Dirty deeds
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
39
Views:
25,120
Reviews:
384
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
39
Views:
25,120
Reviews:
384
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
In which Hermione skives and bitches
20 January
Severus headed off to Hogwarts in flurry of robes very early this morning. He wanted to have a word with Albus about having the necessary time off, and probably wants him to be best man or something. Not sure what a magical wedding involves, and can just see his face if I suggested getting married in a church. Don’t know how we are going to explain this to the relatives.
They may get the hump if they aren’t invited, but I couldn’t face doing memory charms on four hundred people just to make sure that they would still send me Christmas Cards. Perhaps parents can come up with some ideas, after all they have quite a well developed cover story for me by now. Apparently I did really well at ‘A’levels and then went to Oxford to study physics – no one can ask me questions about it, and if they do, they definitely don’t understand the answeres – and now am working for the government in a top secret lab. Can’t tell anyone about what goes on; if I did, I would have to kill them. Works very well, just can’t see why that means that I can’t have a church wedding.
I had the luxury of a lie in on the basis, that didn’t have so early a start, and who cares if the bastards sack me.
Strolled into work ten minutes late, clutching coffee latte.
No one said anything.
Sat at desk the whole morning doing the crossword in the Daily Prophet very ostentatiously.
No one said anything.
Went out for two hour lunch. Caught up with Ginny and latest news on wedding. She promised to be bridesmaid or whatever the magical equivalent was, as long as she was allowed to choose her own robes. Told her she could chose mine as well. Has better taste than me.
Long lunch did get a reaction.
Have never before appreciated the sheer unnerving quality of smiling at someone. Tosser New Boss and Old Boss called me into their office for a ‘discussion’ about my ‘attitude’. Kept catching sight of engagement ring and smiling. They kept exchanging worried looks, and asking me if there was something wrong.
What other than the fact that some Tosser has been promoted over my head,who gets paid more than me, and yet who expects me to keep doing his job for him, and who is a complete and utter useless Hufflepuff. Except they are supposed to be keen on hard work, and the only contact Tosser has with hard work is watching it. And that from a distance in case it is contagious in some way.
Latent fury managed to overcome rosy haze, which made me even more cross. Couldn’t even enjoy my engagement in peace. So gave them a piece of my mind. I can spare it; they need it.
Communicated view about needing bollocks to be promoted and actually asked Tosser if he was willing to make donation. He smiled uncertainly and commented on it being good for teamwork to maintain sense of humour.
Not fucking joking, Tosser. Not by long chalk. Wonder if too late to take Severus up on offer to poison them. Nothing permanent but something to keep them out of my way for next couple of weeks until I get new job sorted out.
Told them they could stuff teamwork up their arses. Bright enough to see that this meant me doing the work and them taking the credit for it. May have brain the size of Einstein, would be mistake to assume that this means that mind so much on higher things that don’t notice when being bent over a desk to have pineapple inserted into rear orifice without benefit of Vaseline or, indeed, a packet of peas afterwards.
What part of I wasn’t born yesterday did they have difficulty grasping. All of it apparently.
Penny finally drops with them that not ‘got over it’ and that not ‘that time of the month’ – even Tosser realises that can’t apply for more than one week in four. Not that they are going to do anything about it. Other than smirk. Only Severus gets away with that on basis that usually precedes wild sex. Or follows it. Or, indeed, during fabulous sex.
Ahem. Mind back on issue at hand.
Don’t know why he is so reluctant to donate his gonads; it’s not as if he actually has a use for them. Tosser probably still a virgin; at least I hope so. The idea of that man being allowed to dip his to in the gene pool let alone pollute it with is offspring is totally unacceptable. Crabbe and Goyle more attractive – at least they kept their mouths shut, other than when they needed to breathe anyway.
So smirked back, which should have them giving their single, shared brain cell a great deal of overtime to little avail. Can’t even imagine the possibility that I am going to leave them in the lurch. So looking forward to resigning.
Made point of smiling at them whenever I saw them. Otherwise spent the day putting my research into some sort of order so I can take it home with me, as well as making sure that the little bastards can’t use my work after I have gone. Ordinarily would mean destroying papers and using locking charms; for them, using the longest possible words should suffice.
Got home to find three letters waiting for me. One says, sorry, at this time, blah blah, keep your details on record, blah blah. But the other two are job offers.
Do small dance of joy round flat. Then write Owl accepting job to one employer, polite letter declining the other, and a third Owl to Severus.
Dear Severus
You will be delighted to hear that my durance vile at the hands of Tosser is over.
Taverner’s came through in the end with a very nice pay rise. How would you like to be a kept man, my darling?
I won’t resign until the end of the week, as I want to make sure that I have Taverner’s terms in writing, and need to bring home my work in discreet portions.
Pining for you, but not much longer to wait.
Love,
Hermione.
I get to resign tomorrow. Couldn’t be any happier. Keep pinching myself to see if I am dreaming.
Can think about getting Severus a very nice wedding present now.
Still what could be nicer than me, wrapped in pink ribbon. Hmmm, gives me some ideas for the honeymoon. Presumably on the wedding night we might actually get to the stage of wearing nightclothes, so could buy something a bit racy. Ok, a lot racy.
A/N – Thanks for the suggestions Jean, but none of those are available in the UK. So poor old Hermione will just have to make do with Golden Syrup and Strawberry Jam. And I think we know what you do with your spare time!
Severus headed off to Hogwarts in flurry of robes very early this morning. He wanted to have a word with Albus about having the necessary time off, and probably wants him to be best man or something. Not sure what a magical wedding involves, and can just see his face if I suggested getting married in a church. Don’t know how we are going to explain this to the relatives.
They may get the hump if they aren’t invited, but I couldn’t face doing memory charms on four hundred people just to make sure that they would still send me Christmas Cards. Perhaps parents can come up with some ideas, after all they have quite a well developed cover story for me by now. Apparently I did really well at ‘A’levels and then went to Oxford to study physics – no one can ask me questions about it, and if they do, they definitely don’t understand the answeres – and now am working for the government in a top secret lab. Can’t tell anyone about what goes on; if I did, I would have to kill them. Works very well, just can’t see why that means that I can’t have a church wedding.
I had the luxury of a lie in on the basis, that didn’t have so early a start, and who cares if the bastards sack me.
Strolled into work ten minutes late, clutching coffee latte.
No one said anything.
Sat at desk the whole morning doing the crossword in the Daily Prophet very ostentatiously.
No one said anything.
Went out for two hour lunch. Caught up with Ginny and latest news on wedding. She promised to be bridesmaid or whatever the magical equivalent was, as long as she was allowed to choose her own robes. Told her she could chose mine as well. Has better taste than me.
Long lunch did get a reaction.
Have never before appreciated the sheer unnerving quality of smiling at someone. Tosser New Boss and Old Boss called me into their office for a ‘discussion’ about my ‘attitude’. Kept catching sight of engagement ring and smiling. They kept exchanging worried looks, and asking me if there was something wrong.
What other than the fact that some Tosser has been promoted over my head,who gets paid more than me, and yet who expects me to keep doing his job for him, and who is a complete and utter useless Hufflepuff. Except they are supposed to be keen on hard work, and the only contact Tosser has with hard work is watching it. And that from a distance in case it is contagious in some way.
Latent fury managed to overcome rosy haze, which made me even more cross. Couldn’t even enjoy my engagement in peace. So gave them a piece of my mind. I can spare it; they need it.
Communicated view about needing bollocks to be promoted and actually asked Tosser if he was willing to make donation. He smiled uncertainly and commented on it being good for teamwork to maintain sense of humour.
Not fucking joking, Tosser. Not by long chalk. Wonder if too late to take Severus up on offer to poison them. Nothing permanent but something to keep them out of my way for next couple of weeks until I get new job sorted out.
Told them they could stuff teamwork up their arses. Bright enough to see that this meant me doing the work and them taking the credit for it. May have brain the size of Einstein, would be mistake to assume that this means that mind so much on higher things that don’t notice when being bent over a desk to have pineapple inserted into rear orifice without benefit of Vaseline or, indeed, a packet of peas afterwards.
What part of I wasn’t born yesterday did they have difficulty grasping. All of it apparently.
Penny finally drops with them that not ‘got over it’ and that not ‘that time of the month’ – even Tosser realises that can’t apply for more than one week in four. Not that they are going to do anything about it. Other than smirk. Only Severus gets away with that on basis that usually precedes wild sex. Or follows it. Or, indeed, during fabulous sex.
Ahem. Mind back on issue at hand.
Don’t know why he is so reluctant to donate his gonads; it’s not as if he actually has a use for them. Tosser probably still a virgin; at least I hope so. The idea of that man being allowed to dip his to in the gene pool let alone pollute it with is offspring is totally unacceptable. Crabbe and Goyle more attractive – at least they kept their mouths shut, other than when they needed to breathe anyway.
So smirked back, which should have them giving their single, shared brain cell a great deal of overtime to little avail. Can’t even imagine the possibility that I am going to leave them in the lurch. So looking forward to resigning.
Made point of smiling at them whenever I saw them. Otherwise spent the day putting my research into some sort of order so I can take it home with me, as well as making sure that the little bastards can’t use my work after I have gone. Ordinarily would mean destroying papers and using locking charms; for them, using the longest possible words should suffice.
Got home to find three letters waiting for me. One says, sorry, at this time, blah blah, keep your details on record, blah blah. But the other two are job offers.
Do small dance of joy round flat. Then write Owl accepting job to one employer, polite letter declining the other, and a third Owl to Severus.
Dear Severus
You will be delighted to hear that my durance vile at the hands of Tosser is over.
Taverner’s came through in the end with a very nice pay rise. How would you like to be a kept man, my darling?
I won’t resign until the end of the week, as I want to make sure that I have Taverner’s terms in writing, and need to bring home my work in discreet portions.
Pining for you, but not much longer to wait.
Love,
Hermione.
I get to resign tomorrow. Couldn’t be any happier. Keep pinching myself to see if I am dreaming.
Can think about getting Severus a very nice wedding present now.
Still what could be nicer than me, wrapped in pink ribbon. Hmmm, gives me some ideas for the honeymoon. Presumably on the wedding night we might actually get to the stage of wearing nightclothes, so could buy something a bit racy. Ok, a lot racy.
A/N – Thanks for the suggestions Jean, but none of those are available in the UK. So poor old Hermione will just have to make do with Golden Syrup and Strawberry Jam. And I think we know what you do with your spare time!