Madrigal

We laid in bed, dozing off and on, until late in the morning. We rose quite reluctantly, and neither of us spoke as we had breakfast. I simply watched her, and she stared right back at me. I could only choke down a couple bites of toast; I was nauseated and miserable with heartsickness. I placed my hand atop the table, and she reached across and laced her fingers into mine. And we just stayed like that until long after our coffee had gone cold. I couldn’t stand for it to be over- this perfect little bubble of happiness. What if the spell is broken when we return to school? When she sees all those handsome, age-appropriate boys she’ll forget all about me. This is just some sort of PTSD response to having to send her parents away.

As if she could sense my spiraling thoughts, she squeezed my hand and whispered, “Stop that. We’re still us, ok?” I shook my head but didn’t dispute her point. “I’ve spent a lot of time with you over the past four months, Sir. I can read your thoughts on your face. You think you hide them so well, but I can see it all. Right there in your eyes.”

I scoffed at her, “Nonsense.” She gave a sad little laugh and responded, “Right now you’re telling yourself that everything is going to change. That I’m just being weird because of my parents. Right?” I gave a noncommittal little shrug, but she just grinned triumphantly and said no more.

We got in a few more hours of research, though we didn’t get a lot accomplished. All students and staff had to be back on school grounds by 5 pm, so we magically packed our materials and belongings at 4:30. We spent our final minutes lying on my bed, Hermione’s head resting on my chest. Her leg was thrown over my own, and her arm was wrapped tightly around my ribs. I held her to myself with both arms, desperately, frantically. We were each other’s sole lifelines as vicious reality seemed to swirl and eddy around us.

At five minutes till, I walked her hand-in-hand to the front door. We needed to stagger our arrivals, so I told her to go first. She threw her arms around my waist, hugging me fiercely. She looked up at me with steely, surprisingly dry eyes and said, “See you on the other side.” I lowered my head, planting a sweet, lingering kiss on the top of her head. She spun away from me resolutely, flinging open the door and disapparating. I counted to 270 then followed her.

I sauntered into the gates just as they were closing, and proceeded up the slope to the castle. I could just make out her silhouette, outlined against the light flooding from the open doors, as she entered the school. By the time I took my seat at the high table, she was already deep in conversation with her two dunderheads. They all had very serious expressions on their faces; I assumed she was recounting the story of her parents’ narrow escape.

I picked over my food, but refused to leave until she did. I watched her in my peripheral vision, feeling irrational, jealous little pangs every time she laughed at or touched one of her friends. You’re fucking pathetic, I scolded myself. I felt strangely relieved when they finally left the Great Hall. I retreated to my lab and proceeded to blast The Cure and get blitzed.

I sat at her desk, chugging whiskey from the bottle and smoking my water pipe. I obsessively reviewed the past six days in my mind, parsing every phrase for subtext, analyzing facial expressions. She sees you as a fatherly figure. You’re a source of strength and comfort with her parents gone, I asserted to myself.

Oh, yeah? How many teenage girls like to sleep wrapped around their fathers? Especially when their fathers have giant fucking erections the entire time?

Starting to creep myself out with the darkness of my thoughts, I banged my head repeatedly on the desk. The wall dissolved as I was letting loose a particularly colorful string of expletives targeted at myself.

She took in the state of me disapprovingly. “What’s all this then?” she asked.

“I didn’t know you’d be coming…” I explained lamely.

She rolled her eyes. “Well I thought we’d be able to get some work done tonight, but I see that isn’t going to happen.” She walked over and took the needle off the record. Then she snatched the bottle and the pipe from me and put them away.

“Come on, you need some fresh air to sober you up.” She cast a Disillusionment Charm on herself, took me by the hand, and led me up from the dungeons and outside onto the grounds. We walked towards the lake, Hermione steering me the whole way. I noticed she was shivering; the daft girl wasn’t even wearing a coat. I pulled her tight to my side, tucking her under my cloak.

Snow was gently falling, lending an otherworldly silence to the grounds. We made it to the shore, and Hermione stood with her back to my chest, looking out across the frozen lake. I wrapped her more tightly in my cloak and rested my chin on the top of her head. We watched the snow falling for a long time, simply enjoying each others warmth and the serene beauty before us.

After a while, she turned around to face me. “You can do it to me if you want, you know,” she murmured. I couldn’t make out much expression on her disillusioned face, so I cast the counter-spell wandlessly. Her stunning visage swam into view, causing a sudden ache in my gut. “Do what to you?” I inquired, obviously thinking inappropriate thoughts.

“You can legilimize me whenever you want. You can look at anything you want. Anything. I have nothing to hide from you,” she said, quietly but passionately. “I want you to know what’s in there. I want you to know everything.” She looked at me then with such fire in her eyes. I had never seen her look so sure about anything. “I know you’re too drunk to do it right now, but that’s ok. I’m here whenever you’re ready. I’m not afraid.”

I wondered if she was trying to convey a double meaning, and the stridence of her speech made me think that was the case. I held her gorgeous, elfin face in my hands and looked deeply into her eyes. I wanted so badly to say something meaningful, something amazing, but I was too terrified. “Gods, Hermione…” I sighed, lamely, and she nodded like she understood exactly what I meant.