Dancing With Dragons

Chapter 25(?): For That I am Not Sorry

Hermione and Ginny had a weird unspoken promise to act as if Hermione’s confession and mental break down hadn’t happen. It was funny because normally the girls liked to talk things to death, but Hermione liked the not talking better. Of course it could only last for so long.

The DA was just ending their meeting that night and had decided on another attack this time on the tower where the Death Eaters had spy telescopes aimed at the forest. The Death Eaters wanted to keep an eye on the creatures in the Dark Forest to make sure there were no revolts. The forest had become an even more dangerous and dark place. The magical creatures trusted no human and had been pushed far back into the woods. They had decided to do the attack this coming Tuesday, which was a week form today.
Ginny held Hermione back and as they were walking towards the tower by themselves Ginny said, “did you love him?”

“What?” It took Hermione a second to understand the question because they tried so hard to act like she had never said more than ‘fuck off’ to Malfoy.

“Did you love him, Malfoy?”

“NO!”

“Hermione…”

“What. What do you want my to say that I loved Malfoy. That I actually gave my virginity away for something worth wild? Well it’s not going to happen. Lets just go back to not talking about this. It’s over.”

“No. And you know I don’t want to hear anything but the truth. And it is not healthy to ignore things. I am sorry I didn’t do this before but I just couldn’t cope at first, but if you loved him its okay.”

“Oh why thank you, but I didn’t,” Hermione spat.

“Don’t get touchy with me Mione. It just this is going to come to battle soon enough and I want to know if he attack us your going to be able to do your job. If not I’ll have your back and take care of it.” Ginny voice was small but firm. She didn’t want to say or do any of those things but she wanted Hermione to know she would.

“Oh so this isn’t even about my feelings after all. It’s all about if I could fucking curse or kill Malfoy if it came to it because if not you will? Merlin Ginny listen to yourself.”

“Well it’s a real fucking possibility. I could understand if you couldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to if it was Harry, but I don’t want to see him get the draw on you because I am not so sure he would feel the same way.”

Hermione felt like some had kicked the wind out of her. Tears rose to the surface because she had never considered that Malfoy might try to kill her. And she hated Ginny just a little for bringing it to her attention. Would Malfoy turn so cold that he’d be able to watch her die? Maybe. She turned angrily at Ginny. “Don’t compare you and Harry to me and Malfoy. And yea Ginny I wouldn’t want to kill him. I cared about him and shared something with him, but if it was my life or yours on the line I’d fucking kill whoever it was. Who-e-v-e-r.”

She felt so suddenly dark because she knew if Malfoy took that path with her one of them would end up dead. She wasn’t sure if she would live through killing anyone let alone Malfoy but she wasn’t going to let her weakness of the heart for him get her or anyone else killed. “Is that what you wanted to hear. I am so heartless that I’d kill someone I…” and her breath caught in her throat for a moment, “but Malfoy wont try to kill me.”

“Even now a part of you trusts him. You didn’t just love him you still do love him…how…so incompatible.”

“Ginny I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Hermione…he can’t feel the same… right?”

“No. I-I told him once that I loved him. Just as a friend that is. He asked me once why I cared so much and I told him I cared because I loved him as my friend and he couldn’t say anything back because he doesn’t love me. But he has hurt me as much as he has made me happy and safe, and I can’t just stop loving him in a few weeks. And incompatible, it doesn’t matter. Never with us. Who doesn't long for someone to hold, who knows how to love you without being told? And some times, even if just in split seconds at a time, Malfoy was that for me.

“But Ron? Maybe you and Ron can rekindle things. It would kill him to know you love someone else especially Malfoy.”

“But he wont find out, right? Malfoy and me are over so why bring it up to Ron? Just to hurt him? And we talked about this the other night. I cared about Ron and I still do but I don’t know if it was ever true love and even if it was Ron is not my soul mate. If he was I wouldn’t have been able to love Malfoy too, right?”

“Hermione you don’t think Malfoy is your…”


“What? Soul mate? NO but I love him.”


“I am so sorry Mione.”


“Don’t apologize Ginny. Merlin you’re not supposed to apologize when someone falls in love. Don’t worry I’ll get over him and it will be in time for any battle.” She started to stalk away. She needed to be alone.


“Curfew is in thirty!” Ginny called but let her go.


Hermione wasn’t sure where she was going but her feet just lead her. As she traveled she thought about all of what she’d said to Ginny. Could see kill Malfoy? Could she love some body but face them in battle. What if she had to watch Malfoy die? Not by her hands but someone else? Tears filled up her eyes. Would there be a time where Malfoy could do something so monstrous that she would stop caring about him? Maybe one day she’d stop loving him but she wasn’t sure if she could ever forget him. Forget the way his lean chest felt to the caress and how it felt as it pressed so strong against her own. Forget the romantic passion they shared that night in his room or their forbidden kisses that stained the Head common room. The way he brought out something so primal and real in her.

But these were not things that mattered in battle. The light and dark neither cared about abandoned passions of two young souls. The light shone so strong it blinded and the dark left all hidden. Neither left room for forgiveness and love, not now. She could feel this tension rising as the weeks passed. Like some invisible, intangible natural force that consumed and ate at them all. She hadn’t survived this long or been friends with Ron and Harry these pass seven years not to know when something was about to happen. Hermione had learned young to trust her instincts.
And so deep in her thoughts she didn’t see the figure bellow out around the corner until she smacked into it. She stumbled back wards all ready murmuring her apologies when a strong masculine voice rang out over hers.

“I think it is too late for a little Gryffindor like your self to be wondering the wrong wings of the castle.” Malfoy voice was thick was the usual clam sensuality but she had not spent this much time with him to not hear the edge to it.

She took a step back and looked around. She was indeed on the edge of Slytherin territory and shuttered. She realized now why she felt so cold and why the shadows were so thick. She looked upon Malfoy but most of him was hidden in the shadows. It was ominous and Ginny’s previous words came back hauntingly. She couldn’t be around him. No now and not ever. “I was thinking too hard and didn’t realize where I was. Most lost track of time too. I guess I should be going now. BacktotheGryffindorcommonroomthat is.”

“You always do ramble a mile a minute when you’re thinking about something too hard and don’t want to talk about it. Really gives you away actually.”

“Not true and I wasn’t thinking about anything that would interest you Malfoy,” she lied coolly but was most certain her inner turmoil would be very interesting indeed.

“I highly doubt that. Anything on your mind is worth at least a gander especially if you don’t want to talk about it.” Malfoy stepped out of the shadows closer to her, and while the sensuality wasn’t lost to her his deadly calm was un-nerving.

And she gasped as she registered what he was wearing -Death Eater robes. He struck her so violently she stuttered through her words, “ Youuu never found my mind that mu-much of an interest before Mmmmalfoy. Why care now?” But she couldn’t stop staring at his robes, they way its grotesque hood hung forgotten to the side and the pure darkness the cloth itself executed.

“You know that was never true Granger.” And his voice seemed to soften, but it felt like the way a lion would play cuddly kitten before it ripped you to bloody pieces.

“I can’t do this with you right now Malfoy. Not like this, not here.”

“Do what? We are doing nothing but having a friendly conversation. And what disrupts you that most? The robes,” he stroked his hands down them and her eyes followed, “or the fact like you still want me even when I am in them?”

She gulped but refused to let Malfoy get the best of her. “Neither. Those robes are just silly Halloween customs made for silly little boys to hid behind.” She stepped forward feeling braver. “Why have robes that hid your face if you Death Eaters are doing nothing wrong?”

Malfoy closed the breech between them. “And the light side is for silly little girls with pink, little rosy dreams of a perfect world. Why have secret meeting and hideouts if the light side is so grand, so virtuous, and so fucking benevolent?”

“Your right Malfoy my pink, little, rosy dreams, as you called them, always have me fighting battles, and loosing friends, and having my life threaten around ever corner. And we only have to hide because silly little boys like yourself stand behind a mad man who want to murder us. If there weren’t a you there wouldn’t be an us. We didn’t start this war but we dame sure will finish it Malfoy.”

Malfoy placed his palms against her shoulder and pushed her back against the wall in one fluid motion. She could tell he had been working out in some form. His strength, though always great, was grander yet some how faster, sleeker, and more like a cougar than a lion.

“So brave for one tiny, mousy girl.”

“Jealous? Jealous I have more virtue and courage in my pinky than you do in your whole body.”

“You know one would have thought that after the last detention I gave you you’d learn to shut you fucking mouth. Your in my halls passed curfew and last time I checked my Head Boy status in still in tacked and your isn’t.”

“That’s right Malfoy because I was never Head Boy. I left being a dick up to you.”

“You always were so fucking clever Miss. Granger.” He pushed against her his tallness forcing her nose into his chest as he took her arms and pinned her wrists above her head. She couldn’t help but breath him in. There was that ever Malfoy sent of earth and ginger but something else.

“Desperation. Sex and desperation, and blood,” She gasped breathlessly. Tears filled her eyes so alarmingly.

“What?” He asked harshly obviously confused at her bizarre statement.

“That’s what I smell on you. It was always clean, crisp earth and ginger before,” she forced her head up to look into his eyes, her chin resting on his chest. She didn’t feel scared by him in that moment just utterly scared for him, and a deep bone chilling sadness struck her. She was so shaken she was could only whisper, “but not tonight. Remember that night I came and saw you at the dorm.” Malfoy made the barest of nods. “And you told me how your house smelt? Like desperation, and sex, and blood. I smell it on you Malfoy. It’s like how I can feel and smell the magic. It’s left this…”

Malfoy stumbled back. “It’s left this what? SAY IT.”

“This trace on you. So strong.” She couldn’t help but cry.

“Trace? That’s not what you meant to say Granger. FUCKING SAY IT.”

“It’s fucking tainted you Malfoy!” She screamed and slid down the wall bring her knees to her chest. She had no more room for emotions tonight. She couldn’t keep it bottled inside.

“Fuck you,” he spat spittle raining down on the floor from the sheer force of his words.

She shook her head her hair swaying back and forth as tears glided gently and silently down her face. “That’s right fuck me.” She looked up at him, “I am sorry Malfoy. I am so sorry” And she was sorry for so many things some that had nothing to do with him, but she had to tell someone how fucking sorry she was.

Malfoy knelt down so that his body weight was being balanced on the balls of his feet. It wasn’t an easy position to hold yet Malfoy made it look effortless. “What are you sorry for Granger? What on Merlin’s green earth could you be sorry for?” She couldn’t really place the tone of his voice. It was like it was saying she had nothing and yet everything to apologize for. On another night, hell maybe even forty minutes before it would have pissed her off but now it just brought a deep despair.

“I am sorry that your life lead you this way and I am sorry I couldn’t do anything to stop it. And it’s not me feeling sorry for you, well not completely. I don’t want to see anyone make the choices you’ve made and feel forced to dawn those robes, but it’s worse because it’s you. It’s worse. It just-just-so-much-worse.”

Malfoy dropped to his knees in a fluid motion and brushed a strand of hair away from Hermione’s face. “Why is it worse? Why is it so much more horrible to watch my decent that anyone else? I was meant for this. Breed and raised for this very day my whole life. No one ever believed I’d be anymore. It’s not really a lose.”

“It’s worse because I am selfish and I didn’t want to let you go! It’s not fair. And it’s not true Malfoy I believed in you.” He looked at her with sad eyes. “Okay maybe not from the begging but when I got to know you Malfoy I believed in your goodness and Dumbledore always did. I am so sorry and I am sorry I …”

“Stop,” he said firmly, “stop apologizing because you couldn’t ‘fix’ me Granger. Stop apologizing that you couldn’t turn the fates in your favor. Even if I didn’t turn Death Eater do you really believe the world would leave us in peace? Do you think we’d leave each other in peace? Stop apologizing for things you’ll never fix.”

“I want to finish Malfoy. Let me say this.” He nodded but looked as if he’d heard it all before. “I am sorry I wasn’t good enough to fix you, strong enough to stick by you, or powerful enough to give you another option. I am sorry that I’ll have to look down my wand in battle and see you on the other end. I am sorry that I might hurt you, but most of all I am sorry I didn’t believe in you that night. I should have trusted that you’d never hurt a woman like that, but I was so over come and I let my old feelings get in way. I wanted to be able to hate you so that I could make it better. I still believe in you Malfoy. Maybe you’re not good in the conventional sense and maybe you’ll never get a chance to be. And maybe you’ll never be good the way I want you to be but I believe in you.” Hermione say tears in Malfoy’s eyes as he leaned in to capture her lips. The kiss was tender and sweet. Something more than friendship and caring passed between them, mingled, and than died suddenly as he pulled away and said,

“You shouldn’t believe in me Granger. Not anymore. You should never believe in a Death Eater.”

She looked up in and his sad truthful words and said the only thing she could, “I love you Draco Malfoy and for that I am not sorry.”

She could still see the tears flow from the corner of his eyes and take their lip of death for his chin but still he smiled. “And I love you Hermione Granger. For all the things in this life I have done to you and will do there is no sorry good enough but please forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?” But Malfoy had already walked away. She could barely see him by the time the words left he mouth. Draco Malfoy had just admitted he loved her and it hadn’t changed a thing.

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I know I know it been tooo tooooo long and it's a short chapter. Life has been crazy with work and school - it's my last year of collage and for all of you have been there you know its a bitch! But there is so much action to come but I figured this short chap would get you bumped for what's to come!