All I Ever Wanted

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write...are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.


"All I Ever Wanted" chap. 26 'Facing The Mirror Of The Soul'


Harry talked to Albus for what felt like all of his detention. McGonagall returned briefly and sorted through a few papers, then left the two of them to continue their discussion.

The old wizard skillfully prodded Harry to examine and accept every hidden feeling that had moved him to panic or violence, starting a process of recovery that was already overdue. It was a lot to work through, given that Harry still had a vision of death hanging over his relationship with Draco, but Albus was careful to remind Harry that visions were notoriously fickle, often shaped by the worst fears of the mind that made them.

He also tried to start Harry on the path to accepting that some risks were unavoidable in this difficult time. There was a chance that any of them could be killed, and those who were left alive would have to continue on as best they could. It was an ugly reality, but one that had to be faced honestly and with candor.

They laid plans for further Occlumency training with Snape and Dumbledore over the next few weeks as well. Harry could use the finer controls to master the last of that difficult art, and become a true and registered Occlumens.

They spoke of Draco, too. Albus liked much of what he heard, finding that the younger Malfoy was showing signs of becoming a thoroughly mature and skillful adult, as well as an astonishingly devoted spouse to Harry.

Albus gently cautioned against too much dependence upon each other, knowing that the boys probably wouldn't listen to or heed any such advice at this early stage, but at least he laid the groundwork for helping them find a more stable and mature perspective later.

Albus left behind a young man feeling very much back in charge of his emotions, and McGonagall approved. Such a conversation had probably been long overdue since the death of Sirius, but school and the Order had kept them all so busy that they hadn't seen the broken and fearful side of the boy that was their instrument in the fight against Voldemort.

Minerva shook her head in amazement quietly. Trust Albus to strike right to the heart of a problem and set things on the way to right, all with so little wasted time. It wasn't the first time she had quietly thanked the heavens that the world had Albus Dumbledore in it to guide them, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

Harry left McGonagall's office feeling light and good. Every step was easier for having spoken the worst of his fears aloud. He knew he still had a lot to deal with, but, Sweet Merlin, was it good to just have it out in the open. Unspoken fears had gnawed at him since long before that vision, and with some caution and a little luck, it might just be his own fears that made him see Draco die in that terrible vision. He had a foundation to cling to now, and he was building on it quickly.

He could find Draco soon, and they could Apparate to the Ministry to get permission to visit Azkaban. It was a thing permitted only to those closest to a prisoner; a small mercy given, granted only when a prisoner was facing the Kiss. It was a brutal thing; to have all hope and happiness stripped away, and even the hardest hearted Aurors never begrudged the last visits of families.

Harry had never seen Azkaban itself, but Sirius had told him of it a few times. None of it good. Lucius Malfoy may have been a thorough bastard, but what he was facing was punishment enough for crimes far worse than the ones he'd committed.

Harry found himself questioning whether there should even be such a thing as the Kiss. It seemed too cruel and bitter a way to destroy even a wizard or witch who had crossed the line into darkness and evil. It didn't really fit Harry's image of the kind of sentence that would be given by a supposedly good and just court. Still, there was nothing he could do, save to stand by Draco and be strong enough to help him cope with what was coming. Liking it just wasn't part of the deal.

Draco's morning had been fairly placid. He'd held what was now 'court' in Slytherin's common room, and settled a few disputes that had needed attention. This time he settled them all with words and traditional punishments, forced apologies, small rewards and additional chores and responsibilities. Not a single hex was involved in the entire process.

A lot of Slytherin students had expected the 'old Draco' to show when faced with questions or disobedience, and they were shocked and faintly disappointed to see a calm and reasonable Draco in control. No one complained, primarily because it was the second house meeting in a row that no one had needed Counterspells to recover from! Then he held a short conference with Blaise, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle.

Everything was coming together faster than he'd hoped for. In a few weeks Slytherin would be hosting social events and coaching students to greater academic heights than ever in the house's history. Slytherin had seen many rising stars over the years, but never a whole class that consistently out performed others. It was ambitious, but if you were going to aim high, you might as well aim for the stars.

He parted company with his friends and headed back to meet Harry. The Ministry would be their first stop...if Harry could get out of the building, and that was nothing to look forward to, but Draco would feel better once he'd at least met his responsibilities and seen his father. Then he could spend some time showing Harry the Malfoy Manor grounds and introducing Harry to his mother. There was no way to gauge how THAT might turn out. It was worthy of concern, but Draco was determined that Harry would be a firmly established part of ALL of his life, not just the safe and easy parts.

As soon as Draco was in the door, he began to switch into his formal clothes, hoping that both the Ministry and his father might take him a little more seriously if he dressed like more than a schoolboy. After all, he was almost eighteen and due to inherit one of the largest estates in the wizarding world. It would be nice if anyone expressed even a little confidence in his ability to assume that role.

Then Harry walked into the room and Draco felt like he'd developed tunnel vision. When Harry was near him, it dominated his entire world, making everything that wasn't Harry smaller and less important. Harry looked calm and happy, too, and that was relief incarnate!

"Hey, love, I got permission, we can go as soon as you want." Harry beamed and walked right into a hug. A few minutes were shamelessly squandered on some fairly involved snogging. When they separated, Draco could almost feel the difference in Harry's mood. Something was different, and definetely for the better!

"You seem pretty chipper for a guy who just left detention. How'd it go? McGonagall cut you some slack for just wanting to protect your lover? I don't want to encourage you getting detention or anything, but you are sooo sexy when you're all protective and puffed up. Makes me wanna find ways to help you burn off all that testosterone! Mmmmmm."

Draco curled himself close to Harry's chest and rested his head on Harry's shoulder, looking up and fluttering his eyelashes in a gesture so patently overdone that Harry broke up laughing.

"Not quite, I'm still in trouble, but Dumbledore came by and talked to me...about a lot of things. I know why I got so crazy now, and I think I'm okay. I won't let it happen again. Draco, I've lost a lot of people I cared about, and I've never been in love before. I hate the idea of anything taking you away from me or hurting you. That's why the vision triggered some bad reactions from me.

I'm not saying I'm comfortable with you being in danger, just that, now that I know what makes me so angry...I can handle it better. I'm going to finish my Occlumency training and really get control of myself. Anyhow, I'm just feeling a lot better. Let me change clothes and we'll head to the Ministry, 'right love?"

Harry grabbed his best clothes from his trunk and started laying them out, right down to his dress shoes. They were the same he'd worn the weekend of their 'honeymoon' in the Room Of Requirement.

Draco mentally noted that while Harry was doing his detentions, he would have to slip into town and make some 'wardrobe improvements' on Harry's behalf. Even so, he loved the way Harry looked in his dress clothes; it brought back that night the week before, the one that cemented what had grown between them so quickly.

If he must visit the Ministry and the hell on earth that was Azkaban, how good to go next to a man so tall and fine and strong for all to see. Harry caught him staring dreamily and winked, then smiled broadly as he slipped on the last of his outfit. They were both licensed for Apparition and only needed to walk off Hogwarts' grounds to use the spell. As they left the castle grounds, Draco paused and took Harry's arm.

"Harry, you can't know what this means to me." He looked up into those twin green oceans that made him only want to drown in their depths. "I'm glad you could be here for this. I wasn't kidding when I said I might really need you after it's over. It may not be long until I'm not just an heir, but the Lord of Malfoy Manor. It isn't anything I ever asked for, but something I have to do. Like your prophecy, before I was even born there was something I would have to take care of whether I wanted to or not. Ever since we got together, I've felt like I can deal with anything as long as I have you with me." Draco moved in for a hug and Harry obliged instantly, stroking his hair and holding him close.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, love. I love you, Draco. I wouldn't let you deal with this alone, even if I had to break out the Cloak and my Map to get away. I may not go crazy, but I won't stand by and see you hurt alone. Not now, not ever. I'm here for anything, love." Harry kissed Draco's cheek, then drew his wand. "Ready when you are lover."

Draco pulled back and raised his own wand. "Let's." With that, they gathered their will as one, and Apparated to the chamber of the Ministry marked for incoming Apparitions.

They stepped out together and into the reception chamber. It was necessary to identify themselves and sign a certain amount of paperwork to go further, but as they were very recognizable figures, the process was a bit smoother than normal.

They were swiftly guided to the offices of Kingsley Shacklebolt, who would be escorting them to Azkaban via personal Portkey. Only high ranking Aurors were permitted a device that could transport to or from Azkaban's remote and unknown locale. All other forms of transport, Floo or Apparition, were heavily warded against, and dangerous to attempt in the extreme.

The prison was guarded by Auror battlemagi and Ministry guards. Anyone arriving without express permission was attacked first and questioned after the fact. Some of Azkaban's prisoners were just too dangerous, and Shacklebolt had tightened security after the past escapes had blemished Azkaban's long record of absolute containment.

Shacklebolt was still the grim figure Harry remembered, though they hadn't met in months, and he greeted Harry with a firm handshake and serious demeanor, casting a wary eye in the direction of Draco Malfoy. "Good to see you, Harry, though I can't see why you'd be along. You should know I put no stock in the fluff the Prophet's full of, but I can see there was a grain of truth in that last article."

"Aye, sir, there is, but nothing I'm ashamed of. It's good to see you, too. I know you probably think otherwise, but we really are all in this together."

Harry knew Kingsley appreciated bluntness and honesty above all and would probably bite his tongue if it was certain that Harry implicitly trusted Draco. Anything to make this easier for his lover, since Shacklebolt had a deep mistrust of all things and persons Malfoy.

Draco put his best foot forward, already following Harry's lead if it would keep the older Auror from sniping at him. "Mr. Shacklebolt, I appreciate your taking the time to oversee this personally. I know my father hasn't long before a decision is made, I just really need to see him. My father and I differ on a lot of things, but this is a matter of duty. I'm sure you understand."

Kingsley Shacklebolt felt vaguely like a cowboy ready to fire his gun who only hears the click of empty chambers. Somehow the sneering and effete little prig he'd been expecting to shepherd about all day had failed to manifest, and sent this polite young man in his place.

"Ah...well, very well then. If you two will hold hands, and Harry, take my left, then we'll be on our way." When all three were linked, Shacklebolt pulled out a silver disc and triggered the Portkey. After several seconds of violent disorientation they burst back into reality, in a grey and ugly stone cell guarded by two wand wielding Auror battlemagi.

Their own wands were taken from them, and several spells were cast upon them in quick succession. Draco suddenly realized that his Glamour had just been erased, revealing the now faint redness on his cheek and around his eye. It had been healing fast, but it was still visible to the observant eye. Damn the luck!

"Right lads, follow me." Shacklebolt brought them down stone halls that seemed to echo despair and murmur prayers for oblivion. They were taken to a waiting room; one door in, one door out. Shacklebolt motioned for them to be seated.

"Wait here, I'll be fetching Mr. Malfoy under guard. He'll be brought to the room on the other side of this door. When he's been secured to the chair in that room, you may enter it, Draco. Harry, I trust you'll remain right here with me until they're finished talking." The door he pointed to had a single small window in it, just enough to observe the goings on in the other room. "There will be no limit on time today, but I also trust you won't keep us waiting too terribly long. I have many responsibilities, and this is not one I'm fond of, but do as you must, lad."

The grizzled older Auror stepped through the door, then stepped through another in the back of the visitors' chamber. Minutes ticked by interminably. Draco was getting edgier despite having kept his best 'game face' on. Harry could feel the tension growing with every second, but knew that if he touched Draco now it might prompt a sudden breakdown. He would wait until he was certain Draco wanted his support, and he knew Draco would ask when he needed it.

After some ten minutes, which crawled as slow as days, the door in the other room opened and Kingsley and another Auror entered with a chained Lucius between them.

Draco let a faint gasp out. His father looked shabbier than ever before. Not beaten or harmed, just scruffy, bitter and hollow. His cheeks had sunken more and his eyes seemed duller. Even his father's once confident stride seemed less sure than ever. It was scarcely the same man, save for the anger and malice that burned in the cloud grey eyes that had spawned Draco's own.

The Aurors chained Lucius to one of the chairs in that barren room, then each stepped out through one of the doors, Kingsley to their room, the other to guard the hall beyond. Shacklebolt nodded grimly to Draco.

"Go on in, lad. He's secure." Then stepped off to the side. Draco took a deep breath, looked Harry in the eye, drank in the compassion and love he saw there, then went to face the man that brought him into the world.