Forgiveness

Chapter 24

"No!" Pansy screeched over the protestations of her husband. "I won't go."

Zabini ran his hand over his closely sculpted hair. "Please, Pansy, it's just a small, family Yule celebration. They'll be disappointed if we don't go."

The woman-child crossed her arms over her chest, lip poking out in a way that made Severus want to assign detention if it were only in his power.

"You go." Pansy said. "I'll stay here with Mr. Brick and his two wives."

"Darling, Brick is not married." Zabini answered with straining patience. "Remember, we talked about that? The sisters are merely his friends."

She looked at her husband with almost comic superiority. "You are so blind."

"Regardless, Pansy, Stella wants you to go. She has a surprise planned for you." Zabini cajoled, knowing Severus' daughter was a favourite of Pansy's.

"No." Pansy said with less conviction. "What does she have planned?"

Zabini shot of pleading look to Severus who merely smirked and turned back to his journal. Zabini had married the spoiled chit; after all, it was his problem to attempt to convince the girl to attend the Yule festivities at the Dance homestead.

"Thank you for your help, Severus," the younger man muttered. "Pansy, I'm asking you nicely. Do not make me order you to attend."

Pansy flounced from the chair next to the Floo, her feelings of betrayal evident in her frenzied pacing. "You promised, you bastard. You promised; once I married you that I would never have to do anything I didn't want to again."

The brunette strode to the window, tearing at her hair, as Zabini sagged against the side of the wingback chair. Miss DuPre sighed and extricated herself from Joseph Pony's embrace. "Will you go if I work Protection Roots for you?"

"You would do that?" Pansy breathed as she turned to address the werewolf. "I know how you feel about working unnecessary magic."

Miss DuPre nodded the gesture graceful and majestic. "Come with me then. If I'm going to do it, we'll have to start tonight. The Roots will need at least a week to gather the Mother's power."

Pansy followed the younger woman out of the room.

Zabini looked about uncomfortably before saying, "I am sorry for the scene I caused. Sometimes her illness makes her difficult."

Joseph Pony shrugged. "It isn't like you didn't know it was gonna be a problem. Why's she so scared anyway?"

"She has her reasons," Zabini imparted tersely before adding, "She does not always feel comfortable around new people and situations."

Severus shifted. "Joseph Pony."

"Dad?"

"Perhaps Stella needs some help with her studies." Severus gave the boy a meaningful look and his son retreated, with a show of bad grace, from the room.

Zabini stared into the fire. "I should have never taken her from Hogwarts that night."

"It is unlike you to second-guess your actions, Mr. Zabini." Severus observed. "Remember what the stakes were."

"Even so, she would still be whole." Zabini answered morosely.

"Whole and in Azkaban. How touching that you love her enough to condemn her to prison." Severus snorted. "You saved her from taking the Mark. I wish someone had done the same for me."

Zabini coloured, his dark face flushing red in the fire lit room. "Why did you, sir?"

"I had my reasons." Severus kept his reply short to discourage more impertinent questions. "Just as you had yours for not taking it. I suspect you were recruited quite heavily by affiliated students."

"I was, but my allegiance was already taken." Zabini moved toward the fire. "You made sure of that, sir."

&*&*&

It was well after midnight when Severus finally found the boy, curled over the diary they had given him only a week before. He was in the Restricted Section; gods knew how he had gained access without setting off Madam Pince's considerable Age wards. Mr. Zabini slept as Severus lifted and then Levitated him through the halls to his bed in the third-year portion of the dorm. He noted the tear-tracks on the boy's face, salty and white against his dark cheeks. Once again, Severus was struck by the disturbing feeling of tenderness the boy evoked. He steeled himself against it. The boy had family, a mother that cared for him. He would never see Severus as anything more than a nuisance-- a busybody adult who exposed his well-kept secrets, a greasy git, and a bitter bastard.

Severus placed the boy under his coverlet and Divestoed him of his outer clothing, leaving Zabini in, the Potions Master presumed, his pants and vest. Young Malfoy snuffled in his sleep in the adjacent bed, and mumbled before settling back to a more restful slumber. Severus froze until he was sure the danger of discovery was past then leaned down and kissed Zabini's forehead. He had seen Lucius do the same to Draco only weeks before as his son slept. "Sleep well, Mr. Zabini and pleasant dreams."

Zabini curled to his side, his fist under his chin, his knees drawn up as he slumbered on. Severus' armour was safely in place before he strode from the room.

&*&*&

"Professor Snape?" Mrs. Zabini asked her voice querulous.

Severus fought the urge to curse. He was at a critical moment in the Arithmantic calculations that he and Regula were working on together. The woman had stepped out after Brick summoned her from the lab. Severus held up a finger as he finished the calculations and watched the position of the arc resituate itself along the graph. It was still wrong.

"Professor Snape?"

Severus turned his attention to his former student, wanting to snap at her for the interruption in his routine. "Madam Zabini, I believe we have had this discussion before. You are not to refer to me as Professor; I am Severus or Mr. Snape."

She scooted into the room, her expression abashed as she approached the table on which he worked. Pansy peered down at the calculations. "Your theorem is wrong. You need the quantifiable properties balanced and the unknown Curse components play a greater role in this portion of the equation."

She bit her lip for a few moments, her eyes unfocused as she delved for a memory or thought. Severus crossed his ankles, the dragon-hide squeaking slightly in the silence of the room. "Madam, I was unaware you took Arithmancy at Hogwarts."

"Did. You just don't remember." she answered before letting her vision slip inward again. She sighed. "Here's your problem..."

She plucked the quill from his fingers and began re-arranging ingredient components. Severus gave a half-hearted protest. Regula had the original computations and it would not hurt to have new eyes on the project, even if it were the vision of a madwoman and indifferent student. Severus watched the equations begin to resolve into an arc, only slightly off from the ideal. Pansy paused again and then added another component, the bark of the Rowan; the equations fell to chaos before settling into the clearly defined patterns both he and Regula had worked to achieve. There was still a missing component, but it was closer than they had ever been before.

"Huh," was his urbane response as Mrs. Zabini looked up at him, her china-blue eyes blank. "That was impressive, Madam. Might I enquire how you gained such skill?"

Pansy looked away with a shrug. "That cow, Granger, wasn't the only brain in Hogwarts, no matter what Dumbledore told everyone. How do you think Draco passed Arithmancy sixth year? He certainly never studied."

Severus smirked, "I am quite certain he had other things on his mind that year."

"Yeah." Pansy said to her hands. "We all did. You know the curse component is smaller but more invasive than you're showing. It's... "The woman paused as if seeing the inner workings of the werewolf curse. "It's more like a disease. Like that Muggle A.I.D.S., but smaller. Think of it like a disease for a disease. That‘s what I think it is, from what‘s missing in your calculations. Or maybe not.

We saw alot of that in Africa-- A.I.D.S. I mean-- I wanted to be a mediwitch before I went mad. Now I'm just that burdensome wife to Blaise. It's sad really."

Severus looked at her, he knew, with an odd expression. For the first time in his life she had made him unable to formulate a response that would speak to anything she had said. Pansy finally broke the stalemate. "I'm going to go with you to your doctor's home, but I won't like it."

"I see." Severus removed the quill which she was beginning to fray in her fingers as she began picking at the rachis. He spoke sternly, as if to a child, "I shall not allow you to embarrass me, Madam."

"I won't but Stella says there will be trouble." Pansy assured him. "She's much better than that fraud Trelawney. There might be something to going native."

Severus pressed the bridge of his nose with his forefinger, wishing he were anywhere else but trapped in the room with his former student. "Will that be all, Madam Zabini?"

"Oh, no." Pansy turned back to the parchment. "I was sent here by Antonia to tell you that Stella needs a pair of glasses. Just don't get round ones. She'll look like a female Potter without the idiotic Gryffindor expression."

"Why, thank you for conveying that message."

"I always fancied you, Professor. Did you know that?" Severus felt the woman's mood shift and she began singing as she exited the room.

&*&*&

From the Diary of Blaise Zabini, Summer 1998.

Pansy has not recovered from what everyone is calling the Final Battle. She spent the first two nights on the battlefield crying over the fallen on both sides. I had to bring her into the Hog's Head several times before Aberforth dosed her with Calming Draught and Dreamless Sleep. I wish I could take her to Madam Pomfrey, but Pansy is persona non grata at Hogwarts since she made the suggestion that the students turn in Potter, Weasley and Granger. Only Padma and I knew why she wanted to, and we have both been sworn to secrecy about her madness. Snape said it wasn't a good idea to advertise it if I wanted to keep her out of St. Mungo's.

Snape... I don't know who is taking his death harder, the few remaining Slytherins or Potter. As much as they hated each other... Snape's last words must have been really something to the Gryffindor. Gods, I ache when I think of him dying in that shack all alone. It's been three days and no one has been able to find his body. I suspect Lucius Malfoy hid it before he was arrested. Draco said Snape was one of his father's closest friends. I'm glad his body has disappeared. I wouldn't like to think of him falling into loyal Death Eaters hands. He deserves respect in death at least. Merlin knows, he never received it when he was alive.

I drank with Aberfoth last night to his memory. The alcohol did nothing to ease the pain of his loss, but I was finally able to shed tears. Aberforth is a right bastard most times, but... Well, I think he loved Snape like a son. I never knew they even talked. So we drank, the one who loved him like a son and the one who wanted him to be his father-- Snape's odd little adoptive family whom he never even knew he had.

Pansy insists he is alive, of course. I keep trying to reason with her, tell her what Potter said to He-Who-Was-Profane before the boy wonder killed him, but she just won't listen. She gets like that sometimes. I just can't reason with her.

Shite. I hate what this war has done to all of us. Draco never wanted to be a Death Eater. I don't think Mr. Malfoy wanted to be one once Voldemort returned. How the fuck did all this happen? I fear our world may never recover from this war. I fear for our future as a race. Perhaps that's what both sides were fighting for... the continuance of our race, but they surely bollixed us all up. I just don't know anymore if either side was right. Maybe we should just join the Muggle world. Surely they aren't as superstitious and reactionary as we believe them to be.

Many of our Housemates are awaiting hearings whether they carry the Mark or not. Goyle has disappeared. Crabbe, from all accounts, incinerated himself, Nott has left the country and Draco is in Azkaban. His trial was yesterday. I think Pansy and I will have to do that soon. Public opinion is hotly against anyone affiliated with Slytherin right now. Too bad the average dolt doesn't remember that Umbridge was a Hufflepuff and the one who brought the Dark Lord back, Pettigrew, was a Gryffindor...

&*&*&

Joseph Pony was the next to enter the lab. Severus was still thinking of the odd comments of Pansy about the disease of a disease. He had consulted the copy of Bergey’s Determinative Manual of Bacteriology which Antonia had loaned him, and found a reference to something called a phage that disrupted the normal workings of the cell that it infected. Severus was trying to cross-reference the Muggle literature with the slim amount known about wizard-caused plagues. The ones he could identify were ancient, and little was known about them. Bubonic plague had more information, but may or may not be the same plague that attacked Muggles in the Middle Ages. He would need more information. Like Pansy, he could envision the components interactions... Surely it could not be that simple a mechanism or that daunting a thing to cure.

"Dad," Joseph Pony sat next to him, running over the project notes as he awaited Severus' answer. The boy huffed. "A Cursed disease?"

"Yes." Severus searched the next book for the information he sought.

Joseph Pony became absorbed in the reading, his lips moving as he read pertinent passages and committed them to memory. He began beating a rhythm with his feet. The boy never could sit still for long. Severus sneered at him as the noise-making became louder and more annoying. "Sorry."

Severus shut one book with an impatient snap and dragged a fairly large tome towards him. What he would not do for a peek in the Hogwarts library or better yet, Albus’ private library, willed to Severus, but laying unclaimed in the old man’s vault. Joseph Pony looked up. "It says here that gene therapy can be employed to... No, never mind that's the Muggle form..."

They struggled through the books laid out on the table, unaware of the passage of time until Severus felt an impatient tap on his back. "Severus Tobias Snape. Has Joseph Pony informed you that you have an owl waiting for you?"

"Shit," Joseph Pony whispered. "Sorry, Dad. I forgot."

Antonia tapped her foot impatiently as Severus whisked everything back to a semblance of order. "It's been there over two hours and gone through all the Owl-treats I have in my office. You'll need to bring it something to eat."

"Madam," Severus began, his ire at being interrupted rising with her irritation at being kept waiting. He followed her out the door. "Why did you not simply remove the package and send the beast on its way?"

"Don't you think I tried taking the letter?" Antonia sniped back as Severus delved into his desk for his store of Owl-treats. "It bit me."

She held up a recently healed finger. Severus swallowed a retort about her inability to cope with new situations.

Once across the compound, he and Antonia parted, both still irritated. "Okay, so I'll see you for dinner tonight?"

"I suppose." Severus drawled, not adding the 'if I must.' There was not sense in allowing their spat to escalate to a full-fledged row.

“I hope spaghetti is okay. I don’t feel like cooking.“ Antonia paused as he entered the outbuilding, more of a chicken coop than a proper owlery. "I love you, Severus."

"Infuriating woman." He snarled back at her, happier with her words than he cared to show.

Antonia tittered as she walked to the main building. "I know, and you love me for it."

Severus saw the strange owl, a tawny-coloured barn owl with orange eyes, sitting on a perch. The letter in question was clutched in its talons. Severus offered it a treat and took the letter from it in a single, swift move. American owls were not always the tamest creatures. He turned the letter over in his hands and recognised the scrawl on the envelope.

With impatient hands, he opened the letter, unmindful of the stench of the owls or the chill in the early evening air.

Snape,

I have done as you asked and talked with Griphook about your vault. He accepted the token you gave me and the information about... well you know. The funds will be transferred to Heppintaint's. You will be able to access them from any branch. He said something about a conversion rate to U.S. dollars making you wealthy, but I didn't understand. Have you gone Muggle? I've also secured the other items in your rooms at Hogwarts. Minerva McGonagall has assured me that your rooms in the dungeons remain sealed. No worries there. I got it out of her last Hogsmeade weekend. She may have had a little too much to drink, and I don’t think she remembers much about the conversation, or the walk back to the Castle, to be honest.

As for my brother's books and your 'pertinent documents', I'm sending them by Owl. They should be at your new home in a week.

I know why you won't come back, but if you ever do, there is a full acquittal and an Order of Merlin First Class waiting on you at the Ministry, and I get the feeling, after talking to Minerva that you'd have a friend and champion in young Potter. Just wanted you to know that.

Anyway, thanks for the word. I've worried about you for the past five years, wondering where you could be, and if you were well. I've also included the Prince family ring in this letter. Just tap your want to the small, gold spot on the corner of the parchment and you'll be able to retrieve it.

You asking for that ring makes me wonder. Does your request mean I'll be losing another confirmed bachelor friend to a bonding? If so, congratulations. It means that your past has lost its grip on you and you‘ve at least started to forgive yourself for being young and stupid. If it doesn't, why not? You lived your life for other people long enough. It's time for you now, boy. Have a dozen brats, screw three women at once, hell, become a monk for all I care, just be happy. You deserve it Severus.

Yours.

A. Dumbledore
The Hog's Head
Hogsmeade

Severus folded the letter with a befuddled smile. He had not expected Aberforth to be so thorough or so discreet. Severus patted the parchment in his pocket. He would retrieve the ring when the time was right, but now he had a cosy dinner to attend with a beautiful woman who might still be irritated with him. It was just as well that she had introduced him to the idea of make-up sex after their last row, he would be happy to employ any means necessary to achieve his aims for the night.




AN: Root working is an actual system of magic used in the Southern US by descendants of the West African tribes who were enslaved and brought to the New World and is related to Hoodoo, the religion practiced by those slaves. The process is surrounded by myth and much secrecy.

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