Le Frère de Sang

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GENERAL DISCLAIMER - I do not own Harry Potter or Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, and I do not make any money from these writings.

NOTES ON THE CHAPTER - Again, not a brilliantly interesting chapter. However it does include a mini argument…or a huge argument depending on how you view it, about Asher and something Harry has done. Please don’t judge me too harshly, remember I can’t write arguments or fights, it’s never been in my nature to argue things so this is incredibly hard for me. Still, enjoy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I knocked on Asher’s door and waited for him to answer. I’d been back in St Louis since seven this morning and had slept most of the day away so I could spend the evening with Asher. Micah had said he’d come over at some point but it wouldn’t be till at least eleven.

Percy, Julien and I had planned out how we’d do the potion and spell and how I’d present it to Asher. They had suggested I give it to him as a Christmas present. It was a good idea. But it did mean we’d not get so long to practise. It was November 12th now and it took 22days to complete the new and improved poly-juice potion. That means we were running out of time. I still wanted to test the potion to see whether it worked or not first and that meant I needed two batches of the potion brewed.

The door opened and Asher stood there dressed perfectly in an outfit of his time. Dark blue trousers, a lighter blue jacket with a gold pattern made with a sewn in gold ribbon. A white top beneath that with ruffles there like a tie. His hair was loose and flopped over his face and his blue eyes, or eye, was cold and his face held no smile.

“Hello Asher. You okay?” Uninvited I moved forwards and hugged him, ignoring Anita’s smears. I pushed my hands around his back and pushed my face into his chest. I opened my empathy and immediately I felt death, from Anita, and Asher’s two most prominent emotions; love and sadness.

“Harry.” His arms slowly wrapped around my back and held me to him. I arched backwards so I could pull my face back from his chest and I craned my head back so I would be able to see his face. I smiled and moved a hand up to cup his cheek. I wanted to memorise all of him, knowing what would happen in a few months. He was beautiful to me like this, but he obviously wasn’t happy with himself.

“Hi. I missed you.” I smiled and pressed a light kiss to his lips. Some of the ice in his eyes melted.

“Mm. I‘ve heard you weren‘t well.” I nodded and kissed him again. He made no attempt to pull away but no attempt to return my affections either. I felt coldness settle within my chest. He was really unhappy with himself…but he acted like he didn’t love me either and that was painful. It was like someone rejecting your love, throwing it back at you with a harsh dressing down. It was silly, I could feel his love, it was still there through everything, beneath all the sadness, and it was warming more every minute I stayed close.

“I wasn‘t well, I wasn‘t exactly ill I was just really tired. I‘m fine now though. Recuperated and happy. How‘ve you been?”

“I‘m okay.” I wonder if my friends got annoyed with me answering their questions like that. I’d always say ‘I’m fine’ even if I was in pain. Hell, I said I was fine after the final battle and I was bleeding, Blaise had just ignored me.

“Mm. You‘re hungry though, I can feel that you haven‘t eaten. Did you not feed from Anita?” I took his hand in mine and pulled him into his own room, casting a brief spell to close the door behind me. I dragged him right over to the bed and sat on the edge of it.

“I did, but a different kind of feeding.” I wrinkled my nose. He meant the ardeur.

“Uh huh. Do me a favour…don‘t provoke my imagination because I didn‘t want to think about that okay?” Asher cracked a brief smile and my heart warmed to see it. I grinned at him and he moved to sit on the bed next to me, twisting his body to look at me.

“Is it horrible to think of me in such a way?”

“Hell no. Thinking of you is a turn on but I‘m gay Asher, thinking about men with women turns me off.” Asher nodded again and I leaned forwards, moving onto my knees on the bed in order to do so, and kissed him lightly again brushing his hair out of the way first. As usual he flinched and froze when I moved his hair but he allowed the kiss and he didn’t stop me moving his hair. I pulled back with a smile and purposefully looked over his whole face. He stayed perfectly still, like a human statue. He felt like one and looked like one, so cold and hard and unmoving.

“So, I can‘t feed the ardeur very well but I can feed you, if you want me too. You haven‘t taken from me in a while. Does my blood not taste as nice now? Am I eating wrong or something?”

“You always taste divine mon magicien, never worry about that.” Asher reassured me.

“So you just didn‘t fancy me then? Didn‘t feel like drinking from me at the time? Or have I been too busy to see you recently so you just haven‘t been able to eat?” We both knew the last question was a complete lie. I hadn’t been too busy, I had over the weekend and I had a while ago too when I was obsessing over the glamour charms. But had Asher asked to be fed I would have fed him. The problem was mostly him being too busy, or him avoiding me.

“Non, mon amour. I just have not been hungry recently.”

“Ah. Well, hungry or not you should always eat and since I‘m here you can. How would you like to eat today?”

“Mon…”

“If it‘s all the same to you I‘d prefer to be laid down or at least with you holding me because you haven‘t held me for ages and I‘ve missed hugging you.”

“Harry, I have work to do tonight.” I froze completely. Again the coldness in my heart. I opened my empathy wider and latched onto the feeling of love coming from Asher. Sadness was nearly suffocating it but it was there. I reached out and touched Asher lightly on the face. The love warmed a moment but the sadness tightened and chilled. I swallowed. That was it wasn’t it…he wouldn’t let himself feel anything other than sadness and grief and self hate. He pushed away his love, tried to extinguish it because he didn’t think himself worth of it because he felt himself ugly.

I pulled back from him and stared hard, closing my empathy off completely. I could get angry, hell I was angry and I could lash out at him. I could be sad and show him I was sad. I could display all the hurt I felt. I could show him how much love I felt for him. He needed to feed though, you could see it in his face and body, he hadn’t fed for ages. He needed blood. But he wouldn’t feed…so I’d have to make him, one way or another.

“Okay, so we make this fast. It‘s okay, you can feed then go to work and I‘ll go home when I‘m ready.” Asher shook his head.

“Non, I do not hunger. I have no need to feed yet, I do however have a need to go to work.”

“I don‘t care whether you are hungry or not, you will feed Asher. You aren‘t going to just not eat, I won‘t let you.” Asher glared at me then and stood violently.

“I would like to see you try Harry, you would not succeed.” He stormed off towards the door and my anger finally won out. I called all my magic to me and threw it at him, casting a very strong body bind. Then I levitated him to the bed and bound him to it. His eyes glared hatefully at me and I felt pain flash through my chest.

“You seem to forget who and what I am Asher.” I glared at him then walked around the room. I searched each drawer and the bathroom for something sharp but there was nothing to hand. I looked over at him. He was still glaring and from the look of concentration on his face he was trying to find a way to escape. I rolled my eyes, good luck with escaping that. Just then I saw a glase vase. It didn’t look expensive, and from Asher’s memories I knew the glass held no sugnificance, it wasn’t important to anyone it was just a decoration. Perfect.

“Bombarda!” I said stretching my hand out to it. The spell hit the top of it and it smashed. I cast a containing ward around it to stop the glass going too far and it all rell to the floor in a circle around the bottom of the cabinet. I walked over looking for a piece of glass big enough for what I had to do. I found one, a long and jagged piece of glass pointed at the end and sharp everywhere but the centre and the straight end. It was like a triangle really.

I climbed onto the bed and knelt next to Asher. I needed to get blood into him, the glass would help me get my blood up. The thing is with a body bind I couldn’t move him much. I could open his mouth and force him to smile but I couldn’t bring him to any cut on my body so I’d have to take the cut to him. So, I would have to cut my arm or my wrist I suppose. Then the wound would have to be big enough but at the same time small enough to fit it over his mouth so I wouldn’t waste any of my blood. If I cut my wrist I could place it over his mouth easily enough. I’d have to cut my wrist from the hand up my arm though, not just horizontally across it.

I sighed and reached over to open Asher’s mouth. He was stiff but I managed to open it some and his teeth came apart too. I could place my wrist over his mouth, keep him bound and with my other hand I could massage his throat to force him to swallow. I’d stop feeding him when his body warmed.

“I‘m doing this because I love you.” I told him. Looking at him meaningfully, trying to show him that I was being honest. “I love you so much and I refuse to let you suffer no matter how much you think you deserve it. So, I‘m going to do this and you are going to hate me and possibly fear me for holding you against your will like this. You are probably going to hate me a lot and drown yourself in that too so you forget that you loved me once and so that you‘ll feel only hate.” I felt tears well up in my eyes. “But I‘m not going to care because I love you and I‘m doing this for you because I love you. And I am going to force you and I‘m going to do it this way instead of take control of you and force you because this way would be easier. Of course, had you drank on your own I wouldn‘t have to do this. So, hungry or not, like it or not, hate me or not, I am going to feed you until I am satisfied you are okay.”

I held up my wrist and put the glass against it just touching. This was going to hurt. It was going to be horrible and I’d probably have nightmares about this too but…but it was for Asher.

“For Asher. Because I love him.” I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the glass into my skin then pulled down. The glass broke my skin and pain filled it. It hurt and I could feel the glass tear, slice, rip through my flesh. I stopped pulling, the pain a little too much for that moment, and looked at my wrist. I’d opened a big vein from the looks of things…I don’t think my healing spells were going to be enough to heal it, I’d have to go to hospital. Wonderful. But it was the right size, if a little too big, to fit over Asher’s mouth. Streams of blood now poured down my arm, it looked like small waves over sand would.

I moved my wrist and pressed it against his lips, pressing my skin down so his lips sealed around the cut. His eyes were still glaring at me so I didn’t look. I threw the glass to the floor then span a quick repairing spell on the glass completely fixing it, the scattered pieces of glass flying back to resume their places in the design and with no sign of my ever having broken it. I ran my other hand up and down Asher’s throat, doing it enough times had his muscles contorting correctly to have him swallow against his will.

“You know, you won‘t agree with me, but our wounds and scars don‘t make us bad people. They can if you let them, if you let them rule you. This cut doesn‘t make me a bad person, and it‘s going to scar so I‘ll always have a reminder. It doesn‘t make me a bad person though, not really and you don‘t have to agree, you just have to listen.” I said in answer to his glare. “It just shows everyone who I am. It shows and represents that I was willing to hurt myself in order to help you. It shows that I‘d go through pain because I love you. Compared to what else I‘d do for you this is a small thing. I love you Asher, I have for ages and I‘ve told you several times. And I know you love me…or at least you did. I‘ll admit to being rather afraid to look at your emotions again now. It was bad enough feeling your sadness, your self hate and your guilt. I don‘t want to feel your hate now, nor your anger. Hell, it was bad enough just feeling the sadness extinguishing the love inside you, I don‘t want to feel it gone completely now. I just hope that when I release you from the spells you‘ll remember that I did this because I love you and eventually I hope you‘ll forgive me. It doesn‘t have to be soon…it doesn‘t have to be ever I suppose, I‘m not sure whether you ever will but it would be nice to think that you might forgive me one day.”

I smiled sadly at him and stopped massaging his throat for a second to touch his forehead. He was warming slightly, not enough yet but slightly. He was still glaring though and I sighed again loosing my smile completely.

“You‘re beautiful Asher, I don‘t care what that stupid man said. I love you and you are beautiful. Your scars are not ugly, they do not make you monstrous. If they do anything it‘s make you hate yourself and remind those who know you of how much you loved Julianna and how much pain you endured when you tried to save her. Julianna couldn‘t fault you, I can‘t fault you and Jean-Claude…well I don‘t know how he thinks or feels but he has a heart and he loves you and anyone with those two things knows that you did all you could. You endured Asher and you loved and these scars show everyone how powerful it was and how aweful. I love you more for them because without them you wouldn‘t be who you are now. I could do without the sadness and the self hate but they make you who you are and I love you for it.” I know I was repeating myself but I couldn’t stop saying it. I didn’t know how else to put it.

I massaged his throat some more and I felt his skin was heated up a lot now, he’d had enough blood. I pulled my wrist back and summoned a small towel from the bathroom holding it against the blood flow. Immediately the white towel turned red.

“Damn.” I laughed, though tears fell from my eyes. I clutched my wrist tight, holding the towel hard against the cut, and put my hand above my head. I gave Asher a smile.

“Now you are fed you can go to work and hate and avoid me to your hearts content. I love you. Maybe I‘ll see you soon.” I leaned down and kissed him lightly, ever so lightly on the lips. My tears hit his skin and rolled down it. He was still glaring though it wasn’t quite as hard as before. His eyes flickered between me and my wrist.

I clambered off the bed and pulled my magic to me, both releasing Asher from the body bind and apperating myself home at the same time. I reappeared in my hall way and nearly fell over, dropping the towel to the floor and staining the carpet with my blood.

“Oh damn it all! Christ!” I stooped down and grabbed the wet, bloody towel and pressed it to my wrist again. I held the towel between my hip and my wrist to keep it in place and grabbed the phone with my hand finding Micah’s number in the phonebook. It rang and rang then it rang off and he didn’t answer.

“Fucking hell!” I found another name in the phone book, the first one I could find who I was willing to talk to. Jean-Claude.

“Ah monsieur magicien, comment ça va?”

“I need a lift to the hospital Jean-Claude. I can‘t exactly get there myself because they have CCTV and if anyone caught me apperating, well there‘d be a scandal.”

“Why do you need to go to the hospital?” I grimaced, here is where I own up to what I did.

“Asher refused to drink and told me I couldn‘t make him and I lost my temper. I body bound him, got some glass and cut my wrist and forced him to drink until he was warm enough. Then I released the body bind and apperated home but the cut is quite serious and I can heal most minor wounds but I think I cut a main blood vessel thing and there‘s quite a lot of blood here and I don‘t think I can fix it. If that‘s not enough I‘m getting slightly light headed and blood is now staining my carpet. Do I have to keep talking of are you going to be a good guardian and send help?”

“I shall send help mon ami. I have relayed everything to Richard and he is already on his way.”

“Thank you.” I went to hang up but Jean-Claude continued.

“And, I must say, while I do not approve of your methods I do believe they are necessary and I thank you. Asher has not eaten in a while and was, while affectionate, unable to join in feeding the ardeur sufficiently. So I thank you for feeding him, however much he did not agree.”

“You‘re welcome. He‘s going to be incredibly pissed off now though because I literally made it so he couldn‘t move a thing. He is going to hate me and I guess I deserve it but I only forced him because I love him. I don‘t know what effect this will have on our bond but I had to…oh shit!” I fell over slightly and crashed into the wall. Damn…my balance was going.

“Harry?! Harry are you alright?”

“Urgh bugger…fell over. Look, I think I‘ll lie down and wait for Richard.”

“Non, you are going to stay on the phone so I know you are okay. Lie down but keep talking. Elevate your wrist above your heart.” I did as I was told and just lay on the floor there and then. I put the phone on the floor next to my ear and pushed both hands above my heart still holding the towel to my wrist. Blood dripped from the towel onto the ground. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much blood, makes me feel sick.

“Ah…mon ami, Asher has just arrived, I am going to rest the phone down. You will listen in and pay attention, I need you to stay conscious.”

“Okay Jean-Claude.” I agreed. I didn’t feel like I was going to loose conciousness but then again you never know, these things just kind of creep up on you.

“Ah mon Chardonneret! You are looking considerably more healthy today. May I ask who you fed from? That glow is remarkable, perhaps if I might know your prey they might agree to let me try them?”

“I didn‘t feed. I was force fed!”

“Oh? And how were you forced?”

“Harry bound me with his magic and forced me to drink.” Even though the phone was well away from Asher I could still feel him growl out his words.

“Ah, then since you are so mad with him, maybe you‘d let me feed from him in future? His blood must be wonderous to have you look this glorious.”

“No! You may not drink from Harry! He‘s mine and mine alone. I may be angry with him but that doesn‘t mean I am going to share him with you.” I didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Well, perhaps you won‘t have to share or feed from him any more.”

“What? What do you mean Jean-Claude?! What do you mean?! Where‘s Harry gone? Has he left St Louis? Where‘d he go?!” My heart nearly stopped, I could hear worry in Asher’s voice.

“Oh as of yet he hasn‘t gone anywhere but he is currently at home awaiting Richard to pick him up so he can go to the hospital. In fact a second ago his blood lose caused him to fall over so I advised him to lie on the floor. Hopefully he hasn‘t lost conciousness yet.” There was a sound like the phone being moved then Jean-Claudes voice was louder and clearer. “Mon magicien? How are you now? Still conscious I hope?”

“Mm. Just tired. And my arms are heavy. Is Richard far away? Will you tell Asher I‘m sorry.”

“Ah…well I would tell Asher you are sorry but he has just run out of my office, at quite a considerable speed might I add.” I felt worry well up inside of me. Then great sadness. He hadn’t cared to stick around to see how I was. Obviously he did hate me as much as I feared.

“It‘s o-okay Jean-Claude…I knew he…he‘d hate me for wh-what I did. I‘m going to go now…I‘ll just wait for Richard. Tell him the door‘s un-unlocked, he can just walk straight in. W-would you tell Micah where I am?”

“Harry, don‘t you dare hang up the telephone.” I ignored him and lowered my hand to pick up the phone.

“Bye Jean-Claude.”

“Harry, I‘m warning you…” I turned the phone off. Blood stained my fingers, slick and sticky. I looked back up at the towel, it was saturated in blood. I threw it away and summoned the tea towel from by the sink. It flew to me and I held it to my wrist. I gritted my teeth at the sting caused by pressing the material against my wound. Tears fell from my eyes, from the pain and from the heart ache.

“It hurts but I’d do it again.” I admitted aloud to myself. Gods where was Richard. I know it had only been about ten minutes and he probably had to drive but seriously, he could have been a little faster. I should have called a taxi, they might have arrived quicker. I shouldn’t have relied on Richard and Jean-Claude or even asked. I should have apperated straight to the hospital, screw the CCTV.

The front door crashed against the wall and I winced.

“In here Richard!” I saw a shadow on the carpet and frowned, it wasn’t Richard’s shadow. My heart rate spiked and I sat up in a panic, wiping the tears from my face furiously. I gathered my magic ready to defend myself against whoever had just entered. Whoever it was walked a little closer, the shadow getting bigger. A boot then dark blue trousers leading up to the bottom of a light blue jacket with gold ribbon decorating it.

“Asher!” Asher’s eyes snapped to me. His hair was back behind him, all of his face revealed. His eyes were bright, almost desperate. They latched onto me then flicked all over me before fixating on my wrist and the tea towel currently soaking up my blood.

“You fool!” Asher cursed and threw himself onto his knees before me. He grabbed the towel and threw it across the room before forcing my wrist to his mouth again. I grimaced. He couldn’t mean to…surely.

“Asher please I…”

“Shut up.” He growled and started licking furiously at the wound. His tongue felt like it was digging into the opened flesh, sliding between the two sides and pushing them apart. Other licks felt like he was pushing the two sides together or running his tongue over the edges. I winced and tried to tugg my hand back but he wouldn’t release me, instead he shot me an angry stare. Tears crept down my cheeks continuously now and I bit my tongue and lips to try to stop the sobs. I couldn’t stop them all though and every time I cried out Asher would shoot me another glance.

He licked for several minutes, almost licking continuously. The pain was sharp then it dulled. When he eventually pulled back his shirt was covered in blood, as were his hands, lips, chin, jacket and my arm. But when he pulled back my arm was healed, if scarred. I stared at it then didn’t bother holding in my sobs anymore. I brought my arm back to me and hugged it to my chest bringing my legs up and lowering my head. I cried curling up sat on the floor.

“Tsk.” I heard a tongue click in annoyance and pain jabbed through my heart. I turned my face away still keeping my head down. Arms wrapped around me and pulled me against a chest. I gasped and twisted to see. Asher looked down on me with slightly hard but caring eyes and his arms continued to pull me gently to his chest. One hand wrapped around the back of my head and pulled my face against his chest. I choked on a sob and raised my hands to place them on his chest. He was trying to comfort me? He must have looked confused because Asher sighed and kissed my forehead pulling me a little harder. I gave in with a sob and pressed against his chest. His arms held me tight against him. I uncurled and he folded around me.

My ear was pressed against his chest, his heart beating ever so slowly. His warmth pressed against me. His lips pressed against my skull a few times. His arms were around me rubbing up and down my back. His legs to either side of mine supporting me. His hair mixing with mine, brushing my neck.

“’M sorry…I‘m so sorry…”

“Shh, foolish magicien.”

“I‘m sorry. I love you. I‘m sorry. I wanted to help, you needed it. I‘m sorry. I love you so much! I really do! Please…”

“Sh. It‘s okay. You‘re right, I did need it. I didn‘t want to eat but I did need it. I know you love me, I understand. It‘s okay, shh.” I shook my head against his chest and gripped him hard.

“You hate yourself so much…I was scared you‘d hate me…that you hate me…I love you. Please forgive me. Don‘t push me away. Don‘t reject me. I love you. Don‘t hate yourself, you‘re wonderful, I love you.” I felt a sigh from above me, my hair moving with it. Then I was pulled a little tighter against Asher. It was like being crushed against a wall but I didn’t mind because it was warm and safe and Asher.

“I‘m going to call Richard and tell him not to come.” I shook my head and tightened my grip.

“Don‘t leave me.”

“I won‘t. Just let me reach the phone.” Asher’s body shifted and he reached out. It hurt me slightly being bent like that but I didn’t protest. Then Asher pulled back and I could hear the phone buttons being pressed.

“I am with Harry, he no longer needs to go to hospital. I‘ll bring him back to the Circus...he is fine now, I closed his wrist…yes perhaps I should have…I do not need advice from you, I am well aware of what I have and have not done…yes…very well. Would you be so kind to inform Jean-Claude and perhaps get a message for Micah to meet us at the Circus? I appreciate it Richard, thank you. Good bye.” Asher hung up and put the phone on the ground.

“Was Richard very mad?”

“Yes he was, though very little of it was directed at you so you needn‘t worry.”

“He should be mad at me…but not at you.” I pulled back from Asher and wiped my face finally calming down. I looked at the cut on my wrist. It was red and tender but no longer a wound. The scar was jagged, like the glass had been. My arm was smeared with blood, some dry some still wet and dripping. It had run in rivers up my arm staining my top and continuing to run all the way up to my shoulder. Now I had my arm lowered the blood ran back down my arm. My clothes were stained. The two towels on the floor were covered in blood and there were several small puddles on the ground.

I shook my head and made to stand. I needed to clean up. I unsteadily made it to my feet and went to take a step only to have the room spin. I went crashing to the floor, landing hard with my forearms taking most of the damage. I cursed and rolled onto my side holding my scarred arm to me, it hurt and the impact just made it hurt more. I’d have a nasty bruise there soon.

“You fool, you‘ve lost a lot of blood. Where do you keep the blood replenishing potions?” I blinked and looked over at Asher.

“I ha…I had forgotten about those.” I admitted frowning. I kept my head on the floor, I felt less disorientated with the floor pressing all over my body.

“So I see, but where are they?”

“They‘re in the cupboard above the kettle, up there. They‘re in the red vials, dreamless sleep in the other vials.” Asher stood and moved around me to the cupboard. He reached up and pulled one down. He turned around and met my eyes making to move towards me. “I might need two, it‘s one potion per pint of blood.”

“Hm. Then you are going to rest the rest of the night under supervision with another potion or two handy.” Asher turned and grabbed another vial and I frowned at him.

“I didn‘t loose that much blood.”

“It was a near thing.” Asher rolled his eyes with a slight sneer. He knelt down with the look still on his face and put his arms around me helping me to sit upright. Before he could give me the potions I put my hand on his face.

“Please don‘t do that, don‘t sneer.” Asher’s expression faded, softened, and he stared at me carefully. I looked away, I couldn’t hold his gaze. I reached out a shaking hand to the first potion and uncorked it. I lifted it to my lips and threw my head back downing the potion in one. It was runny and didn’t taste particularly nice but it went down me quick and immediately I felt a warmth I hadn’t realised I lacked. The dizziness went almost immediately.

“Harry…”

“Asher please…”

“No. Listen to me Harry.” I sighed and looked up at him. He was staring at me and there was a coldness in his eyes despite not glaring at me. “I did need to eat, you‘re right. You were probably right to force me. I was being stupid. But Harry, understand, I still grieve Julianna. Everytime I catch my reflection I am reminded of how I lost her, how I failed and how I turned into a monster, a hideous monster. I grieve what I was and I grieve Julianna. Not a night goes by when I don‘t think of her. When Anita was kidnapped I was reminded of my helplessness and how useless I was, my inability to save the one I love and…and I was reminded of my deformation.”

“Asher…I do understand, I really do. I am an empath and bonded to you. I can feel your emotions and I can remember your memories. I know and I understand. What I don‘t understand is why you can‘t accept that there was nothing you could do that night, and why you always remember the bad of Julianna and not the good. You only remember the grief you felt by loosing her, not the happiness you felt when you…when you made love for the first time or she told you she loved you or…or I don‘t know…when you walked through the night hand in hand just watching the stars! You never remember the love you shared. You never think about what she would want for you. She would not want you blaming yourself any more than Blaise would want me to blame myself for not saving him. Sirius wouldn‘t want me to blame myself. Albus Dumbledore wouldn‘t want me to feel guilt for not saving him. Remus wouldn‘t want me to blame myself for not stopping the Death Eater from killing him. My parents wouldn‘t want me to feel guilty for surviving at the expense of their lives. Cedric wouldn‘t and didn‘t want me to blame myself for his death.

“You were loved Asher, and you loved, and just because there was the slim possibility that everything could have worked out differently doesn‘t mean you can hurt yourself because it didn‘t. Accept what happened Asher, it cannot be changed with any amount of wishing. Blaise wouldn‘t want me to suffer now, he‘d want me to live and enjoy my life. Sirius would have wanted me to prank, be passionate and crazy and happy. Remus would have wanted me to stay safe and live and remember but not regret. Albus would have wanted me to buy lemon drops, sing songs, wear rainbow coloured robes and laugh at every joke. Hagrid would have wanted me to have fun and stay out of trouble. My parents would have wanted me to live life as they couldn‘t and be happy. Cedric would have wanted me to be loyal, happy, friendly, kind and find enjoyment in everything. Julianna would have wanted you to live on and learn to love again, and you did Asher. You found love again. You refound your love for Jean-Claude. You fell in love with Anita and you never forgot. None of us will ever forget the ones we lost but we have to remember that through everything because they loved us they would never have wanted anything but happiness for us. Take it from somebody who lost everyone, who‘se entire family died or left. Take it from somebody who knows, who feels and who remembers.”

I raised the last blood replenishing potion to my lips and tilted my head back again letting it all slip down my throat. I recorked the bottle and licked my lips. I looked up at Asher then and saw blood tears dripping down his cheeks. I bit my lip, guilt for what I said welling up inside me. I reached out and wiped one tear away.

“Harry…mon amour…I just feel-”

“You feel ugly, but you aren‘t. And do you want to know what else I think?” I shifted a little closer, wiping the other tear away.

“Quoi?”

“I think if Julianna was here now she‘d still think you beautiful. She would.” I nodded even as I spoke as if the action could put more emphasis behind the words. “She would see nothing ugly or monstrous about you. She‘d just see her beautiful lover. She‘d see you Asher, and she‘d love you still.”

“Merci mon magicien…I think I needed that.” I smiled slightly and nodded. Then I yawned and Asher gave a slightly bitter laugh. “Come let us get you to bed so you can rest.”

“Mm. Think you‘re right. You did say that you would take me to the circus though, are we still going?”

“Oui, we had better else we shall be reprimanded. Come, I shall carry you, mon amour, it would give you the chance I denied you earlier.” I nodded with a frown.

“What was I denied earlier?”

“I did not hold you. Let me hold you now.” I nodded with a smile and moved into his arms. He slid one behind my knees and another around my back carrying me like one would a bride. I wrapped an arm around his neck and smiled up at him. He stood and held me close, cradling me. He bent his neck down and I held my breath waiting. I hummed a smile as his lips met mine and he kissed me gently. My toes curled and my stomach fluttered. I raised my chin, pushing my lips further into the kiss. His lips slowly caressed mine and I closed my eyes to savour the sensation.

When he pulled back I could only smile at him trying to show him all my happiness. I wanted him to know all my love, happiness and awe. I opened my shields latching onto the strand of the bond that lead to Asher. I grasped it and concentrated on my emotions pushing them down the bond so he could feel them. Asher froze midstep then looked at me with hot eyes and a smile on his lips.

“And I love you. However if we linger here much longer there will not be either of us to love.” I snickered slightly, he was right. Asher took off out the door and I activated the wards on the house, locking the door to keep everything safe. Then Asher took off, flying with me in his arms.

We landed at the edge of the circus and Asher strode straight through, the crowds making room for us. We made it into the underground and then through the corridors to Jean-Claude’s office. There I knocked on the door since Asher was still holding me. A voice told us to enter so I turned the handle and pushed the door so we could enter. There in the office was Micah and Richard with Jean-Claude, Nathaniel and Damian. Micah and Richard looked very worried, though Richard slightly calmer. Jean-Claude looked completely disapproving. Nathaniel looked worried and he was almost bouncing on the balls of his feet as if he was ready to leap forwards at a moment’s notice. Damian looked over me and Asher with a critical eye before nodding slightly and putting a calming hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder.

“Ah, how good of you to join us.” Jean-Claude drawled. Micah rushed forwards almost immediately and put a hand on my face and his other hand to Asher’s shoulder.

“You both okay? Jean-Claude filled me in on everything. Asher, how could you be so stupid not to feed?! And Harry! You are a fool for forcing him and slicing yourself open on glass! You could have killed yourself you fool! Both of you are lucky I love you or I would bash your skulls in for your idiocy!”

“I‘m sorry Micah but I had to do something. Next time I won‘t-” I was cut off by both Micah and Asher snarling at me.

“There won‘t be a next time!” They both glared at me and I could feel myself shrinking in size. I turned my face away felt all my newly replenished blood pool in my cheeks. Micah’s fingers curled under my chin and turned my head back around so he could look at me.

“We could have lost you.” Then he looked up and I could see Asher and Micah lock gazes. Then Micah whispered out something that made Asher’s expression melt completely and he leaned forwards to kiss Micah. “I could have lost both of you!”

“You won‘t loose us.” Asher whispered back and kissed Micah briefly once again. “We won‘t leave you.”

“I love you Micah.” I whispered and wiggled in Asher’s arms. Asher just held me tighter.

“I have feelings for you also.” I grinned at Asher, he wasn’t saying what was truly there. It wasn’t love but it was deep.

“As touching as that is to see perhaps it is best, in light of what has happened, that Harry rests now and you all spend some time together.” No sooner had Jean-Claude said it did Asher turn on his heal and move towards the door with Micah quickly running to catch up. I turned my head to look over at Jean-Claude, he looked amused and indulging though I could easily feel love and worry coming from him. I gave him a smile and a small wave. Then I looked over at Damian and Nathaniel. Nathaniel was beaming so I gave him a grin too and Damian was looking indulgent and slightly amused though trying to hide it. I gave him a smile too and then Asher turned a corner so I couldn’t see them any more.

When we made it to the rooms Asher put me on the bed and told me he wanted me under the covers immediately. I rolled my eyes, banished all my clothes except my boxers and wiggled in underneath the covers. Micah climbed onto the bed besides me then glared at Asher ordering him onto the bed too. Asher clicked his tongue in annoyance but climbed under the covers with a smile. When he lay down I threw my leg over his legs and rested my head against his chest putting a hand behind me to grab Micah and pull his arm around us both.

“It‘s been ages since we were all together like this.” I muttered.

“Yes well, hopefully next time it will be under better circumstances.” I scoffed at Micah’s words and gave him a look.

“What‘s a better circumstance that coming together because we all love each other?”

“I meant you not carving up your wrist to get us all into bed.” I glared at him.

“Well if it takes that then…” I didn’t get to finish, I was thrown off Asher and pinned down by my two angry bond mates. They both glared down at me again.

“No! NEVER again! Understand?! You are never risking your life like that again!”

“I‘ll do whatever it takes to keep the both of you safe, happy and healthy.”

“No you won‘t.” Asher gritted out. “You will stay safe, always! I will not loose you too! You will not put yourself in any risk or danger. You will keep yourself healthy and safe no matter what happens to us do you understand?” I felt a shiver run down my spine. Asher has never been like this with me before. I nodded slightly.

“I‘ll keep myself safe so long as both of you are safe too. We‘ve done this conversation before as well. It‘s my job to keep you safe and your job to keep me safe.” Asher and Micah rolled their eyes and gave in.

“Fine. But no more slicing your wrists up or hurting yourself no matter what!” I nodded.

“Okay. Or I should look up the all the healing spells first if I‘m gonna do it because I have to tell you it hurt.” Micah and Asher gave a mirthless laugh to that and I had to roll over to kiss Micah to stop him speaking any more.

“I am still required to work this night you realise. I can‘t spend all this time in bed.” I rolled over and swung my leg over Asher’s hips straddling him to the bed.

“Nu-uh! No way. We‘re all together again finally. Can‘t we spend some time together as a…as a triumverate?” Asher grabbed my butt with his hands and raised me before moving me to the side. HE sat up and climbed out of bed, leaning over the bed to kiss me gently.

“I‘d like nothing more however I do have work. I shall return before dawn, I‘d like for you to sleep here with me even though my soul will have left for the day.”

“We‘ll stay.” Micah nodded as he spoke and reached out to pull Asher to him in a hard kiss before pushing Asher back slightly. “Now go and miss us lots so you hurry back.”

“Mm. Or better yet, go and miss us so much you delegate away all your responsibilities to others so you can come back quicker.” Asher rolled his eyes, gave me some words of affection in French then left the room. When the door shut behind him I turned to look at Micah.

“Micah, I need to tell you something. I wasn‘t ill this weekend, I went to England.”

“WHAT?!”

“I think I found a way to give Asher his old looks back for twenty four hours…”

-

NOTES: So after finishing this chapter, however many weeks ago, I realised that I’d been skipping over any interaction with Asher. I guess it’s because I like Micah more, at least in this fic. Still, I realised it and hopefully rectified it. Some of you noticed I’d not had Asher appear in a while, before I noticed it…well, you noticed it chapter wise before me. Still, I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

The next update will not be put up until I have finished chapter 34. It is being stubborn and I’ve suddenly become bogged down with work. Occasionally I add a few sentences to it but still. At present it’s….2746 words long…so basically I just need to round off the chapter but this could take anywhere from a few days up to 3 weeks at present. Still, do not give up on me! See you next chapter.