If You\'re Gone

~@~

Back at the present day Hogwarts, after Harry was supposed to have returned from his cousin’s funeral and hadn’t, things were stressful for the entire staff at Hogwarts. Everyone was frantic about where the boy could have gotten to. Though Voldemort had been defeated, there were still some of his faithful Death Eaters about, looking for revenge against any of the Potters or Severus Snape.

Severus knew Albus was worried about Harry. He wanted to tell the old wizard the truth but was worried about altering the past. He was desperate for the past to go exactly as he remembered it now. He could almost remember how things had gone before Harry had traveled through time, but knew this was so much better. Besides that, he needed Harry. He needed the love they had shared in just a few days and on that one incredible night.

The only thing he would tell the Headmaster was to ask Dobby the house-elf. He wanted to wait with telling him that, to give Harry more time in the past with his younger self but couldn’t. He knew it was dangerous playing with time and they had done enough of that. He very much regretted the old man’s timing, though.

Later that evening, Severus Snape was nervously pacing in his private quarters. Right about now he and Harry should be in front of the fire in the small shack they took to occupying during Harry\'s time there. He walked over to the fire in his own room and gazed deeply into the flames. The memories flowed over him, heady and thick like treacle, bringing him to his knees on the floor.

He closed his eyes and saw his hand reach out to caress the silken skin of Harry\'s cheek, and Harry\'s shy smile in return. Severus groaned in agony, remembering his lips gently pressing against Harry\'s. The things they had done together that night… he smiled at the thought... it had been the first time for them both. He relived the memories, the butterflies that refused to leave his stomach, and the fear that Harry would reject him once he came back to his own time. And of course the pain he experienced when his beloved Harry had left him behind. He remembered the promises they mademade to each other that night. The long wait to see if Harry would fulfill his promise was the worst torture he had ever experienced.

The journey of his memory took a sudden sharp turn as he watched himself running to the quaint house in Godric\'s Hollow under cover of the night. Rousing the small family that lived there, he again heard James\' sleepy voice asking him why he was there so late. His own frantic voice telling them that there was no time for questions, they must flee immediately echoed back at him.

Severus saw himself usher the family to Hogwarts, where they would be safe. The conversation that had taken place once they were safely sequestered at Hogwarts replayed in his minds eye.

\"Why did you do this, Snape?\" he heard James Potter query his younger self.

\"You saved my life once, Potter. I owe you. And I have my own reasons... someone I love more than my own life wants you to be safe. It\'s the least I could do for him.\" Then, of course, the very painful memory of himself leaving the room as he saw baby Harry squirming in Lily’s arms.

He remembered how Voldemort had risen and come after the young Potter family yet again. He saw himself standing side by side with James and Lily, willing to fight to the death in order to defeat him. Snape witnessed how something as simple and pure as love could have so much power. It was the love the Potter\'s felt for each other, as well as for their son, combined with, his own unwaverinve fve for Harry that had finally brought an end to the madness.

His memory then lit on the first day that young Harry had shown up in his classroom. It had been inevitable that the young man would be coming to the school as a student soon, and he was shaking with nerves for weeks in advance. His first glimpse of the boy that had stolen his heart just about broke his hardened adult heart, and all of the feelings of love came flooding back. Even though his gruff exterior had been penetrated, he betrayed no emotion whatsoever. Severus found that he was even harder on Harry than he had intended in order to keep himself from giving into his feelings too soon.

Presently, he could feel the creeping fear that Harry would come back and reject him. He had even tried to keep Harry from going to the funeral. If he did not go back, then there would be no \"them\" to worry about now. But there was no persuading the young man. Snape had been on pins and needles ever since Harry departed Thursday evening.

All of these memories walked the landscape of his mind. He sighed and turned out the lights. He took himself over to his bed to lay down, just like he did every night that the memories came to haunt him. He hoped that sleep would not elude him again tonight. But the thoughts and the dreams from the past, and worry about the future kept him awake again.

Harry felt himself being sucked through a vortex, hurtling through space and time. Just when things were getting truly interesting, he was yanked from beneath the man he was in love with. All of his clothing was left behind with Severus, so wherever he was headed, he was going to arrive there as naked as the day he was born. \"Shit,\" he swore loudly. His invisibility cloak and the Marauders Map were also left behind with Severus. As was his heart. He landed with a loud thud. Disoriented, he was unsure of exactly where he was, and who might be there. As he recovered his faculties, he found that he was on the floor in Dumbledore\'s office. He prayed that the great wizard was not there to see him in such a predicament, but when he turned his head to the right, he saw the familiar robe of the headmaster. Harry began to turn a shade of crimson, and could not meet the older mans eyes.

\"Welcome back, Harry. Everyone was very concerned about you.\" Dumbledore reached into his own wardrobe to give Harry something to cover up with.

He stood on unsteady feet and slid his arms into the too large robe. \"Thank you, Professor. I don\'t know what happened. I was coming home from the funeral and the next thing you know..\"

\"Yes, child I know all about it. I fear Dobby tampered with your portkey. We had to literally threaten him to find out exactly what had happened to you. I had to perform a very intricate time spell to get you back here. Dobby has been beating himself up ever since I got your whereabouts out of him.\"

Harry heard a very loud banging sound, and turned to look behind Albus\' desk where he noticed a very contrite Dobby slamming his head against the wall.

\"Professor, as happy as I am to be back, I really have a very pressing issue to take care of. Do you mind if I catch up later?\"

Dumbledore\'s eyes sparkled, and the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. \"By all means, Harry. Go take care of your issue.\"

James was sitting in the Shrieking Shack with Sirius and Remus. They were both pacing restlessly, while James was perfectly calm. He knew his composed state was driving Sirius nuts. Everyone was terribly concerned about James’ son and yet he was more relaxed then he had been since sending Harry off to school, 6 and a half years ago.

James closed his eyes and remembered the past. He could clearly remember Snape’s panicked cries after James had carried him from the Shrieking Shack. At the time it didn’t make any sense. Snape kept calling for Harry even before he’d fully regained consciousness. He had passed it off as maybe meaning something about Remus being hairy, not a name.

Years after that incident, Snape saved James’ life and his family as well. He said it was to repay a debt but also for someone he loved dearly. James could remember how Snape looked at his year old son, his eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. Again, James shook it off as nothing.

It wasn’t until Harry had been older that James really paid attention to how his loyal friend looked at his son. The love Severus held for the boy was quite obvious to someone who knew the Potions master well. He wasn’t sure what to think about it at first. It seemed odd, scary even, that someone Snape’s age could love a child who wasn’t his own, so much.

After a while, James accepted it, even encouraged it, though Snape was careful to stay well away from the growing boy. Now that Harry was practically an adult he had started to hope that maybe Snape would let down his guard a little, maybe let Harry see how much Snape loved him.

When he had learned that Harry had gone missing, he was frantic. The first place he went was down to the dungeons to talk to Severus. Severus didn’t seem very worried about Harry. He told James that he was sure Harry would be back in just a few days, nothing to be concerned about. James was surprised at how calm Severus was about Harry’s disappearance. He was suspicious for a moment, but then he saw worry and fear hidden in the depths of Severus’ eyes.

James went back to his own rooms to think. He had been the DADA teacher for nearly 14 years now, working closely with Severus and Albus. He trusted Albus to find his son and bring him home safely but he was confused about Severus’ reaction.

With lightning bolt speed, it suddenly became clear. Harry was in the past. He was there in the Shack with Snape, the other voice he had heard as he approached to find Snape. He was the one Snape was calling for when he woke up outside the shack, not knowing if Harry had been left inside. He suddenly remembered the chair Snape wouldn’t let Dumbledore sit in while he was in the hospital. Harry must have been under an invisibility cloak in the chair.

A soft hand on his shoulder brought James back to the present. He looked into Sirius’ worried face and smiled. “Everything’s going to be fine, Siri,” he reassured the man for the hundredth time that night.

“How can you be so bloody calm!” Ss yes yelled back. “Its your son that’s gone missing and I’m the nervous wreck! That’s just not right!”

James sighed and decided to tell his two best friends what he had figured out about Harry’s disappearance. He explained everything, even about Sev being in love with Harry.

“That greasy, slimy pedophile!” Sirius was outraged.

“Oh, Siri,” Remus sighed at him.

“Siri, first of all,” James pointed out angrily, “Severus isn’t greasy or slimy! And he most certainly is not a pedophile! He was 16 years old when he fell in love with Harry, who by the way, is 17!”

“That’s beside the point!” Sirius yelled.

“No, that is exactly the point! He saved Lily and I and Harry too, because he loves Harry. He risked his own life to save us and then stood by us to defeat Voldemort. You know as well as I do that Severus has never taken a lover. He’s been waiting his whole life for Harry to grow up. Don’t you think he deserves to be happy? Doesn’t Harry deserve to be happy?”

Sirius dropped his shoulders in defeat. He knew James was right. He was pretty sure Harry really did care about the git too.

“Yeah, ok,” he muttered. “So I suppose they’re gonna be getting married or something when Harry comes back.”

“Well,” James said thoughtfully. “I don’t know if that’s what Severus wants.”

“What do you mean you don’t know if Severus wants to marry him?” Sirius said furiously. “If he loves Harry dam damned well better marry him!”

Remus, ever the peacemaker, interrupted and suggested they head back to the school for any news. The three friends made their way towards Dumbledore’s office in silence.

Severus was wandering through the dungeons with downcast eyes. He was pretty certain that Harry should be back by now. Severus sighed. If he was, he certainly hadn\'t seen him. It only served to further instill his fear of rejection.

James had just entered the main doors to the castle, Sirius and Remus close at his side, when a figure dashed past them. James was just able to throw his hand out to catch his son by the back of the loose robe he was wearing.

“Dad?!!” Harry yelled out in surprise. He was struck motionless for a moment as he stared into the cool brown eyes of his father. He gave the man a huge smile and a tight hug. He pulled back giving his father a peck on the cheek.

“Can’t talk now. See you later.” Then he continued his dash towards the dungeons. “Give mum my love,” was yelled from down the hall.

James laughed and shook his head. He led his companions up to talk to Dumbledore, ignoring the grimace on Sirius’ face and not noticing till they were half way up the stairs that Sirius had left them.

Severus began to walk toward his classroom when he heard footsteps echoing through the halls. His stomach began to tie up in knots and the familiar dread and self loathing began to take over. What if he was not the same person Harry had fallen in love with? He wasn\'t 16 anymore, and in many ways he was not the same person he had been. 20 years had passed since they were together, and he\'d seen a lot of life since then. And of course, Harry must certainly think that he despised him. Snape had never given him any reason to feel otherwise.

He raised his eyes to look in the direction the sound was coming from. His heart caught in his throat when he saw Harry standing at the end of the long hallway, eyes trained on him. Severus was unable to read the younger mans face, and he was afraid to even guess what Harry was thinking. He willed his feet to take a few steps closer to Harry. Just a few.

Harry saw him standing there. It had only been a few days, yet it felt like a lifetime since he had last stood in this man\'s classroom asking to be excused. He felt out of place standing there in an over-sized robe, and his cheeks flushed scarlet when he remembered why he was in the headmasters robe in the first place. Did he just see Sev take a few steps closer?

Harry’s heart began to pound and his mouth went dry. What if too much time had passed? What if Severus didn\'t care for him anymore? He took a few steps closer toward the elegant man at the end of the hall.

Sweet Merlin, did Harry just blush? Severus\' mind reeled back to the last words they had shared before Harry was whisked back to the present.

\"Yes, Sev, I realize now that I\'ve always loved you. I just didn\'t know who you were. But will you still love me? Can you, will you wait for me?

Harry had always loved me? That\'s what he said. But that would mean that he loved me in the here and now. Then he heard his own voice, carried over through time.

\"I\'ll wait forever to be with you again, Harry,\"

And he had. So why was he standing here like some buffoon? Why didn\'t he go scoop Harry up in his arms and never let him go? He knew why. Fear. He was so afraid that Harry would think him old, ugly and mean. He couldn\'t bear it. Not after waiting 20 years.

Sirius didn’t care what James and Lily said about the situation. He wouldn’t allow his only godson to be a concubine to the greasy Potions Professor. If Snape didn’t correct the situation and marry Harry, then Sirius was going to beat the man into a pulp. Then maybe he’d toss Snape into the large room in the west wing where Hagrid had his three headed dog. If that didn’t convince the man to marry Harry, he’d ship him off to Azkaban and let the Dementors take care of him. He had heard enough rumours about that place to scare even old Voldemort into behaving


.…Well, maybe not Voldemort, but anyone else.

Entering the dungeons from a hidden passage at the far end of the hall, Sirius witnessed as Snape and Harry saw each other again. He stayed in the shadows, watching and listening. Even with them standing several feet apart from each other, Sirius could see the love they shared, which made him smile. He decided that he wasn\'t needed here after all. He turned and left without ever being seen

Harry took another few steps closer, eyes fixed on Severus\' obsidian orbs. He felt as though he could get lost within their depths. Harry cleared his throat. It was now or never.

\"Sev?\"

There it was. The name Severus had not heard in 20 years, from the only lips that he had ever allowed to utter it.

Severus closed his eyes as they filled with tears. A tidal wave of emotions crashed over him. All the fear and loneliness of the last twenty years were swept away leaving only the love that had remained strong. He felt Harry step into his arms and embrace him tightly. Severus felt like he was the one who had come home, not Harry.

~@~

TBC