Love, Lies & Loneliness

A/N This story wasn\'t meant to have plot originally and hence I\'ve spent the past two days backtracking to ensure the story line flows. This chapter\'s going to be a little confusing and things are left unexplained but it\'ll all work itself out within the next couple of chapters, and I hope It\'ll live up to your expectations when everything is finally revealed.... so take your time and if need be re read the beginning cause it will help with what\'s coming...


Chapter 27
(In Transition there is Wisdom)

Harry could hardly breath as the icy wind bit at his face. It was a rush beyond anything he’d ever felt, the feeling of exhilaration easing the pain. The ground was rushing up towards him and in that split second before he hit, he swept the broom between his legs and lay flat against the handle. Almost immediately the broom took its own evasive action and Harry felt his knees scrape the ground as the broom soared back up having narrowly avoided the collision. With the breath gone from his lungs Harry closed his eyes and took his hands off the broom, barely balancing on the thin handle of wood between his legs as he let the broom spiral up and up into the darkening thunder clouds. Raindrops stung his face and Harry laughed loudly as streaks of lightening flashed around him, like a muggle disco. As he continued to soar higher the wind became stronger and the droplets of rain began freezing into ice and Harry struggled to keep himself upright on the broom but still he pressed on. Harry could see nothing but the black robes swirling around him and the grey of the storm cloud as he continued to climb, the cracks of thunder now ringing in his ears with his already pounding pulse.

Finally he broke through the cloud and entered into the windless clear night sky. Wet, shivering and panting because of the suddenly thin air Harry gazed up at the stars and the moon above him. He seemed closer to them now, as if he could reach out and touch them. He tried too, laughing to himself as he pretended to chase a shooting star like it was a golden snitch, his hands outstretched and his fingers uselessly trying to grasp it.

Up here none of it seemed to matter anymore and the pain seemed to lesson as he glanced down at the storm raging below him in a spectacular display of light and sound. It seemed ironic really that the storm below him was nothing compared to the storm of his life that waited for him to return, just below the grey clouds.

Circling the storm Harry smiled as he thought of all the fun he’d had over the years at Hogwarts. Sure most of the adventures he, Ron and Hermione had gotten into had been partially because of Lord Voldomort, but they’d been fun. Sneaking around Hogwarts under his father’s invisibility cloak with the Marauders Map had been fun too, avoiding Filch and Peeves. Harry remembered Sirius then and how frightened he’d been of his godfather when he’d thought the man was a murderer but it had all worked out and despite Sirius’ overprotective nature he was still the only relative Harry had left and Harry loved him like he did his parents. Harry missed his parents so very much but knowing Sirius was trying to make his life normal had helped a lot. Harry wondered silently what his father would have said about his crush on Snape? Harry could just imagine James’ stern frown as he told Lilly to take their son to the ‘psychiatrist to get his head checked’.

Severus Snape. The man’s name sent a ripple of happiness across Harry’s chest. It had happened so slowly that Harry hadn’t really realised his admiration for the potions professor growing into something else. Sure crushes were common in adolescence but what Harry felt was certainly not a flight of fancy, no matter what anyone said. Closing his eyes Harry smiled as he remembered the soft silk of the man’s hair, the beautiful marble v of skin that had peeked out from beneath the man’s collar and the melodic mellow voice of the professor as he’d taught Harry everything he knew. Finally Harry fell completely into the memory of those dark obsidian eyes staring at him as if he was the only person in the world who mattered. In truth Snape had been the only person to ever see Harry beyond the scar and the prophecy and for that the man, even if unconsciously, had grounded Harry’s feet when popular hype might have swept him away. God Harry loved him even if he didn’t know it, but it was that moment in the hall that had sparked hope when Harry thought there was none, and it was that hope that finally settled the rage of emotions in his body. As the emotions settled a flash of light pierced Harry’s mind, images of years both past, present and future swam in his mind, leaving him breathless over what he’d just experienced. It was if he’d lived his entire life over again but through someone else’s eyes, everything he’d ever done now held a completely different meaning as the gravity of what he’d seen settled into reality. Wisdom is a beautiful thing and it brought a genuine smile to Harry’s face as he realised what had been going on for so long.

Perhaps there was something better to look forward to when the war was over.

With the vicious voice in his head gone, and his magic tingling beneath his skin Harry set his jaw firmly in determination and with one longing glance at the stars above him he dove straight back into the storm raging below him.

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Harry sped towards the ground his nose touching the tip of his broom as he flattened his body completely. The icy raindrops swirled around him and his glasses iced up but Harry kept going barely reacting to the torrent of weather beating down upon his back. The flickering lights of Hogwarts came into view as he sped out of the cloud, levelling his broom off as he raced across the lake and forest heading towards the castle. Harry swerved around the whomping willow’s thrashing branches and soared up the side of the aged stone castle to the Astronomy tower he’d thrown himself off nearly four hours before.

Coming to the open window ledge Harry ducked his head as he flew inside barely pulling the broom to a halt as he flung his leg off the handle and tucked the battered fire bolt under his arm. The castle was deathly silent. Books and parchment were abandoned where their owners had been hastily corralled. In times of crisis there was safety in numbers and knowing Dumbledore as he did Harry knew the headmaster would have secured his students and his teachers in the great hall. A smile of sick amusement reached Harry’s lips as he realised for the first time that he was the cause of the crises and not Voldomort. Flinging the death eaters robe tighter about him Harry hopped up onto the banister of the staircase and with a chuckled slid down it in one smooth slide, just jumping off in time before the end.

It didn’t take long for Harry to reach the front entrance of Hogwarts and Harry marvled at the giant locks that sealed the 12ft high doors. The doors into the great hall were locked too but Harry knew almost on instinct what charm would open them. Timing his entrance with a crack of thunder for effect Harry spelled the doors open and strode confidently inside. The effect must have been terrific cause every eye in the room turned to him. The silence was almost deafening.

Harry ignored the teachers wands pointed in his direction, and strode confidently up the center of the tables where students huddled together in confusion. Harry barely made it to the middle of the hall when Snape stood up from his seat with Dumbledore at the head table. Harry stopped where he stood, the death eaters robe dripping to make puddles on the floor. His hair was a mess sticking out at horrible angles and the dirt kicked up by the wind had left smudges of mud across his face. Snape was the only one out of all the teachers who hadn’t aimed their wand at Harry and as the teacher strode towards him Harry knew why. Harry didn’t know how he did it but Snape’s memories, emotions and feelings flowed like water into his own mind. Snape was an open book to be read like a novel. No restrictive walls blocked Harry as he looked freely through the man’s mind. There was little doubt that Snape knew Harry was looking in his mind but didn’t finch as Harry found each painful memory that was locked in Snape’s past. Harry didn’t know if Snape was trying to block him and couldn’t, or that the professor knew Harry was too strong and just didn’t bother trying.

Snape barely came to a stop in front of Harry before the potions professor hand swung back and then came crashing down across Harry’s face with a sickening slap that echoed around the hall. The memories stopped then and the mental tie was severed almost immediately. The ring on Snape’s hand caught Harry’s lip and tore it causing a thin trail of blood to seep from the wound. Harry spat the blood from his lip out onto the floor as he straightened himself back up and met Snape’s severe gaze with one of his own. There was something there in that dark gaze that until now Harry hadn’t recognised, behind the show of anger and the mask of indifference there lay hidden a fear, a fear Harry now understood, a fear Harry knew now how to conquer.

Before Snape could hit him again Harry reached up and with two cold hands took hold of Snape’s head and pulled the man’s lips to his own. Snape didn’t struggle as Harry flicked his tongue across the man’s thin lips before teasing them apart to delve into the warm depths of the mans mouth. There were shocked and horrified gasps from the crowd but Harry ignored them as he intensified the kiss, already feeling warm tears of relief falling down his cheeks. The tears he felt weren’t his own and as the boy finally broke the kiss and he met Snape’s gaze he knew all along what the man had been doing.

“I don’t expect you will really appreciate the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses…I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even put a stopper in death….”*** Harry recited calmly the speech Snape had said the first day Harry had entered Snape’s potions class. That speech had frightened the hell out of the first year but instead of intimidation the implications of that speech held so much more to the older wiser Harry. Snape lowered his gaze to the floor the tears that had been running down his cheeks drying in the warmth of the great hall. “You knew all along didn’t you?” Harry rose a sleek eyebrow at the professor who slowly nodded.

“You were never the dunderhead I gave you credit for Mr Potter.” Snape’s voice had evened out considerably and dropped to the mellow tone Harry so loved to listen to.

“No, but it has still taken me 5 years to work it out hasn’t it? It must have been frustrating.” Harry managed a weak smile as he watched Snape sigh loudly, his gaze turning up to meet Harry’s.

“Intolerably so.” Harry smiled again as Snape sounded exasperated at the boy’s stupidity.

“Even when Draco worked it out before I did, you still didn’t give up.” Harry glanced back over his shoulder at where the blonde haired boy lowered his head to stare at the table flushing a little at the praise. “You knew I’d get it eventually, all this crap about training me in dark arts, teaching me to fight it was all just stalling for time wasn’t it? Giving me enough training to keep me alive until it clicked.” Snape nodded slowly a genuine smile of pride twitching at the corners of his lips.

“Your mother understood, even if James didn’t. There was no choice in the end, not really. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer, it was the only way I could know for certain what he was doing. It was a sacrifice I could live with if it meant saving your life.” Snape sighed heavily as he thought of Lilly and Harry knew what the other man felt in her loss. There was a moment’s silence between them and Harry took a deep calming breath willing himself to fight the sadness in his heart over the loss of his mother.

“Where’s the potion?” Harry knew there was little time for chitchat; he’d wasted 5 years on stupidity already, to blind to see past his nose.

“In the little silver box on my bookcase.” Harry smiled as he remembered the little silver box he’d seen Snape tuck into his robes that night in the professors private room. It served to reason the professor would leave such a valuable item in such an unassuming box.

“You better get it then and the mask for this I think.” Snape nodded and with a flick of his wand the silver box and the white death eater mask came flying in to the hall through the staff entry doors and straight into the outstretched hand of the professor. Reluctantly Snape handed over both items to Harry who momentarily ran his thumb across the snake on the top of the silver box before stashing it securely into his robes.

“Harry are you sure you’re ready for this?” Snape looked awfully concerned at Harry as the boy pulled the hood of the death eater robe over his head having first performed a drying spell on his clothes.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure I am, it was all just a matter of control, just like you said it would be.” Snape nodded as Harry drew the white mask over his face to conceal his identity.

“They’re in the valley just outside Hogsmede, the apparition point is beside a small hunting hut. He’s on the second floor of the manor, the door on the left. He’s expecting me so you shouldn’t have trouble getting in.” Harry sighed behind his mask as Snape relayed the information to him slowly, ensuring the boy knew what he was doing. Movement to Snape’s left drew their attention and Harry smiled to himself as he saw Dumbledore step up next to Snape his face holding a concern Harry had only ever seen once before during his hearing at the Ministry.

“I’ll have the Aurors standing to await your signal on the ridge to the east.” Harry nodded at Dumbledore glad that the elder man couldn’t see his face. Harry had been angry with Dumbledore all this time for manipulating him when in truth Dumbledore hadn’t told any lies he’d just guided Harry in the right direction. “Good luck Harry Potter.”

“Will you wait for me?” Harry stepped over the handle of his firebolt and looked across at Snape, who had folded his hands into his robes obviously trying and failing not to look scared.

“Of course what kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t stay around to see ‘the boy who lived’ gloat over victory.” There was a sarcastic edge to Snape’s comment that made Harry chuckle and shake his head. With a kick to the floor Harry took off and sped out of the hall not daring to glance back at the two wizards watching him leave. He wasn’t afraid anymore and hope now spurred on his determination. Voldomort wouldn’t win this time around; Harry was going to make sure.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A/N I\'ll take that bag of chocolate chip cookies and the icecream, with a side order of death threats and big glass of seriously stressed readers.... You know you\'ve hit a nerve as a writer when people are threatening bodily harm...god that\'s cool.

Hope you aren\'t too confused but I promise, on my mothers grave that it\'ll all make sense as the next two chapters roll on, so if you don\'t want to be bamboozled for long, tell me what you thought of this chapter with some lovely reviews.

Yeah I knew I couldn\'t fool you guys, like I\'d kill of Harry when he hasn\'t even had it off with Snape yet, honestly what kind of madman do you think I am??

Thanks for taking the time to review.

RIFFRAFF