Shades of Truth

Shades of Truth

Chapter 25

*****

Harry blinked at the ceiling, thinking that he had reached a new level of pathetic as he found himself completely exhausted, yet totally incapable of falling asleep.

It was just that without Draco there, he felt distinctly out of place, and utterly anxious. And alone. He felt so alone it was as if something cold and cruel was squeezing his heart.

It was silly to worry. Just because Draco hadn’t left a note didn’t mean anything. He was a grown man, and he deserved to be trusted to do as he pleased without being expected to constantly explain himself. And while they were lovers, Draco had friends other than Harry. He was probably with them now, reminiscing about times gone by, maybe having drinks with Nott, or shopping with Pansy, or having a completely friendly and innocent dinner with Blaise. At his house. Alone. Possibly with lots of wine and inappropriate touching.

Harry groaned and pressed the heels of his hands against his closed eyes, trying to banish the sudden image his mind had conjured just then. He trusted Draco, of course. That didn’t mean he trusted any of Draco’s friends. Why should he? Pansy herself had made it perfectly clear that her prompt forgiveness of Draco was loaded with ulterior motives. And who could say Blaise wasn’t playing a similar game?

He wished Draco would come home.

Harry was just weighing the pros and cons of getting out of bed to wait, since sleep was so clearly eluding him in any case, when he heard a door creak, and the muffled noises downstairs of someone trying to quietly make their way up. Draco was home at last.

He turned over in bed to face the door, watching in amusement as Draco, clearly believing Harry to be asleep, tried to stealthily navigate his way inside the room in the dark to avoid disturbing him. With a snap of his fingers, Harry lit the candle on his night table, effectively putting an end to the charade.

“Oh,” Draco looked tired and vaguely surprised. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” Harry sat up in bed, heedless of how his hair must look. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Sorry to be so late.” Draco gave him a sheepish smile as he sat down to take his shoes off. “I thought I’d be back before you were home from work.”

“It’s okay.” Harry was so warmed by the seemingly casual apology, he felt himself blushing. How could he ever have worried?

“If it makes you feel better, I was pretty miserable all day.” Draco assured him. “I visited my mother.”

“You…are you okay?” Harry was almost amazed that Narcissa hadn’t seized the chance to lock Draco up, to save him from Harry’s supposedly wicked influence.

“Yeah, I just had to…make my feelings clear. Get my clothes back…you know.” Draco shrugged, as though this was really no big deal. “She’s not pleased, but she understands that I’m not a child. She’ll come around eventually.”

“You didn’t have to go…I mean, I would have gone with you, if you’d asked.” Harry told him.

“Sometimes, I have things I have to do on my own.” Draco flopped down on the bed, not bothering to take off the rest of his clothes. “I have to ask you something, though. Could you see your way to performing a little memory charm on me?”

“What?” Harry had been in the midst of taking off Draco’s robes for him, but he stopped with the job done halfway at these words. His face looked suddenly strained and alert all at the same time. “What did she do to you? You know it’s not safe for us to keep mucking about in your memories!”

“I saw something…something so horrible.” Draco shuddered all over, and Harry felt panic overtake him. What had Narcissa done? Or was there something horrific still lurking in the depths of the Malfoy estate? Had she locked him in the dungeons with some monster? Or performed some horrible Dark Magic on him or something?

“Draco, what? What was it?” Harry was struggling not to overreact as his mind mulled over all the possibilities, each more alarming than the last. “Please, you have to tell me what she did to you!”

“Nothing…except, she forgot to lock the door.” Draco’s face had taken on a sickly pallor as he saw whatever it was that was troubling him again in his mind’s eye. “Although, how would she know I would pick that day to come home…and there she was…with him…”

“Draco, what did you see?” Harry was on top of the other man now, clutching his shoulders as he tried to make him speak, but Draco’s brow was furrowed as he looked away, the expression of horror still evident on his face as he recalled his earlier trauma. “Who was she with? What were they doing?”

“Snape…Snape was there and they were…they were…” Draco shook his head fiercely then before finishing the statement with some difficulty. “They were…naked…and he was…”

“Okay, okay, stop!” Harry felt relief and incredulity bubble up in him so powerfully he couldn’t help letting out a bit of laughter. “You walked in on Snape and your mother shagging and you want me to wipe your memory?”

“Yes! It was the worst thing I ever saw!” Draco did not seem to find this funny at all, and he did not appreciate Harry’s mirth. “Why are you laughing? This is horrible!”

“I’m sorry…I just thought it was something really bad.” Harry wiped at a tear that was threatening to roll down his face as he calmed himself, and collapsed on top of Draco, burrowing his face in the starched shirt he was wearing. “That devil. He didn’t tell me he was back in the country. I guess he just wanted some privacy with her and all that.”

“What are you saying? This is really bad! My mother and…and Snape!” Draco cried out indignantly. “How can you think it’s not bad?”

“Draco, you said yourself that your mother should start dating again.” Harry shrugged, rolling slightly to one side so that he could look at the other man’s profile more easily. “And now that she is, you’re pitching a fit. Did you make a scene in front of her as well?”

“Well, as you might recall, I told her to find a hot young wizard. Snape is a wizard, correct, but he is neither hot nor young. How can she even want to…with him!” Draco pulled a face so ridiculous Harry started laughing all over again.

“Makes you wonder how long they’ve been carrying on.” Harry sighed after he had regained his calm. “Do you think she was having an affair with him while your father was still alive?”

“No!” Draco grimaced. “First of all, he would have found out and killed both of them. Second, horrible bastard that he was, he was much prettier than Snape. Ugh, mother, how low the mighty have fallen.”

“I thought you liked Snape!” Harry exclaimed. “I always thought he was something of a father figure to you.”

“Even if he was, that doesn’t mean I want him doing…doing that with my mother.” Draco sat up and scrubbed his hands through his hair. Amazingly, it fell back into place almost immediately, something Harry knew his own hair would never do. “I thought you’d feel bad for me, and here you are, encouraging this…unnaturalness. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Alright,” Harry tried to suppress a smile and almost succeeded. “So, Hermione is inviting you to the wedding, but she knows that Ron doesn’t want her to, so she’s doing it subversively.”

“How’s that?” Draco asked, letting Harry carefully undress him.

“She’s just going to have every invitation be for such-and-such plus one, and it’s obvious who I’d bring, so really, she’s invited you without having to get in another fight with Ron.” Harry explained.

“Won’t her ruse be discovered if I suddenly show up at the event?” Draco wanted to know, his eyes watching as Harry took an inordinate amount of time edging his pants down to the floor.

“I told her she should just let him know right now you’re coming, because she’s won every fight they’ve had so far about the wedding.” Harry replied. “No reason this should be any different.”

“I don’t need to go, you know.” Draco answered in a suddenly solemn tone. “If it’ll just cause trouble.”

“Draco, no,” Harry was on the ground now, removing Draco’s socks, and he dropped one foot to focus on his refusal of the other’s suggestion. “I’m willing to accept that two of the most important people in my life are never really going to get along, but you’re important to Hermione now as well, and she wants you there.”

“It would be full of Weasleys.” Draco looked distinctively uncomfortable. “I wasn’t too popular with that family before I was convicted of two of their murders.”

“You can’t go on acting as though you’re a murderer, Draco.” Harry raised himself on his knees so that he was nearly on level with the other man. “What was the point of everything we did if you’re going to live as though you’re an escaped convict?”

“But I am a murderer!” Draco’s voice caught slightly. “No one seems to recall this, but I’m not exactly innocent. If you hadn’t spoken for me, I’d still be in Azkaban because I killed my own father!” as his voice rose, tears spilled down Draco’s cheeks, and Harry reached out to touch his face, but his hand was slapped away. “You…you don’t even seem worried that I could turn on you, just as easily! And Granger’s so happy to have someone to talk to that she doesn’t think about whether or not to trust me with her secrets! And Snape was my father’s closest friend, but he turns his back on him…and my mother! I thought she loved him, but that only makes me realize that I grew up without any sort of knowledge of what love meant, so how am I supposed to know what it is now?”

“Because it’s right here!” Harry lunged forward, tackling Draco onto the bed, and holding the struggling man down. “You say you love me, and then you say you don’t know what love is? What the hell are you trying to say to me?”

“I’m saying that you’re an idiot, too worried about getting lucky to wonder if he’s making a mistake!” Draco snapped back. “How can you trust me after everything we’ve been through? How could you want to love me!?”

“It isn’t about wanting, Draco!” Harry’s face was full of his frustration. “I’d love you even if I didn’t want to! It isn’t as though I woke up one morning and said to myself, ‘Now that my life is so simple, I think I’ll bugger it up as much as possible by falling in love with Draco Malfoy!’ Do you think that?” He released Draco and stood up, his body trembling with suppressed anger. “But if I could choose, I would want you to be with me. We acted like idiots all through school, too full of our own pride to see that we couldn’t leave each other alone for one reason. We complement each other perfectly, and you may be the best person to get me riled up, but you’re also the only one who can make everything feel so unbelievably right just by smiling at me. When we were kids, we wasted that on stupid fighting all the time, and if that’s what you’re comfortable with, then fine. But now that I’ve been with you, I know I can never be happy if you leave, and I think you feel the same way. If you don’t, though, then maybe you don’t love me. And maybe you should just leave.” Harry’s anger seeped out of him as he spoke, and by the end of his rant, he looked completely withered. He slumped toward the door and pulled it open before Draco snapped out of his shocked state, jumped off the bed, and kissed Harry so hard he tasted blood.

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it.” Draco scrubbed a hand over his face as he pulled back, and Harry saw that he was still crying slightly. Two fat tears spilled down his damp cheeks and Harry brushed them away with his own thumbs. “I love you. I know I do…just sometimes, I get so scared you’ll realize…you’ll look at me and see you could have so much better…”

“Nothing’s better than this,” Harry kissed Draco lightly on the lips. “I’m not ever leaving you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I am, too.” Harry wrapped his arms around Draco’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “I shouldn’t have joked about your mother and Snape. It’s really bothering you, isn’t it?”

“I guess…it was like seeing him die all over again.” Draco gave a weak laugh. “Which you’d think would be fine by me, of all people.”

“It’s been years, though,” Harry reminded him gently. “And you told your mother yourself she should start seeing people again.”

“I guess I didn’t really think that one through.” Draco admitted, letting himself be led back to the bed.

****

To be Continued…