100 Ways to Kill a Weasley

This is very short and since Snape/Hermione is the only het I will read, I thought I would add my input. Hope you enjoy :)

It had only been a few short months since the final battle. The wizarding world was slowly returning to normal, well, as normal as a magical world could be. Justice had been served, and everyone who bore the mark of Voldemort had earned themselves a one way ticket to Azkaban, though not everyone was content with this judgment.

The greatest traitor of the war, the greatest hero of the war had been saved by quick thinking and the remarkable foresight of having a powdered Beazor in a small beaded bag. But now he and a few others who had turned to the side of good prior to Voldemort's downfall were rotting away on a rock in the middle of the North Sea. No amount of appeal from the boy hero or the famed Order of the Phoenix had secured their release.

"What are you reading now Hermione.?"

The giant tome overwhelmed the table at Grimmauld Place, the sheer amount of laws still in effect in the wizarding world was staggering. Had even half of these been enforced, she would have been facing at least 40 years in Azkaban herself, one law proclaimed it illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance.

"More about Wizarding laws Ronald, it might go faster if you helped."

Ron snorted in amusement as he ladled himself a bowl of soup from the pot Hermione had cooked earlier that afternoon. She rolled her eyes at him as he sat down and began stuffing his face. Pieces of bread escaped his mouth as he spoke.

"Why should I help look for ways to get that greasy git out of Azkaban, its bad enough you had to save his life, now we have to waste our time trying to get him out of the punishment he deserves?"

Harry lifted his head from his equally large book of wizarding laws glaring at the red head with tired eyes.

"I told you about the memories he gave me Ron, he has been punished enough."

"Oh come of it Harry, its not like you haven't been fooled by fake memories before."

Both Harry and Hermione's mouths dropped open at the harsh comment. Breathing deep to prevent himself from lashing out at his best friend Harry returned to his reading.

"Ronald, finish your food and leave, Harry and I have work to do."

Hermione's lips were pursed in anger, her right hand itching to jump to her wand and curse the redhead with the wizard equivalent of crabs. Not only would they itch like the normal muggle parasites, they would also make it impossible to get an erection.

"I really don't understand Mione, you are the smartest witch in all of Hogwarts, got all O's on your Newts, even the greasy git had to admit that you are excellent with potions and yet you can't even make a decent pot of soup. You are defiantly going to have to take some lessons with my mum before we tie the knot, you are going to end up killing someone one of these days with this rubbish."

One order of crabs coming right up.

*---------*

"Golden Trio Tarnished by Death and Deceit!!"

In a tragic turn of events only months after the defeat of You-Know-Who, the two famous friends of the Boy Who Lived have met a tragic fate. Mr. Ronald Bilius Weasley was found dead early yesterday evening, the cause of death had been reported as dehydration by way of explosive diarrhea. An autopsy confirmed this morning that copious amounts of a Muggle substance know as Pepto Bismol was found in his system. Apperently Mr. Weasley drank four bottles of the volatile pink substance after ingesting food prepared by Miss Hermione Granger. As the Muggle drug was also supplied by Miss. Granger, she is being held in Azkaban for the murder of Mr. Weasley. It is as yet unknown whither she will remain in Azkaban for her part in Mr. Weasley's death.

*----------*

"We are in a bit of an overload at our humble prison right now, so you will be sharing a cell."

Hermione was still in shock, Ron was dead, and she had no clue how to feel about the situation. She hadn't meant to kill him, at least not consciously. Her parents had brought her over all kinds of medicines from the muggle world, there had been a going out of business sale at their local pharmacy and they had simply passed on what they didn't need. Who knew that Ronald would be stupid enough to drink all of that medicine without even reading the caution label?

Now here she was, in the black and white striped clothes of Azkaban, her bare feet padding over the cold stones as she was dragged towards her cell. The door slammed open with a bang and she was unceremoniously thrown into the dark cell. She looked back mournfully as the door was closed behind her before curling herself into a ball. Rocking on the balls of her feet tried to remember all the laws she had looked over in the past few months, there had to be a way out.

A deep voice interrupted her thoughts, scratchy from disuse and injury, it still rolled over her like a comforting blanket.

"Miss. Granger, how lovely to see you again."

She hesitantly turned, taking in his harsh features, made more so by the months in isolation.

"Hello Professor Snape."