Albus, I\'ve Knocked Up a Weasley

Chapter Three: Of Nappies, Nausea and Nuisances

\'Miracle Boy Abandoned By Father Of Child

by Erma Boomstag

On the previous Friday, this reporter visited Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry to interview Miracle Boy Ronald Weasley and the father of his child, Potions Professor, Severus Snape. When asked about the role he would play during the pregnancy he replied:

\"I have no intention of having any type of relationship what so ever with Mr. Weasley.\"

With an expression free of affection, he continued on to state that Mr. Weasley\'s parents would be taking responsibility for the child, instead of himself.

\"He\'s so cold and unapproachable,\" an undisclosed student said. \"He doesn\'t like children. I can\'t imagine him being a father. He treats us bitterly in class, I don\'t know what I\'d do if I had to *live* with him.\" This poor student nearly coming to tears at the thought of his mistreatment at the hands of his potions professor.

Is Professor Snape dropping his responsibility for the child onto the grandparents because he realizes he\'s an unfit father? Or is the reason far less altruistic? Either way, brave Ronald is healthy and holding his head high during this trying ordeal.\'

Severus practically shreaded up his copy of the Daily Prophet and threw it into the fire, quickly followed by the uneaten half of his breakfast, plate and all. He groaned, realizing the headmaster had once again been frustratingly right.

What a dreadful way to start the day.

* * *

\"Oh my, Snape\'s going to be in exceptional form today,\" Hermione sighed as she folded her paper up and put it in her bag.

\"No kidding,\" Ron said, picking listlessly at his breakfast.

\"You know, that\'s not going to do you any good unless you eat it,\" Harry smiled, shuffling the other boy\'s plate a bit closer to him.

\"I\'m not hungry,\" Ron countered, pushing the plate away. \"I feel queasy.\"

\"Ron,\" Harry pushed the plate back, starting to sound stern. \"You have to eat. Either you eat what\'s on your plate or I\'m going to spoon feed you.\"

Shooting him a dangerous look, Ron did his best to clear his plate. That is, until his stomach protested loudly, and with the color draining from his face, Ron launched from his bench and bolted from the Great Hall.

\"Oh my,\" Molly tsked as she came up to the Gryffindor table. \"I see that the morning sickness has begun.\"

\"Huh? Oh no!\" Harry moaned. \"I forgot all about that. This is my fault; I insisted that he eat despite being queasy. I\'m going to go check on him.\"

\"You do that, Harry,\" Molly smiled benignly, watching him run out after her son. Once he was out of sight, she sat down beside Hermione and leaned over to whisper conspiratorially. \"Do you know why Harry is behaving so solicitous to Ron? I mean, I know they\'re friends….\"

\"At least it\'s not just me,\" Hermione replied, putting her fork down. \"You should see him in the common room. I swear, you\'d think Ron was carrying *his* baby with the way he\'s acting. Ron almost talked Madam Pomfrey into sedating him last night.\"

\"Well, that\'s an interesting idea.\"

\"What? Sedating Harry?\"

\"No, what you said before that. Professor Snape is so adamant about not being involved in the baby\'s life, and I was so hoping that even if he couldn\'t be in a relationship with the father that they could at least be parents together. I know Harry and Ron are best friends, but if Harry is that attached to the baby, well, I don\'t think it matters if he\'s the biological father or not. I think Harry and Ron would make great parents together.\"

Hermione hoped like hell that her face wasn\'t betraying the hysteric laughter that was fighting to get out, stuffing a roll her her mouth to help contain it, much as Ron did when she spoke of S.P.E.W.

* * *

Ron retched until he emptied his stomach of all of its contents, kneeling beside the bowl in Moaning Myrtle\'s bathroom.

\"Oh Boo-who! Everyone has such a wonderful life. Even boys are having kids before I got the chance.\" She floated about outside the stall, wailing and bemoaning her fate as usual. Ron, of course, at the moment was thinking he\'d be more then willing to trade places if he could.

\"I don\'t remember eating that,\" he groaned as he reached out to flush.

\"Here,\" Harry said from behind him as he kneeled down and pulled Ron to lean back against him, pressing a cold cloth to his mouth. \"You feeling any better?\"

\"A bit. I\'m still nauseous, but I don\'t think I\'m going to throw up again.\"

\"I\'m sorry I made you eat, I should have listened to you. Your mum said it was probably morning sickness.\"

\"Does that mean by this afternoon I\'ll be feeling better?\" Ron asked finally perking up.

\"Well, that is what the name implies, so I guess, yeah.\"

\"Thank god. I\'ll forgive you if you help me up.\"

\"You got it.\"

Harry pulled Ron up into a standing position, and right against his chest. Harry gave him a brief, affectionate hug before letting him go.

\"Don\'t worry, Ron. I\'ll be here for you.\"

//Now that worries me, a little.// Ron thought miserably.

Moaning Myrtle crossed her arms in a pout.

\"Even has a boyfriend to help when he\'s sick!\" She threw a little fit and vanished down her toilet, Ron fighting the urge to yell \'Shut up!\' at the top of his lungs.

* * *

\"Welcome to Home Economics,\" Mrs. Weasley announced as the seventh year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws gathered in her new classroom. \"We\'re going to learn the skills you\'ll need to manage your day to day lives once you leave Hogwarts. This includes basic household spells and potions, many of which you already know but we\'ll be learning how to apply them. You\'ll also learn how to do some things the muggle way. It\'s very important that you be able to perform certain tasks without your wands in case you ever find yourself somewhere like downtown muggle London.

\"Today, we\'ll be starting a week long project that will accompany our lessons on infant care. In this box I have some dolls that are enchanted to behave like babies; they will cry, they will need feeding, they will need changing and they will wake you up in the middle of the night so that you can fulfill these needs. I want everyone to pair up in parent partnerships, girl boy where possible, but we have more boys than girls, so two boys are going to be paired up together.\"

\"Quick, Harry, you grab Cho, I\'ll grab Hermione,\" Ron hissed as everyone scrambled to get the partner of their choice.

\"But, Ron…\"

\"Hurry!\"

Ron maneuvered through the desks over to his target and tapped her on the shoulder.

\"Hermione, be my partner?\" he asked, smiling sweetly.

\"Oh, I\'m sorry Ron, but I just agreed to be Neville\'s.\"

\"It\'s cause he\'s taller than me, it\'n it?\"

\"Don\'t be silly.\"

\"Just joking, Herm,\" Ron smiled, though it looked more like a grimace. \"I\'ll grab someone else.\"

\"Has everyone got their partner?\" Mrs. Weasley called out, looking pointedly at Ron.

\"Ummm…\"

\"Yes,\" Harry chimed with the rest of the class as he grabbed Ron\'s shoulder, causing Molly to smile brightly.

\"What are you doing?\" Ron stage whispered. \"I thought you were going to get Cho to be your partner?\"

\"Um,\" Harry blushed, \"she was already taken.\"

Ron looked over at the pretty Ravenclaw girl who was looking at Harry rather sulkily. He didn\'t buy it for a minute.

\"Come on, no worries about it,\" Harry said, dragging Ron\'s attention back to him. \"Let\'s get our baby!\"

* * *

\"Oh, Hermione, So glad you could stop in,\" Molly smiled as Hermione walked into her office, cradling the doll. \"I see you\'re taking the first shift.\"

\"Yes, Neville has advanced herbology right now. We didn\'t think it would be a good idea if the baby started crying while he was trying to prune or repot something. So, what did you want to see me about, Mrs. Weasley?\"

\"Do you think that maybe,\" Molly started, leaning over her desk, \"Harry might be a little, I don\'t know, fond of Ron? More then usual that is?\"

\"Well, Harry has been acting rather oddly. I\'d like to say it started when we found out that Ron was pregnant and that Harry\'s just being over protective, but I don\'t know. He\'s been paying a little more attention than normal to Ron since the beginning of the school term, but I hadn\'t really thought about it. It\'s not like he\'s swooning over him, or anything.\"

\"Well, I imagine he\'d be a little more discreet in attempting to woo another boy than he would a girl,\" Molly said, thoughtfully. \"Arthur and I will happily take the baby and raise it, but we\'d be much happier if Ron could find a loving partner to raise the child with. Any indication that Ron might return the feelings?\"

Hermione laughed and shook her head.

\"If anything, Ron\'s about to start running. I think Harry\'s freaking him out as of late. Now as much as I love Harry and want to see him happy, it won\'t be with Ron. But I tell you what; some of the girls in the school are starting to whisper about Ron. They find him really appealing now that he\'s expecting, they think it\'s sweet that he\'s going to be a mum. Plus, he gets about four marriage proposals a day in the mail. I\'m working on my own match-making project, but I\'m sure it shouldn\'t be much more work finding someone for Ron.\"

\"Oh? Who are you trying to fix up, dear?\"

\"Professor Snape! I\'m absolutely convinced he wouldn\'t be so surly if he had a wife or steady girl friend. I bet he\'s not so much angry as sad and lonely.\"

\"Aren\'t you sweet! You know, I bet if he had one, his significant other would insist on him being involved with the baby. I\'ll make a deal with you; you help me find someone for Ron, I\'ll help you find someone for Professor Snape.\"

\"Deal.\" Both shared a sharp handshake with broad smiles.

* * *

//I\'m a grown man and I will not cry,// Severus thought, crying actually the furthest thing from his mind. //However, I just might break the Minister\'s neck!//

Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic, and Snape were in the Headmaster\'s office, a place Severus was getting very tired of, sitting before Dumbledore\'s desk. He was beginning to feel like he was back in school getting punished right along with the Mauraders for something they tried to do to him. The Minister had arrived that afternoon, informing the other two wizards that because the accident involved a student and a professor, there would have to be a formal investigation.

\"I understand that nothing improper has happened, it\'s just a formality,\" Fudge assured them at the first sign of Snape\'s eye-roll. \"However, there is something that is more of a problem.\"

\"I assume, that you mean the recent… publicity, Cornelious?\" Dombledore asked, Fudge nodding and reaching into his vest and pulling out a copy of the Daily Prophet. The move was accompanied by a groan from the seat next to him.

\"Ah, Severus, I see you\'ve read this edition,\" the Minister said in all seriousness. \"In that case, I hope you understand that the public views your behavior in a very dim light.\"

\"So they keep telling me in their letters,\" Snape sneered, holding up his right hand, which was sporting a bandage.

\"Ah, I see.\"

\"I\'m afraid that I don\'t,\" Dumbledore interrupted. \"What does the Ministry have to do with Severus\' decisions about the child?\"

\"None, really,\" Fudge replied, replacing the paper in his vest. \"However, the way he\'s behaving towards Mr. Weasley is starting to reflect negatively on the entire school. I\'ve received several owls from concerned individuals who question the placement of such a cold hearted individual as a professor at Hogwarts, no offence Professor.\"

\"None taken,\" Severus grumbled, narrowing his eyes at the Minister. It was the most threatening look he felt he could get away with. \"Exactly what is the Ministry suggesting that we do about this?\"

\"Well, Mr. Weasley is in his second month, and the Ministry has decided it would be best if St. Mungo\'s kept an eye on the boy\'s development. He doesn\'t need to go for every checkup, but once every other month would be good. I wanted to let you know that he has an appointment for this upcoming Saturday. Severus, I want you to go with the boy and his mother. I want you to go in with him when he has his checkup and at least *seem* that you\'re interested. Then, you three can do some shopping, pick up a few things that baby will need. The Ministry is allotting money for this project that I\'ll give to you before you leave to make a few purchases and buy the boy lunch. We\'re going \'tip off\' the Daily Prophet, so at all times you are to act like you want to be there; you\'re not going to know when pictures are going to be taken.\"

\"And if I refuse to go along with this charade?\" Severus asked, outwardly calm but seething on the inside.

\"The Board of Governors may be forced to review your position as potions professor.\"

At first, rage threatened to boil over. There were days when he considered packing his things, walking out of the gates of Hogwarts and never looking backt tht then the class containing Neville Longbottom (or another student just as competent in potions) would leave and he\'d remember that he actually loved his job. Well, maybe love was too strong of an expression, but it was all he had known for over twenty years and he found that if he ever left it, it would have to be on his terms, not because some pretentious twit in a pin striped robe decided he would have to be punished for not playing nice.

After a moment, however, a surreal calm stole over him. This wouldn\'t be the first time that he had faced something that he Had To Do. There were many times before the defeat of Voldermort that he had faced things that he Had To Do; for his own safety, for the sake of the Order, to save the life of that little twerp, Potter. This was just something else he Had To Do, he decided. Didn\'t mean he had to like it.

\"Very well...\"

* * *

Snape stalked down the hall, robes swirling behind him, as he sought out his prey.

\"Weasley!\" he bellowed when he found the red head, hauling his bag towards his dorm. \"Don\'t you have a class right now? I went looking for you in transfigurations.\"

Ron stopped, dropped the bag that felt like it weighed a ton, and turned to face the man who had come level with him.

\"Yes,\" he sighed, \"but I was feeling ill. I\'ve felt ill all day. I swear, if they call it morning sickness, it should only last during the mornings.\"

A slight smile tugged at the corner of Severus\' mouth, but he fought it valiantly.

\"I\'m afraid that that term is a bit of a misnomer. Have you seen Madame Pomfrey?\"

\"Yeah, she gave me stuff to keep me from throwing up again, but anything stronger would be bad for the baby. I gotta live with the nausea. Is there a reason you’re being nice to me?\"

\"Certainly not!\" Snape managed to catch himself before he did smile. He wasn\'t being nice to the boy; he was enjoying his predicament. Really. \"I was looking for you to let you know that the Ministry has deemed it necessary that St. Mungo\'s monitor your progress. Your first appointment is Saturday.\"

\"Why\'d they send you to tell me and not my mum?\"

Severus rolled his eyes and heaved an all mighty sigh.

\"They have also decided, in light of my recent performance for the Daily Prophet, that it would be prudent if I accompany you and your mother to your appointment.\"

\"Professor, er… can I miss potions today? I\'m feeling rather ill.\"

The potions master raised an eyebrow at the boy. He knew what was going through his head. When things went bad for him, Snape usually took it out on his class. He smirked. If it’s not broke, don\'t fix it.

\"Ill, are you? Well, it gets better. We have to spend the day together. The Ministry is sponsoring an entire afternoon for us. I\'m going to be taking you to lunch and buying nappies and things for the baby in a London shop while the Daily Prophet snaps picture.\"

Ron looked positively green. Severus hoped that Poppy\'s remedy was still working, not in the mood to change his robes again.

\"Yes, perhaps you should miss potions,\" he sneered. \"I don\'t relish the thought of the potion you\'ve taken suddenly wearing off and you adding an accidental ingredient to your concoction.\"

With that, Snape swept away, leaving Ron in shock. He wasn\'t being nice. He just wanted to see the boy as little as possible. Fine with him…

* * *

\"Are you ready, dear?\" Mrs. Weasley asked as Ron wandered into the common room, yawning widely. \"We\'ve got to get going if we\'re going to meet Professor Snape in the entrance hall on time. Are you bringing the baby doll?\"

\"No,\" Ron replied, shifting it to his other arm. \"Just waiting for Harry to get back from the showers.\"

All of a sudden, the charmed doll came to life, wailing at the top of its lungs.

\"You better figure out what he needs, fast,\" Neville suggested as he came down from the dormitory with his own doll. \"The longer it takes, the louder they get.\"

\"I\'ve noticed.\" Ron began doing the \'cranky baby dance\' in an effort to think.

From seemingly nowhere, Harry ran in, hair still damp, and pulled the doll\'s bottle from out of his robes.

\"That\'s his hungry cry,\" he told Ron as he gently lifted the squalling doll into his own arms. \"There you are, Simon. Are you sure you don\'t want me to come with? Draw some of Snape\'s looks away?\"

\"Don\'t worry, Harry, my mother is more than a match for him.\"

With a last goodbye to his friends, Ron stepped out of the portrait hole with his mother, feeling like he was on his way to face a tribunal or something.

\"Harry\'s very good with that baby,\" Molly observed, with a slight grin and reassuring pat to her son\'s back.

\"It\'s frightening,\" Ron shuddered. \"He hasn\'t been himself for a while now and I don\'t get it. I don\'t want to hurt his feelings, but he\'s really starting to drive me crackers.\"

\"Well, you hand the dolls in on Monday. It will be over soon.\"

\"I don\'t think that will help. He was going on like this even before your assignment.\"

\"It\'s about time,\" Snape growled as the Weasley\'s came to the entrance of the school. \"We\'re going to be late, and I would rather this be over as soon as possible.\" Ron shot him a look, showing he heartily agreed with his professor for once.

\"Well, they can\'t start without us, now can they?\" Molly snipped right back. \"How are we going?\"

\"Port key,\" Snape replied, pointing to a vase sitting on a table. \"Let\'s get this over with.\"

By the time the trip was over and they were standing in the lobby of St. Mungo\'s, Ron was wishing they had just walked. He didn\'t care how long it would have taken.

\"You\'re not going to be sick, are you?\" Snape asked with a small amount of alarm. \"If so, can you turn away? I neglected to bring a change of robes.\"

\"Honestly, Professor,\" Molly chided. \"He\'s taking something for that. He\'s just feeling a little queasy. You should just be grateful it\'s him and not you who are going through this. At your age it would probably worse.\"

Severus came very close to letting lose with a tirade, but Molly\'s glare quelled it.

\"We\'re going to sit down for a minute. Why don\'t you see the receptionist and let her know he\'s here.\"

He walked up to the desk, remembering to paste a rather painful smile on his face. He was tempted to just announce \'The Miracle Boy has arrived,\' but thought better of it.

\"Excuse me,\" he said to the woman behind the desk. \"Mr. Ronald Weasley is here is for his appointment.\"

\"Oh my!\" she exclaimed, causing Severus to take a step back in distress. \"He\'s here! I\'ll call ahead and let them know. You can take him through those doors, to the right and up to the third floor.\"

Snape nodded and returned to the two auburn heads that were bent close together, whispering.

\"It seems you won\'t be left waiting,\" he announced. \"This way… feeling like a damn butler,\" he muttered the last, not intending for anyone else to hear him.

\"It\'s the overly starched, black robes,\" Mrs. Weasley said in sympathy. \"They\'re bound to make anyone feel like a butler, and a little on the sour side. You look uncomfortable, dear.\"

\"Thank you so much for your unsolicited observations,\" Snape grumbled, pushing open swinging doors with great flourish, hoping the faster he moved the sooner this day would be over with.
***

\"Can you believe the nerve of that nurse!\" Snape came stamping out after about forty minutes, wiping franticly at the large wet spot on the edge of his robes. \"Oh how stupid of me! I forgot to mention the diagnostic spells canceled out the sickness potion.\" He muttered bitterly, repeating the words of said nurse who had run the tests.

\"Well, how do you think I feel! I was the one it wore off on!\" Ron came out clutching his stomach, his mother’s arms around him. Snape grumbling as he brushed at the wet spot. Molly just shrugged with a repressed smile on her lips, casting a clean-up spell wiping the robes clean and dry.

\"Thanks… Couldn\'t have done that sooner?\" Snape snarled under his breath. Molly just cast him a look and put her wand away.

\"Well you were very calm about it, Even as that photographer tried to take pictures.\"

\"Yah… he only threw one of those metawls wls at his head.\" Ron smiled slightly despite his nausea.

Snape threw the edge of his robe down, and breathed deeply through gritted teeth to try and calm himself.

\"Alright… both children are fine. Let\'s get moving and, despite our better judgments, let\'s try to act like we can stand each other Mr. Weasly.\"

\"Oh, about that… maybe the rest of the day you should call him Ron. I mean, he\'s caring your child after all.\" Both Ron and Snape looked a bit nauseated, more so in Ron\'s case, at the thought of such familiar treatment.

\"Very well…\"

\"Alright. I guess…\"

With a forced smile, on two out of the three faces, Molly\'s at least appearing genuine; they moved to step out the door. Molly nudged Snape, nodding to Ron. Snape bitterly raised a hand to grasp Ron\'s shoulder.

\"Care for something to eat yet, Ron?\" Snape said through a half malicious smile.

\"Sure thing, why don\'t you pick… Daddy.\" Ron jabbed back knowing it would rip at Snape\'s stomach just as much as the mention of food had at his.

***

Fortunately, Molly had thought to bring more of the potion, so Ron was able to enjoy his lunch as much as was possible, considering he was being forced to eat with Snape. He realized quickly, though, that the professor was just as uncomfortable as he was.

“Well, this is nice,” Molly spoke up, trying to break the silence. “Severus, this little café was a lovely idea.”

Snape raised an eyebrow at her use of his first name, but didn’t correct her.

“It wasn’t my idea… Molly. The Minister had the entire day planned.” There was a flash from a corner and Severus suppressed a shudder.

“Oh,” Molly picked at her salad, feeling suddenly sympathetic towards the man. “Ron, have you thought of any names?”

“For what? Hey, is a hot fudge sundae part of the Minister’s plans for the day?”

“I don’t see why not, but go order it yourself,” Snape replied, stabbing his roasted chicken breast somewhat violently.

“For the baby, of course,” Molly went on, ignoring the exchange.

“Never mind, I’ve got it,” Snape suddenly announced, leaping from the table and heading over to the separate ice cream counter.

“I, I hadn’t thought about it,” Ron stuttered. “Do I have to pick so soon?”

“Well, you don’t have to pick right away, but you should be thinking about what you like. Maybe narrow it down to a few boy’s names and a few girl’s. And, since our next stop is to shop for baby things, you really ought to be thinking about how you want to decorate the nursery, as well.”

“I guess,” Ron said, staring down at his empty plate and then at his still flat stomach. “Mum, shouldn’t this be stuff that you and dad decide about? I mean, you said that you two would raise it if I didn’t want to…”

“I had hoped to discuss that later,” Molly nodded, smiling sadly. “I suppose I had also hoped that you would get further along and decide that you wanted some say in the matter of how your child was raised.”

“Actually, I would just as soon you and dad raise it as yours. Just another brother or sister that I happened to carry for nine months.”

Molly reached across the table and held her son’s hand.

“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. I think, however, that you’ll change your mind eventually.”

Ron shrugged and looked up with a watery smile.

“Maybe.”

The tableau was broken by a hot fudge sundae being set down before him none too gently. A flash of the photographer’s camera and a snarl accompanied the delivery from Snape.

“There. Finished your discussion?” Ron looked up at him, eyes still bright. Severus sighed. “What have I done, now?”

Ron turned back to his mother and pointed at his own stomach.

“You’re going to have your hands full with this one.”

“Like Fred and George were angels?”

Severus snorted in amusement at that.

TBC…

A/N: Sorry it took so long! Had a bit of a block and then realized that what we planned to happen in this chapter was way too much. So, next chapter (which may not be until after Christmas) there will be photos, a trip to Hogsmeade and Christmas at the castle! Thank you Lai (yes, of course you\'re right, and it\'s only going to get worse, mwu-hahahaha) and Neko Taka for the reviews and as always, thank you everyone for reading!