Only through the pain

Disclaimer: Maybe if I close my eyes and wish hard enough.....**closes eyes** I wish I owned the potter-verse, I wish I owned the Potter-verse, I wish I owned the potter-verse....**cracks an eye** did it work? No? hmmm...maybe I should start with something easier. I wish I had a million dollars, I wish I had a million dollars........

Warning: Angst, in a big and real way. Those of you who are squeamish or do not want to read the really sad, painful stuff, wait for the next chapter before reading again.

A/N: Hey all, welcome back. First...I got a review from Jesus! How awesome am I?? And I quote the son of our god, "omg! i love this story! its full of everything i love: weed, smutt, and a wicked awesome author...now all i need is some green tea and buttered toast!" I knew it! Jesus WAS stoned! Lol, thanks for the review Jesus! Both of 'em! Second, Christi dear, you might not want to read the next bit of this chapter. I feel compelled to remind everyone once again that this is an angsty story, and I know that kinda goes against my grain, but stick with me and you'll get a fair share of humor as well ^^. On to the chapter itself. Curiosity Kills, Trapt.

(I've lost track of what chapter we're on!) Curiosity Kills (Harry)


I'd made it into my garden, made sure the door was locked, made sure that damned snake knew Malfoy was NOT welcome. I was such an idiot. I never should have trusted a Slytherin. I never should have let myself get that close to someone. Ginny was wrong. I was wrong. The twins were wrong. Ron was the only one who had seen through Malfoy.

But that's not really fair, is it? I mean...maybe Malfoy didn't have any choice in the matter. Maybe Snape was full of shit....but if that was the case, why didn't he tell me? He should have told me. If he really had cared about me, he would have told me....right?

Yeah....but how would I have reacted? I don't trust death eaters. There was no way I COULD since they were all linked to Moldywart. Yeah, Dumbledore seemed convinced that Snape was on our side, but that was sure to jump up and bite him in the ass eventually. Malfoy knew how I felt....maybe....NO! Stop defending him! He lied to you! He was probably working for Voldy the whole time! And you showed him how to get into the Chamber! Great Job Harry! He was using you! He was using you and you let him. Some fucking Golden Boy you are. Freak. Worthless.

"Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up!" I muttered to myself, holding my head again, rocking a little. "It's not true, it's not true. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! SHUT UP!"

Make me.....make me? I could make my brain shut up.....I could shut it up for good! Yes....I could shut my brain up and make sure I never had to feel like this ever, ever again....make sure I never made the mistake of letting someone in again....make the pain stop. Dumblefuck could find another pawn for his fucking battle....Yes! That was it. Why had I ever thought this was a bad idea? I released my head, the voices and accusations already gone, and reached for a stick.

(Draco)

"Not good, not good." I muttered to myself, checking the dorms, for Ginny. I'd already looked in all of the places I could for Harry, the ones I knew the passwords too, but to search the Chamber I needed Ginny. Harry had wanted to teach me the password, but I hadn't let him because I knew Voldemort could get that information from me soon. He didn't press and I didn't know the password. It was safer that way...except in times like this. "Has anyone seen Ginny?!" I called through the portrait since the fat lady wouldn't let me in. "It's an emergency!"

"She's in the hospital wing with Pomfrey," Neville said, sticking his head out the hole. "What's up Malfoy? You look freaked..."I was already gone. "Hmm....Hey Dean? Who's got their money on today?"

Why did the damn Gryffindors have to live so far away from the damned infirmary?! They injured themselves enough in their fucking 'save people' things that it should be right next door! This was taking too damn long, I'd been looking for almost an hour!!

I skidded to a stop in the hospital wing corridor, remembering something. The Garden. I hadn't checked the Garden yet! I turned and ran back down the hall to the always locked door that hid that overgrown rose garden. I'd caught Harry here before when he was depressed, maybe this was the place he went to cut? And if it was, I just hoped that he hadn't done anything too drastic yet.

I pulled on the door, locked. "Damn!" I pounded on it uselessly. "What did I say to make it open?!Oh! 'Guess I'd better go look for Harry again!'" It stayed closed. "Oh come on, open! I have to know if he's in there!"

"He'sssss here alright." a little voice hissed. "Down here, on the door." My eyes found the little snake carved in the post. Figures. "He told me not to let you in."

"But...." I sighed. "He was on the verge of a major breakdown when he ran out of the class earlier. I just want to make sure he's ok!"

The snake, if it's at all possible for a carved door decoration to do so, looked skeptical. "What happened?"

"He found something out....in a really bad way." I said, ashamed again of my own stubborn stupidity.

"Ahhhh.....curiossssity killssss....." the snake said knowingly. "What you don't know what hurt you. What you don't know won't break your heart."

I frowned. Those were lyrics to one of Harry's favorite songs...and he always took his music so literally....crap. "Please, you have to let me in. I'm really worried about him.....how long has he been in there?"

"About thirty minutesssssss......" the snake said, "he wassss ssssshouting at himssssself.....but now he'sssssss quiet. I can't let you in...."

"But he could be hurting himself in there! God! Why doesn't anyone realize that??" I shouted, earning a few glares from some of the portraits.

"Let me finish. I can't let you in, but he did not sssssssay anything about the red-haired one." The snake snapped. "Fetch her, if you are really ssssssssso worried."

"Red-haired....Ginny! I'll be right back! Don't let him kill himself!" I shouted at the snake, running back to the hospital ward.

"And how exactly am I sssssssuposssssed to do that? I'm a door possssssssst." The snake sighed. "Sssssssstupid Boy......."

"Ginny!" I was shouting for her before I'd even gotten to the doors of the wing. "Ginny!!! Help!!" God, she was going to kill me.

"What?!" Ginny snapped, coming through the doors in her hospital scrubs. "What the fuck is wrong with YOU Draco? You look plenty healthy to me." She said, doing her usual suggestive eyebrow thing. "Freaked out maybe but....oh shit. You told him."

"Sort of....actually....yes....but.....it went badly." I gasped, extremely out of breath now.

"How badly? Where's Harry?"

"He's locked himself in the garden. The damned snake won't let me in but it said it would open for you." I said, even as she was running past me. "I'm sorry Ginny!"

"Don't apologize to ME you fucking prat! Harry's the one who needs to hear it!" Ginny snapped over her shoulder, "I TOLD you to tell Harry earlier, but you didn't fucking listen! God damn bloody Slytherins!" She reached the door and yanked the handle uselessly as I had. "Fuck! I don't have time for this! Open up! I'm here to help Harry!" the door creaked open and she was through in an instant but when I tried to go through it closed again.

"Fuck! I brought Ginny! Let me in!"

"I TOLD you, I can't!" The snake sighed. "You're just going to have to wait for them to come out."

I shouted a wordless frustration and hit the wall then slid down it and put my head in my hands. "Harry....please be alright..."

A/N: and I'm off to see the doctor, the wonderful doctor of oz.....