Love is Blind

Chapter 24

Severus noticed at dinner that Remus seemed to be gaining color in his pale skin and he
seemed to have more energy than usual. Severus smiled as he thought of how
Hermione had done that. That his Hermione had possibly cured the werewolf.
Well, hopefully he wasn’t a werewolf anymore. When they finished their meal,
Hermione and Severus ventured down to the lab for the rest of the evening.

Severus had finished the first potion for Hermione’s eyes. This potion wasn’t a normal
potion, it was more of a salve, so he had her lay down in his chambers to apply
it to her eyes. He looked down at her lying nervously on his bed and grinned
devilishly. He pushed the indecent thoughts out of the way as he put the salve
down on the table and took Hermione’s hand in his. “Love, calm down, it’s all
right,” he said sweetly, trying to ease her mind.

She nodded sheepishly and he removed the glamour charm from her face. “Hermione, I
don’t remember if I told you this, but we cannot use the glamour charm as we
use the potions. The reaction between the different types of magic may inhibit
the healing process. Are you all right with that?”

“I’m blind, the students know I’m blind if they have paid any attention to me at
all. I can always wear muggle sunglasses to cover it up, right?” Severus
realized that Hermione had been thinking about this ahead of time. Her strength
was still amazing to him, he had known strong women, but Hermione was most
definitely the strongest. She had to be strong to be able to look past his
history and love him despite it.

“Yes, love, I think the sunglasses would work perfectly.”  He leaned over and kissed her forehead lightly. “Are you
ready?” She nodded nervously. He dipped his fingers into the warm salve and
gingerly rubbed it over the skin covg heg her eyes. “I’m not sure of what you
will feel, so if you do feel something, please tell me. We have to let that
soak into the skin. We will have to do this every day for the next week. All
right?”

“Hm-hmm” she said softly as he sat in the chair beside her. She had the audious stone in
her ear and a book laying across her lap. She eventually started her fingers
moving over the pages, content with the companionable silence between them.
Severus settled further into his chair reading up on the second step of
Hermione’s treatment.

Severus concentrated on the list of ingredients, mentally inventorying his stores to
make sure he had everything available. Moondrops – check, dragon tears –
check, unicorn horn – check, mandrake root- check, rose oil – need to go to
London for that, snake scales – check, menstrual blood – what? Severus hadn’t realized that such a potent ingredient
would be used in this potion. He had some in his stores, but he knew that if
you were to use menstrual blood in a potion for a woman, it was better if it
were her own. He wasn’t sure if Hermione would go for it, but she was soon to
be a Potions Mistress, so she might.

Severus started to contemplate the time table he needed for this potion. He had to brew
it over the next week to be able to keep on the schedule to have her healed by
Christmas. At least the blood was one of the final ingredients. That would give
them time for Hermione’s cycle to come. He thought back over the last few
weeks. Hermione should be having a menstrual cycle soon. It had been almost six
weeks since the accident. Maybe she had been on her period when it happened,
because he knew that she hadn’t had one since they started sleeping together.

Suddenly something came to Severus. She hadn’t had a period since they started sleeping
together almost five weeks ago. Menstrual cycles ran by lunar cycles, every four
weeks. Could she be? No, she would have told him, right? A smile played upon
his face at the thought that Hermione could be pregnant. He might be a father.
His heart leapt. He had given up hope that he would ever have someone love him,
let alone give him a family. But if she was, why hadn’t she said anything.
Maybe she didn’t want it. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a baby. He looked over at
his love. She was absorbed in the book she was reading. His mind was wandering
and he didn’t like the road it was going down.

“Hermione?” She turned her head toward him in acknowledgement. “How are you feeling?”

She smiled. “It’s starting to tingle a bit. It feels almost like when your foot
falls asleep, not entirely unpleasant.”

“Let me know if it starts to hurt.” She nodded and looked at him curiously. There
was something odd in his voice. Hermione had never heard him sound quite like
this. He sounded distraught, forlorn.

“Severus, what’s wrong?” she asked as she rolled over on the bed toward him.

He did think that his voice had betrayed his conflicting emotions, but he realized
not to underestimate Hermione’s sense of perception. Severus moved the chair so
he was facing her directly. He leaned over so his elbows rested on his knees
and lowered his head into his hands. “Hermione, I have to ask you something.”
His voice was low and serious.

Hermione sat up at his tone. “Severus, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Severus stood up and padded to the bed to sit next to her. He gently took her hands in
his trembling ones. “Hermione, a-are you… could you …” he shook his head. He
couldn’t get the question out. How do you ask the woman you love, if she is
having your baby?

“Severus?” she asked softly. Severus could hear the fear in her voice. He could feel her
body start to tremble. “Severus, please, say it.”

Severus let go of Hermione and ran a trembling hand through his hair. “Hermione, are
you pregnant?” he asked almost too softly for Hermione to hear.

But she did hear it, and didn’t know how to react. That was not the question she
was expecting. Her body stiffened slightly and Severus felt it. He stood up
abruptly and paced for a moment. The next thing Hermione knew was he was
kneeling in front of her, between her knees with his arms wrapped around her
waist. “Hermione, I love you. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but I
am happy. I am so happy. I’m just shocked. I didn’t thin…”

Hermione cut him off with a finger to his lips. “Severus, I think we need to talk.” She
said more calmly that she expected. Her insides were jelly, her nerves were
shot. Obviously he wanted a family, what would he say when she told him that it
would never happen. She put her hands under his arms and lifted him to sit next
to her again. She leaned against him, trying to reassure him and maybe even
herself.

“Severus, I am not having a baby,” she said sadly. “In fact, I… I can’t.”

He looked up at her, he couldn’t help the small tears that escaped him. She wasn’t
pregnant? He didn’t understand. Hermione seemed to have read his mind as she
pulled away from him slightly. “Let me explain, please. I know that this is a
shock, and I would love nothing more than to be the mother of your children,
but I am sorry, I cannot, thanks to Lucius Malfoy,” she added the last part
under her breath.

“Hermione, I’m confused. What happened and what does Lucius have to do with this? “

“Do you remember when Draco saved me from his dad during the final battle?” Severus
grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly, telling her silently that he did
remember. “Well, what you didn’t see, was what Draco actually saved me from.”
She felt Severus tense beside her and knew what he was thinking. “No, he didn’t
rape me. Lucius had me under Cruciatus, for an extremely long amount of time.
Thanks to Remus and Harry, I had learned to fight it. My mind came out of it
with very little damage, unlike many other victims. My body was not so lucky.
He had aimed the curse at my abdomen, specifically my uterus.” Severus wrapped
his arms around her protectively. She could feel his tears on her hair and her
body started to tremble. “My womb was severely disfigured and I have not had a menstrual
cycle since that day. Some women would probably be jealous at that fact, but I
hate it. I’m sorry Severus., if you want to leave I understand. I can’t give
you a family, no matter how much I would love to.”

Severus’ heart was breaking,, not for the fact that he and Hermione wouldn’t have
children, but rather for the fact that she had to go through the pain of the
curse and the pain of not being able to be a mother. His arms wrapped tighter
around her as he kissed her hairline. “Hermione, I’m sorry that Lucius did that
to you. I never expected to have a family. I was prepared to live my life
alone. But, now I have you, that is all I need. I’m not letting you go., you
can be sur tha that.”

She raised her hands to either side of his face and kissed him tenderly. “I love
you, Severus.”

“I adore you, Hermione, never doubt that,” he whispered and buried his wet face in
her hair.

They sat that way holding each other until Hermione started falling asleep. Severus
laid her down and curled up behind her, nuzzling her neck. His mind raced
through the many emotions he had felt for this woman throughout the day. He was
proud of her plain and simple. He was proud of her for curing Remus. He was
proud of her for the strength she had shown throughout this and the incident
with Lucius. He was proud of her for facing her damned life with her head held
high. The pride he felt in her was only overshadowed by the love he never
expected to feel for anyone, but now overflowed for the woman in his arms. He
smiled into her hair and let himself fall into a deep slumber.