Only through the pain

Disclaimer: I own a hangover, if its at all possible to own chemical reactions....

Warning: Half-drunk, in pain, author alert!

A/N: Ok....I officially suck at Bullshit, since I lost all three rounds and took, in total, 18 shots of whiskey. I hear you all now, 'Alcohol poisoning, alcohol poisoning!' but let me tell you, I've done worse, and as the night wore on and Blondie and I switched venues to the Lithos family gathering, I DID worse. I won't go into details, but SOMEHOW I managed to land myself a gig running around the Lithos backyard, butt naked, singing 'blue moon' at 1 am. Blondie's cousins are evil. That was BARELY five hours ago, so I'm still a bit buzzed, which is why this chapter might not make my usual amount of sense. I'm glad that most of you appreciated yesterday's interlude and I apologize again for not putting out an actual chapter, but as you can see, I had some serious business to attend to. Today's chapter, "Flip a coin" from the Kelly Family.

Chapter 24?-Flip a coin (Harry)


As ginny brandished her shoe in the air, I stared hard at Malfoy. The initial hysteria and panic had passed along with my insane desire to end everything, so all that really remained was anger and hurt. Even if he did have a good reason for joining the death eaters, and even if he could explain why he hadn't told me sooner, I wasn't sure I could trust him anymore...as for a relationship.....I sighed, unsure of that. He'd said he loved me, and I KNEW without any doubt that I loved him but how could I believe him anymore on anything? How could things have gotten so turned around since our trip, our last trip, to be alone in the chamber?

Malfoy was eyeing the shoe uneasily, biting his lip. If anything he'd done around me had been truthful, then this was a sign that he wasn't quite sure what to say. He kept glancing from the shoe to my face, almost panicked, but kind of in pain as well.

"I-is it alright if I sit down Ginny?" he asked, motioning to an empty bed across from us. She nodded with a glare. "Harry," he started.

I narrowed my eyes, as far as I was concerned he'd lost the right to call me by my first name. "Don't call me that Malfoy. You aren't my friend anymore." I said quietly, earning a light smack from Ginny for some reason. Malfoy flinched as if he was the one that had been hit though and sighed again, putting his head in his hands. Couldn't he stand to look at me while he explained his lies?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," He mumbled into his hands, and sighed again, looking up with...were those tears? Draco...I mean Malfoy....NEVER cried. "What I told you on the train was the truth. I hate Voldemort, I hate my father, I hate their idiotic ideals, and I hate the death eaters. Severus woke me up the next morning very early and asked me to come to his chambers to talk. He told me that my father had already made all of the necessary arrangements for me to become one of them and that Sev himself was supposed to take me in my father's place."

"So say no! Kick Snape's ass!" I spat, "They can't FORCE you to do it!"

"I said no interruptions!" Ginny said, whacking me on the head with her shoe and then forcing a glass of water in my hand, "and hydrate you bastard, hydrate!"

"That's what I said, the not forcing me part. But I'd forgotten something important, very, very seriously important. My mother. Mother had joined the death eaters only AFTER she married my father, she wasn't really forced to, at the time she did believe some of the Dark Lord's teachings, but when he started killing innocent muggles and wizards and witches from muggle born families that actually had a fair amount of power and would be valuable to the wizarding cause, she began to lost faith. She said she lost all belief in his plans when he killed Lily Evans, because even though your mother was muggle born, she was extremely skilled, extremely well known in the magical community, plus, she'd married your father and they had settled down in a highly magical neighborhood, not the muggle world. 'They weren't a liability!' she would say, 'They were assets!'. She was thankful that Voldemort had supposedly been killed, glad that the senseless murders would slow down, and hopefully stop. But then he ressurected himself and my father became his right hand man. That meant, that if mother wanted to stay alive, she had to pretend again. She couldn't divorce father, and even if she could, she'd still be a death eater, and if she didn't go to meetings, she would have been tracked down and punished. He has my mother. If I DON'T do this, he will hurt her, probably even kill her, because it will, in his twisted mind, be all her fault. I can't let him hurt my mother H-Potter. I can't."

"Good, now tell him the rest." Ginny prompted, shushing me as I went to interupt again. Now I was glaring at Ginny. She knew and hadn't told me either.

"The rest?" He blinked, confused and then looked down, nervously. "....Oh...You mean why I didn't explain sooner...." He looked up again and saw the glare I was giving her. "Don't be angry at Ginny, it's not her fault. She found me on my way back from Sev's rooms and managed to make me tell her everything. And I mean EVERYTHING, including how I already felt about you...She TOLD me to tell you sooner rather then later, and I tried several times; in the chamber hallway, in the antechamber, outside the bathroom," He sighed and punched the bedding frustratedly,"....but I just couldn't! I wanted to make you be happy and safe and I knew you wouldn't trust me if I told you about it! Telling you before you agreed to go out with me would have ruined any chances of you saying yes, and telling you afterwards would have ruined whatever bit of happiness we'd gotten." He WAS crying. "I should have told you, and I didn't because I'm selfish. I didn't want to ruin ANYTHING. I wanted to be with you, and I wanted you to feel safe around me. I wasn't thinking about anything but you because I really AM in love with you." He looked at the mattress again, but now I was postive he was crying. "I didn't want to hurt you, Potter."

He was right. I couldn't trust him, and I wouldn't have if he'd told me sooner....how could I trust him now? How did I know that what he was saying now wasn't another lie? For all I knew, his mother was perfectly fine and healthy and would remain so, wether he took the mark or not. Of course, there was one way to be absolutely sure, and it would solve things either way. I sighed, "When are you supposed to take the mark?"

"I swear har-Potter, I've been trying to tell you all month, I really have. I knew you had to know before I had to get it....." he mumbled, biting his lip again.

"When, Malfoy?"

"Tomorrow, halloween, at midnight....Sev set up a portkey to get us there at 10..."

"Tomorrow huh? So....that gives us about 28 hours to figure out a way to get your mother away from Voldemort and thus negate his supposed leverage over you."

"You believe me?!" His head shot up.

"No." I said coldly, "I don't believe you and I don't think I will ever again, but if it's true that the only reason you're becoming a death eater is because you're scared for your mother, then taking her out of the equation should mean that you don't have to. Even if the order can't guarantee her continued safety, I can. Sirius....Sirius left me the Black family holdings...even some Dumbledore doesn't know about. Hermione can cast all the necessary charms on one of them. If you ARE telling the truth then I don't see any reason why she would want to lead death eaters to them, and if you aren't, then all they'll find is one more piece of abandoned Black property. Either way, your mother will be safe, and YOU will be free to choose." I said. It wasn't a great plan by any standards, but it would work long enough for me to see whether or not he was at least telling the truth. That wouldn't be enough to regain my trust completely, but it would at least assure me of something very important.

If he was telling the truth about this, then he was also telling the truth about loving me. I desperately needed him to be telling the truth.

A/N: Lots and lots of plot developing in my head.....hope this satisfies everyone's need for a 'and back to our regularly scheduled program'.