All That You Leave Behind

God bless A, she has Vista on her computer and has had a real fight on her hands to get this written. because of that, she's made me post it.



As always, thank you to our reviewers. Two reviews from 246 readers? Come on guys!



Although this has been mainly A's chapter, we did have a discussion about whether or not to italicise one word - this is the attention to detail we put into our chapters people - come on, we deserve more reviews! Goddamit, review! (Yes, I know, begging.)



And yes, we do expect some annoyed readers by the end of the chapter.



28



The time had come to say "I would", not "I dare not" to Harry.



To a man who only that day had married his childhood sweetheart.



What was he thinking? Harry had made his decision. Had made it clear, so who was Severus to think he had the right to indulge his own selfishness purely to spite Lucius? Still, Malofy's words had resonated, and Severus saw that he had been afraid to live his life.



No longer.



**************************



Harry and Ginny returned to the Hogsmeade flat to find a determined looking Severus waiting to greet them. They were caught up in the glow of their holiday together, and clung to one another; both with huge, silly grins on their faces and eyes for only each other.



Severus felt an uncharacteristic nervousness at facing them, his resolve wavering a bit in the face of their obvious happiness, yet it was that obvious happiness that made him conquer that nervousness and firm his resolve.



Ginny's few things and most of Harry's had already been removed to the house Harry had spent the last three years planning and building as his wedding gift to his bride. Severus knew they had returned to the flat only to gather the last of Harry's things to take with them to the house that was to be their first real home.



Severus' own things were already packed and waiting to be taken to Spinner's End.



He wasn't exactly sure how to go about telling Harry of his true feelings, and he wasn't delusional nor naive enough to think that Harry would suddenly fly into his arms. He knew his announcement would cause deep anguish for all three of them. Ginny had begun to look on him as a friend, almost a father, and now he was going to shatter her faith in him? He was, essentially, destroying Ginny Weasley's....no..... Ginny Potter's.....life, but Severus hoped, perhaps fruitlessly, that she would eventually understand. And Harry? What would happen with himself and Harry? How could he – Severus – continue living with them or even seeing them knowing that Harry did not feel the same depth of affection? Worse, how could Ginny stay if Severus’ feelings were returned? Even if nothing ever came of his declaration, and he fervently, if selfishly, hoped that not to be true, at least he would have, he would have dared instead of dared not.



Now all he had to do was wait for an opportune moment.



****************************



That moment came a bit later when he was in his room, assuring himself he'd packed everything, and Harry stuck his head round the door.



"Ready to go, Sev?" Harry asked, a happy smile on his face, emerald eyes gleaming.



"Yes," Severus answered after a deep breath, "I've already sent most of my things ahead to Spinner's End..."



The smile dissolved into a frown as Harry said, "Spinner's End? Why would you send your things there? You aren't going to Spinner's End."



"Of course I'm going to Spinner's End," Severus replied, his own frown creasing his features, "it is still my home. Where else would I go?"



Harry's face lit back up as he said, "Beside the fact that Ginny and I have something to show you...a surprise for you, there's no way you're going back to Spinner's End, Sev. It was dangerous enough when we were there, but with Lucius Malfoy knowing for certain you're alive now, there's no way, Sev."



"Harry," Severus began with a sigh, "I've spent more years than you've been alive evading Lucius Malfoy and all his malicious intent......"



"Severus," Harry said firmly, coming forward to put a hand on the older man's arm, "you're not going back there. Lucius Malfoy has got it in for you, you’re the ultimate traitor, and now he knows for certain you're alive. The Auror office is watching him, but that's not enough, even Kingsley agrees, and he's said as well you're not to go back there. Look, it's beside the point anyway. You're coming with us. We have something to show you."



The green eyes held his, implacably, and Severus sighed. Fine, he thought to himself, he would simply stay in the flat then. He would be closer to Harry that way at least.



"Very well," he sighed, "I will do as you ask and not return to my home," he said pointedly, not being able to resist a bit of his customary snark, "I would, however, like a word with you. There is....something I wish to tell you."



"Great!" Harry enthused, relieved that Severus wasn't going to give him a huge argument, "but tell me later. Right now, I want you to come with us to see your surprise." He tugged at the arm he still grasped, pulling Severus along towards the door, "Ginny's waiting," he added.



Into the living room they went, where a beaming Ginny was indeed waiting.



"All ready for your surprise, Severus?" she asked him with a laugh.



"Even though I abhor "surprises", I suppose I have no choice," Severus said evenly. They were both so obviously eager to spring this "surprise" on him that even he couldn't find it in himself to inject much malice into it.



Ginny just laughed and said, "Well, I hope this one will change your mind. I think you'll like it, Severus. We hope you do."



She smiled at Harry, and Severus could see her love for him shine through. It made his heart hurt, and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy; however, behind that he also felt the fondness that had grown in him for the girl. He wished he didn't have to hurt her like he was going to.



"Hold on!" Harry said exultantly, and disapparated himself and Severus away.



*****************************



They apparated into a large, comfortable looking living room, the smell of new paint and furniture sharp in Severus' nose. Ginny appeared beside them a moment later.



"We're still calling it the Shrieking Shack for the moment," Harry told Severus, "until we think of something better."



"Isn't it beautiful?" Ginny said softly, next to him. "I can't believe this is our home!" she said wonderingly, "it's so big, and.....it's ours!"



Severus couldn't help but feel a bit slighted and jealous that Harry would bring him to his and Ginny's new home, but he swallowed his feelings and forced a smile. "Yes..." he said faintly, "quite lovely. Harry's wedding gift for you."



She beamed back at him, and Severus felt slightly sick.



"That's not the best part though," she said smugly, "come on. Have the grand tour and we'll show you the best part."



Severus' mind instantly revolted at the thought that she would show him their bedroom. He didn't think he could bear that.



As they walked him through, Ginny chattering the whole while about each room, Severus tried gallantly to brace himself for the inevitable. At last they stood in front of one of only two closed doors.



"We saved the best for last," Harry said quietly, with a meaningful look at his wife. He reached in front of Severus to open the door, and Severus caught himself holding his breath, staving off the pain and jealousy he knew would come stabbing through him.



The dreaded door opened, not to reveal a massive double bed as expected, but a rather cosy sitting room lined with bookshelves and smelling of the obviously new and handsome leather chair and sofa sitting in front of an equally cosy fireplace.



Harry pulled him inside, Ginny bringing up the rear, and said, pointing as he went, "This is the sitting room, there's a bedroom through there, a small kitchen through there, the loo and bath, and.....this." He crossed the room and threw open a door leading into......a potion's lab??



Seeing the confusion Severus could feel on his own face, Harry smiled, putting his arm around Ginny, drawing her close and said, "It's for you, Sev. Your own suite. Ours is through the door next to yours."



For several moments all Severus could do was stare at them, stunned speechless. They wanted him to live with them??



As Severus continued to gape, both Harry and Ginny laughed delightedly, Ginny commented jokingly, "Well we've finally done it, Harry. We've actually left our grumpy old Potions Master speechless. Not a snark in sight!"



That sparked something in Severus and he blurted, "No...this...this is ....very kind of you both. Very thoughtful, but......" He trailed off, not knowing what to say, touched by the kindness of these two beautiful young people, and also feeling his resolve at what he wished to tell Harry slipping.



He closed his eyes momentarily, gathering his courage, determined to keep his resolve. He would decline, retreat to the flat, and later ask Harry for a private word. He made a plan, and steeled himself against anything they might say. Having satisfied himself, he opened his eyes and cleared his throat.



"This is very kind of you both," he said evenly, "however, I cannot accept. You've just married. You do not want me living here with you...."



"Told you he'd say that," Ginny snickered to Harry, who scowled at her good naturedly.



Severus' ire was raised at that. How dare they joke about him! He didn't need their charity, he could make his own way, and Lucius Malfoy be damned! He looked at Ginny smiling at him with that "I told you so" look and felt a vicious jab streak through his mind. Just you wait, girl, he thought maliciously.



"Come on, Sev," Harry said, "you're not going back to Spinner's End. You can't, the Auror office won't allow it. Where else are you going to go?"



"I do not need your charity, Mr. Potter," Severus said icily, feeling horribly betrayed. He was just a job to the boy then. "Nor do I need your precious Auror office's protection. As I told you, I have been evading an evil far greater than Lucius Malfoy and his pathetic maliciousness for longer than you've been alive, Auror Potter. I am quite capable of taking care of myself. I do not need the Saviour and his wife to take pity on me!"



Harry's hand on his arm pulling him back stopped his dramatic exit, and forced Severus to turn, intending to shoot his best glare. The hurt in those beloved green eyes caused him to falter however, and then he was trapped.



"It's not pity for you, Severus," Harry said quietly, "if anything, it's pity for me. I can't just let you go, turn my back on you. You....you're my past...the closest thing I have to my parents....my mother.....you're.....you're my family. I want you here where I can be with you and take care of you, and not have to worry that someone will take you away from me."



Severus found himself breathless at those words, his heart swelling and pounding in his chest. But he wouldn't say such things in front of his wife and mean them in the way that Severus wanted him to. He tore his gaze away from Harry to look quickly at Ginny.



She stepped closer and said, "You and I have become good friends, Severus, and Harry loves you. You're our family, and we both want you here with us. It isn't pity, it's love. We love you and care about you, and we want you here with us. Both of us. We're doing this because we want to, not because we feel sorry for you, or we think we owe you something. We want you here because you're part of our family. Simple as that."



Severus stared at her, a terrible flood of guilt crashing through him. He looked back at Harry, who said simply, "Please don't go, Severus."



How could he refuse those green eyes? Lily's eyes, and for a moment Severus was transported back in time to when it had been Lily's eyes. She too had beseeched him not to go, not to make the biggest mistake of his life, but he had anyway. As it had then, his resolve wavered.



But unlike then, it didn't buck itself up again. This time, in the face of Harry's eyes and the risk of perhaps the second biggest mistake of his life, it crashed completely.



They both read it in his face, and Harry said, a hopeful note in his voice, "You'll stay then? With your family?"



After a moment Severus finally told him, "Yes, I'll stay, Harry. You are my family."



He ignored the waning moans of his resolve, and found himself with an armful of happy Ginny Potter as she laughed and hugged him tightly, gasping in shock, not at the suddenness of her attack, but at what he felt entwined through her magic.



"Severus?" Harry frowned at him, "are you alright?"



Ginny drew back from Severus, whose arms were now rigid around her. "Severus?" she asked, "did I hurt you?"



Severus could only look at her, his inner resolve now consigning itself to a painful death, before he blurted, "You're pregnant."