More Than You Think You Are

Chapter 2, part A


\"UNWELL\"

But I\'m not crazy, I\'m just a little unwell
I know right now you can\'t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you\'ll see
A different side of me
I\'m not crazy, I\'m just a little impaired
I know right now you don\'t care
But soon enough you\'re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I\'ve tal talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they\'ll come to get me
Yeah, they\'re taking me away
~ Lyrics by Matchbox Twenty

Six Weeks Later

“Yes, my Lord.” Severus bowed his head and tried once more to convince Voldemort that Harry was indeed missing and that he should plan the attack in two weeks. “Potter has been missing for three weeks now. Even that old crackpot Dumbledore does not know where he is. It’s the perfect time to attack.”

Severus could feel Voldemort trying to get into his mind to make sure he was telling the truth, but he fought it. He could not let him see what he knew. Harry was in hiding, working diligently everyday so that he could be prepared to ambush Voldemort. Remus and Charlie were working with him almost as much as Albus. Severus himself had dueling with him twice a week to make sure he kept the dark curses fresh in his mind.

“Attack in two weeks? That does sound rather appropriate. I tried to kill that brat once on Halloween, I shall succeed this time.” Severus thanked Merlin that he had been successful in convincing Voldemort that he needed to attack then. However, it was not until Lucius stated that the streets would be filled with muggles celebrating that he was fully convinced.

“Oh yes, and don’t forget about the muggles. There will be more deaths than we ever could have imagined.” But when he spoke again, Severus’ heart dropped to his knees. “Perhaps Potter is with that little Mudblood friend of his. I hear they are quite close. She’s seemed to have disappeared as well.” Severus knew he had to think of some way to keep them from trying to find Harry and Hermione.

“I doubt that. From what I understand, they had quite a row. However, Albus keeps in contact with her. But I do not know where she is.” Severus hoped they believed him. He wanted Hermione safe, far away from Voldemort and especially Lucius. He had a special way of torturing the muggles and muggleborns before killing them. Severus cringed at the thought of him touching Hermione.

“You may go, Severus. I shall call on you before the attack. Do not be late.” Severus bowed, kissed the hem of Voldemort’s robes, and apparated back into Diagon Alley. He needed to get to Grimmauld Place immediately and let them know what had transpired.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Hermione arrived home shortly after seven. She had kee keeping late hours trying her hardest to prepare for the licensing tests. She was excited that in a few weeks she would be a Potions Mistress. In the six weeks that she’d been in France, she had managed to tour only one museum in Lyon. She had been working six days a week and tried to get settled in on the seventh. The home was gorgeous and she was pleasantly surprised to see that she didn’t have houselves to watch over her. There was a married couple that had taken care of the villa since they were in their early twenties. They were well into their nineties now, but were still very capable of keeping everything nice and tidy.

On her second night there, she did a bit of exploring and discovered that the villa had been in one wizarding family for two centuries. The Laferriere Family was very old, pureblood wizards. They had been in France for many centuries, but sadly, the last generation produced only witches. There were no direct heirs to take over the estate. Mr. And Mrs. Renoire had a home built closely to the villa so that tcoulcould watch over the estate. Hermione had grown very fond of Lise just in the short time she had been there. She was a wonderful cook and took very good care of Hermione.

And on her birthday, they made her a cake and took turns singing to her. She received one present from the Weasley’s, a knitted blanket. Molly had sent along a note telling her it was to keep her warm during the winter months. And, much to her surprise, she received a box by muggle post from Severus. It contained a few miscellaneous potions for emergency situations, and a potion journal to keep her studies in. No note accompanied the present, but she knew it was from him. She supposed she was not as forgotten as she had thought.

Hermione’s room was on the second floor and had a beautiful veranda. She immediately took a liking to having dinner on the veranda and watching the sunset. Although she was keeping busy with work and decorating the house, she still had times she was lonely. Like right now. She missed Harry, but most of all she missed her conversations with Severus.

Tonks was the only one that kept in touch with her. They had been conversing several times a week since she left. Every letter was vague as to what was happening in the war, but Hermione expected that. She knew that they could not tell her about anything. Nor could they try to writecodecode. It could cost many people their lives if they were to be so careless.

The owner of the Apothecary was very delightful and treated Hermione as if she were a complete equal. That meant a lot to her. His wife was a very pleasant witch as well. They both made her feel very welcome and it really did not take much to adjust to the changes.

During the seventh week, Tonks came to stay and her visit unnerved Hermione a bit. She was very happy to have someone frome vme visiting with her. However, after she left, Hermione felt uneasy like something bad was going to happen. Tonks had been very emotional the entire time she visited and Hermione just thought it was “her time”. However, as they said goodbye, Tonks began crying as if it would be the last time she ever saw her.

“You’ve been such a good friend to me. I love you like a sister, Hermione.” She squeezed Hermione so tight that she could not breathe.

“I love you too, Tonks. What is wrong with you? I will be home in a few weeks when I can get away from work. I want to see Harry and Ron.” Tonks released her and gave her a questioning look.

“Only Harry and Ron? Or is there a brooding, scowling old git that you would prefer to visit?” Hermione was shocked that she could be so transparent. If Tonks caught on to her feelings toward Severus, then everyone else must have as well.

“What do you mean? Oh, Severus? Well, perhaps I’ll see him if he visits headquarters while I am there.” Tonks just nodded and hugged her one last time.

“Hermione, when are you planning on visiting?”

“The first week of November. Tonks did the math and realized that Hermione would probably be visiting sooner than she thought.

“Oh, well, I’ll keep in touch, eh? And don’t worry about all of us. We’ll be fine. Everyone will be fine.”

Tonks waved good-bye then apparated. Hermione made her way backo heo her home, and up to her room. There was a slight breeze blowing and it felt good to let it wash over her body. There was an unmistakable chill in the air, and Hermione realized it meant trouble. But she didn’t know what.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

“Potter, again. Concentrate.” Severus was losing his patience with Harry. They had been dueling for hours yet, Harry still refused to cast dark curses upon him. “I can block them. Now do it.”

“Alright. Imperius!” Severus felt Harry trying to penetrate his mind, but he blocked him. “Crucio!” He felt his legs go weak, and his body began to ache. It only lasted a minute before he fully broke the curse.

“Very good. Now give me something really nasty.” They carried on in this fashion for another half an hour. Albus and Remus were watching them closely. They needed to make sure Harry was prepared for the attack the following evening. Severus had received word from Lucius that he was to apparate to The Leaky Cauldron and wait for him to arrive. Then they would make their way into the streets of London and join up with their fellow Death Eaters, and Lord Voldemort.

Severus could barely hide the smug smile he had when he realized that he would be the one to kill Lucius. It had been his dream now for over twenty years to kill him.

“I think that you are finally prepared Harry.” Albus announced from where he was watching. “You will now be able to equally match him.” Harry walked over to the table and drank directly from the pitcher of water.

“I want to have these last twenty-four hours alone.” Albus nodded. He understood.

“By all means. I shall see you back here at dusk. And Harry,” he turned to him and waved his wand”, your powers are now at their strongest”. Harry had learned that Albus had put a weakening spell on his powers until he knew he was ready to face Voldemort. Harry could cause mass destruction with ethe the smallest Incendio charm, and they could not take the risk of him seriously harming someone or himself.

He left Grimmauld Place and made his way to Godric’s Hollow. He had to visit the cemetery where Lily and James were buried one last time. He often spoke to them when he was there, and today was no different.

“Hello Mum, Dad.” He placed the wild Cornflowers upon Lily’s tombstone and sat down in the grass. “Well, tomorrow is the day. I’m lly lly going to ste and and take responsibility for the entire world.” He felt his throat tighten.

“You know, I’ve never truly been as afraid in my life as I am right now. I thought Gryffindor’s were supposed to be full of courage? I have been waiting all my life to see your faces and I know that after tomorrow, we’ll be together like we were meant to be.” He could hold back his tears no longer. “I am prepared to die in that fight so that everyone else I love can go on living. I think I have finally figured this whole thing out. You died to protect me, and I love you so much for doing so. Sirius died protecting me as well.” Harry wiped the tears off of his face.

“ We were all meant to be together, just like a family. It is meant for me to die. That is why you all are gone. So that we finally can be together like we were supposed to be. Everyone else will survive, and live long happy lives. Especially Hermione.” He had missed her so much since she left, but he did not dare contact her. He did not want her to regret leaving.

“You know something, I thought I might ask her to marry me if I survived. But I know I’ll never get to. I even went as far as buying a ring for her. We haven’t had a relationship other than that fling. But I know that I could love her. I’ve just kept myself from falling in love with her so that she may be happy after I am gone. Believe it or not, but I think that Severus may be good for her. I bet you’re rolling over right now, eh Dad?”

Harry chuckled to himself. “Despite what you thought im, im, he is a good man and is about as smart as her. They could be good together. That is if he doesn’t die carrying out this wizard’s debt of ours.” Harry stood to leave. “I hope you don’t mind me leaving now. I’ll be with you soon, I only pray that I am right in assuming that you’ll be waiting there for me. When I get to the other side.”

Harry stood up appaapparated to Gringott’s. He had to leave instructions as what to do with his money. He signed the appropriate papers, and apparated to The Burrow. He rummaged through the shed until he found what he was looking for then made his way inside. Up in Ron’s old room, he put the blank tape in the VCR and recorded his last words. He wanted to make sure everyone knew how much he cherished what little time they had together.

He sealed the envelope, and placed the appropriate address on it. “Here girl.” He summoned Hedwig to him. “Now, I want you to take this letter to Albus Dumbledore. But do not deliver it for two days, okay? She hooted her understanding, and nipped at his nose affectionately. “You’ve been the best, Hedwig. I will never forget you. Be good to Hermione, okay? She’s always had a fondness for you.” Hedwig nipped him one more time before flying out into the night.

The following morning, Harry gave into his heart. He had to see Hermione one last time. He knew where she was working. He had memorized the name and address on the stationery when she showed him the job offer. Apparating outside the shop, hidden beneath the invisibility cloak he saw her stocking shelves.

She had cut her hair. It was now much shorter and the fullness was gone. It flowed around her face, and not for the first time he commented on how beautiful, she was. He carefully made his way inside the Apothecary and crept over to her. He wanted to touch her, to feel her skin just once more. He knew he couldn’t; yet, he still reached for heShe She turned in the opposite direction just as his fingers lightly touched the fabric of her robes. She hadn’t noticed. He could smell her favorite perfume and it mesmerized him.

He stayed in the corner, watching her interact with the customers. He smiled when she smiled, he nearly laughed when she laughed. He would miss those things most of all. He stood there for nearly two hours when he realized he couldn’t stay there forever. He had put off his destiny long enough. While rummaging through the shed, he found one of her old S.P.E.W. badges. He had brought it with him, and as he left, he placed it on the shelf where he was standing. Blinking back a tear from his eye, he apparated home. No one else would know what it the badge meant, but she would. She would know he was there. He found comfort in that thought.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Harry spent the rest of the afternoon flying on his Firebolt, and reminiscing about his life. He had been happy all throughout his years at Hogwarts. He thought about the time when he met Ron on the Hogwarts’ Express. And when he tried to hex Malfoy and ended up burping up slugs. He thought about how he had that brain attacking him in the Ministry of Magic. Ron had always been there for him. And then when they became friends with Hermione. Yes, he thought, they’d had a wonderful life together. Even though he had to endure very tough decisions, and was faced with many difficult tasks, it was still pleasurable. He was proud of the man he had become. He had no regrets and was determined he wouldn’t let the predicted outcome of the attack ruin his day.

He had one last place to visit before he left for headquarters, Sirius’ monument. After he had fallen through the veil, they had a very small memorial in his honor that summer. The monument had been placed at Hogwarts, alongside every dead member of the Order. Remus and Harry had designed the stone. It was a large dog; it looked exactly as Sirius did in his Animagus form. On the right side was a smaller stag, and on the other was a wolf. Harry’s form, a lion, was added after he left Hogwarts. He was placed right in front of Sirius. It looked as if the larger three were protecting the lion. In reality, they were. They knew Sirius would be proud to have his friends with him.

Harry made his way through the rusty gate and banished the fallen leaves away from the tombstones. He found his usual spot and sat down. Again, he talked to Sirius as if he were still there with him.

“Hello Sirius. Guess you know why I am here. Today is the day. I make my last stand. It feels good, you know?”

He looked up to the granite dog as if he expected it to nod. “I am ready. More ready that I’ll ever be.” He paused for a moment. “I miss you. I sure wish you were there beside me. I’d feel loads better. Ron will be there. He’s always there for me. Kind of like how you and Remus were. I sent Hermione to France. She’s better off away from here.”

Harry shuffled his feet while thinking about Hermione’s future. “Do you think she’ll end up marrying Snape? If she does, it’s okay by me. He’ll take care of her. That’s for certain.” He talked a few minumoremore about what had happened since the last time he had visited then said goodbye. “Although, it’s really not goodbye this time, is it? I’ll be seeing you. Bet you and Dad have been having loads of fun. I can’t wait to see you.” Harry kissed his fingers than placed his hand upon the dog. “See ya, Padfoot.”

As he left the graveyard, the sun was setting behind him. It cast an eerie shadow upon the ground. If anyone had been there, they would have sworn it was a ghost fluttering over the graves.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

“I’m here.” Harry closed the door and made his way into the drawing room. The entire Order was assembled in there, waiting for him to arrive. Well, everyone except for Hermione, and those they had already lost. Lupin patted him on the shoulder.

“We were just discussing everyone’s objective. You will need to find Severus as soon as you apparate into Diagon Alley. It will be then that he kills Lucius and reveals himself as one of us.” ry nry nodded. He knew what was to happen next. Albus would get Voldemort to hnd tnd then Harry would attack. The room came to an uncomfortable silence, and Ginny couldn’t stand it any longer. She went to him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him softly on the lips. Molly sobbed as she did so.

“Harry, I want you to know that I love you. You’re like a brother to me and I…”

He stopped her before she could say any more. “I don’t want any of that, you understand me? We all know what we have to do. Let’s just do it.” Everyone nodded. They waited for a few more minutes before Severus’ arm began to burn with pain. Harry was the first to notice.

“The bastard has called you, hasn’t he?”

“It appears so.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go.” Harry closed his eyes and apparated. The Order watched the spot where he had stood moments before, then followed suit. Only Molly remained behind. She pulled her apron up to her eyes and cried. She had loved him as much as her own flesh and blood. She thought that someday, he might be her son-in-law. But now she knew he never would. She understood. He had been left in her care for long enough. It was time he returned to his par, an, and to his beloved Sirius.

*****Quick author’s note: Get out your tissues… This chapter was very difficult for me to write… Got teary-eyed a few times myself. The next chapter should be up by Saturday. Let me know what you all think. And to everyone that has reviewed so far, Thank you. I am glad to see that I still have some loyal readers out there.*****