What Is and What Should Never Be
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
3,856
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
3,856
Reviews:
21
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Heartbreaker
What Is and What Should Never Be
Chapter Two: Heartbreaker
Author: Prongs (Padfoot79)
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things ‘Harry Potter.’ Leppeeppelin owns the song “What Is and What Should Never Be” (see earlier disclaimer). Zeppelin also owns the song “Heartbreaker”—it was released in 1969 on Led Zeppelin II.
Archived: SxJ Group; ff.net; adult-fanfiction.org
Rating: R on ff.net; NC-17 everywhere else.
Pairing: Sirius/James SLASH
Sirius stared at James worriedly. “James, I am so sorry. I-“
“How could you not know I was me?” James asked. “How long have we known each other? How close are we? You’d think maybe you could tell the difference between an imposter and the real thing!”
Sirius took a step forward and gently placed his hand on James’ bruised face. “Gods, James, I am so fucking sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Obviously,” James muttered. “After telling you that I was in love with you, I really didn’t expect you to beat the hell out of me. I was scared that you’d say you didn’t return the feelings, but it never occurred to me that you-“
“You honestly thought I wouldn’t feel the same way?” Sirius asked incredulously. “Do you know why I was so angry when I thought you were someone else?”
“You thought I was Snape,” James said sourly. He reached up and pulled Sirius’ hand off of his face.
“I’m sorry, James. You have no idea how sorry I am. I just didn’t think that you would ever feel that way about me. I figured it had to be a joke of some kind, and I couldn’t fall for it. I could just picture the Slytherins laug atg at me and you hating me when you found out that I loved you.”
“I could never hate you,” James replied.
Sirius studied his best friend for a moment before speaking again. “Gods, James, please forgive me. Please! I should have known it was you. I guess I was scared. Scared that it was all a joke and that you could never possibly really be in love with me. Please forgive me! I am so fucking sorry, James. I never meant to hurt you.”
James raised an eyebrow, “Physically or mentally?”
Sirius reached out and started to touch James’ face again, but James backed up. “Not right now,” he said slowly.
“You don’t…you don’t hate me now, do you?” Sirius asked quietly.
“I already told you that I could never hate you,” James replied. “But I need some time to myself. I need to think. I never expected you to react this way, and I-“
“Why didn’t you transform earlier to prove that you were really you?” Sirius interrupted.
“I shouldn’t have to transform to prove myself to my best friend and the man I’m in love with!” James exclaimed angrily. He glared at Sirius and then stormed out of the room.
Sirius bit his lip and sat down on his bed. Merlin, he had royally screwed up everything.
Meanwhile, James had stomped down the stairs, ignored everyone in the common room, and made his way out of Gryffindor tower. He walked briskly down the winding halls and corridors of Hogwarts until he made his way to the front doors. He hurried outside and sought refuge by a large, old tree near the lake. He slumped down against the tree trunk and buried his face in his hands. None of this was going the way he had planned it.
~*~
Sirius had fallen asleep on his bed and was jarred awake by the sound of someone knocking on the door. “What?” he called.
“May we come in?” Remus asked.
“Whatever,” Sirius replied and pressed the pillow over his head. His face was throbbing, but he was trying his best to ignore it.
“Where’s James?” Remus questioned as he walked into the room, followed by Peter.
“Don’t know,” came Sirius’ muffled reply.
“Take the pillow off of your face,” Remus commanded as he sat down on Sirius’ bed. “What happened?”
“He was angry, and he left,” Sirius replied blankly. “I can’t blame him.”
“Neither can I!” Peter exclaimed. “I mean, you readid did him in, Sirius.”
Remus glared at Peter. “That is not helping us, Peter.”
Peter shrugged his shoulders and sat down on his own bed.
“Peter’s right,” Sirius muttered. “I should have known that was James. I shouldn’t have doubted him. I just couldn’t ever imagine the real James telling me that he loved me, and so…well, I figured it all had to be some grand joke. I can’t believe that I hurt him like that!” Sirius groaned and put his face in his hands. “What a fucking mess!”
“Did you tell him why you acted that way?” Remus asked.
“Sort of,” Sirius replied. “It doesn’t matter, though. I’ve ruined it. I could have had him—we could have been together, but I screwed it all up. I can’t believe I hurt him like that!”
“You mean mentally or physically?” Peter questioned from across the room.
Sirius scowled. “That’s the same thing James said.”
“He needs time to cool off,” Remus said softly.
“How much time?” Sirius asked dryly. “The way I treated him, I can’t blame him if he ignores me forever.”
“He’s in love with you, Sirius. He’s not going to ignore you forever. You hurt him, and he needs some time to get over that, but trust me—it won’t take forever.”
“You knew he felt this way?”
Remus nodded his head. “He has felt this way for quite a while now. I kept telling him to tell you how he felt, but he said you would never return the feelings.”
Sirius moaned and covered his face with the pillow again. “Gods, I am such a fucking idiot!”
“Hmm, you can be sometimes,” Remus agreed.
Sirius removed the pillow and scowled at Remus.
“Maybe you should go find him,” Peter suggested.
“He hasn’t had ten years to cool off yet,” Sirius replied. “Merlin, I hate myself sometimes!”
“Look, Sirius. James still loves you. Even if he’s still angry right now, if you go find him, he will know how upset you are and how much you love him.”
“Did you see him at all?” Sirius asked hopefully.
“No, we’ve been in the library,” Peter replied.
“He probably went outside,” Sirius mumbled to himself. “What if he hates me? What if-“
“What happened to the Sirius Black who NEVENEVER insecure about anything?” Remus asked.
Sirius just rolled his eyes and made his way out the door.
~*~
It didn’t take long for Sirius to find James. “You should really go to the nurse,” Sirius said, as he sat down against the old tree.
James shrugged his shoulders.
“James, I am so sorry. Please don’t hold this against me forever. I love you so much. I know that I overreacted, and I know that I should have known it was you. I totally fucked everything up, and I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what I’d do without you, James. I know I have an awful temper, and I can’t even begin to imagine why you like me in the first place, but please-“
“You’re rambling,” James interrupted quietly.
“I’m afraid that I’m going to lose you,” Sirius answered truthfully.
James stopped staring at the lake and turned his gaze to Sirius. “You’ll never lose me, Sirius. I was hurt by the way you acted, but I still love you.”
“Will you forgive me?”
~*~
Chapter Two: Heartbreaker
Author: Prongs (Padfoot79)
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things ‘Harry Potter.’ Leppeeppelin owns the song “What Is and What Should Never Be” (see earlier disclaimer). Zeppelin also owns the song “Heartbreaker”—it was released in 1969 on Led Zeppelin II.
Archived: SxJ Group; ff.net; adult-fanfiction.org
Rating: R on ff.net; NC-17 everywhere else.
Pairing: Sirius/James SLASH
Sirius stared at James worriedly. “James, I am so sorry. I-“
“How could you not know I was me?” James asked. “How long have we known each other? How close are we? You’d think maybe you could tell the difference between an imposter and the real thing!”
Sirius took a step forward and gently placed his hand on James’ bruised face. “Gods, James, I am so fucking sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Obviously,” James muttered. “After telling you that I was in love with you, I really didn’t expect you to beat the hell out of me. I was scared that you’d say you didn’t return the feelings, but it never occurred to me that you-“
“You honestly thought I wouldn’t feel the same way?” Sirius asked incredulously. “Do you know why I was so angry when I thought you were someone else?”
“You thought I was Snape,” James said sourly. He reached up and pulled Sirius’ hand off of his face.
“I’m sorry, James. You have no idea how sorry I am. I just didn’t think that you would ever feel that way about me. I figured it had to be a joke of some kind, and I couldn’t fall for it. I could just picture the Slytherins laug atg at me and you hating me when you found out that I loved you.”
“I could never hate you,” James replied.
Sirius studied his best friend for a moment before speaking again. “Gods, James, please forgive me. Please! I should have known it was you. I guess I was scared. Scared that it was all a joke and that you could never possibly really be in love with me. Please forgive me! I am so fucking sorry, James. I never meant to hurt you.”
James raised an eyebrow, “Physically or mentally?”
Sirius reached out and started to touch James’ face again, but James backed up. “Not right now,” he said slowly.
“You don’t…you don’t hate me now, do you?” Sirius asked quietly.
“I already told you that I could never hate you,” James replied. “But I need some time to myself. I need to think. I never expected you to react this way, and I-“
“Why didn’t you transform earlier to prove that you were really you?” Sirius interrupted.
“I shouldn’t have to transform to prove myself to my best friend and the man I’m in love with!” James exclaimed angrily. He glared at Sirius and then stormed out of the room.
Sirius bit his lip and sat down on his bed. Merlin, he had royally screwed up everything.
Meanwhile, James had stomped down the stairs, ignored everyone in the common room, and made his way out of Gryffindor tower. He walked briskly down the winding halls and corridors of Hogwarts until he made his way to the front doors. He hurried outside and sought refuge by a large, old tree near the lake. He slumped down against the tree trunk and buried his face in his hands. None of this was going the way he had planned it.
~*~
Sirius had fallen asleep on his bed and was jarred awake by the sound of someone knocking on the door. “What?” he called.
“May we come in?” Remus asked.
“Whatever,” Sirius replied and pressed the pillow over his head. His face was throbbing, but he was trying his best to ignore it.
“Where’s James?” Remus questioned as he walked into the room, followed by Peter.
“Don’t know,” came Sirius’ muffled reply.
“Take the pillow off of your face,” Remus commanded as he sat down on Sirius’ bed. “What happened?”
“He was angry, and he left,” Sirius replied blankly. “I can’t blame him.”
“Neither can I!” Peter exclaimed. “I mean, you readid did him in, Sirius.”
Remus glared at Peter. “That is not helping us, Peter.”
Peter shrugged his shoulders and sat down on his own bed.
“Peter’s right,” Sirius muttered. “I should have known that was James. I shouldn’t have doubted him. I just couldn’t ever imagine the real James telling me that he loved me, and so…well, I figured it all had to be some grand joke. I can’t believe that I hurt him like that!” Sirius groaned and put his face in his hands. “What a fucking mess!”
“Did you tell him why you acted that way?” Remus asked.
“Sort of,” Sirius replied. “It doesn’t matter, though. I’ve ruined it. I could have had him—we could have been together, but I screwed it all up. I can’t believe I hurt him like that!”
“You mean mentally or physically?” Peter questioned from across the room.
Sirius scowled. “That’s the same thing James said.”
“He needs time to cool off,” Remus said softly.
“How much time?” Sirius asked dryly. “The way I treated him, I can’t blame him if he ignores me forever.”
“He’s in love with you, Sirius. He’s not going to ignore you forever. You hurt him, and he needs some time to get over that, but trust me—it won’t take forever.”
“You knew he felt this way?”
Remus nodded his head. “He has felt this way for quite a while now. I kept telling him to tell you how he felt, but he said you would never return the feelings.”
Sirius moaned and covered his face with the pillow again. “Gods, I am such a fucking idiot!”
“Hmm, you can be sometimes,” Remus agreed.
Sirius removed the pillow and scowled at Remus.
“Maybe you should go find him,” Peter suggested.
“He hasn’t had ten years to cool off yet,” Sirius replied. “Merlin, I hate myself sometimes!”
“Look, Sirius. James still loves you. Even if he’s still angry right now, if you go find him, he will know how upset you are and how much you love him.”
“Did you see him at all?” Sirius asked hopefully.
“No, we’ve been in the library,” Peter replied.
“He probably went outside,” Sirius mumbled to himself. “What if he hates me? What if-“
“What happened to the Sirius Black who NEVENEVER insecure about anything?” Remus asked.
Sirius just rolled his eyes and made his way out the door.
~*~
It didn’t take long for Sirius to find James. “You should really go to the nurse,” Sirius said, as he sat down against the old tree.
James shrugged his shoulders.
“James, I am so sorry. Please don’t hold this against me forever. I love you so much. I know that I overreacted, and I know that I should have known it was you. I totally fucked everything up, and I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what I’d do without you, James. I know I have an awful temper, and I can’t even begin to imagine why you like me in the first place, but please-“
“You’re rambling,” James interrupted quietly.
“I’m afraid that I’m going to lose you,” Sirius answered truthfully.
James stopped staring at the lake and turned his gaze to Sirius. “You’ll never lose me, Sirius. I was hurt by the way you acted, but I still love you.”
“Will you forgive me?”
~*~