Go Back

Chapter 27: Through Our Faults





I’m breaking from cannon once more with the Dumbledore/Grindelwald relationship. He doesn’t die in here the way he did in the books.













“Was that Harry?” Hermione’s voice was soaked with concern as she caught the fleeing frame of her friend heading out one of the side doors in the castle.



“We need to find Sirius.” Ron had no witty remark. Harry hadn’t even looked at them as he rushed past, up the staircase. “He’ll be in the Great Hall. I heard someone say that Harry had been in bed most of the afternoon. I just thought that he must have had a long night…”



“We need to go.” She grabbed his hand as they began to walk briskly towards the hall. Sirius was at the staff table laughing with Lupin at his side. “Where’s Snape?” Hermione ordered as she approached her professors.



“I don’t think that he’s made it up here yet.” Atheena glanced around. “I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”



“No.” The girl insisted. “Something is wrong. Sirius, we just saw Harry running out of the castle, he went right by us and didn’t even…”



“Out of the castle?” Sirius and Lupin were both on their feet. “Where did he go?”



“Sev wasn’t with him?” Atheena grew worried.



“No that’s what I’m telling you!” She stomped her foot.



“You two fill in the others.” Sirius instructed his students. “I’m going after Harry. Atheena might I suggest checking on your brother?”



“I’m already on my way.” Atheena and Sirius headed out of the large room, leaving everyone to wonder just what the hell was going on.



*** *** ***



“Sev?” Atheena carefully entered her brother’s room. “Sevi, are you in here?”



“In here,” came a repeated grunt.



“What the hell are you doing?” Atheena kicked her way through a mess of papers and books that littered the floor, making her way to a crumpled man slouching out of an old arm chair.



“Celebrating Christmas.” The slurred words fell sloppily from his mouth. “I got this from Harry.” He tossed the empty bottle of fire whiskey to the floor, sending shards of glass scattering atop the already present rubble on the floor.



“Alright so you’re sloppy drunk…ok…is this part of some elaborate plan I’m not privy to or are you just that stupid?” Atheena crossed her arms over her chest.



“I have…” The man hiccupped. “…no plan. He left me…he’s gone.” He swooshed his hand in a half circle above his head. “Out there…outside,” he clarified unnecessarily.



“Given the circumstances don’t you think you should be out looking for him and not…drowning your sorrows?” She carefully seated herself on a clean spot of the sofa.



“He made his intentions very clear.” Snape tried to sit up straighter, only to slouch further into his seat. “He won\'t be with me anymore. You’re looking at a single man.” His voice dropped off sadly.



“I’m looking at an idiot. You have always fought for what you wanted. Why is this any different? The man I know…” Atheena jumped as a loud voice interrupted her.



“I’m not the man you knew! Harry was my last chance! Don’t you see that?!” Severus snarled, the smell of alcohol emanating throughout the room. His features turned from angry to remorseful. “And I’ve ruined it…I’ve ruined it.” His tone was defeated. “He just…left me.”



Atheena took her brother’s hand in her own. “You’re bonded Sevi, he can’t leave you.”



“As good as. He’ll be here…but not here.” He pointed to the room around him.



“He’s just found out all of your past in a very short amount of time. Not to mention what he suffered while with Marius. You have to try to work this out. And you’ll not get that done by drinking in the dungeons.”



“He’s been rather adamant on the subject.” He nodded too heavily.



The older woman slapped her knees as she stood. “Alright, this is ridiculous. You’re listening to the over exaggerated rants of a seventeen-year-old. So that’s it? You just roll over and let him leave you? The thing you love most in this world? Maybe you aren’t the man I thought I knew. He would be fighting! You’re just giving up! Well you know what Sev, you’ll never get what you want if you’re always such a ponce! Love isn’t easy! Can you understand that? He’s out there scared and alone and you’re too weak to do anything about it!” Her rampage had led her around the room several times. “I expected more of you!”



“What would you have me do?” Atheena was disgusted by her brother’s current state. Every syllable spoken was slurred and ill-pronounced. “I can\'t force him to…”



“That’s right you can\'t, but Sev you can try and show him. Show him that you need him, that you’re a changed man, show him that you love him…show him that you’ll fight for him. I know what he’s seen. That must be very frightening. Own up to what you’ve done and give him space to come to terms with it but don’t let him run off somewhere.” Her voice had lowered and she had found herself kneeling in front of the weakened man. “You have such strength in you, use it. Don’t lose him. Severus I have never seen you nearly as happy as you are with that man. He loves you with all his heart. A blind man could see it. Are you really willing to let Marius’s version of your past bring an end to it all?”



Snape let his head fall. “I’m not strong enough…I’m not…good. Atheena I’m not good. I’m not good for him, I’m not good for anyone. I am just like…He saw every mistake I’ve ever made. Every sin, every terrible choice, he experienced them all. How could I ask him to stay with me? I killed Mathias! I raped Frank Longbottom! He should have left me dead” He was shoved backward as Atheena stood again.



“Damn you! Wallow in pity, Sev, that’ll get him back! Sober up! Get your shit together and go find Harry! I’ll not sit here and listen to you sputter on about how you’ve so wronged him. You aren’t a bad man…” She rummaged through a bag and tossed him an amber colored potion, which he was unable to catch. It landed with a thud next to his foot.



“That’s a waste of good fire whiskey.” Snape complained as he picked up the potion that he identified as sobering tonic.



“Take it or I’ll beat you to death.” Her voice was low. “Drink that and go get cleaned up. And for Merlin’s sake, shave. You’re a disaster.” The man didn’t move. “Now!” She screamed. “I’ll wait for you here and then I’m going to help you clean up this mess.” Snape looked almost scared at his sister’s harsh words. He reluctantly complied and drank the liquid. His appearance turned from intoxicated to depressed. “Gods Theena…I can\'t be without him…I can\'t.”



“Then do as I say.” Her head nodded towards the bathroom, reminding him to clean up.



*** *** ***



“Are you mad!?” Sirius growled when he found Harry sitting on the edge of the Black Lake.



“What do you mean?” The boy ran his hands through his hair, brushing snow out of his brown locks.



“Out here alone! The last time you…I don’t need to remind you what happened last time! Harry what are you doing?!” Black pulled his godson to his feet.



“Sirius stop, I just needed time to think…figure out what I’m going to do.” Harry jerked backwards.



“About what?” Sirius’s eyes narrowed.



“The bond. I can\'t get out of it. We’ll both have to stay at the castle but…”



“You’ve left Snape?” His gaze dropped to the white ground. “Because of?”



“Don’t play dumb with me. You know everything that he’s done. How can I be with him? He’s killed, raped, maimed. Mom and Dad would…” Harry was shocked at his guardian’s immense anger.



“Watch your tongue boy. Don’t bring them into this. Don’t dare speak for them! You have so much to learn. I’ve told you this, I’ve tried to make it clear and it’s becoming painfully obvious that something else needs to be done. You have no idea what it takes to win this war! I didn’t know you could be so foolish!” Fire burned in those dark eyes. “You want to pass judgment? Do you think that you’re entitled to that? Then you’ll pass it on all of us. Severus has never misled you. He’s told you what kind of man he was! He’s begged your forgiveness! Could you be so naive that you can\'t see that? Gods Harry…who’s made you so mighty?” The last words were smothered in venom.



“Sirius, the rest of you haven’t…you haven’t done the things he’s done. He can\'t blame his entire past on this war. It can\'t possibly be…I am sorry that I can’t forgive this but I just…” He took a moment to gather his thoughts. Harry was shouting. “We won\'t win this with dark magic!” Potter was inches away from Sirius.



“You don’t know how we’ll win this war, which might I remind you we’ve been fighting since long before you were born. You can’t question our methods. You don’t know what you’d do in our places! As for Snape, we would have little to no information on Voldemort if it wasn’t for his years of selfless sacrifice…”



Harry was outraged. “Sacrifice? Frank Longbottom was a sacrifice? Mathias? Well I guess that would have been, seeing as how after he killed his lover he had no one to go to for a good shag! Then again he could have always looked up Regulus! You don’t know what you’re talking about! This hurts me. It does Sirius. I love him but I can\'t be with someone like that!” Harry turned to walk away. He was caught roughly with a tight grip on his upper arm.



“Idiot boy! Someone like what? Like me? Like Remus? Like the Headmaster you hold in such high esteem?” Sirius began to pull Harry towards the castle. “Let’s go! Right now, Potter! Do not test me!”



Harry’s thoughts raced. What was happening? He had made the choice that he thought best. If he was unable to move on from the horrible things his bond-mate had done then wasn’t it for the better that he left? What was his godfather playing at? “Where are we going? Sirius wait!” Harry tried to stop that man that was dragging him all to quickly through the snow. The muscles in his shoulder ached. His feet stumbled haphazardly underneath him. He’d never seen his guardian act so violently, never thought him capable of it. “Where are you taking me?” Harry’s voice was soft.



“I’ve been too lax with you, Harry. I’ve taken for granted that you would catch on, know the way that things worked, and apparently I was mistaken. It’s time that you know…it’s time that you see.” He spoke no more as he continued the forced journey to the castle.



Harry found himself harshly shoved through the front entrance to Hogwarts. He hesitantly met the two pairs of eyes that stared at him from the stairs. “Hermione come with me.” Sirius’s expression was dark. “Ron fetch me Atheena and Remus. Tell them to meet me in the Headmaster’s office.” Neither dared contradict their professor. Ron hurried off to find the others as Hermione made stride with the two men heading swiftly in the direction of Albus’s quarters.



*** *** ***



“Wait here.” Black warned the younger man at the eagle that guarded the twisting staircase to Dumbledore’s office. Harry slid to the cold stone floor, his back pressed firmly against the wall. He dropped his head to his knees, not looking up when her heard three sets of footsteps approach, nor did he move when he knew that they had stopped, standing right in front of him. He couldn’t. This was all too much. He couldn’t look his friends in the eye. He couldn’t look his bonded’s sister in the eye.



“Harry…” Atheena tried, eliciting no response. “Very well…we’ll see you soon.” She patted the head of the young man. Harry listened as the footsteps headed further away up the stairs. He could leave, the man pondered. He could just get up and leave. There was no one to stop him right now. They were all preoccupied with what was going on in the office above him. It would be so easy to just slip out of one of the windows, so easy to see what that new broom was really made of He could leave all of this behind.



*** *** ***



“I’m game.” Atheena nodded. She had been the first one to speak after Sirius gave an angry outline of his plan. “If it’s true what you all say we need him ready on the front line. He needs to be prepared by any means necessary and if this helps him with Sev…well that makes me all the more supportive.” She crossed her legs and ran a finger absently over her lips.



“Padfoot I understand the thought behind it but it seems to me that it could go terribly wrong. He’s been through so much and this could be a catastrophic blow. By submerging him in the dark depths of our pasts we could lose him. He trusts us.” Lupin walked worriedly from side to side in front of Dumbledore’s desk.



“I am inclined to disagree with you Remus. I know that you believe that you have his best interest at heart but Harry is operating under false assumptions. If you are to have him at his strongest we have to freely give these parts of ourselves to him. I won\'t attempt to appease you by saying that this venture is without the chance of harm but it our best course of action at the moment. We all know that he is safest with Severus. Let’s face it…” The Headmaster chuckled. “Our Potions Master loves that man beyond measure. Harry has found a strong partner and guardian in his bond-mate and while Mr. Potter may have found himself astray at the moment I truly feel that Severus’s feelings are honestly reciprocated. And let alone their personal relationship we need Harry to be able to fight at his best. That will not happen with his current ideals on how we should be fighting this war. You all know that. He needs to be ready to use any means necessary.” He finished by folding his hands neatly in his lap.



“So we give you our…darkest…” Hermione coughed on the word. “…Our darkest memories and you put them in the pensive and Sirius will guide him through them? Just like Marius did?” She fiddled her wand in her hands.



Sirius leaned forward. “He had to face that without someone at his side. I’ll be with him this time. It’s the only way. He must know. It’s too clear that we’ve sheltered him from this for far to long. So, the question is…who will dish up their deepest secrets?” He glanced around the room smoothly raising his own hand. Atheena’s went up right after, followed quickly by Dumbledore. Hermione and Remus exchanged a weary glance and raised their hands slowly in sync.



“Very well. Ms. Granger I believe you only have one memory to give up?” Albus looked to his student, his wand ready.



She stepped carefully up to his desk. “Yes, sir.”



Dumbledore wasted no time extracting the silver stream of light from the young woman’s head. She let out a slight gasp as the memory she had only shared with one person fell into the hands of another. “May I be excused, sir? I don’t want to be here when he…when Harry sees that. I made the right choice but I do have a fear that he will not see it that way.” She looked hopefully at her professor.



“Very well Hermione. Use the fire place. I don’t want Harry to ask you any questions as you leave. I am well aware how strong the bonds of friendship can be and I do consider him to be a slight flight risk.” He nodded his head and the girl left swiftly through the fireplace. Atheena was the next to step up. Several of the same silver streams left her mind and traveled into the tip of her superior’s wand. She took her seat as Lupin took his turn. His eyes held sorrow when he turned back to her and headed for a nearby window seat to gather his thoughts in the moonlight. Sirius went last. The amount of shimmering fluid was highest from him. In the several moments that it took to remove all of it no one spoke. No one dared even move. They all discerned that there was a strong probability that they were playing with fire. “I’ve taken the liberty of already placing my secrets in the pensive. Sirius if you’ll be so kind as to gather Harry, I believe that we can begin..” Everyone remained silent as Black brought his godson into the room.



“What is this?” Harry demanded. “Some sort of impromptu intervention? I’ve made my decision.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, his feet planted solidly in place.



“That is what we find most troubling my dear boy. We have some things that we would very much like to share with you before you make such a rash verdict.” Albus motioned for Sirius and Harry to join him at the pensive. Harry began to grow anxious.



“No harm will befall you here Harry. You are amongst friends,” the eldest man coaxed.



“What are you showing me?” His tone was scared.



“I’ll be with you. Harry you have to be a man. You have to do this.” Sirius urged. Harry simply shook his head and thrust it into the pool of silver thoughts. Sirius rushed to keep up with him.



Harry spun violently, reaching out for anything solid to hold onto. He knew this feeling. He remembered it from his forth year but it felt too much like what he experienced with Marius. The thought of it made his stomach churn. He was stopped suddenly. Harry found himself in the corner of a dark basement, with Sirius at his side. A strong hand squeezed his shoulder and urged him forward. “Where are we?” Potter whispered. “What are you showing me?” His eyes met his godfather’s.



“A great many things that you need to see Harry. This is just the first of them.” Sirius led them through a maze of crates and boxes until they were standing next to two woman, staring intently at one another.



“I’ve been thinking a lot about what would be a fitting punishment for you. Obviously Azkaban is no longer suitable. I must admit that I thought I had found myself at a loss until last night I was thinking about the worst of your crimes…” The young woman thumbed quickly through a book that lay on a nearby table.



“What is she doing?” Harry asked loudly. “When was this? Sirius talk to me!” Harry yelled. “When was Hermione with Bellatrix?”



“While you were with Marius. We all played a hand in finding you Harry. We did what we thought best to save you. This is the course that Hermione chose, sacrificing part of herself for what she believed would help everyone. I think that she was right,” he added, bring the conversation to an end.



“You took Neville’s parents away from him. It is the singularly most heinous thing you have ever done. Should I turn you over the Ministry? To Voldemort?” Hermione drew a deep breath. “The thought crossed my mind that you deserved to die for it. The question was, was I capable of such a deed?”



“You are such a young pretty thing. Surly you wouldn’t stoop to our level…” Bellatrix paused, a snigger playing at her lips. “You don’t have the gull little girl,” the elder woman cackled. “It’s the reason your side will never win. You aren’t willing to roll around in the muck with the likes of us…so tell me what kind of punishment do you have in mind? I have been a very bad girl.” Bellatrix was trying to provoke her and Hermione knew it.



“Actually I had leaned towards just killing you…or handing you over to your lord, he’d take care of it for me. But then death would be to easy wouldn’t it? No Bella…I want you to live the rest of your days like the Longbottom’s…completely off of your rocker…lo and behold I found the perfect spell. If my translation is correct, which I assure you it is, the name of the curse means ‘eternal insanity’ your soul will never find it’s way out of the depravity your mind has created, even after death.” Hermione’s face inched closer to her prisoner’s. A look of desperation had draped the Deatheater’s face. “Who has gull now?” Her wand rose slowly. There was a resolution in her eyes that Harry had seen many times before. His friend had already made her choice.



“You can never come back from this kind of dark magic! You’ll never be the same! Stop and think, Please! You’re a smart girl. What would Potter say?!” The scared woman hurried.



Granger didn’t miss a beat. “I’m willing to do this to help people! With you out of the world…all of the lives that will be saved…it’s worth me taking the chance. I will come back from this curse Bella, I have something to come back to…it’s the reason our side will win. We have something to fight for! We have love, compassion, friendship…you’re just…empty. Goodbye, Bellatrix.” Her wand dug into the other woman’s chin. As she uttered the words ‘Intemporaliter Rabidus’ a shrill agonized scream echoed mercilessly throughout the basement, causing Harry to cover his ears. Hermione turned without emotion and hopped up the stairs, leaving Bellatrix LeStrange mutter incoherently on the damp limestone floor.



“No!” Harry yelled at his companion. “She didn’t have to do this! She shouldn’t have done this!”



“How many lives did she save Harry! Do you think her to be evil now? Has little Hermione gone to the dark side? Come to your senses! She stopped a psychotic mass murderer. She avenged the Longbottom’s tragedy for their son, her friend! She helped take you out of the hands of a man known to torture and rape. You can’t tell me that it was wrong. Not with all of the good that will come with it.” He didn’t allow the distraught man another chance to argue, he turned them quickly bringing them into an empty alleyway.



*** *** ***



“Oy James! Look what we have here!” A young Sirius strutted triumphantly, leaping up onto a dumpster. Harry then saw plainly who was headed in the direction of his father. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. What was Sirius trying to do to him?



“Why Sevi don’t you know it’s not safe to travel alone at night?” James teased a 18-year-old Severus. “Especially coming from that direction.” Harry looked to see that Snape was exiting Knockturn Alley. “People might get the wrong idea. We might think you’re playing for the other team. You are aware that that particular section of town is frequented by Deatheaters? Do you know what we do to Deatheaters?” James taunted. Snape’s fingers twitched around his wand.



“Sod off.” Severus tried his best to be non-confrontational, without losing his edge. Truth be told he just wished to get home. He wasn’t up to playing the Marauder’s games tonight.



“Were you with my traitorous brother tonight? He does seem to be one of your favorites as of late.” Sirius sneered.



“Your brother and I may have had a meeting of…minds,” he smiled sarcastically. “If you’ll excuse me I do have more pressing places to be.” Snape tried to sidestep past James, he was caught by the front of his robes and pushed roughly against the side of a building. “If you think I’m just going to let you wander off to bugger my best friend’s brother…” It was then Severus shoved James backwards, trying to get the assaulting man off of him. He hit the ground hard, his wand in the air. “Crucio!” Harry’s heart dropped when he heard that word issued from his father’s mouth. Severus slumped to the ground in agony, while Sirius delivered swift kicks to the withering man’s stomach.



“Let him have it Padfoot!” James laughed as he pulled himself to his feet. “Think of how he defiles your brother! He’s an animal!”



Harry chocked back vomit. “Enough!” He cried, clawing at the older Sirius. “Please I don’t want to see this!”



“This is what life is Harry. A series of monumental mistakes, hopefully punctuated by good deeds. Your only hope is that your goodness outweighs the badness. Those good deeds are all that separate us from our enemy. The one thing all of us have in common are those mistakes. It’s what makes us human.” Black pulled Harry into a tight hug.



“Why were you two always like that with him? I’ve seen all of these terrible things you’ve done to him, up until he repeated that prophecy he did nothing to harm you.” It was more of a wondering than a question.



“You’re exactly right, Harry.” Sirius showed him a series of memories from his past. Sirius casting Avada Kadarva on a Deatheater in a bar, several within various locations throughout Azkaban and numerous during fights between Deatheaters and The Order. Harry noted that there was always a twinkle in the man’s eyes as these curses spilled from his lips. Harry watched in disgust as his Father and Black cast the Imperious on Severus and forced him to streak stark naked through the great hall during their O.W.L’s. The two boys received a lenient three months of daily detentions and Severus spent three days laying pitifully in his bed in the Slytherin dungeons. He watched as Sirius physically attacked his foes, a smile permanently plastered on his face. He loved the fighting.



“You were enjoying it.” Harry stated.



“I was fighting the good fight and we were winning. I would have done anything to taste victory and while I know longer thirst for it I would do anything still to win this war. It’s the burden we must bare Harry,” Sirius explained.



They turned once again in time to see Lupin casting the death curse on a man he believed Sirius to be having an affair with. The usually gentle man didn’t bat a lash as he walked away from the fresh corpse. Nor did he express regret when Sirius was proved innocent with the use of Vertiserum. They watched as Lupin just as easily killed his opponents during battles. Several times the man favored manual methods of murder as opposed to the magical variety. Explaining that if he did it that way he didn’t need to keep finding untraceable wands. Harry was forced to endure the sight of Lupin dismembering innocent people on the several occasions he escaped his restraints as a wolf. He watched as the man was not punished, but consoled, when his crimes were found out.



“Should we put him down?” Sirius asked, bringing Harry back to him. “Does he deserve my disdain?”



“He wasn’t in control.” Harry was in a daze. He hated this.



“He was when he was human. Should I hate him for his crimes? Hate him for fighting the war your parents died for? He’s fighting for love Harry.” Sirius pointed into the distance which immediately became clear.



Atheena stood on the back stairs of the apartment that she shared with Rachel. “You shouldn’t have come here.” She growled at a man with the Dark Mark on his forearm. “You have no business here!”



“I’ll be on my way now. I have the information your father requested. He’ll be pleased to know your current location and all of the details on his daughter-in-law of course. I’m sure he’d just love to meet Rachel.” The man laughed and turned his back. A look of utter fear invaded her features.



“I’m sorry.” She whispered.



“For what Atheena you’ve done nothing wrong?” The remark was said in a jesting tone.



“But I’m going to. I can’t let you leave here. Not with that information.” Her voice regained its resolve.



“What do you think you’re going to…” The man fell as a green streak left Atheena’s wand. He was dead. Another quick spell removed the body and the young woman calmly reentered her home, feeling satisfied that she had protected her family.



“Atheena…” Harry pleaded. “I want to be done! Take me back to Dumbledore’s office! Now Sirius!” Black spun him once more.



“We have one more thing to see.” They found themselves in a meadow in Godric’s Hollow. Harry watched as Dumbledore and Grindelwald engaged in a wizard’s duel. The streams of light fought each other with a vengeance. A much younger Albus was not giving up on the fight. Both men seemed to be straining, the smell of burnt grass filled the air. Grindelwald was the first to fall. What happen next threatened to bring Harry to his knees. Dumbledore rushed to the young man’s side, bringing Grindelwald’s head into his lap. “I’m sorry. I can\'t let you continue down this path Gellert. I can\'t be responsible for the pain that you’ll cause.” His hand ran through curly blonde hair.



“Al, we had a good life together. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” The words were breathed weakly.



“That means the world to me love. You mean the world to me. That’s why I have to do this. I have to stop you. I can’t remember you this way. We’ll meet again in death, when you’ve paid your debt for the things you’ve done. I’ll be yours once again.” Tears dripped from a man that Harry though incapable of crying.



“I’ll wait for you.” The fight had drained the man of his energy.



“I’ll never be with another Gel. It was always you…I love you.” The tears fell harder from the professor. He held the man tightly against his chest.



“I love you…forgive me for the things of done,” the tired man begged.



“You never needed to ask for my forgiveness, you’ve always had it.” The words came out with sobs. “Avada Kadarva.” It was the softest whisper Potter had ever heard, so full of pain and regret. Albus rose, leaving his lover laying at peace in the fields that they once called home.



*** *** ***



Harry felt himself being pulled backward, spinning wildly through an open abyss. He landed roughly in the Headmaster’s office. He looked around wildly on the four sets of eyes that rested upon him, prompted by he and Sirius’s sudden arrival. Rachel had joined them, her hand entwined with Atheena’s.



“Do you see now Harry? We’ve all had to take desperate measures. We’ve all made tough choices. It’s what it takes to win.” Sirius tried to embrace the younger man.



“All I see is that you’ve all killed. I can\'t…I can\'t do this. I have to go. I never wanted to know any of that. I’ve looked up to you…I’ve trusted you. You’ve lectured me that what sets us apart is love, where is the love in killing someone?” Harry cried out.



“The love is in the reason why you do it. It’s what brings you back to the good side at the end of the day. It’s love that makes you willing to die for the good of the people that you’re trying to save," Lupin stood and attempted to sooth the upset man.



“I’ve got to get out of here.” Harry rushed out of the office before anyone had a chance to put a stop to it. Albus raised his hand when Sirius started after him.



“Let him sort through it all. Give him some time.” He leaned back in his seat.



“Do you think it worked?” Atheena was nervous.



“We can only pray.” Rachel rubbed her partner’s back.



*** *** ***



“It’s been long enough.” Sirius jumped up at the two-hour mark of Harry’s leaving the castle. “I’m going to go find him.”



“We need to do something.” Atheena suggested as she came back in through the fireplace. “I can only lie to Severus for so long. He’ll kill all of us if he knows that we’ve allowed Harry to wonder off on his own.”



Albus stood and paced the room. “Perhaps someone should go to him but I dare say it should not be you Sirius.” He turned. “Rachel would you be willing? He has no grudge towards you. He may respond better to someone that he doesn’t know as well as he does all of us.”



“Of course.” She nodded and stood. “How will we find him?”



Dumbledore chuckled. “He went home.” The old man smiled sadly. “He’s in Godric’s Hollow. You can travel by floo.” He handed her a bag of floo powder from the mantle.



“I’ll bring him back,” the kind woman nodded before disappearing.



“I was serious about Severus. He’s getting irritated.” Atheena smiled slightly at the thought of her brother’s temper.



“More so than usual?” Lupin chuckled.



“We have at least three more hours before we really have to worry about Severus.” Albus calmed all of them, unwrapping a lemon drop.



*** *** ***



“Harry?” Rachel sat down on a pile of rubble in his parents’ old cottage. “Are you alright?”



“I don’t know.” He said simply, softly. “How do you…did you know when Atheena…” He could not say it.



“I knew…well not until after the second one.” Rachel crossed her legs under her body.



“The second?” He didn’t want to know. He wanted to crawl into a ball under the shambles of the place that used to be his home and not deal with any of this. He wanted his life back.



“There have been three,” Rachel sighed.



“Isn’t that hard for you?” Harry took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lit one and then offered the pack to Rachel. She eagerly accepted.



“It was at first. It’s a difficult thing to know, that your lover has killed and then I realized that she only did it out of love for me. She didn’t want me to have to leave my home. She wanted me safe and it took some time for me to trust her again but I know that she always has my best interest at heart. Things work differently in this world Harry. You get swept behind if you can\'t adapt to it.” She nudged him softly. “Back to the cancer sticks I see?” Her laugh lightened the mood slightly.



“Yeah…it’s been one of those weeks.” Harry chuckled and took a long drag. “Rach I don’t know what to do. With all of this I don’t know who to trust. I don’t know who to believe.”



“You have to trust those that love you Harry, which all of them do. They’ll always do what they think is best for you. Those are the people you need.” Her words of encouragement brought Harry minor comfort.



“What about Sev?” He asked, his voice sorrowful.



“What’s the very first thing that come to your mind when you think of him? Before you think of any of this bullshit what is it that you feel in that first instant?”



Harry thought for a moment. “Love,” he concluded.



“I think that’s your answer. I know that he’s made mistakes Harry but that man loves you. He would do anything for you. He thinks the sun rises and sets in your ass. That’s something worth hanging on to.” Harry laughed at the suggestion.



“So go back to him?” He twirled the smoking stick between his lips absentmindedly.



“Is that what you want to do?” Atheena prodded.



“I miss him. It’s only been a day but it was supposed to be final and I’ve just been sitting here thinking I don’t want to fight this war if he’s not next to me. I don’t want to go to sleep if it’s not in his arms. That has to mean something.” He flicked the finished cigarette out of the front door. “And then I think what makes me think that he’ll take me back? I left him. I…” Rachel interrupted.



“Harry out of everything that’s going on in your life right now that is something that you most definitely don’t need to worry about. I’ve seen your partner. All he wants is you.” She finished and they sat for a long period of time in silence, staring up at the stars through the broken roof. Harry swam deep within his thoughts and Rachel was content to just be present if he needed her. It wasn’t until nearly an hour later Harry stood.



“Let’s go back.” He offered his hand to Rachel. “Tell them that I am still pissed at that little stunt that they pulled, but I know that it was for the best. We’ll all have a lot to talk about. Tell them that I am tired and I’m going to bed and tell them all Merry Christmas.” He took a step closer to the fireplace.



“Where will you be going to bed?” Rachel already knew the answer.



“In the place where I’m most loved,” were his parting words.



*** *** ***



Severus jumped at the flash in the fireplace. “Harry.” He breathed sadly. “I can go if you’ve come to get some of your things.” Snape sat his book down on the table and stood.



“There is one thing that I came for.” Potter met him in the middle of the room. Snape’s breath hitched as he felt Harry’s hands untying the ring from around his neck. It wasn’t enough that the man had left him, he had to make it unbearable. “Sev…” Harry held the ring in his hand.



“It’s only right that you take it back. I’ll just go do checks I should be gone long enough for you to get some of your belongings.” Severus was surprised when Harry gently grasped his hand.



“That’s not why I’m here.” His eyes tried to convey the message. Harry’s shaky fingers slid the ring onto Snape’s right ring finger. He had stopped breathing altogether, waiting for the man to toss him out on his arse. “Will you wear this? Will you be my husband.” Harry couldn’t hold back the tears. “Will you hold me and take care of me?” He began to cry harder. “Can you make this pain stop? Please take me back.” He was begging. “Gods Sev please help me.” The potions master knew his cue and pulled the man into a protective embrace.



“Does this mean you’ve some back to me?” The older man prayed, not shedding a tear. He felt that Harry needed him to be strong.



“Will you have me?” Harry pleaded.



“Of course Harry. Of course I want you back. And yes I will always take care of you. I will always hold you and do my best to make the pain stop but, I will not do this again, understood? I can never do this again. You’re mine or you aren’t. Those are the choices.” His voice was full of resolve.



“There is no choice there. I could never be anywhere else. I didn’t even last a day. I hurt so badly and I am so scared. What if he comes back…what if…” Snape pulled Harry onto his lap on the couch.



“He’ll never touch you again Harry. I’ll kill him before that happens. You’re mine to protect and I plan on doing a much more thorough job.” Sev smoothed the hair out of the crying man’s face.



“How do I get through this? How do I get better? People touch me and it makes me ill. Anything that reminds me of him…I panic. Sev I just want it to be over. I can\'t do this much longer. It’s too hard.” Harry was howling.



“We’ll get through it together. But for tonight you’re home. Why don’t you let me get you into bed and give you something for sleep? We’ll start new tomorrow.” Harry nodded, happy to let his bonded take charge. He was carried into the bedroom and a spell was said, changing him into nightclothes. Harry hesitantly cuddled into his bond-mate, downing the potion that he was given.



“I’m sorry for the pain I caused you.” Harry whispered. “You are a good man and I had no right to make you feel that way.” He could feel that he was already fighting off sleep.



“Everything is alright now Harry. We’re going to get through this.” Harry brought his lips up placing a soft brief kiss on his loves mouth, savoring how it felt to be back in Severus’s arms.



“What changes your mind?” Snape questioned into darkness, not really caring. All that mattered was that his bonded was lying next to him. He felt whole again



“Love,” was Harry’s answer before he drifted off into a safe sleep.







Please remember to review! It keeps the plot-bunnies well fed.