Up the Duff

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In the hours following their interrogation by Minerva McGonagall, the members of our tight knit little group eventually retreated to their individual lairs. The Headmistress grabbed one of the full bottles of fire whiskey and returned to her office. Severus and the Malfoy’s stayed arguing in his apartment, Harry and Draco withdrew to their own rooms and Tom Riddle and Moaning Myrtle made their way up to the second floor girls bathroom.

Minerva sat down behind her desk with a sigh and took a stiff slug of fire whiskey while she prayed to Merlin that she had made the right choice by allowing the two ghost to stay.

Harry Potter-Malfoy nuzzled the base of his darling husbands neck while Draco Malfoy-Potter purred like a kitten and arched his body into Harry’s.

They knew the Veritaserum wouldn’t wear off for a few more hours but all they had were words of love for each other so it had been no problem.

Harry lifted his head to stare deeply into Draco’s lovely gray eyes. “You are everything to me Draco.” He murmured. “What would I ever do with out you?”

Draco gave his husband a mischievous grin. “Why... Wither away and die of course.”

Harry grinned back at his blond spouse. “You always were a cheeky bugger.”

“Don’t forget kinky.” Draco smirked broadly. “You know its why you love me.”

Harry snickered. “No. I like you because you put out.” He stared adoringly into his husbands eyes. “I love you because….. There could only ever be ONE Draco Malfoy, and I somehow got lucky enough to have him.”

“That’s so sweet Harry.” Draco giggled. “Now suck my dick.”

Harry found himself giggling along with his spouse. Yep. It was official.

There could be only one.



In the second story girls lavatory, Tom Riddle and Moaning Myrtle sat side by side and talked. Both were greatly relieved to know that Tom could stay in the castle.

“Myrtle…” Tom said hesitantly. “just because I cant use the Duff slime… that doesn’t mean that you cant….” He bit his lip. The thought of being without her now was extremely painful, but he would get the stuff for her if she wanted it. He owed her that much at the very least. “Y-you could be nearly alive again.”

The girl ghost held up a hand to stop him.

“You’re not taking it.”

Tom shook his head no.

Myrtle reached over and grasped Tom’s hand firmly. “Where you go, I go Tom Riddle.” She said with conviction.

Tom smiled at his girlfriend and pulled her into his arms. He really didn’t deserve to be such a lucky bastard.


Argus Filch muttered darkly under his breath as he stomped his way towards Minerva McGonagall’s office with Mrs. Norris firmly tucked underneath one arm.

Oh there would be hell to pay for this, he assured himself as he reached the gargoyles guarding the headmistress office and ascended the spiral stairs.

Minerva had just knocked back about her ninth shot of fire whiskey when Filch came barreling through her door and thrust a protesting Mrs. Norris at her. “Justice!” The scrawny, ugly man with a wild mane of beautiful black hair shouted at her.

The Headmistress squinted up at the irate caretaker for a few moments then slowly sat up straighter. “What?”

Argus shook the cat at Minerva as though what he wanted from her should be obvious. “Justice!” He bellowed again. “I DEMAND JUSTICE!”

Minerva blinked as she tried to clear her head. “And exactly.... What for?”

He glared at his now hissing feline. “My Mrs. Norris is no longer pure!”

The Headmistress shook her head.

Argus sighed impatiently. “It were that Granger girl’s Tomcat what done it!”

“Done what?” Minerva sputtered. “I mean… did what?”

“Aint it obvious?” Argus spat with disgust. “E’ got my Mrs. Norris up the Duff!”

In a small room just off of the Hogwarts kitchen Bellatrix Lestrange awoke feeling more warm and secure than she ever had in her life. Oh, her head was throbbing like the Dickens with a hangover but other than that she felt oddly relaxed and safe. It felt as though she was resting in the softest bed in the world, surrounded by warmth.

Bella kept her eyes tightly shut against the sun that was trying to bore holes in her eyelids. Even with her eyes closed she could tell that the room she was in had to be flooded with sunlight. She sighed with contentment.

A bony little arm threw itself across her middle as someone sleeping behind her shifted and began to snore softly against her shoulder. Bella’s eyes flew open in spite of the blinding sunlight. Quickly she scanned the room where she was. It was rather bare, with a table and two chairs in one corner of the room while the other held a ratty old sofa.

Timidly she looked down at the bed she was lying on. It was more of a nest really, she thought. A nest comprised of thousands of knitted hats, socks and sweaters.

“Oh sweet Merlin…” Bellatrix prayed fervently. “PLEASE don’t let who I think is behind me be who really is behind me.”

Holding her breath Bella slowly rolled over on her back and stared into the peaceful face of Dobby.

Her ear splitting scream was heard all the way to the top of Gryffindor tower.


TBC...