Memoirs of a Serpent's Son
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
73
Views:
35,888
Reviews:
600
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
73
Views:
35,888
Reviews:
600
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Part 27
Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son
-Age 16—part 6
The Worst day of my life –part two
I tried to go to breakfast this morning and pretend like everything was alright. I tried to just do what I always do : compartmentalize my thoughts and emotions and tuck away in the far recesses of my mind the ones that I don’t want people to see.
But it’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to do that adequately, what with Potter and all…
And now this…I just can’t do it anymore.
I sat down at the breakfast table, took one look at the meal and gagged. Someone laid a hand on my back, possibly to help me out, but I jumped and hexed them without a second thought… then I ran from the room before anyone could say anything or even figure out just what had happened.
I bolted and cursed anything that so much as brushed up against me on my way to the bathroom…I just… I can’t stop jumping! I can’t calm my nerves enough to find out who the person is before I attack them. I can’t let anyone or anything get close right now! No one that has any power to hurt me… no one…
I threw up into the sink as soon as I got to the bathroom and then fell to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably… again.
I was alone for a moment or two and reached into my pocket to find something to wipe my face with…but all I pulled out was the letter that Aunt Bellatrix sent, informing me that Mother had been tortured as a warning for me.
I threw up again…
I looked around myself, hyperventilating with my face shining with tears, screaming at the top of my lungs incomprehensible words of agony and despair.
And then Myrtle showed up.
She asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t help it… I just told her. I told her everything about No--…about what happened last night, I told her how I was running out of time…
She hovered with me for a bit until I thought I was stable enough to get to my feet again. I was standing, but I couldn’t do it alone. I just leaned over the sink and let my head hang, tears dropping from my face in steady streams as everything I’ve ever had and felt was released.
She suggested I try to ask for help. She said that Dumbledore would understand. She said that he was very trusting and always willing to give people a second chance. I shook my head and tried to hold back the flood of tears that was threatening to drown me.
I don’t remember if I was whimpering or yelling it, but I told her that it wasn’t possible. I told her that no one could help me, no one would possibly be able to and even if they were no one would want to. I’m alone in this, I have no one…
And then I lifted my head and saw someone standing in the doorway staring at me. I snapped and sent a hex without thinking. Or perhaps it was a curse. I don’t remember, it was the first thing that came to mind.
It missed and they started attacking back. I couldn’t tell who it was at first, and I didn’t care… I was too scared that because they were solid and alive they would hurt me…they would just tear me to pieces like everyone else has done so far.
My eyes began to clear as I continued to send random curses, and just as I was sending the Cruciatus curse, I realized that it was Potter who was standing there. It was Potter I was fighting with…
And before I could even finish speaking the word, he yelled out the most horrifying word. I will never forget this curse…it will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my days…
“SECTUMSEMPRA!”
And then suddenly, through my realization and fear, long and deep cuts sliced through me on my face and chest and I felt blood splatter and spill from me as though it wasn’t real…as though I was watching it from somewhere inside myself without actually feeling it.
I tried to gasp but all I could do was inhale the blood that was pouring down my face, mixing with my misery and tears. And then I was on the floor.
The sink next to me had exploded, I don’t know how, and there was water soaking me and diluting the pool of blood that had form around me. I think I went blind for a moment but I could hear a faint “no” before I went white and started shaking uncontrollably from the sudden loss of blood.
And in some blurry haze I saw Potter kneeling over me, his face knit in confusion and worry as he rambled something about no, no, he didn’t….
And then everything went black for a bit… and cold and quiet. I don’t know how long it was that way but I imagine that is something like what Death must be like… lonely, isolated and empty… void.
That’s what’s waiting for me…
And then as quickly as the emptiness and the void engulfed me, it was gone. I could see (though it was blurry and fluid, as though I was looking through murky waters) and Snape was holding me up and muttering something about scarring or not.
Potter was standing in front of me, frozen and drenched in my blood…
I felt distant and hollow. I couldn’t process the whole thing at the time. Nothing was getting through, but then I ended up in the Hospital Wing, drinking glass after glass of essence of something or other and having Madam Pomfrey fret over me.
That was three hours ago…
She showed me my wounds with a mirror… My face is perfectly healed, no scarring and no sign at all that there was ever a wound there (much to everyone’s surprise except my own) but the magical wounds that Potter made on my chest were still there… still not healed though very thin and not bleeding.
The wounds that Potter made…
I know I said before that I would be dead by the end of this and that he would have my blood on his hands…but I never supposed it was literal.
……………….
Everything I’ve written so far is…empty. There seems to be so little feeling behind my words…
But I don’t have any feeling anymore.
The Saviour of the Wizarding World, Harry Potter, the only person I have ever loved and likely ever will, has tried to assassinate me.
He….tried to kill me and…
HE TRIED TO KILL ME!
He is supposed to protect people! He’s supposed to be a SAVIOUR! THE CHOSEN ONE! He’s supposed to be the one to save us all and right the wrongs and get rid of the Dark Lord and bring about peace…
AND HE TRIED TO KILL ME USING DARK MAGIC.
I wanted to tell him… I want so badly for this to be over...
And now I really am alone… I knew he hated me but I never thought he wanted me dead… he wants me dead…
I am dead… there’s nothing left in me anymore. Nothing at all. The fucking Death-Eater wannabe stole whatever purity I may have had and the Boy-Who-Lived just tried to murder me…
Clearly I don’t belong anywhere… I don’t belong here…
THIS ISN’T MY WAR!
THIS ISN’T MY LIFE THIS ISN’T MY JOB! NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! THIS IS NOT FOR ME!!!
I DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE! I DON’T FUCKING CARE!! I’M GOING TO SCREAM NOW AND LET IT ALL OUT AND SWEAR AND CURSE AND I DON’T BLOODY CARE!!
I DON’T CARE IF I’M A “MALFOY”! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ANYWAY? FUCK BEING A MALFOY AND FUCK BEING A PURE-BLOOD! FUCK IT IF IT MEANS THAT I’M SUPPOSED TO ENDURE BEING TORTURED BY MY FUCKING FATHER TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN NO LONGER HEAL PROPERLY! TORTURED WITH MAGIC DARKER THAN THE UNFORGIVABLE CURSES AS A FORM OF “DISCIPLINE”! WHY SHOULD I BE THE ONE TO REPAY THE DEBTS OF A MAN THAT I HATE?! I DON’T OWE HIM A DAMNED THING!
FUCK IT IF IT MEANS THAT I AM UNWORTHY OF LOVE FROM ANY SIDE! FUCK IT IF IT MEANS A LIFETIME OF DIRTY LOOKS AND IMPOSSIBLE TASKS! I AM NOT THIS PERSON! I AM NOT A SLAVE OF ANY PSYCHOTIC HALF-BLOOD WITH A HUNGER FOR POWER!
…….
I will finish my task. I will accomplish it and I will kill Dumbledore. And then I will die. I will die either at the hands of Lord Voldemort, or at the hand of the Order of the Phoenix.
I will die and I am no longer scared, because there is nothing for me to live for.
I will die because Potter wants me to.
I hope he’s happy.
********
I got out of Hospital and came to the realization that none of the people who have ever called themselves my “friends” are anything like that at all. Not even Pansy. Not a word or a comment from any of them. No “get well” comments or any kind of concern as to the fact that Potter tried to kill me.
Oh they jumped at the opportunity to show even stronger hatred towards the Gryffindors and increase the house rivalry, but nothing to me, not when we’re alone.
And then…one day…I saw the most sickening thing I think I possibly ever could…
Potter was sitting with…and had his arm around…and was laughing and smiling and KISSING…
His new girlfriend is the She-Weasel.
He’s found himself a wonderful little whore and I’m happy for him. Happy enough to vaguely consider dropping some basilisk venom into his morning pumpkin juice.
HOW DARE HE?
I…. I just can’t breathe…
My arm is now soaking the bandage and the faint scars Potter left me on my chest have started to sting as though they threaten to reopen.
He can’t love her! He can’t!
Not when… not now…
I just…
WHY CAN’T HE SEE IT? WHY CAN’T HE WAKE UP AND JUST COME TO ME? WHY CAN’T HE…
I didn’t think I could feel anything again… but now I can’t stop hurting. I just can’t stop it… it won’t go away and the pain won’t even dull.
I’ve skipped my classes today… I’m sitting in the Room of Requirement, staring at the damn Cabinet in front of me and wishing it would just fix itself so that everything would be over…
So that I don’t have to suffer anymore…
So that I don’t have to feel my heartbreak every time I see Potter holding hands with the Weasel-slut…
I’ve got to get to work…
*********
I spent the day in the Room again, fighting tooth and nail with the bloody Cabinet. If my wand were alive, it wouldn’t be anymore. I swear I’m almost worried there is no more magic left inside it.
But it doesn’t matter now…
I FIXED IT! I FINALLY MANAGED!
I was so surprised that I actually yelled out in triumph when I suddenly heard some angry voices from just outside the door.
I shut up quickly and froze, listening closely to try and figure out who it was…
It was Potter and a professor, Trelawney I think, talking back and forth about trying to get into the Room. I don’t think I breathed. I don’t even think my heart beat for those few moments until I realized that they were angry because they couldn’t get in.
Then I relaxed and waited for them to leave.
I felt my heart shatter again as Potter’s voice became distant, but it doesn’t matter now.
It’s almost over…
Soon… It’ll all be over and I won’t have to worry about anything or anyone anymore…
I won’t feel a thing.
-----IIIII-----
A/N: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS ON THE LAST CHAPTER! I’m so sorry about having to do that, but I think this (and later chapters) will help to explain a little bit more about why it needed to be there. Also, there is naturally one more chapter in the 6th book to deal with, and then I’ll be moving into uncharted territory and making it up as I go. Those chapters might take a little longer, simply because I have to lay out the events and such in an order that makes sense and is still interesting, along with figure out all the Horcruxes and what happens to Draco and whatnot. It should be fun.
Also, I’m leaving for London and Paris on Tuesday so I will not be able to post for ten days (until the 11th or the 12th). I may not even have a chance tomorrow, though hopefully I will. Sorry about that, I know I’m usually pretty regular and it’s a rather bad time to leave off X_X but I have no choice.
I hope you are all as excited as I am about getting past the 6th book because… well… it’s all in the air and yes, Draco WILL get with Harry. I promise. It will also get lighter soon (after the obvious rough parts), there will be a little more humour hopefully and Draco will eventually get back to his old self…
I hand out lots of lovely smutty cookies for reviews! Heeeheee I need to find some real smutty cookies…bet they taste good ^^
Also, to answer a few questions:
claire2007: It'll be Harry's first time, and Draco's first time for... some things O_O haha though after the Nott-incident, it's not his "real" first time sadly
Maizeysugah: There is a little bit in this chapter about why his arm is like that, though he'll explain it in more detail later :)
Everyone who is wondering when Harry and Draco get together: Sadly there isn't enough time to put it into the 6th book, but it will happen relatively soon, and when it does, they will shag like rabbits hahaha ;)
-Age 16—part 6
The Worst day of my life –part two
I tried to go to breakfast this morning and pretend like everything was alright. I tried to just do what I always do : compartmentalize my thoughts and emotions and tuck away in the far recesses of my mind the ones that I don’t want people to see.
But it’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to do that adequately, what with Potter and all…
And now this…I just can’t do it anymore.
I sat down at the breakfast table, took one look at the meal and gagged. Someone laid a hand on my back, possibly to help me out, but I jumped and hexed them without a second thought… then I ran from the room before anyone could say anything or even figure out just what had happened.
I bolted and cursed anything that so much as brushed up against me on my way to the bathroom…I just… I can’t stop jumping! I can’t calm my nerves enough to find out who the person is before I attack them. I can’t let anyone or anything get close right now! No one that has any power to hurt me… no one…
I threw up into the sink as soon as I got to the bathroom and then fell to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably… again.
I was alone for a moment or two and reached into my pocket to find something to wipe my face with…but all I pulled out was the letter that Aunt Bellatrix sent, informing me that Mother had been tortured as a warning for me.
I threw up again…
I looked around myself, hyperventilating with my face shining with tears, screaming at the top of my lungs incomprehensible words of agony and despair.
And then Myrtle showed up.
She asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t help it… I just told her. I told her everything about No--…about what happened last night, I told her how I was running out of time…
She hovered with me for a bit until I thought I was stable enough to get to my feet again. I was standing, but I couldn’t do it alone. I just leaned over the sink and let my head hang, tears dropping from my face in steady streams as everything I’ve ever had and felt was released.
She suggested I try to ask for help. She said that Dumbledore would understand. She said that he was very trusting and always willing to give people a second chance. I shook my head and tried to hold back the flood of tears that was threatening to drown me.
I don’t remember if I was whimpering or yelling it, but I told her that it wasn’t possible. I told her that no one could help me, no one would possibly be able to and even if they were no one would want to. I’m alone in this, I have no one…
And then I lifted my head and saw someone standing in the doorway staring at me. I snapped and sent a hex without thinking. Or perhaps it was a curse. I don’t remember, it was the first thing that came to mind.
It missed and they started attacking back. I couldn’t tell who it was at first, and I didn’t care… I was too scared that because they were solid and alive they would hurt me…they would just tear me to pieces like everyone else has done so far.
My eyes began to clear as I continued to send random curses, and just as I was sending the Cruciatus curse, I realized that it was Potter who was standing there. It was Potter I was fighting with…
And before I could even finish speaking the word, he yelled out the most horrifying word. I will never forget this curse…it will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my days…
“SECTUMSEMPRA!”
And then suddenly, through my realization and fear, long and deep cuts sliced through me on my face and chest and I felt blood splatter and spill from me as though it wasn’t real…as though I was watching it from somewhere inside myself without actually feeling it.
I tried to gasp but all I could do was inhale the blood that was pouring down my face, mixing with my misery and tears. And then I was on the floor.
The sink next to me had exploded, I don’t know how, and there was water soaking me and diluting the pool of blood that had form around me. I think I went blind for a moment but I could hear a faint “no” before I went white and started shaking uncontrollably from the sudden loss of blood.
And in some blurry haze I saw Potter kneeling over me, his face knit in confusion and worry as he rambled something about no, no, he didn’t….
And then everything went black for a bit… and cold and quiet. I don’t know how long it was that way but I imagine that is something like what Death must be like… lonely, isolated and empty… void.
That’s what’s waiting for me…
And then as quickly as the emptiness and the void engulfed me, it was gone. I could see (though it was blurry and fluid, as though I was looking through murky waters) and Snape was holding me up and muttering something about scarring or not.
Potter was standing in front of me, frozen and drenched in my blood…
I felt distant and hollow. I couldn’t process the whole thing at the time. Nothing was getting through, but then I ended up in the Hospital Wing, drinking glass after glass of essence of something or other and having Madam Pomfrey fret over me.
That was three hours ago…
She showed me my wounds with a mirror… My face is perfectly healed, no scarring and no sign at all that there was ever a wound there (much to everyone’s surprise except my own) but the magical wounds that Potter made on my chest were still there… still not healed though very thin and not bleeding.
The wounds that Potter made…
I know I said before that I would be dead by the end of this and that he would have my blood on his hands…but I never supposed it was literal.
……………….
Everything I’ve written so far is…empty. There seems to be so little feeling behind my words…
But I don’t have any feeling anymore.
The Saviour of the Wizarding World, Harry Potter, the only person I have ever loved and likely ever will, has tried to assassinate me.
He….tried to kill me and…
HE TRIED TO KILL ME!
He is supposed to protect people! He’s supposed to be a SAVIOUR! THE CHOSEN ONE! He’s supposed to be the one to save us all and right the wrongs and get rid of the Dark Lord and bring about peace…
AND HE TRIED TO KILL ME USING DARK MAGIC.
I wanted to tell him… I want so badly for this to be over...
And now I really am alone… I knew he hated me but I never thought he wanted me dead… he wants me dead…
I am dead… there’s nothing left in me anymore. Nothing at all. The fucking Death-Eater wannabe stole whatever purity I may have had and the Boy-Who-Lived just tried to murder me…
Clearly I don’t belong anywhere… I don’t belong here…
THIS ISN’T MY WAR!
THIS ISN’T MY LIFE THIS ISN’T MY JOB! NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! THIS IS NOT FOR ME!!!
I DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE! I DON’T FUCKING CARE!! I’M GOING TO SCREAM NOW AND LET IT ALL OUT AND SWEAR AND CURSE AND I DON’T BLOODY CARE!!
I DON’T CARE IF I’M A “MALFOY”! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ANYWAY? FUCK BEING A MALFOY AND FUCK BEING A PURE-BLOOD! FUCK IT IF IT MEANS THAT I’M SUPPOSED TO ENDURE BEING TORTURED BY MY FUCKING FATHER TO THE POINT WHERE I CAN NO LONGER HEAL PROPERLY! TORTURED WITH MAGIC DARKER THAN THE UNFORGIVABLE CURSES AS A FORM OF “DISCIPLINE”! WHY SHOULD I BE THE ONE TO REPAY THE DEBTS OF A MAN THAT I HATE?! I DON’T OWE HIM A DAMNED THING!
FUCK IT IF IT MEANS THAT I AM UNWORTHY OF LOVE FROM ANY SIDE! FUCK IT IF IT MEANS A LIFETIME OF DIRTY LOOKS AND IMPOSSIBLE TASKS! I AM NOT THIS PERSON! I AM NOT A SLAVE OF ANY PSYCHOTIC HALF-BLOOD WITH A HUNGER FOR POWER!
…….
I will finish my task. I will accomplish it and I will kill Dumbledore. And then I will die. I will die either at the hands of Lord Voldemort, or at the hand of the Order of the Phoenix.
I will die and I am no longer scared, because there is nothing for me to live for.
I will die because Potter wants me to.
I hope he’s happy.
********
I got out of Hospital and came to the realization that none of the people who have ever called themselves my “friends” are anything like that at all. Not even Pansy. Not a word or a comment from any of them. No “get well” comments or any kind of concern as to the fact that Potter tried to kill me.
Oh they jumped at the opportunity to show even stronger hatred towards the Gryffindors and increase the house rivalry, but nothing to me, not when we’re alone.
And then…one day…I saw the most sickening thing I think I possibly ever could…
Potter was sitting with…and had his arm around…and was laughing and smiling and KISSING…
His new girlfriend is the She-Weasel.
He’s found himself a wonderful little whore and I’m happy for him. Happy enough to vaguely consider dropping some basilisk venom into his morning pumpkin juice.
HOW DARE HE?
I…. I just can’t breathe…
My arm is now soaking the bandage and the faint scars Potter left me on my chest have started to sting as though they threaten to reopen.
He can’t love her! He can’t!
Not when… not now…
I just…
WHY CAN’T HE SEE IT? WHY CAN’T HE WAKE UP AND JUST COME TO ME? WHY CAN’T HE…
I didn’t think I could feel anything again… but now I can’t stop hurting. I just can’t stop it… it won’t go away and the pain won’t even dull.
I’ve skipped my classes today… I’m sitting in the Room of Requirement, staring at the damn Cabinet in front of me and wishing it would just fix itself so that everything would be over…
So that I don’t have to suffer anymore…
So that I don’t have to feel my heartbreak every time I see Potter holding hands with the Weasel-slut…
I’ve got to get to work…
*********
I spent the day in the Room again, fighting tooth and nail with the bloody Cabinet. If my wand were alive, it wouldn’t be anymore. I swear I’m almost worried there is no more magic left inside it.
But it doesn’t matter now…
I FIXED IT! I FINALLY MANAGED!
I was so surprised that I actually yelled out in triumph when I suddenly heard some angry voices from just outside the door.
I shut up quickly and froze, listening closely to try and figure out who it was…
It was Potter and a professor, Trelawney I think, talking back and forth about trying to get into the Room. I don’t think I breathed. I don’t even think my heart beat for those few moments until I realized that they were angry because they couldn’t get in.
Then I relaxed and waited for them to leave.
I felt my heart shatter again as Potter’s voice became distant, but it doesn’t matter now.
It’s almost over…
Soon… It’ll all be over and I won’t have to worry about anything or anyone anymore…
I won’t feel a thing.
-----IIIII-----
A/N: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS ON THE LAST CHAPTER! I’m so sorry about having to do that, but I think this (and later chapters) will help to explain a little bit more about why it needed to be there. Also, there is naturally one more chapter in the 6th book to deal with, and then I’ll be moving into uncharted territory and making it up as I go. Those chapters might take a little longer, simply because I have to lay out the events and such in an order that makes sense and is still interesting, along with figure out all the Horcruxes and what happens to Draco and whatnot. It should be fun.
Also, I’m leaving for London and Paris on Tuesday so I will not be able to post for ten days (until the 11th or the 12th). I may not even have a chance tomorrow, though hopefully I will. Sorry about that, I know I’m usually pretty regular and it’s a rather bad time to leave off X_X but I have no choice.
I hope you are all as excited as I am about getting past the 6th book because… well… it’s all in the air and yes, Draco WILL get with Harry. I promise. It will also get lighter soon (after the obvious rough parts), there will be a little more humour hopefully and Draco will eventually get back to his old self…
I hand out lots of lovely smutty cookies for reviews! Heeeheee I need to find some real smutty cookies…bet they taste good ^^
Also, to answer a few questions:
claire2007: It'll be Harry's first time, and Draco's first time for... some things O_O haha though after the Nott-incident, it's not his "real" first time sadly
Maizeysugah: There is a little bit in this chapter about why his arm is like that, though he'll explain it in more detail later :)
Everyone who is wondering when Harry and Draco get together: Sadly there isn't enough time to put it into the 6th book, but it will happen relatively soon, and when it does, they will shag like rabbits hahaha ;)