinking, or allowing Harry to catch his breath, so to speak.

After calming down, Harry looked over at the other man, smiling weakly. \"That wasn\'t supposed to happen, huh?\"

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Severus raised an eyebrow lightly. \"Your assumptions would be correct. I should be surprised, but then again when hasn\'t he interfered with your life?\" Standing up, Severus offered Potter a hand and, after brushing off his clothing a little, he cut the music.

\"I don\'t think it would be wise to do much more today,\" he said as he put the coffee table back where it was. Turning back to Potter and he continued, \"Would you like to stay for tea?\" he smirked at Potter\'s confused expression and moved to explain. \"The better I know you, beyond your magical signature that is, the easier it will be for me to teach you this. That core bit of magic you\'re trying to control is also the core of your strongest emotions and life force in general. It hums through you like water weaving through smooth rocks and you call on it through your wand. The magic I\'m trying to teach you is, for the most part, wandless, making the magic more powerful, less diluted, and much more personal. Emotions are the easiest trigger to bring it forth, hence it would help if I knew you better.\"

As a tiny demonstration, Severus summoned his tea set to the coffee table, tea ready and warm, without ever breaking eye contact with Potter though the younger man looked quite surprised. \"Resembles the Muggle\'s idea of telekinesis, doesn\'t it?\" Severus asked, glancing over at the chairs in front of his fireplace, one well worn and one hardly sat in. He never thought Potter might be the first invited guest to sit in it, but as he had learned over the years, you can hardly predict the future, despite what Trelawney said. Looking back up at the emerald-eyed professor, Severus tipped his head to one side and asked, \"Well Potter? What do you say?\"

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Still somewhat confused, Harry sank into the plush dark green (so dark it could be mistaken for black) armchair nearest him, leaving the more well worn one for Severus, which was obviously his chair. The other man took the silent action as assent and used his wandless magic to pass Harry his teacup while he gracefully sat in his own chair. The young man was somewhat surprised that Severus wasn\'t as stiff as he was in the library when he\'d sat on the couch, but Harry assumed he was more comfortable in his own element.

Sipping at the mint flavored tea, Harry glanced around the room. Everything was dark, and with no windows, it looked even darker and the fire added to the creepy feel; yet, even with all those things, it still felt cozy to him. Looking at the wall to the right of him (the armchairs were at a diagonal angle, facing the fire place, but also the coffee table), he was surprised to notice a large tapestry considering it was the first thing one would see when entering the room, Harry must have skipped over it in his nervousness.

\"Where did you get that beautiful tapestry?\" he broke the silence, still gazing at the large dragon depicted there.

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Severus looked up from his tea and looked over at the tapestry; he hadn\'t expected to be on the receiving end of the questions, but he wasn\'t adverse to it. As long as it wasn\'t anything too hard to speak of. The tapestry had been with him since he\'d first heard of the Muggle book, and he\'d had it installed in his chambers as soon as he\'d read it, and it had soon turned out to be one of his favourite. It was large enough to cover the whole wall with the image of a dragon against the stars.

\"I had it made for me,\" he explained. \"I read a Muggle book, \'Dragon Heart\', a few years back and the imagery and the story really stayed with me.\" Severus paused to shrug briefly at Harry\'s raised eyebrow before continuing. \"It\'s not a traditional fairy tale ending, and frankly the realism of it struck me more than any of the other aspects of it.\"

Potter was still giving him that quizzical, amused look and for some reason it greatly annoyed him. \"What? I do get free time occasionally and, unlike what most people will have you believe, I do enjoy a good Muggle book. Just not often.\"

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Harry tried not to drop his jaw in astonishment that the dour man had actually spoken a fair length since the meditation bit didn\'t really count, since he was only telling Harry what to do.

\"I\'m surprised you get any leisure time in,\" seeing Severus\' customary raised brow, he continued, \"I haven\'t been able to get much leisure time, what with school work and the students. By the time the day ends, I\'m too tired to do anything else after I finish my marking and making up the next lesson plan.\"

He really wanted to get back out on his broom, or even just sit and read a book, but he was always too tired or he had too big of a headache to do much of anything besides just try to take a nap. And even that ended up making it worse due to nightmares, or just Voldemort being his old bastard self and entering his dreams.

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\"You get used to it after a while,\" Severus drawled, taking another sip of tea. \"My lesson plans haven\'t really changed in years; I do go over them over the summer and every weekend to make slight changes. The marking is really a balance of time. Whenever you have a free moment without having to focus on the students, you should be grading, even during lunch if you have the time; you\'d be surprised how much time it saves.\" Placing his teacup back down on the coffee table, Severus looked back up at Potter. This was not the way he\'d intended the conversation to go, but he supposed Potter wanted a give and take situation; he could live with that.

\"I was in much the same state when I first started teaching here; it took me two years to figure out how much time I was wasting by surveying the students when I could put a charm on the room to alert me if anything went too wrong with the potions and focus on paperwork instead.\" Severus shifted his gaze calmly to the fire, his instructor-like voice taking over. \"It\'s never a good thing to be at such a loss for time, Potter. You make mistakes like that, big ones.\"

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Frowning, Harry thought that over. He could squeeze in marking during class while they were busy practicing, and the charm sounded like a good idea too. And if he was ever desperate, he could always assign a pop quiz or something. Why hadn\'t he thought of this before?

He aimed a small grin at the other man. \"Thanks for the tip. Maybe it\'ll free up enough time to go flying. I\'ve wanted to do that for a while now. On the field, we weren\'t allowed to carry brooms, since the head of the Aurors made us Apparate everywhere. Only during the long distance missions did they let us take a broom. Hell, I wasn\'t even allowed to fly then either. They said I didn\'t need a broom since I could Apparate over the ocean - no problem.\" He shrugged lightly and shook his head, thinking back on it. They\'d always singled him out for everything. Eventually his co-workers had started to dislike him for it. \"While it wasn\'t much of a strain to go over continents, it still would have been nice to be able to fly instead of Apparating back while I was bone tired.\"

Never in a million years, even when he and Severus had eventually called the truce, had Harry ever thought he\'d be having a decent conversation with the other man. Then again, Severus himself had said he was only doing this to get to know Harry more so he would know what to teach Harry when the time came to actually teach him more complex spells. It wasn\'t like the professor was asking him over for a cup of tea to be friendly. Harry gave a mental snort at the thought; it was all in a matter of magic and business.

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\"Everyone singles you out, don\'t they?\" Severus observed. \"I don\'t suppose it helps with the prophecy actually stating that it will come down to a one-on-one battle does it? People don\'t seem to realize that in order for it to come to that, you\'ll need help getting there.\"

Severus knew a little of that. He\'d gotten a lot of pressure from his family in that respect, being the first of their line not to need a donor. He would be able to fit in well in both worlds, even pass for a full-blooded Nosferatu because of the strong resemblance in his father\'s family. It wasn\'t to the same scale as the pressure Potter received, but it was similar and neither was really healthy.

\"Well, it will be winter very soon, but I don\'t imagine that would stop you,\" Severus mused looking back over at Potter. \"This war has taken up so much of your life,\" he stated, blunt as usual. \"Have you ever given any thought to what you would do when it was over?\" here was an important tactic of war, always to keep a victorious end in mind. With a war that went on as long as this, people tended to lose sight of what they were fighting for, what they really wanted from freedom.

He doubted Potter would fall so easily into that trap in the beginning, but this war and the first had almost started to meld together as one long, dark night, in the eyes of the wizarding world and Harry, nearing his wizarding prime, had to be feeling that after all this time. Conversation, meditation, and distraction were good for him. Plus, to Severus\' great surprise, he wasn\'t so bad, as company went. This could be a very interesting partnership.

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Harry sighed and leaned back into the chair, switching his gaze towards the fire. What was he going to do after the war? He hadn\'t really thought of that. In the past, he\'d been fighting to keep his friends safe, Hermione and Ron; at the moment, he was fighting just to stay alive. But recently, well, he hadn\'t really cared whether he lived or died. Of course, if he did die, it would have to be after Voldemort, since no one else could beat him but Harry.

As for the end of the war, he\'d always expected to be six feet under. He knew that if, no, when he did defeat Voldemort, he would be too weak to do much of anything else, and Voldemort\'s minions would probably finish him off easily enough. And if he didn\'t get picked off then, well, there would always be people who would hate the Boy-Who-Lived, either for killing Voldemort, or not ending the war soon enough, before their families and houses were destroyed. He\'d always have to watch his back--not a very exciting life.

Glancing over, he tried not to squirm when he found Severus watching him intently, obsidian eyes intense in their regard. He couldn\'t tell what the man was thinking. He feared that Severus would spit something like \'the world doesn\'t revolve around you, Potter\'.

\"I just want a peaceful life. I\'m sure once I defeat Voldemort, the wizarding world will be too caught up in their excitement and I\'d be able to slip away.\" He shrugged. \"Maybe live a Muggle life. It wasn\'t that bad when I was a child.\" Ha! \'Sure it wasn\'t, Harry,\' he thought grimly. His childhood was terrible, true, but living as a Muggle wasn\'t that bad and it was definitely quieter.

Schooling his features into a small smile, and making sure to show nothing of what he was thinking on his face (he had learned from those lessons, after all), Harry took another sip of tea.

He frowned when he felt a light probing in his mind. Quickly shooting up a mental wall, Harry looked over at the other man, scowling. \"What the bloody hell was that?\" he did not care to have his personal feelings and memories rooted through even if he respected and liked the other man, that gave him no bloody right to root around in his mind.

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\"I must admit, Potter, your lying has improved; however, you seem to forget you\'re talking to someone who has made a living off of it. You could no more fool me than I could fool,\" there was a slight pause as Severus grasped for a name and came up with, \"Dumbledore.\" He watched the green fire blazing in Potter\'s eyes and held up a hand to halt whatever was going to come out of his mouth next, \"Potter, I wasn\'t trying to do anything diabolical and unless we suddenly decide to get married, I\'ll be able to do no more than check your magical signature. I can\'t read your thoughts. Except for maybe Voldemort, no one can. The only thing I\'m trying to do is help you and I can\'t do that if you don\'t trust me.

\"You\'ve got to stop trying to win this war alone. The more you try to block others out, or protect people you think can\'t protect themselves, the less chance you have of defeating Voldemort. It\'s a wise decision not to get so involved with the peaceful part of your life that you forget about the war at hand, but you can\'t separate yourself entirely from your life outside of Voldemort. He\'s a man of extremes and the best way to beat him is to be a man of balance. If you trust me, Potter, I can help you get there. If you don\'t, then I have more important things to do.\"

Severus paused and still seeing Potter a little angry, he continued, \"And before you start convincing yourself that I\'m only doing this for Albus, allow me to correct you. We called a truce and I\'m trying not to drive you crazy, as amusing as it is, and while Albus may have suggested the idea, he just missed being clobbered by a hot cup of blood sausage serum. So I think it\'s safe to say I came to the decision to help you without caring about his \'influence\'.\"

Humans were such frustrating creatures, Severus decided, meeting Potter\'s gaze steadily and waiting for him to respond. They were never trusting when you wanted them to be, never paranoid when it was good for them, and just generally as difficult as any other thing he\'d ever tried to figure out. Hell, he was one of them and he still didn\'t understand them too well.

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Placing the cup down on the tray, Harry leant back into the seat, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He wanted to trust Severus, hell, he already did. There was no point in deluding himself. \"I have to push people away. There\'s no point in deluding myself into thinking that I can be happy during this war. Anyone who gets close to me dies. I have no life outside of Voldemort--\" he broke off in frustration.

\"For Merlin\'s sakes! My whole life has been centered on the monster; I\'ve known nothing else but him. I\'ve had him in my bloody head so many times, it\'s hard to distinguish myself from him!\" all attempts at composure gone, he leaned forward in the chair, resting his face in his hands, waist length hair falling around him. He didn\'t care anymore about making an ass of himself in front of the other man: he might be ridiculed about it later.

\"I do trust you, more then you probably think I ever would. This whole rivalry was one sided. When I was younger, I hated you along with all the other students. It was hard not to with the way you treated us, but when I left Hogwarts and realized that petty hatred was childish when compared to the bigger picture of the war, I just stopped.

\"I still think you\'re a snarky bastard, but I don\'t hate you. I know you probably still dislike me for not having ended the war sooner for you and the entire wizarding world, but what am I supposed to do? We\'re basically at a stalemate, and Dumbledore keeps ordering me not to go on attack. I have to sit here, idly thinking up new strategies that I know won\'t work, while I wait for the bastard to come for me.\"

He sighed, trying to get himself together. He was a grown man, for Merlin\'s sake! Jeez. Severus would never let him live this down. After all this, he was sure to go back to thinking of him as a child.

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To say Severus was surprised at this sudden show of emotion was an understatement, but he took it well. His first impulse was to comfort the other man, as he had many others during the war without feeling anything else than the desire for them to stop being hysterical, but no - this was good for him, this was progress, and most of all the more he got this out of his system, the better things would be for him, in more than just the magical aspect.

He sat there and let Potter ride out his emotions, inwardly berating himself when Potter mentioned their long one sided feud (it had been foolish of him to carry on with it so long) waiting until he had gotten most of it out before approaching him.

Severus moved silently, so as not to disturb Potter, before kneeling down beside him and placing one hand over his to gain his attention. Potter\'s head jerked up in shock, but otherwise he didn\'t move. \"Potter,\" Severus began with a sigh, \"it was foolish of me to drag on that bitterness towards you for so long. It accomplished nothing, just as being a slave to other people\'s views of you will accomplish nothing. Potter, you have to be able to see a life outside of Voldemort or you\'ll forget what you\'re fighting for. No one can win like that.

\"I\'ve done a lot of foolish things in my life, joining the Voldemort being one of them, but I\'ve taken something away from all of it. If others are going to expect things from you without taking into consideration how that his going to affect you, or how difficult it is, Dumbledore included, screw them, they aren\'t worth your consideration and sitting here doing nothing is only going to destroy you. What I can teach you will help you find him and beat him once and for all, rules about hiding away be damned.

\"You\'re a strong enough wizard, Potter; I\'ve seen that for myself. All you need is something to fight for (since the freedom of your own life doesn\'t seem to be enough) and with some training from me, you can beat him. The problem with him is that so many people have come to think he\'s immortal, but he\'s no more immortal than you are. I\'ve spied on him for almost twenty years; despite his connection with you, I don\'t think he has any natural talent for this brand of magic. If you believe it and want it, for more than simply to please everyone else, you\'ll beat him and we can both move on with the rest of our lives; though preferably less hostile than before. It\'s exhausting trying to ruffle your feathers these days.\"

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Harry smiled weakly down at the kneeling man. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair, lifting it away from his face to better meet the other\'s gaze. He was relieved to see no scorn, pity or even sympathy (which was a close second to pity). Looking down at his hands, the other man\'s fingers were still resting lightly on his wrist, starkly pale against his own tanned flesh. He resisted the urge to pull his hand back, before the other man felt the scars on his wrist.

The glamour spell hid his scars from view, but not from touch. That was another reason he didn\'t have any other close friends or lovers. His last lover had died before he\'d got the numerous scars on his body. His more recent one, well, as soon as he\'d taken off his clothes to join the other man on the bed, he\'d gotten a quick excuse, and the man had ran out. That was the last time he had attempted anything like that again.

Glancing back up at Severus, he thought out loud, more then asked, \"And what if I can\'t find that something to fight for? What then?\" he raised a brow scornfully. \"The war is suddenly in his favour?\" he sighed and looked up into the fire. \"I don\'t need something to fight for. I\'ll fight for the sake of fighting, and to prevent other people from dying.\"

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Severus didn\'t chuckle, but he did smirk a little at Potter\'s last words. \"Everyone has something worth fighting for. And even if you only fight to prevent people from dying, it is something to fight for. Not the best, but certainly an admirable reason to fight.\" Reaching over, Severus gripped Potter\'s chin between his thumb and forefinger, making him meet his gaze. \"And if you can\'t find something more personal to fight for, we\'ll just have to find you something.\"

Standing, Severus walked over to the coffee table and refilled his and Potter\'s cups manually. \"Don\'t think we\'re incapable of it, either. You have a knack for sheer dumb luck when you need it and I\'ll strangle something out of the universe if it doesn\'t seem inclined to give it to me without an argument.\" Severus sat back down in his chair in a very business-like manner and smirked at Potter before asking, \"Potter, not to sound macabre, but what is the best thing you have going for you now? A reason to get up out of bed in the morning? This would be a good place to start in looking for something to fight for.\"

It was an unusual way to go about teaching, but Nosferatu magic generally worked better if the person had a driving force behind them. As heroic as the Boy-Who-Lived might have been, Severus could not see stopping people from dying being enough to get the full strength from his magic.

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Harry reached for his cup, leaning back in the chair and looking down into the light green-white liquid. Taking a sip, he sighed and looked into the fireplace, frowning while he tried to think.

A reason to get out of bed in the morning, well, it wasn\'t like everyone had a reason, right? People got up because they had to. Satisfy basic needs and all that. He didn\'t really have anything \'going for him\' at the present moment. But obviously this magic worked better if Harry actually had something to fight for, or Severus wouldn\'t have bothered to ask. What if he wasn\'t able to find that something? Would the other man not bother to teach him the magic?

\"What about you? Do you have anything to fight for in this war?\" maybe he just wasn\'t thinking of the right things.

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Severus took a sip of his tea before placing it down and drawling nonchalantly, \"That\'s called \'avoiding the questions\', but I\'ll bite.\" He almost winced at his own terrible pun. In truth, he didn\'t have any really good reasons. His life hadn\'t really been a happy one, but he refused to give up on wanting to be happy in his own snarky bastard sort of way.

\"Short of seeing that bastard go to hell like he deserves and being able to relax and read my books without worrying about some terribly tragedy interrupting me? Not particularly.\" Severus paused, thinking the question over. \"Although I must admit throwing another teacup at Dumbledore the next time he comes in for a \'chat\' is rather appealing. Then again, that doesn\'t have much to do with winning the war does it?\"

.

Laughing, Harry shook his head, greatly amused by the image of Severus chucking a cup at Dumbledore\'s head, which reminded him. Laughter quickly fading; damn, he hadn\'t done that in a long time, he was surprised his face hadn\'t cracked. Harry frowned and looked at the other man. \"Why do you drink blood sausage serum? You mentioned it earlier.\" He tilted his head, waiting for an answer. He\'d only heard about the potion in passing, but it was interesting to find out that Severus drank it.

.

That last question came as a surprise to Severus, but again he took it well, showing no signs of it on his face. \"It helps with what was bothering me yesterday,\" he answered nonchalantly, trying not to sound too eager or too unwilling to talk about the subject. If he drew any sort of attention to it, it would inevitably come up again.

Thinking of the potion Potter had given him for his \'stomach flu\', which even now sat on his supply shelf, he tried to change the subject. \"Who taught you potions after me, Potter? I\'d certainly like to know what they did to get you to learn it; I might be able to use their techniques on some of my more difficult students. Though, admittedly, I think nothing short of a tranquillizer gun will help.\"

.

Harry smiled at the comment, not questioning the change of subject, since he\'d done it himself. \"You wouldn\'t believe me if I told you.\" He smirked at Severus\' raised brow, \"I had to teach myself. In order to pass the Auror training test, well, one of the on-field specialties you need to know is how to brew certain potions. I took it beyond that, finding all the books, restricted and non-restricted, I could and learning everything in them, both in theory and practice. Now I know about almost every potion. I admit there\'s a few I haven\'t been able to grasp the concept, thus I can\'t make it, but I know a wide variety of potions, ranging from poisons to a simple Skele-Gro.\"

He didn\'t mention the other things he had to endure for training. No one ever spoke of them, thus, no one knew much about Auror training and the shit you had to go through to become one. Only the best of the best made it through. The only reasons Harry still had all his memories of it was because he was the Boy-Who-Lived and they had left him alone. Anyone else leaving the field, be it retiring or quitting, had their memory wiped of most of the things they had done, to themselves for the training, and most of the things they\'d done while on field. The scars on his wrists were one thing he had to endure while in training, which usually lasted about two to three months, depending how fast someone passed a test.

.

Severus saw the darkness pass through Potter\'s eyes--probably memories just as dark. He wasn\'t stupid, he could imagine the types of things he\'d had to go through to become an Auror and if it was anything like what he\'d done to become a Death Eater and while in their ranks, it had to be bad. In short, he knew better than to probe the subject too deeply.

\"By yourself? How Ravenclaw-ish. I must admit I underestimated you learning seven years of potions like that. Lord knows you never really paid attention in my class. Too busy thinking of new and interesting ways to put yourself in danger.\" Severus stopped himself forcibly, before adding, \"Old habits die hard.\" There was a brief pause before Severus asked, on a whim, \"With all this studying, did you develop a taste for reading?\"

Reading, as uneventful as it might be to some people, was one of Severus\' favourite past times next to potions. It would be very ironic if he and Potter happened to share the same interest. Of course the logical part of his brain doubted it immensely, he\'d no doubt prefer Quidditch or flying--still, he had to ask.

.

Distracted from his memories, Harry shook his head, \"I prefer flying.\" He paused at Severus\' snort. Shaking his head, slightly amused, he continued, \"But I do enjoy reading books. I haven\'t had much time to do so, as I\'ve already told you, that and being on the field definitely didn\'t give me any time to read at my leisure, but it would be nice to get that time back and read a little. I actually used to go through a book a day while I was in Hogwarts.\" Seeing Severus\' surprised gaze, barely suppressed, he grinned. \"You probably find it hard to believe, but since I wasn\'t able to get hold of any books while I was a younger child, I went to Diagon Alley several times to get new books.

\"I knew the book store clerk so much that she eventually let me borrow the books, so long as I gave her my word that I would return them, and I always did,\" he added with a grin. The memory of reading all those fiction books, passing the time by sitting on a couch and immersing himself in a fictional world, overrode the memories of his childhood before Hogwarts, and even during the summer.

\"I prefer flying more now, since I never really had much time to do that, either.\" Glancing away from Severus, he looked over at the large bookshelf near the door, \"I assume you like to read, though?\" he asked, looking back at the other man. It wouldn\'t surprise him since the professor was a solitary being and preferred his own company.

.

Severus snorted again and waved his hand around at the three different bookshelves in his room, all of them packed. \"Can\'t you tell? The life of a teacher and spy doesn\'t leave much time to enjoy them, but yes, next to potions, it\'s my preferred hobby.\" Severus paused to take another sip of tea before continuing. \"Perhaps, not as thrilling as hurtling 100 miles per hour over the British landscape, but it does have its high points.\" Another pause. \"You should go flying tonight, the moon will just be starting to wax so it won\'t be so dark. As amusing as it would be, we wouldn\'t want you flying into a goal post.\"

At the talk of flying, Severus thought of his own broom, nestled in the corner of his bedroom. It was nothing as extravagant as Potter\'s Firebolt, but it wasn\'t bad either. Despite what the general public thought, he wasn\'t completely averse to flying. It was definitely the slower, higher type of flying that he preferred though; nothing could beat that kind of view. He\'d try to recapture it several other ways, through drawings, which he happened to be rather good at and photographs, but nothing did it save flying. Not to say that he was anywhere near as obsessed with flying as Potter, but he did enjoy some aspects of it very much.

.

Harry grinned, \"I\'m sure you would enjoy that. Maybe I can borrow the Quidditch supplies and have a go at the Snitch.\" He smiled somewhat wistfully, remembering the feelings he got from chasing after the Snitch. \"I haven\'t done that in a long time.\" His smile grew at the other\'s snort. \"I\'ve always loved flying, probably more so than most people. It gives me the sense of freedom that I\'ve never had.\" He trailed off, looking down into his cup. \"It really helped to lift my spirits as a child.\" He frowned, thinking of his childhood again. \"I can only hope it still has the same affect on me.\" He grinned, somewhat weaker than before, up at Severus.

Looking down at the hunter green carpet, Harry asked, \"Can we give it another go?\" he looked up at the other man, waiting for his answer. If Severus didn\'t agree to it, he could always try it some other time on his own. It wasn\'t too hard. He didn\'t fancy the prospect of having another run in with Voldemort, but he wanted to get this right. He hated learning something new, only to not fully understand and be unable to do it.

.

Severus listened intently to Potter, noting the underling unhappiness about him. He had a lot of potential for power; he just needed something happy, something worth fighting for, to drive it to it\'s full potential. Severus decided right then and there that he was going to help Potter find that something, it would make teaching him a hell of a lot easier; not that teaching Potter was ever really easy. He could see the old defiant look in him already. If Severus said no to him now, he\'d probably just practice by himself, something that had no end of danger attached to it.

\"Very well,\" Severus agreed, moving the coffee table back up to the mantel with wandless magic. \"But I\'m going with you this time and don\'t be discouraged if you don\'t get it right. It took me a while to master it as well and beating yourself up about mistakes will only defeat the purpose.\" Standing from his chair, Severus moved to sit on the carpet with his back facing the fire. \"Sit with your back against mine and we can begin,\" he instructed.

.

Moving his empty cup to the mantel, Harry moved behind the other man, facing the fire. He grinned slightly, knowing that Severus was probably only continuing this because he knew Harry would do it on his own. Raking a hand through his hair to get it out of his face, the young man leaned back against the solid presence behind him while trying not to admit to himself how much he actually enjoyed it. It wasn\'t like Severus would ever go for it anyway. Besides, it wasn\'t so bad to just be friends with the other man. He\'d always wanted to be more, a little after he\'d stopped the rivalry on his part and realized, that while the other man was a bastard, sarcastic, and pessimistic, he really was interesting, funny in his dry humour, and well, kind of sexy, but he wasn\'t going to tell him that, not yet anyway. This little bond of theirs was still too fragile.

Taking a deep breath, Harry closed his eyes, making sure to picture himself as he was now, his glamour spells all in check. He didn\'t want Severus to see any of his scars, not yet anyway.

.

\"All right, Potter,\" Severus began in the same smooth voice as before. \"See yourself standing in an empty black void with no wand, or any other weapon; just you with me at your back. You are safe here.\" Severus delivered the meditation in much the same way as before, slipping in a few times so that Potter wasn\'t alone.

The fact that Severus was also meditating didn\'t stop him from dictating the meditation to Potter. Much to his surprise, he reflected in the back of his mind, it was actually kind of nice, meditating with Potter and talking with him.

His magic was, as Severus expected, very powerful, but lacking in something to really bring it out. He couldn\'t really see anything but the glow from it, being at Potter\'s back, but he could still feel it. He was greatly in need of some proper self-esteem, but he was actually rather nice company. Accepting his friendship might not be such a bad idea. Severus was still a cynical, paranoid bastard, but he\'d seen enough of war to know that it was best to enjoy what the powers-that-be saw fit to give you; you never knew when they\'d take it away again.

When the meditation was complete, Severus hovering in between for a moment, enjoying the comfortable silence, something so few people really appreciated. He didn\'t bother to turn upon opening his eyes, but asked simply, \"Was that better, Potter?\" he hadn\'t felt any more than the normal traces of Voldemort in Potter\'s magic, but he wasn\'t as closely connected to the man as Voldemort was so he couldn\'t be entirely sure.

.

Opening his eyes, Harry stared into the flames, the back pressing against his own oddly warmer than the fire before him. The meditation had gone well, or at least, Voldemort hadn\'t appeared. It was a bit odd to have the other man at his back while he had been amongst the bright lights of his magic twirling around him and dancing questionably around the dour figure behind him. It had been easy enough once he stopped worrying about Voldemort and accepted the fact that he was safe with Severus at his back.

\"Considering I\'m not coughing up blood and my vision is isn\'t like looking through red sunglasses, yeah.\" He grinned when Severus snorted in laughter; he enjoyed the way it made his own body sway forward slightly. \"I still couldn\'t conjure a wand though. It kept going into the shape of a dagger. Is that normal?\" he frowned, turning his head to glance at Severus from the corner of his eye.

.

Turning so that he could also see Potter out of the corner of his eye, Severus thought over what that could possibly mean. \"It probably means you\'re a little too focused on killing Voldemort, if I had to guess.\" Sighing, Severus met Potter\'s eyes as best he could without turning around. \"Though having that pushed on you since you were eleven, who could blame you, Potter? Between that, your Auror career and getting used to dealing with children, I honestly doubt you have any time for anything else.\" Severus paused, looking for a good metaphor and, of course, went with potions. \"It\'s like making a potion, Potter--if you focus too much on one part of it and don\'t see the big picture, you\'ll ruin it.\"

Severus sighed thoughtfully. This was a roadblock they\'d have to deal with now before they got too far into training. \"I think for now it would be better to practice the meditation only once a day, with me, and spend the rest of your free time enjoying yourself, to try and broaden your horizons beyond the war, so to speak.\" Still being somewhat in tune with Potter\'s magic, he felt rather than saw doubt in him. \"Of course,\" he added quickly, \"if you find yourself unable to do so, I have no qualms about dragging you out of your rooms and forcing you, too, Potter,\" he finished with his patent smirk.

.

Harry laughed and shook his head in amusement, \"You? Drag me out of my rooms when you don\'t even go out yourself?\" he smiled when Severus chuckled, the first laugh he\'d heard from him since--ever. His mood sobered somewhat when he thought of trying to \'broaden his horizon beyond the war\'. What was he supposed to do? When he did manage to free up some time, he\'d probably fly or read. But was that something to fight for? It seemed pretty, well, selfish. And it wasn\'t incredibly important to him, although flying did give him freedom like nothing else did, but was that enough to make his magic stronger for this branch of magic? Was that the driving force behind it? He didn\'t think so.

He did want freedom, and if he knew he was going to get it, then maybe... but he knew that people would still bother him, be it for good or bad. However, if everyone did finally leave him alone, then he would finally have the peace he\'d always wanted.

.

Severus saw Potter\'s mood rise and fall again and poked him in the shoulder to gain his attention again. \"Potter, you are becoming entirely too pessimistic and moody. Stop it. That\'s my job.\" He smirked at Potter\'s mild chuckle, before continuing. \"Besides, do you honestly doubt my ability to teach you something if you volunteer for it? I may not be able to strangle good potion grades out of everyone, but I\'m better than that when it comes to willing victims.\"

.

Turning his head around to face the fire again, Harry leaned back against the other man, grinning faintly when Severus let out a quiet \'tch\' and brushed a long strand of white hair off his black clad shoulder that had fallen when Harry had moved.

\"So that\'s what you get paid for, and here I thought it was to attempt to teach children how to brew potions.\" He smiled at the loud trademark snort.

Amazingly enough, he enjoyed the man\'s company. They\'d known each other for basically all of Harry\'s life, but they\'d never really known each other. It was nice to finally be able to see at least some of the other man\'s guard down. Harry knew there was plenty Severus was hiding, but Harry figured every man was entitled to his secrets, although the whole blood sausage serum still nagged at him and he was tempted to look it up fully, but for some reason, it made him feel like he was being disloyal to Severus. If the man had wanted him to know, he would have told him.

Crossing his arms, he looked down into his lap, thinking about their past conversation about something to fight for. \"Do you think it would be enough drive to simply want to beat Voldemort? To end this whole war? I\'ve--\" he broke off, breathing silently, trying to put his thoughts in order. Severus waited patiently, not saying anything.

\"Since I was only fourteen, I\'ve always thought that there wouldn\'t be anything after Voldemort. Not for me anyway. I grew up, expecting to die at any moment from either one of his minions, or Voldemort himself. I suppose I\'ve never really thought about what would happen to me after the war, because I always thought there would be no long term future for me,\" he finally admitted, looking down. He was slightly ashamed to be saying his thoughts, the thoughts he\'d carried around for years upon years. Even if he trusted Severus and generally liked him, it was still hard to admit something out loud, something that he\'d always thought about and never thought to share with anyone else.

.

\"That\'s your problem then,\" Severus mused, \"you must not have known a real moment of peace.\" Severus sighed thoughtfully and looked over at the shadow of the two of them the fire cast on the wall.

\"If you can\'t really see yourself living after Voldemort, then I don\'t see how you could beat him.\" Severus felt Potter tense at this, but he leaned back, lightly pressing against Potter\'s back, trying to make him relax, and continued. \"It\'ll be rooted in your subconscious that you won\'t outlive Voldemort and thus, if you finally kill him, you\'ll die too. No one really wants to kill themselves; you could be subconsciously sabotaging yourself.\"

Severus paused a moment to let this really sink in. Potter didn\'t seem hostile and as it looked like he was willing to hear him, Severus continued. \"That\'s probably holding you back more than you realize. I\'d suggest making an effort to imagine a time without him; when the choice of what to do with your life is hindered by no one but you. Finding something to fight for might help you do this even if it\'s just a dream you want to be realized.

\"Like I said before, I don\'t have anything tangible beyond my potions and my books to really fight for, but I know what I want and I know the only way to really get it is to help bring down Voldemort. That is the difference between us, Potter. Can you even remember the last time you wanted something badly enough that Voldemort wasn\'t the main focus in your life anymore?\"

He paused again and since Potter seemed to be thinking things over, he chanced to add one last thing. \"It\'s nothing to be ashamed of, feeling the way you do. I doubt if anyone ever bothered to give you the chance to hope for something more than Voldemort. Now I\'m asking you to do so because it could make the difference.\"

.

\"What is there to live for? I have nothing and no one will miss me personally if I do die. When I kill Voldemort, everyone else\'s lives are calmer, more peaceful. I die afterwards, and I\'ll stop bringing bad luck. Those that want to kill me due to Voldemort\'s fall, or not ending the war soon enough, will go back to their daily lives and not create any havoc. So in the end, I will be fighting for peace, just not my own.\"

He tensed when he felt Severus start to finally turn around, probably to snap at him for being so self-pitying. He stood up quickly, swaying slightly from a dizzy spell, before shaking it off. Looking down at the man, who was gazing up at him intently, probably prepared to speak, he broke in before he could, \"I\'ll try to find that something to fight for.\" He looked to the side briefly. \"I\'ll see you tomorrow for another go at meditating?\"

.

Severus sighed inwardly at Potter\'s sudden frenzy to get away. If he couldn\'t think of any really good reason to live in general, he really had his work cut out for him. Twenty-eight year old wizards shouldn\'t be thinking like that; hell everyone deserved to enjoy life, except perhaps Voldemort and the rest of the Death Eaters.

\"Very well,\" Severus murmured, rising to his feet beside Potter. \"I\'ll leave the wards down for you.\" Potter nodded and Severus walked him to the door. \"Goodbye, Potter,\" he murmured before closing the door and putting all of his wards back up. Glancing over at the clock, he noticed there were a few more hours until dinner and decided to clean out his potions lab. That usually helped clear his mind and made it easier to think things over.

He hadn\'t been scrubbing out cauldrons for ten minutes before he came to a conclusion. He needed to keep a closer eye on Potter; find out what he really enjoyed in life and try to bring that out. Severus was surprised he wasn\'t suicidal by now with the way he claimed to think of things. \'He might try to go flying tonight,\' Severus thought to himself, \'no harm in standing watch for a few hours and see if our paths cross.\' For good measure he added, \'Potter, you are going to be the death of me, but I shall figure you out.\'

.

Raking a hand through his hair for the fifth time in a span of two minutes, Harry sighed and leaned back in his chair. He\'d finally finished marking everything he needed to and had finished his lesson plan for the week. Hell, if he\'d known working was good for avoiding thinking about something, he would have done it a long time ago, but now that he was done, he had quite a lot of free time on his hands.

Scratching his bare chest absentmindedly, the buttons on his shirt having come undone half way when he\'d gotten too hot in his study and hadn\'t wanted to bother with a cooling charm, he closed the study\'s door behind him and went over to his kitchen. It only held the bare necessities, since teachers couldn\'t always be bothered to go to the Great Hall for meals, but Harry just wanted a snack. He hadn\'t eaten lunch or dinner and was feeling a bit hungry.

Grabbing a chocolate frog from his candy stash (as he still had quite the sweet tooth) he munched quietly, going back out into his sitting room to just stand and look into the flames. Playing with the thick strands of white in his bangs, Harry looked up, judging the weather outside by the enchanted ceiling, something he\'d learned from Dumbledore when he\'d expressed his interest in the enchantment on the ceiling of the Great Hall. It was a clear night, the stars and waxing moon bringing enough light to the grounds.

Smiling, his first since having left the professor\'s room, he went into his bedroom and grabbed his Firebolt from the closet. Placing a warming charm on himself in case it got too cold outside, Harry walked out of his chambers, pausing to put his wards up, before stalking down the hall and making the long trek outside to the Quidditch pitch. He planned on having a go at that Snitch. It\'s definitely been too long, he thought, grinning at the rush of adrenaline he felt.

.

\"Ah, there he is,\" Severus murmured to himself when he noticed a distant figure walking onto the Quidditch pitch. Even from this distance, cramped up against the wall of the castle he could clearly see Potter, Snitch in one hand and broom in the other. He was tempted to walk over and strike up a conversation (both for the sake of conversation and the shock on Potter\'s face), but his better instincts forced him to hold back and, for now, to simply observe.

He smirked at the youthful expression that crossed Harry\'s face as he threw the tiny golden ball into the air and watching it disappear, probably wanting to let it get a good head start before he went after it. After about thirty seconds, he hopped onto his broom and took off. He didn\'t even really bother to look for the Snitch at first, he zoomed around the Quidditch field executing his trademark moves and generally having a good time. Severus actually found himself enjoying watching the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor swoop about like a teenager on his broom. He never realised how tired and war-beaten he had looked, until those looks were gone and he actually seemed happy. That expression, Severus decided, suited Potter much better than his usually impassive, or unhappy face.

After about ten minutes of frenzied flying about the pitch, Potter finally settled down and positioned himself at one of the goal posts to keep a look out for the Snitch. As was to be expected, his instincts had never left him and after five minutes of just watching, Potter entered one of his trademark dives. He chased the Snitch around for a good five minutes before it managed to elude him again and he glided around looking for it. He repeated this process of gliding and frenzied swooping for the better part of half an hour, before Severus decided to give him some competition. He\'d never been a Seeker himself, preferring potions to flying, but he did have the skills for it.

Treading across the field, he used Nosferatu magic to blend into the shadows and thus go unnoticed. He managed to mount his broom and swoop up right behind Potter (who was concentrating too hard to notice him anyway) completely unnoticed. He smirked to himself for a few moments before calling out, \"No luck yet, Potter? Fancy a little competition then?\"

.

\"Accendio!\" Harry hexed automatically when he felt a disturbing presence at his back. Turning around, his eyes widened at the fire now engulfing the man\'s robes. \"Aquula!\" a stream of water went from his wand to the professor\'s robes, soaking them and quickly putting out the flame. \"Sicco,\" he murmured, the drenched robes were quickly dried.

Blushing lightly, he rubbed the back of his neck, he couldn\'t believe he\'d just set his former teacher on fire! He shouldn\'t have reacted so badly. What if it had been a student? \"I\'m sorry, professor.\"

.

\"What is it with your lot and setting me on fire?\" Severus muttered, fixing his robes with a spell under his breath. Turning back to Potter, Severus merely raised an eyebrow and replied, \"It\'s fine, Potter. I\'m not dead yet, not for your lack of trying, of course,\" he added the last bit with a smirk. \"Might want to watch your reflex skills, though. Ever thought of a charm to alert you when people are sneaking up on you?\" taking note of a small gleam of gold near the Ravenclaw stands he added, \"and as I said earlier--are you up for a little competition?\"

.

No, of course not, because that would have been too practical, Harry thought scornfully. He\'d set it into his wards for now on after he looked the charm up. Then he could fiddle around with it until it worked like the glamour spell in his door.

Competition? Who knew Severus could play Seeker? Grinning in anticipation, Harry quickly braided his hair and charmed it to stay put. It wouldn\'t do to have hair in his face, after all. \"Since when do you play Seeker?\" he smirked, eerily mimicking Malfoy\'s old expression.

.

\"Since when do you brew potions, Potter? We all have talents, even if we chose not to execute them on an everyday basis.\" Severus raised his eyebrow in Potter\'s general direction; a direct challenge. \"Now are you interested in playing, or not?\"

At Potter\'s nod, Severus only smirked before zooming off after the terribly elusive Snitch, leaving Potter to pursue after him for a second or two.

.

Leaning over his broom to gain more speed, Harry finally spotted exactly what Severus had been chasing after. The damn Snitch! It had been evading him for quite awhile. Although, it was technically his fault since he\'d charmed it to be a bit faster than normal. He\'d wanted to rush of adrenaline; he wanted to feel the pull in his muscles after a long day of writing and sitting at his office chair.

The golden Snitch seemed to sense them coming and zoomed upwards towards the sky, Harry quickly changed directions, almost turning at a 90º angle. Severus was close behind, a bit slower on the corner, but he was catching up fairly quickly. Harry had to admit he was impressed.

\"Damn!\" he cursed when the Snitch zoomed by his cheek, heading back down and behind them. Severus changed directions quickly, cursing, Harry followed. The Snitch seemed happy to just zoom along on a straight path in front of them. Now why hadn\'t it done that before for him? An idea popping into his mind, Harry grinned and lowered himself even further over his broom.

Going directly behind Severus, he manoeuvred himself slightly underneath, a safe enough distance away that the other man couldn\'t try anything funny, like wracking him in the head with the end of his broom--it had happened to him once with Malfoy, well, actually, he\'d done it to Malfoy, but that was all technicalities.

Spotting the Snitch about two arms lengths away from Severus, Harry sped up, going directly under the other man, before he went even faster and abruptly cut the man off, successfully catching the Snitch as he zoomed upwards. He laughed at the sound of the other man\'s cursing, something about \'imbeciles\' and \'foolish Gryffindors.\' A few feet above Severus, he paused, resting on his broom while looking down at the fuming man. Who knew he was such a sore loser?

Mumbling the anti-charm, the braid at his back became undone. Long strands of ebony and white swayed in the wind as he looked down at the professor, smiling brightly. He hadn\'t felt like this since his last Quidditch game, but Severus was definitely more of a challenge than Malfoy had been, that was for sure.

.

Severus rose up on his broom to be face to face with Potter, glaring all the way. \"You and your dumb luck is really starting to get annoying,\" he grumbled and Potter just laughed and pocketed the fidgety gold ball. \"For someone who claims not to have been on a broom in a while, you certainly seemed to get your bearings pretty damn quick.\" Severus continued to grumble, but he had had fun. There was a certain appeal to flying provided there was more appeal in beating a former ungrateful student, something he\'d failed to do, but there was still something to be said for flying.

.

Harry chuckled and shook his head, \"Well, I have been out here for an hour or two and since I imagine you didn\'t just suddenly appear out of nowhere, I can only guess you were watching me the whole time,\" he stated, raising a brow, almost daring the man to contradict him. He hadn\'t really felt anything until half an hour had passed and he\'d finally calmed down enough to chase the Snitch. That was when he\'d had that little sixth sense that someone was watching him. He hadn\'t known whom it was, but he\'d kept his senses open enough, just in case, though Severus had still managed to sneak up on him somehow.

\"Good game,\" he grinned, raking a hand through his hair. \"You\'re a damn good challenge,\" his grin broadened. \"If you hadn\'t had let yourself go by staying inside all the time and brewing potions and reading, you just might have beat me,\" he smirked teasingly.

Teasing his old professor. Will wonders never cease? He had to admit that it had been bloody good fun. The best he\'d had since he\'d been in school and more innocent than he was now.

.

\"I admit to nothing. Though Merlin knows you need a keeper. I swear, you\'re addicted to your own adrenalin,\" Severus responded to Potter\'s accusations that he\'d been watching him. He had a job to do and an unsurprisingly difficult one. It would make no more sense to leave Potter alone too long, than it would to be to leave a volatile potion alone. He\'d make things work right if it was the last thing he did.

Shrugging, he continued, \"Well, I\'m no more fond of it than you are of reading. It has its high points, but generally I prefer my dungeons.\" Severus mulled the topic over for a moment more before adding, \"Though I\'d be willing for a rematch any time; next time you won\'t be so lucky.\"

.

Harry grinned at the challenge. \"We\'ll see.\"

Finally looking around, he noticed that a large amount of time had passed while they had been playing. He yawned into his hand, but he snapped his jaw shut in surprise. He was actually tired for once and he felt like he would be able to sleep without too many nightmares. Merlin, maybe he should do this more often.

Gripping the broom tightly with his thighs, Harry raised both hands to pull his hair back and twist it loosely at the nape of his neck so it would stop blowing around in his face. With the wind starting to pick up, Harry finally realized that it was snowing. While Severus was donning a large winter cloak, Harry only had his button up shirt, that was actually still half undone, and a heating charm, which only did so much for so long.

\"Unless you want to stay here, I think I\'ll be heading back. It\'s getting colder, and unlike some people, I wasn\'t smart enough to bring a cloak,\" he gave a small grin, \"I didn\'t think I\'d be out here for this long.\"

.

Severus shook his head and mumbled something about thoughtless Gryffindors before turning and starting back for the castle, Potter not far behind. They landed at the same time and walked comfortably beside each other until they reached the dungeon\'s corridor and the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor\'s quarters. \"Sleep well, Potter. I can\'t have you falling asleep during meditation tomorrow,\" Severus tossed over his shoulder with a smirk. Potter just laughed tiredly and waved as Severus disappeared behind a corner to his own rooms.

Severus would later blame it on exhaustion, but as he meandered into his rooms that night and prepared for bed he actually found himself smiling, him, Severus Snape, in an openly good mood. It was scary to think how long it had been since that happened. He supposed it was due to having a challenging project worthy of his attentions. Plus it had been good to see Potter happy, surprisingly good. He wasn\'t half bad company, which in itself was pleasantly surprising. The happier Potter was, the better the chance they had of finding him something to fight for and accomplishing all their goals. Severus was actually looking forward to it: that was something new indeed.

.

Finished with brushing his teeth manually, something he normally didn\'t do. Nevertheless, the cleaning charms only did so much before you finally had to brush them yourself; Harry sighed and looked up into the mirror for the first time in weeks, wincing in disgust at seeing his reflection.

Running a finger down the long scar on his left cheek, Harry wished he could go back to the way things were. Sure he was stronger and more experienced, but at what price? Wrenching his gaze away from the mirror over the sink, Harry dabbed his mouth on the fluffy white towel hanging on the rack, and exited his bathroom.

As his earlier cheerful mood having almost completely disappeared, Harry sighed and slipped under the white comforter and cream-coloured sheets. Even with his dampening mood, he enjoyed the cool and smooth feeling of the sheets against his stomach.

Pulling the comforter up to his neck, trying to feel secure and comforted, though he knew it wouldn\'t help, no matter how warm or soft it was, Harry laid his head down on the cream-coloured pillows (there were two, since he liked to have his head raised slightly, and it was good to keep his wand between the two pillows) and closed his eyes, trying not to think of anything. After leaving Hogwarts, he\'d practiced Occlumency every night, since he found it a bit easier to fall asleep after doing so. While it did stop some of the nightmares, it didn\'t stop the flashbacks and nightmares of his past, or even the brief, but vivid glimpses he got into Voldemort\'s mind as he watched some sick new torture device he\'d dreamt up.

For a fleeting moment, he wished he were back up in the air, laughing with Severus, but the moment passed, and he fell into a restless sleep. Pulled down into a deep sleep, due to his extreme exhaustion, he was unable to wake up when another torture session entered his mind. This one of a flashback, something he\'d witnessed by taking part, and he still didn\'t know why he\'d even bothered to become an Auror after going through all that training. It was enough to give him nightmares, and that was just the training alone.