Broken Smile

Broken Smile

Hermione turned onto her side, her eyes fluttered open; she could hear someone throwing up. She climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. The door was ajar. Titan was kneeing over the toilet; he seemed to have stopped throwing up.

Hermione opened the door wide and walked over to her son; she rubbed his back gently. Titan reached up and flushed the toilet; he couldn’t help but shake. Hermione knelt down next to Titan, she was rubbing his back while her other hand felt his forehead. He felt lukewarm, though he was paler then usual.

“Are you not well, sweetie?” his mother asked him while passing some toilet paper to him. “Maybe you ate something bad.”

Titan hadn’t looked at his mother yet. He kept his eyes downcast, even when his mother took his face into her hands. She gently rubbed his cheeks with her thumbs. Hermione raised his face up gently so she could look at his eyes; when she saw the pain it was like the reflection of her own eyes not so long ago.

“Titan, what’s wrong?” his mother asked; she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. The look in his eyes made a lump rise in Hermione’s throat.

Titan didn’t answer. He just looked at his mother with a dazed expression, as if he wasn’t seeing her. All he could hear was his mother sobbing and the haunted look in her eyes.

“Titan…” Hermione rubbed his face again. “Come on—let’s get you back to bed.” Hermione tried to help him up but he didn’t budge.

“I couldn’t stop him…you were just crying…but no one came,” Titan said softly.

Hermione frost, her heart stopped; they held one another’s gaze. She couldn’t help but hope she picked her son up wrong or maybe she was dreaming. Neither one of them spoke. Titan just lost the hope that maybe it was just a dream; that’s all he’d been thinking about. From the look in his mother’s eyes and the way she began to shake, he knew…

“He hurt you…I had to stand there and watch…”

“Titan, please…” Hermione pleaded through her tears; she couldn’t look him in the eyes now.

“All those things I said to you…you would always cry…I thought you just did that to make me feel bad…”

“How do you know? Your dreams…” Hermione sounded scared, like a child.

“Why did you keep me?” Titan asked almost angrily.

His mother’s head snapped up at his words, her tears still freely slipping down her cheeks. “You’re my son—how could I not? I had these dreams just like you do; I dreamt about you…” Hermione took hold of her son’s hands.

“He took everything from…just like he promised…I had nothing to live for…not even Charlie.” Hermione didn’t like the sounds of her own words, but they were true. “When I found out I was pregnant with you…well, that gave me every reason to go on.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me think of him as a…man?” Titan hadn’t cried—he couldn’t. Maybe it was the Malfoy way; Hermione had only seen Draco cry once.

Hermione looked into the pale face of her son; he seemed so much older, but his eyes told another story. There were many reasons she hadn’t told him; it was the same reason she had never spoken of what happened that night with anyone in detail. She was ashamed, no matter how many times she was told it wasn’t her fault.

“Titan, I was scared…I wanted to protect you…”

“He raped you…I couldn’t stop him…” Hermione’s heart broke when she saw his tears. “I’m sorry…sorry…”

Hermione took her son into her arms; his head rested against her breasts. Titan gripped his mother as if scared she’d disappear. He cried against her for all the things he saw, for everything he said to her and all he didn’t.

Lucius Malfoy broke Hermione in more ways than one, though he repaired her without even knowing. Tears fell from both mother and son’s eyes. Hermione felt relieved to have the weight lifted from her shoulders in some way; she and Titan had some more bridges to cross…but she knew they would have a long way to go. They stayed like that for awhile. Hermione wasn’t sure what to do or say, so she just held him.

The bathroom door opened; Ron stood there in his Pyjama. “What’s going on?” Ron asked.

Hermione wiped her eyes, but still held Titan. “Titan’s not feeling well,” Hermione told her middle son.

Titan straightened up, wiping his eyes; he didn’t want his little brother to see him like this. Ron walked farther into the bathroom; he looked worried.

“You alright, Titan? Maybe we shouldn’t have eaten all that ice cream,” Ron interjected.

They didn’t have the chance to answer him because little Arthur was standing in the doorway. “Mummy, I woke up and Ron was gone.”

The door was hiding Ron from Arthur’s view; Ron pushed back the door.
“I’m here, Snot Rag,” Ron said grinning.

Arthur rubbed his eyes with his little fist; he went over to his mother and big brother and sat down in his mother’s lap. Hermione put her arms around him; Arthur looked at Titan.

“What’s going on? I woke up and you were gone,” Charlie said from the doorway, sounding just like his son. Hermione smiled at her husband’s words; a weak smile, but a smile all the same.

Charlie looked from Hermione’s face to Titan’s; he could see the tear marks, even in the poor light. His eyes met with Hermione’s; her eyes asked him not to ask questions.

“Titan wasn’t feeling well,” Hermione told Charlie, as her eyes fell back on her oldest son.

“Right, as lovely as this is—I have to go,” Ron informed them.

Hermione picked up Arthur and Titan followed suit; he seemed to be in a daze. Outside the bathroom Titan made his way for the stairs; he couldn’t look anyone in the eyes.

“Titan, where are you going?” Hermione asked him. Her face was almost as pale as Titan’s.

“I need some water,” he answered softly. His mother watched him walk down the stairs; she thought maybe he needed a moment.

Charlie looked at Hermione. “You okay? What happened?” he asked, while putting his arm around her. Arthur was nestled between them; his little head rested on his mother’s shoulder. Hermione was about to answer when Ron came out of the bathroom looking relieved.

“That’s better. Come on, Snot Rag,” Ron said holding out his arms for his younger brother.

Arthur held onto his mother’s neck. “Can I sleep in your bed?” he whispered.

Hermione looked at Charlie; she remembered when she was a little girl how she used to sleep in her parents’ bed after she had a bad dream.

“If Daddy says yes, then you can,” his mother told him.

Arthur gave his father a cute little smile; Charlie took him from Hermione. “Alright, come on you little monkey.”

Charlie carried Arthur into his and Hermione’s room. Titan was going back up the stairs; he didn’t look as if he wanted to go back to sleep.

“Night, Mum. Maybe you should sleep in Arthur’s bed—just in case you get sick again,” Ron suggested to Titan.

“Why don’t you two sleep in our bed for tonight?” Hermione thought that would be a better idea. She would feel better if they were all together tonight.

Ron looked at Titan to see what he thought; he noticed his older brother’s face was impassive. He was going to asked what was wrong, but he thought better of it.

“Come on, I won’t tell any of your friends,” Hermione said putting her arms around both of them.

Arthur and Ron were in the middle; Arthur nearest to his mother and Ron to his father. Titan slept by his mother’s side. He was still shaking a little; Hermione kissed the side of his head, while he laid his head on her shoulder. Titan twirled his mother’s hair around his finger like he used to when he was a little boy. If for one night he could a little boy again—being held by his mother.

* * * * * * * *

Titan sat out by the lake; he finally understood all his mother did for him…if not for her he wouldn’t be here today. His granddad told him that he saved his mother…but knew that wasn’t true because his mother was the real hero.

“Hey.”

Titan looked sideways at his stepfather, though he didn’t meet his eyes.

“Can I sit down?” Charlie asked.

Titan nodded his head in answer. Charlie sat down and looked out onto the water. Charlie always thought of Titan as his own son, though he never told Titan for he didn’t think he wanted to hear it.

“Thanks…” Titan said softly.

Charlie looked at Titan with a puzzled expression.

“For what…?” Charlie asked

“For being there for her,” Titan replied.

Titan felt guilty for the way he had treated his stepfather over the years; almost as guilty as he felt for the way he had treated his mother.

“I’m glad I could be; she had a tough life,” Charlie said after moment.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Charlie replied, a little surprised.

“Uncle Ron and Mum…were they…?” Titan struggled to ask. “…some times when she talks about him…I don’t know…”

This wasn’t Charlie’s story to tell, but Titan had been kept in the dark for so long Charlie thought it couldn’t do any harm. A small smile tugged at his lips; not a day went by that Charlie didn’t think about his little brother. Part of Charlie knew that Hermione’s heart would always belong to Ron; even if he only held a small part…that was enough.

“When your mum was in school…well, she was even more bossy back then—I heard,” Charlie’s smile reached his eyes. “Your mum and Uncle Ron used to fight about everything. Now, from a distance you would think they hated one another, but if you looked closely you could see they were crazy about each other.”

“So, did you steal my mum from Uncle Ron…?”

Charlie laughed and shook his head. “No. I wanted to—believe me…smart, funny—I’m sorry if my next words make you roll your eyes—incurable beautiful.”

“So, when did it happen?” Titan asked; Charlie had to smile at how mature Titan was behaving.

“It didn’t happen overnight—I was in love with your mother…but she had been through so much…she needed time.” Charlie couldn’t believe they were talking about this. “We were both home for the holidays and your mother hadn’t told anyone she was pregnant.”

“But she told you,” Titan stated.

“No, I guessed. And during her pregnancy, we grow closer…and…lucky for me, your mum lowered her standards,” Charlie said smiling.

“And she lowered her standards by having me…” Titan spoke with a soft tone, though the bitterness was clear for Charlie to hear.

“Do you really believe that?”

“Yes, I do,” Titan said angrily. “How can she even look at me?”

“I used to think the same thing…” Charlie’s words made Titan finally looked into his stepfather’s eyes… “About Draco…I didn’t understand how your mother could bear to be near him after what happened.”

Titan could see in his stepfather’s eyes that this was hard for him. He had never understood why Charlie hated Draco so much; Titan thought maybe Charlie was jealous of the closeness between his mother and older brother. Now he knew the truth: Charlie was scared Draco would hurt his mother the same way Draco’s father did.

“Draco would never tell me what I wanted to know…”

”As much as I hate to admit it—Draco is nothing like your fath-Lucius… Draco was there for your mother when I couldn’t be…and for you—which I’m thankful for.”

Silence fell upon them; neither felt comfortable with touchy-feely moments. A small smile tugged at Titan’s lips as he looked out onto the water. If you would have asked him for a good memory of him and his stepfather, two days ago he would have come up with a blank.

“Remember when you taught me to swim?” Titan said after a moment, gesturing towards the water.

Charlie looked at him, smiling; he didn’t think Titan remembered things like that—or perhaps chose to forget them. “You were about seven—your mum was so worried…she made me swear on my wand that I wouldn’t let you drown.”

Titan laughed. “After the first ten minutes I was swimming better than you anyway,” Titan said in mock smugness.

“Hey! It was after the first eleven minutes actually,” Charlie replied, amused.

“You keep telling yourself that. The same goes for chess—when was the last time you beat me?” Titan’s smile reached his eyes.

Charlie and Titan hadn’t played chess for years; the last time they played Titan was ten. Charlie taught Titan to play chess when he was about nine; but once Titan became used to the pieces and the rules Charlie didn’t stand a chance.

“Is that a challenge? I have to warn you I won’t go easy on you now that you’re older,” Charlie said trying to sound series.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever gets you to sleep at night, Charlie.” Titan turned to look at his stepfather properly. Titan had respect for Lucius, a man he never met, a man he knew was his biological father but nothing else. Now Charlie was the man across from him, the one Titan had grown up with, the one who was always there even if he didn’t want him to be.

Charlie watched Titan for a moment. He could see the hesitation in his eyes; he realized Titan wanted to say something but was unsure where to begin. Charlie wasn’t sure himself; Titan reminded him of Draco everyday, though he held his mother’s sprit.

“So…” Charlie began.

“I’m sorry…” Titan couldn’t look at him any longer; his gaze fell upon the water again. “…I don’t know what else to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything…maybe just go easy on me when we play chess,” Charlie said with a slight smile.

“I can do that,” Titan quipped. “Maybe.”

“How about I go dig out the chess board—it’s still early,” Charlie offered.

“Yeah, sure…I just need a minute.”

Charlie stood up and started heading back to the house, a smile playing across his face. He could see Hermione coming out of the house with her valet book in one hand and Titan’s coat in the other.

“How is he?” Hermione asked.

“He’s okay…I think he’s more worried about you,” Charlie said rubbing his wife’s upper arms gently.

“What were you talking about?”

“Man things,” he began with a smile. “We’re going to play chess.”

Hermione returned her husband’s smile; she reached up and brushed her lips against his. “Thank you.” She spoke softly.

“For what..?”

“For being you.”

“Well, I guess I will be getting plenty more of those kisses then,” Charlie quipped before brushing his lips against hers.

Hermione slowly walked towards her son; she hadn’t thought this was the way she would be spending Christmas Eve. She stopped behind Titan and put his coat around his shoulders. She sat down, resting her book in her lap.

Titan took off his coat and put it around his mother’s shoulder’s; she smiled at him. “Charlie said you two are going to play chess,” Hermione said after a moment.

“Yeah…it’s cold out here—you should go inside,” Titan said in a man-like voice.

Hermione smiled; she couldn’t help but think that Titan was more like Charlie than he realized. “I’m fine; I have your coat.”

Titan was about to say something but thought better of it; he reached across and took the book from her hand. His eyes met with his mother’s; she looked nervous.

“A while ago…mmm, your Aunt Ginny suggested that I should write a different sort of book…she has some contacts…”

“A book about what happened…”

Hermione’s eyes were focused on the book in Titan’s hands. “Yes…so I started writing…I haven’t finished…” She looked back up at her son. It was hard to believe that only yesterday she had sat in the bathroom with him while he cried in her arms.

“I thought maybe…it would help—maybe you would be able to understand things that I can’t explain…”

“Are you going to publish it?” Titan asked after a moment.

“I’m not sure—maybe…I want you to read it first.”

Titan hadn’t opened the book; he just looked at his mother. He both wanted and didn’t want to read the book at the same time; though there were some things he wanted to ask her.

“Did you know him well before…?”

Hermione wasn’t shocked at his question; he wanted—needed—to know or at least try to understand.

“The first time I met him was in Diagon Alley—I was twelve…then again just before my fourth year at the world cup…we never really spoke—not until that…night.” Hermione’s throat was dry as she spoke.

“He was a Death Eater—he killed my grandparents, didn’t he?” Titan asked in a strong voice…stronger than he felt.

Hermione swallowed; she planned to answer his questions the best she could and try not to break down. “Being best friends with Harry and Ron and a Muggleborn—well, I didn’t have much of a chance…”

“Titan, I don’t know much about him…Draco and I didn’t become friends until after…I wish…”

“Mum,” Titan began, taking hold of his mother’s hand. “I don’t want to know anything about him…I actually want to know about you.

“I feel like I don’t know you…it sounds stupid, I know…you had this whole other life…”

Hermione gave his hand a squeeze; she was proud of how mature he was being, but she could see in his eyes, which told her how scared he was, too. “Let me see…well, I’m 5ft 2, my favourite food is beans on toast, I like to dance, and between me and you I’m a size twelve, not a size ten—no matter what I tell other people.”

Titan laughed; Hermione gathered him in her arms and laughed along with him. “You know what I mean, woman—Charlie’s rubbing off on you.”

“You both are,” Hermione said and then kissed his cheek. “I tell you what; you play a game of chess with Charlie while I put Arthur to bed and then we’ll have a talk.”

They both stood up and headed back to the house; Titan had his arms around his mum. Hermione knew that everything wasn’t going to be happily ever after, but what is life without some mystery.

“Try not to beat Charlie too quickly,” Hermione said with a smile.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Titan replied, and he kissed the top of his mother’s head.

* * * * * *
Big hugs to Jamie.

saintthistle-thanks for reviewing.

Juri-Poor Titan; it was hard writing his dream, I felt sorry for him the whole time. Thanks.

Annalumos-It was a dream, but he saw what really happen to his mother. When Hermione was pregnant with Titan she had dreams about him; Hermione only had those dreams because of Titan’s powers; she didn’t have those dreams with her another kids.

Shampoo-Thanks-glad you liked it.

DrkMnComikker-you always write something funny. Thanks.