Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 17—part 1

June

It’s been a while… a long while. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I’ve written. I’m in a dark room with only a bed and an oil-lamp. There’s nothing else. No windows…just a door that’s perpetually locked and voices and sounds coming from somewhere far away it seems. I’ve no idea where I am. I have no idea if anyone is looking for me or cares.

I’ve no idea of anything. All I know for sure is that I am still alive –in the lightest sense of the words –and I am in this room that may not even be a room. Who knows what it really is…

It is my little prison of misery and self-loathing. This is my penance to pay for my stupidity. I will wither away slowly and painfully in this tiny, dank wooden cell with nothing but my own mind as company.

I’m much calmer today than I was all those nights ago when I relived that night in the tower…I relive it daily. Since I’ve nothing better to do, I go over the little details of that night’s events (those that I can remember anyway) and wonder if there was some subtle hint that maybe, just maybe, all is not lost… maybe it was all a dream, maybe it was all fake and I’ll wake up one day and be back in my bed at Hogwarts and know that all I’ve got to worry about is hiding my feelings for Potter.

And then I wake up for real and see the grey walls of my cell and realize that it cannot have been a dream…that it was all very real and now I’m done for, no matter which way the war goes.

Every day I berate myself mentally and sometimes physically for all the things I’ve done and all the things I should have done…all the stupid mistakes I’ve made, all the times my pride got in the way of making the right decision or doing the right thing. And then…

And then I remember that at the end of it all, even after knowing all I’ve done and how much of a traitor I was…Dumbledore praised me for my accomplishments.

And then I feel even worse.

But the worst feeling of all is knowing that I cannot, for the life of me, stop thinking about Potter…I cannot stop myself from hoping and thinking and producing intensely complex sequences of events where it would be possible that Potter forgives me and takes me into his group to keep me safe…

And then, when those scenarios seem real enough to my now flawed mind, they escalate to the point where he might even begin to love me…

I haven’t seen myself in a mirror for ages. I don’t know the date…

I know I’m seventeen by now. I know I must be…

Its June I think… though I don’t know if it had been June when the whole incident at the tower occurred or not… I don’t remember anything like that. All I knew then was that the days were passing too quickly for me to keep up.

But nothing marked my birthday, if it has passed. Nothing. No messages from anyone, not even a moment’s notice from Snape –not that I really expected one.

I’ve never gone completely ignored on my birthday…

And my coming-of-age to top it off…

It’s a sign of my crimes, I suppose…just to remind me of what terrible things I’ve actually done.

As if I could ever forget.

Life is great like that. Ironic to the bitter end…

Snape comes in once a day –if at all –to bring me some kind of food. At least, I imagine it’s supposed to be food. By the looks of it, it could be rocks and mud for all I know. The light in the room isn’t bright enough to tell and the taste –if you can call it that –leaves much to be desired.

I’ve stopped eating it really. I was worried at first that he would try to poison me, but as I was starting to starve I gave in to my needs and realized that it wasn’t poisoned, but another form of torture.

I honestly don’t know why I’m even bothering to write this down at this point… what is there to write? I’m documenting my sorry existence in Snape’s little prison cell. Possibly the last days of my life. And for who? Who in their right mind would ever care to read this?

At least this occupies the time better than what I was doing before: staring at the walls and sinking further and further into self-pity.

Ah, I hear Snape’s footsteps…

*******

Invisible ink

My dreams lately have been blurs of images and feelings and every time I wake up with a hollow sensation in my chest and a cold sweat on my skin. It’s as though I feel sorrow and fear and agony and pleasure all in one go. It’s the strangest mess of emotions I could ever imagine…

But this is not about a dream… not per se. This, is about something else…sort of.

The days have become long and unbearable. I cannot deal with the boredom of having nothing to do, nothing to read, nothing to see. In my distress, I reached into one of the pockets in my robes and found something I didn’t realize I still had with me.

I found the patented daydream charm that I had bought from the Weasels during the summer…

My heart skipped a beat when I saw it…it was nothing special and nothing particularly helpful to my ultimate situation, but at least, maybe for just a moment, it would serve as an escape from my reality…serve as a kind of release… just for a while.

So I carefully read the instructions and cast the charm. It said that I did not have to pick a daydream. It would simply detect whatever I most desired and throw me into a very realistic fantasy.

And it did.

I didn’t notice the change at first. I was still sitting on the edge of a bed, facing the same grey wall that I did every day. But then, I heard a voice behind me.

“There you are!” came a very familiar voice. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I should have known you would be up here.”

I spun around quickly and realized that the room was suddenly triple the size. The door had changed locations and the bed had grown into a queen-sized one. There were hangings on the walls –old ones, worn from ages and ages of dust and mould –and in the doorway, shaking his head at me, was Potter.

“W-what?” I stuttered, confused. I only vaguely remembered casting the charm at this point.

“You’re always up here, on your own and thinking to yourself,” he explained, walking over to the bed. He removed his shoes and socks with strange care before sitting on the other side of the mattress. “I know you think that you are responsible for everything has happened, Draco, but you can’t keep thinking that way…I know I’m one to talk, but you’ve got to realize that you are not to blame. You were threatened and forced into acting and yet you still didn’t do it. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t because it’s you…Snape killed Dumbledore, Draco… not you.”

“B-but I…” I mumbled, my eyes shining with unshed tears, tears I didn’t know I still had in me. Potter shook his head at me and crawled over the mattress to sit next to me.

“Shh,” he whispered, brushing little tears off my cheeks. His hands were warm and soft. I didn’t say anything. I just stared into his eyes as he reassured me. “It’s alright, love. Don’t think about it now, alright? You don’t need to worry about it. It’s over now and I’ve got you…we’ve got each other.”

“H-Harry…” I whispered to him, leaning in as he held me. I could feel tears stream down my face now and I don’t know why I called him by his name… I’ve never done that before. But…somehow it felt so right. It felt as though I should be calling him that for the rest of my life…always his first name…no more Potter. Just Harry.

He held me for a while, I don’t know how long. He twirled bits of my hair with his fingertips and ran a hand down my back for a while, trying to calm me down. I felt so safe and warm in his arms. I’ve never felt that way in my life… never even at home with Mother and Father…there was always some kind of distant cold feeling that interrupted any moment of comfort.

But not here, not with Harry.

He finally lifted my head to his and smiled at me. It was intoxicating, like that smile after Gryffindor won Quidditch. Always that smile and somehow I can’t help but feel better after that.

“Draco…I need you to stop thinking this way,” he told me, brushing his lips against mine softly. “ Please… for me?”

“Anything,” I answered. And I kissed him. I pressed my mouth against his and tasted him more fully than I ever had before. I pushed against him and he leaned back into the mattress. He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me even closer to him as we kissed and I explored his mouth with my tongue.

I felt myself getting hotter and hotter in my clothes as I let my body press firmly against his. He spread his legs beneath me and wrapped them around mine, so that our hips were grinding together hard. I panted into the kiss as his fingers found their way up into my hair.

I shivered. My hands wandered over his body, feeling him as much as I could, even if it was a dream or a spell… He felt so real, so solid and so strong.

I tugged at his shirt and pulled it over his head, carefully breaking the kiss for only a moment. He quickly pulled my shirt off too so that our lips need only be apart once. I crushed my mouth against his quickly, pressing our chests together so hard that it was as though I could feel his heart beat against mine.

As I sucked on his tongue, I rubbed my hips into his and I could feel him hard against me. It was so strange to feel him that way… it felt so good. We were pressing against each other as though we wanted to be one person…to remove any space between us imaginable because even the tiniest distance was miles away.

I dragged my hands down his sides and began to fiddle with his trousers, yanking them down bit by bit to reveal more and more of him to me. More of him to touch and feel and see and breathe. He moaned into my kiss as I finally managed to bring his trousers down past his hips.

“Draco, please,” he murmured, grasping me harder and arching his hips into me so that his hard shaft brushed against the skin of my stomach. I shivered from the feeling and smiled softly.

I had to break the kiss. He whimpered when I did but let me pull his trousers off completely. I took a moment, just a moment, to look at him. To see everything I could and take him all in.

“Why do you look at me like that every time?” he asked quietly, the faintest flush of pink on his cheeks. I smiled and brought my hand to his shaft, wrapping my fingers around it and rubbing it.

“Because you’re gorgeous,” I said. It sounded like a hiss coming from me at that moment, but I didn’t care. I stared into his eyes, kneeling over him and holding him in my hand…

It felt so good and so real but…but at the same time I was overcome with deep sadness because I knew this wasn’t real. I knew that it couldn’t be because no matter how much I felt like it was, no matter how much I wanted it, it could never be. Not for me.

But I ignored it.

I leaned in further and pumped harder, kissing his lips softly as he moaned.

“Draco, please,” Ha-…Potter whined to me. “Please, Draco, I want you inside…”

I felt my excitement rise even further just at his words. I nodded to him and smiled, bringing my hand to my own mouth. I sucked on my fingers and carefully wet them before leaning over him and pressing them one by one into him. He felt hot and tight and I moaned before he did just at the thought.

“Draco…yes, more,” he groaned fisting my hair and pulling me down to him. I put in another finger and then another, stretching him enough to make sure that he would not hurt.

He moaned and cried out in the pleasure I was giving him and I swear, only his word and the look on his face could have sent me over the edge, but I pulled my fingers out and removed my trousers instead.

When I did, he took a moment to stare at me the way I had looked at him before, with a small smile on his hot face. He licked his lips.

“I want you now, Draco,” he growled, his voice husky and seductive. I ran my hand over my own…erection…and somehow it was slick with something liquid. I positioned my self over him and he spread his legs further apart to make it easier for me.

I held my length to his entrance and pushed in slowly, taking every single sensation as I pressed deeper into him. He tightened around me somehow as I went and I know that had this not been a fantasy, I would have finished right then and there.

“Ah Harry!” I moaned, jutting my hips forwards into him. He cried out and wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me deeper and I started pulling out slowly.

“Yes, Draco, more!!” he cried to me, angling his body so that he could contribute to the movements. I pushed and pulled and felt him around me, covering me as I filled him and I had to shut my eyes from how overwhelming the whole thing was.

I went faster and harder into him, leaning closer and closer to feel every inch of his skin against mine as he clutched tightly to me and moaned and screamed.

“Ah, Harry...” I moaned against him, coming so close as I moved.

“Yes, Draco, ah… Draco!!” he finally screamed, exploding all over himself and against my chest. I felt him shudder and shake from his climax and couldn’t help it. I spilled out inside of him right after with a moan and a sigh.

I collapsed on top of him and he held me close as we tried to breathe through the stupor of euphoria.

“Harry, I love you,” I whispered to him.

And then it ended. The charm just ended. It ended and stopped and he disappeared and I was left there, alone in that dark cell, lying on my back on the bed, sticky and wet from the spell and crying as I whimpered quietly out into the air.

“I love you and I just don’t know how to stop…”

*******

I don’t know what day it is. I still don’t, I should say, but now I’m getting worried. I had grown too accustomed to the loneliness of the room I’ve been in. I had grown too accustomed to the idea that I would spend the rest of my life in this tiny little space and never see the light of day again.

I had grown so accustomed that I was calm and almost comfortable in my misery… but now…

Today I heard rustling outside the room. I’d never heard anything from beyond the door before except Snape’s footsteps just before he’d open the door to throw some kind of nourishment at me. But today I heard voices… Several voices.

I heard two people talking distantly and then footsteps closer… much closer at hand and suddenly, without warning, there was a banging on the door and on the wall, as though someone was looking for a hollow spot…as though they couldn’t locate the entrance.

I froze and said nothing, knowing that this must be someone other than Snape and my speaking would only lead them straight to me….

Now I don’t trust Snape in the slightest, but I don’t trust anyone else any more.

I felt cold and could hear my heart beat loudly in my ears as the door shuddered in it’s frame and then more footsteps came.

Then the voices grew loud and angry.

“Wormtail!! What do you think you are doing?!” Snape’s voice came muffled through the wall. “You filthy little rat!!”

And then a scream and a thud on the ground.

“What have you been hiding up here, Severus?!” a high pitched and very weak voice cried back. It was as though it was trying to be strong and commanding but failing miserably. “What have you been hiding from the Dark Lord?!”

“I hide nothing from Him, Wormtail,” Snape spat icily. “Just because I do not share all my knowledge with you does not mean I keep anything from Him. Or shall I tell him you think him that easily fooled?!”

“N-no… Snape you… you wouldn’t!” the other man whimpered. A derisive laugh came next.

“Do you really wish to test that theory?” Then silence for a moment. “Then you will do as you are told! The Dark Lord assigned you to aid me in whatever I needed and you will do only what I ask and nothing else. You are essentially a slave, Wormtail. I daresay a higher position than the likes of you deserves.”

“But Severus, whatever you are hiding from me-”

“Whatever I may or may not be hiding from you, Wormtail, concerns only the Dark Lord and I.”

And then nothing but my heart beating in my head and the cold realization that Snape must have betrayed me to Voldemort… I’m a sitting duck…

I’m a sitting duck and I can’t even do anything about it.

I…I need to get out of here. I need to get out and escape and… and I need to find Potter.

Yes… I need to find Potter…Somehow…

-----IIIIII------

A/N: Look! Not a dream! But a DAYdream! Hahahaha T_T I’m such a tool. Ok, so this chapter is just a slow push into the new material. Draco’s journal entries are going to get a little more specific so that the events and everything are clear… obviously I can’t be as vague as I have been in some past entries, so I hope you don’t mind that. I’ve also got to do my best not to rush things at this point, so if you feel it’s going too fast, feel free to tell me!

I hope you enjoyed it and I’m going to keep sending emails of notification to those that I still have on the list (the emails that haven’t gone hidden or what heheh) And again, if you would like to be added to the list, just say so! :)

Reviews get cookies and my love and…well fast updates hahah