No Longer Helpless

Chapter Twenty-Six
A Short Farewell

“I see you’re back to your old habits,” Draco said smoothly, detaching the girl from himself and stepping away from the wall he’d been pinned to.

A coy smile played across her face, this was not the innocent Hermione from a few moments before. Licking her lips and grinning widely she leaned toward him and rest her hands on his chest, tracing her nails lightly across the soft cotton of his navy shirt. “I thought I aught to say goodbye.”

Feigning concern or remorse for any loss would belittle her intelligence, so he kept his glare down at her. “You’re leaving?” he asked doubtfully.

“Come now Draco, don’t be that way. I might have played a little game of clueless before, but that doesn’t make me the bad guy.”

“I could care less about that. My only concern is whether you understand that I’ve no intention of returning your affections.”

Rich laughter sounded down the corridor, as the kitten threw her head back and let loose such an amused fit that Draco had to think about what he said that might have been so funny. “My dear, I have no further intentions either.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “Affection can be simply that. You truly are dear to me. I was frightened when I first woke up, but you were right there and never let me go.”

“I think, perhaps, it was you who could not let go,” he corrected, sighing in relief. So, she was merely touchy feely, nothing more. “We’ll save this conversation for later,” he said.

For the moment, he thought it best to return to their common room as soon as possible. After this morning’s events he didn’t think it a wise idea to meet the dumb and dumber whilst Hermione was in such a state.

The kitten happily complied, opting for a piggyback ride all the way back to the Head’s dorm. It wouldn’t have been such a problem if she hadn’t started to swing her feet about madly and laugh as she hugged him for no good reason in the middle of a flight of stairs.

Finally, after what should have been an easy trip up to the fifth floor, Draco entered their room and set her down on the couch. Before he could even turn around, she was snuggling in on the soft cushions.

After watching her for a moment, he spoke his first thoughts out loud. “You’re so giddy and happy all the time. Why do you seem to take every little thing and relish in it?”

With eyes that never wavered she stared right up at him. “Because this is my last chance. I knew I’d never have much time, so I want to make the most of it I suppose.”

“Explain to me what you mean by your last chance? Where are you going exactly?” he asked, taking a seat beside her.

“I told you before,” she stated in a pout.

Unable to remove his eyes from the suddenly all too prominent red lips of hers, he wondered vaguely if this might be more difficult than he’d previously surmised. Swallowing, he replied, “Well, tell me again.”

Smiling, she began, “We are nearly bonded, Hermione and I. Very soon, we will be no different, so there will be no separate being within her subconscious.”

“Is Hermione going to become as affectionate as you?” he questioned, trying to cover the worry in his voice.

Shaking her head wildly, she sent those golden brown locks flying about. Again, she smiled giddily up at him. “Not exactly. I suppose in some ways we both become a little more like the other. I’m not really a whole other person, just a different side to Hermione, which she doesn’t express often. I’d say when its over, she’ll be less of a bookworm and more compelled to have fun. But, she still won’t be anything like myself.”

“You speak as though you’re a separate person, if you are Hermione, then why?”

“Well, because it’s easier that way, speaking I mean,” she replied looking at him as though he’d asked about the logic behind why you look both ways before crossing a street.

“Have you always been there?” There were so many questions he wanted answered, and he was afraid he might never have enough time. There was so little information about the Angelus within the wizarding world. This might be his only chance to ever get any answers.

“Yes. Hermione has always been an Angelus, but I was… sleeping, if you will. It wasn’t until that night, when her parent’s were killed, that I awoke. It wasn’t supposed to happen, you know?”

“How so?” he asked curiously, almost wanting to get a piece of parchment and quill to take notes.

“She hasn’t come of age yet, she’s too young. But, it happened, so here I am. I don’t think it made a difference, she would have been just as stubborn a year from now as she was then.”

“Stubborn?” he raised his eyebrows and looked down at her.

The kitten merely nodded in affirmation, but when Draco seemed to still regard her in a questioning manner, she explained, “Like I said, I’m a part she doesn’t express, so in order for us to bond, she needs to let loose all her feelings. It’s been difficult, but I don’t think she can deny them much longer.”

For some reason, his mouth felt dry. He didn’t know exactly what she was getting at, but he had an impending feeling nonetheless. “And what has she been denying, exactly?”

Giggling, she answered, “You, silly!”

Coughing to clear his throat, he looked at her in mild confusion, almost stopping himself from inquiring any further. Something told him that if she was telling him what he thought she was, then he’d be unable to forget about last night, to forget about that kiss. Yet, he couldn’t help but take the plunge as his heart began to beat with a hopeful expectation. “She’s denying me…what?”

More giggling followed and then a sympathetic sigh. “I think you are denying it just as much as she is.” She paused for a moment, debating over a few things. She might as well spell it out for him. He’d never be satisfied unless she did. “My dear, Hermione is on the brink of not being able to suppress her love for you.” Coyly she smiled as she waited for her words to sink in and watch his reaction.

He felt weightless and almost giddy, which was a first for him. His heart beat madly in his chest, and he couldn’t keep still. Standing he walked away and then back. Every fiber of his being felt as though it should be doing something, anything. So, he strode to and fro as the kitten watched.

How was this possible? Surely the girl wasn’t lying. Thus far she’d never lied to him. Acted a little, but never lied. So, if she wasn’t lying, then maybe he’d misheard her.

“Are you saying Hermione is in love with me?” He couldn’t help but grin even as he spoke the words. This was unexplainable. Why was he so happy about it? Just last night he’d been reasoning that any attraction between them was from pent up sexual tension, nothing more. Now, he felt positively elated that Hermione might actually have feelings for him.

“I said she loved you, not that she was in love with you,” she corrected solemnly, enjoying the way she could toy with him.

His pacing faltered, and the grin fell from his face. “Don’t play games!” he snapped. Somehow, he felt the matter to be most important. He had to know for sure. This was no laughing matter.

“Well, it’s true,” she defended.

“Which is it then? Is she in love with me or does she merely love me?” His voice betrayed his need to know, it sounded urgent.

“Well, would you be so downtrodden if she only loved you? Isn’t that more than you hoped for in the first place?” While she was sill stringing him along, she saw a raw emotion of need within those stormy grey eyes, the likes of which she hadn’t seen before. She knew that to push him too far would be a mistake.

“I…” He couldn’t answer. The thought of Hermione’s feelings for him, other than as a partner, never seemed to matter much before. But, in the span of only a few seconds, when his mind had jumped to the conclusion that she was in love with him, his spirit had soared and his hopes had raised to a whole new level. Now, when before he hadn’t even considered it, he felt as though he’d be absolutely crushed if she didn’t return his feelings.

Draco blanched visibly, loosing much of his color. Mumbling to himself, he said, “My feelings?” His eyes strayed to the kitten, who seemed content to hug the square throw pillow and smile at him.

Sitting down, he lowered his head and held it in his hands. Gentle hands rubbed in circles on his back.

“The pair of you are really so alike,” she commented softly. “It’s not my place to say anything on her behave, but I suppose I do have some right. Mind you, she’d never admit it openly, at least not right now, but she’s unknowingly fallen in love with you.”

Forgetting about his inner turmoil over his own feelings for Hermione, he raised his head and couldn’t help but feel a prick of excitement again.

Sighing, the kitten felt it was now her duty to tell all. “She won’t admit it, not even in her own mind. She does admit that you are the only partner she can have, knowing that she could never work so in tune with another person.”

“Not even Harry or Ron?” His masculine pride begged the question.

“Not even those two,” she confirmed, wanting to laugh at the smug look his face took on. “Look, I know you feel the same way. I’m not blinded by any bad history. I see it every time you send daggers in the direction of other guys who look at her. I see it in your eyes when you look at her. I see it in your body language when you’re around her.” She paused a moment. “But, knowing doesn’t mean much more than that. Hermione will still deny it. When she sees you, she sees someone she loves, but cannot get involved with.”

“I think that mindset is not exclusive to her,” he said wryly. Hermione was the last person he ever saw himself starting a relationship with. There was so much working against them. And yet, at this point, he wanted nothing more in the world, which seemed enough to make anything work.

“She won’t be able to pretend and deny much longer,” she blurted out, waiting for Draco to realize what it would really mean.

‘Sweet Merlin, that would mean…’ He took a deep breath, envisioning what Hermione would do. Would she confess? Would she kiss him? It seemed each scenario gave him a satisfactory pleasure.

“You need to be careful. If you want to keep her, then you can’t go about this in the usual play boy way,” she reminded him, a little fearful that he’d botch it up and Hermione, and invariably herself, would never be with Draco.

He scoffed at her. “I think that was painfully obvious when I couldn’t do anymore than kiss her, yesterday!” In the heat of the moment, he’d been afraid to taint her and hadn’t wanted to be with her like everyone else he had been with, but rather go slowly. Afterwards he had reasoned it was his voice of reason breaking through and telling him he had a war to focus on, but he knew that wasn’t true.

Now that he considered having her as his girlfriend, he was completely clueless. He’d never had a girlfriend he loved before. It was as new to him as it would be to Hermione.

This was all wrong. Last night, he had concluded there was nothing between them and only a few hours before he had resolved to confirm this aloud with Hermione. Now, he was entirely lovesick over the idea of being with her.

“I’m just saying that she’s not going to accept any of this readily, even when she realizes her own feelings. So, don’t run her off and make her doubt her heart’s reason!”

Taking Draco’s face in between her hands, she spoke to him, locking his gaze, “I don’t have much longer, she’s a truly restless soul. I can’t even keep her down for more than an hour’s time.” Biting her lip, she thought for a moment. “I want to thank you for being so kind to me. I was lost and alone, before I was able to get to know my girl here. Help her where I can’t. I won’t be there to give advice.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, curious as to how the two minds really resided in one body.

“The bonding, it’s nearly over, she’ll have total control over her powers and will be completely whole.” Her eyes searched his in urgency. “She’s strong. I’ve only a few more moments. What happened this morning, tell her she can’t strive to make others happy at her own expense, it doesn’t just end up hurting her. Tell her she hurt her friends by doing that too. Tell her she can’t spend her whole life reading about living and not living herself. Tell her, if she ever needs a friend I’ll always be on her side. Tell her to stop grieving over her parents, they’d want her to be happy again. And please, tell her you love her.” Kissing him on the cheek, she sat back and smiled.

‘Don’t run her off?’ he thought, ‘She obviously doesn’t know who I am.’ The idea of a girl running from him was ridiculous. Then again, Hermione wasn’t just any girl.

As he watched the kitten lay back down, he almost felt sorry to see her go, if this were truly the last time he’d see her. She closed her eyes and seemed to sleep.

Draco was on his feet in the blink of an eye. He stalked over to the window and threw it open. Letting in the sun and a warm breeze, which smelt of autumn. Inhaling deeply, he braced himself for something he never thought he’d do.

All his life he bowed to no man, not even Voldemort. Now, even after denying his feelings and writing them off as something they weren’t, he was going to win her heart, no matter what it took.

If what the kitten had said was true, he’d unknowingly accomplished half his new goal, the other half would be getting her admit it.

A weight seemed to lift itself from his shoulders. How enchanting it felt to have every thing in order once again. Hermione would be his, and his alone. He’d love her and she’d love him. They’d be partners and take down the Dark Lord and spend the rest of their time after living the life of Aurors together.

He chuckled to himself, almost laughing at how much of a lovesick puppy he’d suddenly become. Draco Malfoy was trying to win the affections of one Hermione Granger. ‘How amusing this will all be when others find out.’

But, what would he do? Obviously, he couldn’t go about this in his usual manner; sending flowers or gifts… well he’d never actually done that either. If there ever was a usual courting etiquette then he couldn’t do whatever that was. Oh, this was confusing.

Hadn’t the kitten already said she was in falling for him? That would mean she liked him just as he was, without having to do anything. So, why change now?

He nodded to himself. He’d play it casual. Nothing would change. Everything would run its course.

“Hey,” Hermione called softly at Draco’s back. He was at the window, and while the fresh air was nice, something about it made her worry. She wondered if something was wrong? After all, he would have just been with the kitten.

While his heart skipped a beat at the soothing sound of her voice, he slowly turned around. He was ready to act as though nothing were different, when in fact the world seemed to have turned upside down.

Hermione was standing there before him, bathed in sunlight, and looking every bit alluring. There was sincere concern in her eyes. What else could he do but reach down and tilt her chin up, while placing a soft kiss on her lips.

‘So much for acting as though nothing were different,’ he thought as he pulled back. Shock was now the emotion her eyes held. “I’m fine,” he said, answering her unspoken question.

Her heart was pounding in her ears, and her chest felt tight. ‘What was that?’ she wondered at the kiss. It most certainly wasn’t nothing, maybe if he’d kissed her on the cheek or head like before. But on the lips, so softly and sweetly, what could it mean?

Then a thought struck her. “What happened with the kitten?” she asked.

Tilting his head, not expecting those to be her first words, he remained silent. Reaching out he tucked her hair behind her ear, loving the soft feel of the silky strands. He didn’t expect Hermione to step back like she did. She’d never retreated from his touch before, why was she backing away now?

The kitten’s words echoed in his head, ‘Don’t run her off.’ Suddenly he became frightened. He didn’t want her to run away, he hadn’t meant to scare her. He needed to distract her, take her mind off of what he was doing, what he wanted to do.

“She told me that the bonding should be complete soon. She said she’d never come back, since you two would, uh, become a whole person again.” If he knew the bookworm in her, then she’d jump at the chance to discuss the topic of the Angelus.

Without knowing, Hermione took a step forward, back towards Draco. Then another, and she was beside him at the window. “Did she say I’d feel anything? How will I know when it’s finally done with?”

“No, she didn’t mention the specifics.” A relieved sigh escaped him and he relaxed again. “We just talked about how she was going to be gone, or at least not another individual, and she wanted me to yell at you for this morning.” He chuckled.

“That’s all?” she questioned, before comprehending his words completely. “Hey! Wait a minute, yell at me for what?”

Now he was laughing, something he rarely did and only when he was around her. “For misleading Pot Head and the Redheaded Weasels.”

“Don’t call them that!” she chastised. “And I didn’t mislead them, what was she on about?” Hermione almost cringed as she detected a hint of jealousy within her voice.

Raising his brows, Draco turned to study her blushing face. “You did mislead them.” He would ignore the jealousy he heard from her, since she seemed embarrassed by it.

As if taking his word for truth, though not her very own other half, she asked, “How?”

“You let them think you liked to fly,” he answered.

“But, what was I supposed to say? They were all so happy,” she defended.

“Yes, and now they are hurt. Not telling them is as good as lying to them. They’re guilty and hurt. They no doubt feel bad over making you feel bad, since they’re Gryffindor do-gooders and can’t stand to see any person suffer.” Upon seeing her dejected face, he ruffled her hair comfortingly. “Don’t worry about it. They’ll get over it,” he soothed.

Smiling slightly she looked back up at him. “I didn’t mean to do that.” It was true. It was never her intention to make them feel bad.

“I know,” he said, draping an arm around her shoulders and drawing her a little closer. He didn’t want to press his luck, but he thought her mind was sufficiently distracted and there was nothing out of place about hugging her. “But, that’s the trouble. Lying to make them feel better is still lying, which won’t make anyone feel better.”

Groaning, she started to feel really guilty over it. “Now I feel so guilty,” she stated, almost wanting to cry.

“Well, I’m all for making Potter and any Weasley feel bad, but not at your expense, so why don’t you go apologize?”

“When did you become so mature?” she asked playfully.

“I’ve always been far more mature than you,” he replied.

“Have not.”

“Have too”

The end of their argument left them both chuckling and feeling slightly better. On Draco’s part, he was happy to know he could handle things normally and keep Hermione at his side. For Hermione, she was glad to know nothing had happened between Draco and the kitten, and that while she had hurt her friends it was entirely repairable.

One final thought crossed her mind as they made their way down to the lake, hoping to find Harry, Ron, and Ginny. “How is it that you notice so much?” she asked. What she really meant was, ‘How do you see what my best friends don’t?’

Without even missing a stride or turning to face her, he stated as if it were most common and logical thing, “Because I always notice and watch you.”

Hermione could not help the blush that crept to her cheeks. And why did her stomach suddenly feel full of butterflies?

“Oh,” was all she could manage, turning her eyes to the ground. She didn’t notice the slight grin on Draco’s face as he watched her once again.


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