Dirty deeds

21 January (Tuesday)

Taverner’s Owl interrupted my breakfast. Checked terms and conditions to make sure they weren’t pulling a fast one – so young and yet so cynical – and then signed on the dotted line. Appended note to the effect that I would be resigning on Friday and negotiatingiod iod of notice at the same time.

Theoretically should stay at Ministry for next three months but I reckon that over the three years that I have worked for Old Boss, that I am due at least five weeks holiday. Shall have to see how much of that I can get out of the old bastard. May be tricky as he thinks I don’t have any leverage. Shall have to delicately point out that I can go quietly – with five weeks holiday – or I can decide to go noisily. Rita Skeeter not exactly an old friend – some people get so upset about being kept in a jar – but she is prepared to stab anyone in the back for cold hard cash, or even for the fun of it.

Wonder if she is Slytherin, or merely been sleeping with them. Also wonder if that is why Slytherins so reluctant to go out with anyone other than a fellow Slytherin; they want to keep all that knowledge and power to themselves.

Looking forward to work for first time since Tosser’s promotion. Have no intention of making this easy for them.

Have every intention of making this as difficult as possible. And that is going to be very difficult indeed.

Gryffindor courage and determination coupled with Slytherin sneaking and desire for vengeance is a potent combination. Dear god, must remember contraception for next five years. Can you imagine what our children would be like? Can’t face that for a very long time. Probably ought to work up to it by getting part time job at the zoo and learning how to face down lions and tigers. And that’s just for starters.

Pottered into work thirty minutes late, with chai latte. Sure that Severus would agree that it is best to keep the little bastards guessing.

Was greeted by reception committee of sheep. They looked worried. Apparently Tosser had told them to alter the ingredients on the experimental potion they were workon. on. Even a complete fuckwit could tell that would result in disaster of immense proportions, so apparently Tosser is a fuckhalfwit.

Not feeling sufficiently Slytherin to allow them to be wiped out in horrid accident, particularly when in the same building, so promised to have word with Tosser. Tosser kept smirking through entire conversation and rapidly came to the conclusion that it was a put up job to make me take over some of his responsibilities.

If the daft sod thinks he can con me like that!! Seems he really does think that women are the inferior sex. Obviously mere fact that have periods once a month interferes with thought processes. Just because they think with their sexual organs, they seem to think that we do too.

Told Tosser that of course he was the boss and that free to do what he wanted, but was very brave decision to take, and not just politically. Then cast Protego over self and pointed out that short of the building collapsing on me I was alright, Jack.

Obviously if they did what he wanted the building would collapse on us, not to mention waving goodbye to most of greater London, but looking on the bright side it would allow the town planners to get it right this time. In fact, could be a bit of a bonus. Politicians always wining that left with legacy of Georgian and Victorian London; wouldn’t have that problem any more. Quite like the British Museum though so would be a shame.

Tosser backed down and said that second in command sheep had obviously misunderstood what he had said,her her fault not his. Probably due to fact that girl and therefore didn’t have bollocks, and therefore this impedes her hearing in some way.

Hermione 1 – Tosser 0.

Probably much higher score but have only just decided to keep score so shall be fair and disregard previous goals.

Afternoon fortunately not spent scraping people off the walls but purloining more of my research and some books. Purloining not the right word to describe removal of research du to their unfortunate oversight with the confidentiality clauses. Entirely accurate description of acquisition of books from Ministry library. No one had read them for thirty years until I took them out and once I have gone no one else will read them. Not so much stealing as helping them escape to a better place. And it makes up for all the free overtime I have given them when I stayed behind to sort things out.


The anti-theft charms they fit on Ministry property are wholly inadequate. Good for me, bad for them.

By the end of the day have acquired most of the interesting books and copied about two thirds of the research. If I manage to finish it all early I suppose I could resign on Thursday. A decent shrinking charm, and then I am off home. Could see Tosser sulking in office as went home – he had to stay late to watch an experiment. Someone – me – had told him it couldn’t be left unsupervised in case of vague and unspecified happenings involving destruction of city.

Pillock fell for it as well.

Spent the rest of the evening polishing my leaving speech.


No owl from Severus which was odd. Hope rot hasn’t set in already. Now that got ring on my finger maybe he doesn’t think he has to keep me sweet.

Maybe just has lots to do with arrangements and will owl me tomorrow. That must be it. If haven’t heard anything by tomorrow will Owl again. Need to make arrangements for weekend – Severus meeting the parents.

Will be nothing short of a bleeding disaster. Severus will go down like a cup of cold sick, poor dear.