Close Enough

Ch 25 I’m Sorry

Draco woke, feeling groggy and slightly upset, “How could he just put me to sleep like that? My own godfather just drugged me.” He grumbled under his breath standing from the sofa, stretching his now stiff back. Draco began feeling around his mind for Harry’s presence as he moved toward the room that they shared. Immediately he noticed that the presence wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been before Harry took his potion, he also didn’t feel that great about what happened earlier. Draco’s mind felt clear for the first time that day, and he knew that he and Harry needed to have a talk about what happened earlier so that he could apologize.
Walking quickly the remainder of the way to their room, he slowly pulled the door open peering inside. Draco snuck into the room, observing the sleeping form of his intended. Harry lay in the exact middle of his bed curled up in a tight ball, his journal clutched in his hand, tear streaks staining his face. Draco moved toward Harry, concern flooding him, ‘Why did he cry?’ Draco sat at the foot of Harry’s bed, wondering if he should wake him up, finally deciding that he should.
“Harry? Harry… wake up…” Draco reached out and gently touched Harry’s leg, “Harry, I want to talk.” The young man began to stir, releasing the journal, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Draco slowly pulled his hand back to himself, smiling at how cute Harry is when he wakes up. “Harry?”
“Hmm..?” Harry sat up looking sleepy and confused.
“Can I talk to you?” Draco asked toeing off his shoes, and tucking his feet up under himself on Harry’s bed. Harry sat up, pulling himself to the head of his bed, resting his back against the headboard. Draco took this to mean that he was listening and continued. “Harry, I wanted to say that I am sorry. About today, I mean, how I acted. I… I don’t know what came over me.” Draco watched as Harry gently rubbed at his arms, looking anywhere but at Draco. “Harry… are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Draco asked softly.
Harry wrapped his arms protectively around himself placing his hands delicately over where he knew his upper arms were bruised, still not looking at Draco. “I’m fine.” Harry whispered.
“Harry, I don’t believe you.” Draco stated flatly. A sudden thought came to him, “What was that potion that Severus gave you? What does it do?” Draco watched as Harry closed his eyes for a moment, then looked directly into Draco’s.
“Sev gave me a stronger dose of the potion that I take to repress my charms and desires.” Harry watched Draco carefully after this sentence; he wanted to see the reaction it got. Harry was surprised when Draco looked confused more than anything.
“I thought that Cord charmed your choker to do that.” Draco furrowed his brow, trying to remember what she had said about it. “I thought that she gave it to you for your birthday, and charmed it so that you wouldn’t have to worry about being around people.” At this Harry chuckled mirthlessly.
“Draco, This,” Harry began fiddling with the charm on his choker still looking directly into the other young man’s eyes. “Keeps my draw from affecting other people, it does nothing towards how I feel, what my inner animal is telling me.” Harry smiled and continued, “remember that book that I had of Sev’s?” Draco nodded, “He lent it to me so that I could read up about my conditions, and know what the potion will do for me. Sev wanted me to be well aware the effects that the potion would have on my Creature blood and instincts before he began me on the regimen.” At this point Harry looked down at the journal now resting in his lap, pulling at the tattered cover, “He apparently didn’t take into account that I would need a stronger dose after the bond began to take effect.”
“Is that why I don’t feel you as strongly as I did before you took it?” Draco asked, slightly angry that Severus would give Harry something to damper the bond between them.
“I do believe that is one of the side effects, yes.” Harry answered unemotionally.
“Why would you take it if you knew that it was going to do that? Why would you want to stunt a bond that just began to grow today??” Draco’s face was stony with anger now, he didn’t understand why Harry would let this happen to their newly forming bond.
“Draco, the potion doesn’t affect the bond, it affects me. The bond is still forming even if you can’t feel it as much, the potion doesn’t stop it. You feel me less because I have more control over myself now, I am not as on the sidelines as I was this morning.” Draco now didn’t look angry; he only looked confused so Harry continued. “The potion makes it so that I am not controlled by my Creature blood, because without it…” Harry shuddered slightly, “Let’s just say, without it, I don’t feel very much like myself. I am told that once the bond with my mate is complete I won’t have to take the potion any longer, because my blood will regulate itself.”
“But I want to be able to feel you, Harry. I want to be able to feel the bond, and if you take the potion I can’t feel it as much.” Draco said seriously. “I don’t want you to take the potion anymore.”
“I regret to inform you, Draco, but it is not your decision if I take the potion or not.” Harry’s tone was hard and icy. “Maybe you can try to get to know me without the bond, like normal people do.”
“Oh, but Harry, we are not normal, nor are we people, thus I don’t feel that it applies to do things as ‘normal people’ would.” Draco moved closer to Harry, “And it is too my decision, you are my mate. And I want to be able to feel you, and if the potion stops that then you won’t take it anymore.” Moving slowly; closer still, “I don’t need to get to know you Harry, I already know all that I need to know. You are my mate, you taste like heaven, and you smell like vanilla and rain.” When Draco tried to move closer, he found Harry quickly moved and slid off the bed, standing with most of it between himself and Draco.
“Well Draco, I’m sorry, but if you want me you’re going to have to work harder than that. I want more than just nature driving this, and if you can’t give that to me then we have a problem.” Harry quickly went to his wardrobe, pulled out a black zip-front hooded sweat jacket. “I’m going for a walk.” When Draco moved as though to stand up, Harry paused in putting on the jacket raising a hand, “and you aren’t coming with me.” Harry finished pulling on the jacket, zipped it up, and left the room.
Draco sat unmoving on Harry’s bed for nearly an hour before he knew he had to do something. Quickly he stood and left his quarters heading for his godfather’s room. Draco needed to talk, and needed to tell Severus off for drugging him, so he could kill two birds with one stone. Draco walked quickly down the hallway toward Severus’ private quarters, knocking twice once he arrived there.
“Enter.” Came the muffled reply from the other side of the thick oak door. So Draco swiftly opened the door and entered his godfather’s chambers. Upon his entrance Draco found Severus sitting by the fire, a thick book in his lap, and a mug of tea in his hand. Severus looked up at Draco with a raised eyebrow, as if to ask why he had intruded without having to speak to him.
“Sev, I can’t believe you drugged me.” Draco said flatly. At this Severus raised his other eyebrow up with the first in surprise. “Okay so I can believe that you drugged me. But I don’t understand why.” Draco looked at his godfather in an appraising sort of way, trying to glean some type of understanding just by looking at him.
Severus closed the book and set it on the table beside his chair, now resting his cup of tea in both hands, warming them. He looked at the boy with great scrutiny, “Did you feel different when you woke?” Severus inquired.
“Yes.” Draco huffed. “I can’t feel him as much now, I don’t like it.”
“Ah, and did Harry seem slightly less… compliant then before?”
“Yes, and he and I talked about that. He said that it had to do with the potion that YOU gave him.” Draco growled. “Why would you supply my mate with something so that he wouldn’t comply with my wishes? Why would you want to take away the bond? I know that you care about me, and I also know that you have gotten closer to Harry. So I don’t ee why you would want to put a damper on this.”
“I do care, very much, about you both. However you two have begun what is to be a very trying journey for you both, and I know that if left up to instincts this situation could go very badly once the bond is complete.” Severus stared hard into Draco’s eyes. “I assume that you two discussed the potion then?” Draco nodded. “Then you may know that once the bond is complete, Harry won’t need to take the potion any longer.” Draco nodded again. “The potion gives him control over himself, nothing more, nothing less. He needs to be in control of himself and his actions, if not the other students here as well as himself could be in danger of what he is capable of.”
“I still don’t understand why you would do it. I mean, he will bond with me faster if we let nature and instinct take care of things, why stop that? We are Creatures after all.” Draco interrupted.
“Draco, Harry and I have been on friendly terms for over a year. And we have been… shall we say… working closely together for longer than that. I know things about Harry’s past that you will probably never know. That has fueled my reasoning for the potion, for Harry’s safety.”
“Sev, I have read the book. I know all about Harry’s past.” Draco snarled.
“Ah, Mr. Evans’ book, yes I too have read that. Draco, do you honestly think that that silly book is the whole truth? Truth, yes. Written by Harry, yes. But the whole truth? No, it is not. If Harry were to suddenly wake up from the daze that he would be in if not for the potion, and be completely bonded to you… I don’t even want to consider the emotional turmoil that he would go through.” Severus sighed heavily, looking into his tea cup, “He would never forgive either of us if the only thing between the two of you before you finished the bond, was the bond itself.” Severus looked at Draco now with sad eyes, “I don’t believe that either of us wants to be in that situation.”