Low Man Is Due
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
30
Views:
21,772
Reviews:
98
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
30
Views:
21,772
Reviews:
98
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
AN 1 Lay beside me, tell me what I've done...
Low Man Is Due – Author’s Notes
Yes, that horrible cliff hanger IS the end of the story!
PART ONE
LMID is a story that has been in my brain for a long time. In fact, I had the idea for it at about the same time as Lentesco. Jilliane was told the briefest of outlines for both stories, and wanted me to write LMID first (at that point it didn’t have a name); however, I was still writing Areas of Expertise II and wanted a break from some of the angst, so I went for Lentesco instead. I’m glad I did as I think the darkness of LMID straight after AoEII would have finished me off!
So, this story is dedicated to Jilliane as she has been nagging me for AGES to write it! And indeed, spent quite a lot of time nagging at me to continue writing this story.
The title was something that I struggled with – and indeed, is something I always struggle with. I was listening to ‘Low Man’s Lyric’ by Metallica and was struck by how many of the lines fit Harry and/or Severus, so at that point, I knew what was going to be used for chapter titles. I also decided upon LMID as the story title as I think it’s open to interpretation as to what it means, and I wanted that ambivalence, as, like all my stories, nothing is exactly what it seems.
Ok, so, I’ve nearly finished wittering on generally, but not quite. Some readers asked for longer chapters, that just couldn’t happen, as each one is utterly draining to write. You just see the end result, you don’t see the work that goes into each chapter. For instance, chapter one was edited and changed at least three times to make it more and more painful and unpleasant.
So, you see the chapter, but I have to write it, then go back and look at each paragraph in turn and add sections and description, then read the whole chapter to see if it flows. Of course, if it doesn’t, I have to look at it again, and again, and again. So, chapters are the length they are purely to stop me having a mental breakdown!
And on that, I’m likely to be withdrawing from Snarry writing for a bit, as I will be working on some original fiction and on possibly moving and changing jobs.
Life is a bit up in the air at the moment!
Chapter One: Nowhere safe from the storm – As I said above, this chapter changed a LOT. If you want to see some of the changes, pull up the author’s notes for Lentesco, as there’s an earlier draft of this chapter up there as a teaser for LMID. I was going to put that it was Snape at the end, but it seemed kinda superfluous.
Chapter Two: We’re just the toys in the hands of another… - Hmm, and already we start with the misdirecting of the titles! At first glance it would seem that this applies to Harry, being a “toy” for Snape, but really it applies to them both being “toys” in Voldemort’s hands. It also, if you’re really smart, makes you wonder whether or not to trust what Harry sees in regards to Ron – if Harry is a toy, he is being “played”!
Chapter Three: My eyes seek reality – This, coupled with the last chapter title should have started alarm bells ringing. Harry is looking for reality (when he watches Ron), but is not seeing it. That is about the most blatant hint I have ever given in one of my stories!
Chapter Four: This won’t hurt I swear – I know this seems obviously like Snape mocking Harry, but actually it applies to Snape, trying to tell himself that he can do this to Harry and he (Snape) will not break inside. Snape has to play the role assigned to him, even if it costs him everything he ever wanted.
Chapter Five: The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through – A hint, if a hint were needed, that there was not going to be any let up from the torment of Harry. It also has rather obvious links to events in the story, like when he has to crawl to the Death Eater meeting. I know Jilliane was upset at seeing Severus so evil to Harry, but obviously, Snape doesn’t know how much he is being observed, so has to continue to play the part, even after he’s forced himself on Harry.
Chapter Six: Black heart scarring darker still – The one with the ‘black heart’ is clearly Lucius. I had meant to write the Lucius torture scene as one chapter, but was too exhausted by the time I got to this point to continue on, which is why it is broken into parts. This is also the first chapter in this story that nearly made me cry whilst writing it. Also, some people got a little confused here – Ron is not being tortured by the other Death Eaters, he is in the room that Lucius goes to and shuts the door of before he starts on Harry.
Chapter Seven: Never Free. It was during writing this chapter that I wrote the first draft of the end of this part of the story. I include it below to show you how things change:
“Potter, remember why you are doing this – the Weasley boy cannot take what you do. You are protecting him.”
“Protecting him?!” Harry sobbed, “I can’t protect myself; how can I protect him? I can’t even save myself. I can’t save him, I can’t.”
“You can, and you will.”
“I can’t.” Harry moaned, hands clawing at the stonework.
“Do you want him to suffer?”
“Yes!” Harry screamed. “I can’t take anymore! Let him suffer. I don’t care! I’ve had enough! I can’t take anymore!”
He howled, animalistic and beyond help. “Hurt him.” He choked. “Not me.”
END OF PART ONE
Anyway, chapter seven was horrible to write, as I knew what I wanted to put, but my brain wanted to focus on the emotional trauma later in the story and didn’t want to describe this bit at all. I don’t blame my brain, this stuff is hard to keep writing, especially as I am usually a sweet kind person :D.
In fact, chapter seven was written in two parts. The first part ended with Lucius rubbing his dick and musing. I showed it to Jilliane and she said to post it as a chapter on its own, but I didn’t want to devote yet ANOTHER chapter to Lucius’ torture of Harry (and have to find another chapter title!) so I wrote the second part of it a week later. I also wanted to not give the reader any relent from what was happening to Harry – tying in with the title. I actually felt my stomach churning as I wrote some of this, so what it did to the gentler reader I do not know.
Chapter Eight: Sick and tired, I stand alone – Another one of my title which has multiple meanings 1: Harry feels sick, tired and alone at the moment, 2: Severus feels alone and unsure, and 3: Ron very definitely feels alone.
This was written straight after chapter seven, which is why it was posted so quickly. I write more on weekends, as I don’t have the pressures of my job to contend with. I was thinking I’d reach the end of the first part in this chapter, but then I realised that the end of part one would need more of a build up, so it doesn’t end here.
It was actually quite an easy chapter to write, although I did worry that Severus seemed too nice, but then I re-read what I’d put, trying to not think about his motivations and it came off ok. The description of Harry feeling dazed is actually how I felt the morning I wrote this chapter. I’d gone to bed at midnight and not slept well. In the end my next door neighbours woke me up just before 5am so I got up and did some chores around the house before falling asleep on the couch. How I felt before I dozed off is how Harry feels.
Chapter Nine: I fall cos I let go – I knew, way back at the start, that this chapter would be called this. It’s just such a perfect description of what Harry’s going through. He gives in – letting Ron take the punishment because he lets go – he stops fighting.
And yes, I was not at all well for a week! I recovered just over a week later, but for seven days my heart thumped madly and I coughed whenever I tried to move. Not pleasant. That kinda feeling is not conducive to writing!
I’d compare this chapter to the first draft of it (included above) just so you get some idea of how things change. I was really quite surprised by people’s reactions to Harry’s breakdown. I thought it was plausible. Mind you, no one said it seemed implausible, just they were shocked Harry had said it. Part of that comes from canon, obviously, cos he’s always such a little hero, but if he is only heroic, he is a dull character. Flawed characters are much more realistic and more interesting to write.
I don’t really know why I’ve split this into parts, just that this story seemed to make sense to be split into parts.
Have you scrolled all the way down here thinking I’ve hidden a little treat? Sorry, I haven’t!
Yes, that horrible cliff hanger IS the end of the story!
PART ONE
LMID is a story that has been in my brain for a long time. In fact, I had the idea for it at about the same time as Lentesco. Jilliane was told the briefest of outlines for both stories, and wanted me to write LMID first (at that point it didn’t have a name); however, I was still writing Areas of Expertise II and wanted a break from some of the angst, so I went for Lentesco instead. I’m glad I did as I think the darkness of LMID straight after AoEII would have finished me off!
So, this story is dedicated to Jilliane as she has been nagging me for AGES to write it! And indeed, spent quite a lot of time nagging at me to continue writing this story.
The title was something that I struggled with – and indeed, is something I always struggle with. I was listening to ‘Low Man’s Lyric’ by Metallica and was struck by how many of the lines fit Harry and/or Severus, so at that point, I knew what was going to be used for chapter titles. I also decided upon LMID as the story title as I think it’s open to interpretation as to what it means, and I wanted that ambivalence, as, like all my stories, nothing is exactly what it seems.
Ok, so, I’ve nearly finished wittering on generally, but not quite. Some readers asked for longer chapters, that just couldn’t happen, as each one is utterly draining to write. You just see the end result, you don’t see the work that goes into each chapter. For instance, chapter one was edited and changed at least three times to make it more and more painful and unpleasant.
So, you see the chapter, but I have to write it, then go back and look at each paragraph in turn and add sections and description, then read the whole chapter to see if it flows. Of course, if it doesn’t, I have to look at it again, and again, and again. So, chapters are the length they are purely to stop me having a mental breakdown!
And on that, I’m likely to be withdrawing from Snarry writing for a bit, as I will be working on some original fiction and on possibly moving and changing jobs.
Life is a bit up in the air at the moment!
Chapter One: Nowhere safe from the storm – As I said above, this chapter changed a LOT. If you want to see some of the changes, pull up the author’s notes for Lentesco, as there’s an earlier draft of this chapter up there as a teaser for LMID. I was going to put that it was Snape at the end, but it seemed kinda superfluous.
Chapter Two: We’re just the toys in the hands of another… - Hmm, and already we start with the misdirecting of the titles! At first glance it would seem that this applies to Harry, being a “toy” for Snape, but really it applies to them both being “toys” in Voldemort’s hands. It also, if you’re really smart, makes you wonder whether or not to trust what Harry sees in regards to Ron – if Harry is a toy, he is being “played”!
Chapter Three: My eyes seek reality – This, coupled with the last chapter title should have started alarm bells ringing. Harry is looking for reality (when he watches Ron), but is not seeing it. That is about the most blatant hint I have ever given in one of my stories!
Chapter Four: This won’t hurt I swear – I know this seems obviously like Snape mocking Harry, but actually it applies to Snape, trying to tell himself that he can do this to Harry and he (Snape) will not break inside. Snape has to play the role assigned to him, even if it costs him everything he ever wanted.
Chapter Five: The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through – A hint, if a hint were needed, that there was not going to be any let up from the torment of Harry. It also has rather obvious links to events in the story, like when he has to crawl to the Death Eater meeting. I know Jilliane was upset at seeing Severus so evil to Harry, but obviously, Snape doesn’t know how much he is being observed, so has to continue to play the part, even after he’s forced himself on Harry.
Chapter Six: Black heart scarring darker still – The one with the ‘black heart’ is clearly Lucius. I had meant to write the Lucius torture scene as one chapter, but was too exhausted by the time I got to this point to continue on, which is why it is broken into parts. This is also the first chapter in this story that nearly made me cry whilst writing it. Also, some people got a little confused here – Ron is not being tortured by the other Death Eaters, he is in the room that Lucius goes to and shuts the door of before he starts on Harry.
Chapter Seven: Never Free. It was during writing this chapter that I wrote the first draft of the end of this part of the story. I include it below to show you how things change:
“Potter, remember why you are doing this – the Weasley boy cannot take what you do. You are protecting him.”
“Protecting him?!” Harry sobbed, “I can’t protect myself; how can I protect him? I can’t even save myself. I can’t save him, I can’t.”
“You can, and you will.”
“I can’t.” Harry moaned, hands clawing at the stonework.
“Do you want him to suffer?”
“Yes!” Harry screamed. “I can’t take anymore! Let him suffer. I don’t care! I’ve had enough! I can’t take anymore!”
He howled, animalistic and beyond help. “Hurt him.” He choked. “Not me.”
END OF PART ONE
Anyway, chapter seven was horrible to write, as I knew what I wanted to put, but my brain wanted to focus on the emotional trauma later in the story and didn’t want to describe this bit at all. I don’t blame my brain, this stuff is hard to keep writing, especially as I am usually a sweet kind person :D.
In fact, chapter seven was written in two parts. The first part ended with Lucius rubbing his dick and musing. I showed it to Jilliane and she said to post it as a chapter on its own, but I didn’t want to devote yet ANOTHER chapter to Lucius’ torture of Harry (and have to find another chapter title!) so I wrote the second part of it a week later. I also wanted to not give the reader any relent from what was happening to Harry – tying in with the title. I actually felt my stomach churning as I wrote some of this, so what it did to the gentler reader I do not know.
Chapter Eight: Sick and tired, I stand alone – Another one of my title which has multiple meanings 1: Harry feels sick, tired and alone at the moment, 2: Severus feels alone and unsure, and 3: Ron very definitely feels alone.
This was written straight after chapter seven, which is why it was posted so quickly. I write more on weekends, as I don’t have the pressures of my job to contend with. I was thinking I’d reach the end of the first part in this chapter, but then I realised that the end of part one would need more of a build up, so it doesn’t end here.
It was actually quite an easy chapter to write, although I did worry that Severus seemed too nice, but then I re-read what I’d put, trying to not think about his motivations and it came off ok. The description of Harry feeling dazed is actually how I felt the morning I wrote this chapter. I’d gone to bed at midnight and not slept well. In the end my next door neighbours woke me up just before 5am so I got up and did some chores around the house before falling asleep on the couch. How I felt before I dozed off is how Harry feels.
Chapter Nine: I fall cos I let go – I knew, way back at the start, that this chapter would be called this. It’s just such a perfect description of what Harry’s going through. He gives in – letting Ron take the punishment because he lets go – he stops fighting.
And yes, I was not at all well for a week! I recovered just over a week later, but for seven days my heart thumped madly and I coughed whenever I tried to move. Not pleasant. That kinda feeling is not conducive to writing!
I’d compare this chapter to the first draft of it (included above) just so you get some idea of how things change. I was really quite surprised by people’s reactions to Harry’s breakdown. I thought it was plausible. Mind you, no one said it seemed implausible, just they were shocked Harry had said it. Part of that comes from canon, obviously, cos he’s always such a little hero, but if he is only heroic, he is a dull character. Flawed characters are much more realistic and more interesting to write.
I don’t really know why I’ve split this into parts, just that this story seemed to make sense to be split into parts.
Have you scrolled all the way down here thinking I’ve hidden a little treat? Sorry, I haven’t!