*Deserving Of Love*

A/N: Ok. It's been what? Three months. I know... I'm a jerk. I'm already working on the next chapter after this, so hopefully that will be up very soon as well. Sorry to make you wait so long for this one! Please read and review. Thanks again for the support!



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“But they’re vile! How can McGonagall and Dumbledore expect you to go to those… those… creatures to persuade them to help us? And what makes them even think that they even can be persuaded anyway?” Tonks picked up a piece of toast and started buttering it fiercely, the force of her knife scraping across the toasted surface causing large crumbs to shower down on the countertop.



“Most of them are like Greyback and enjoy being nasty – positioning themselves near villages during the full moon so they can bite as many children as possible to strengthen their… packs. And the rest – the ones who simply choose to live separate from society – who knows what agenda’s they have. Most of them are either too disillusioned with the magical community to even care what happens with the war or too afraid of Greyback and his evil pack minions to go against them. Throw in the fact that most werewolves hate wizards because of how they are treated by them and their distrust of outsiders… I just don’t see how it will even be worth the risk honestly.”



Tonks’s voice rose as she spoke, and her knife picked up speed as she grew more and more aggravated until it broke through the toast and split it in two.



“Bollocks bollocks bollocks…” She threw the knife down on the counter and let out a loud sigh, stomping her foot in frustration and burying her head in her hands. “I’m sorry Remus, I just… I just don’t trust those… those –“



“Vile werewolves?” Remus teased, moving closer to wrap his arms around her. She relaxed slightly in his arms, but Remus could still smell fear and anger coming off of her in waves.



“I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think Dumbledore and McGonagall are right in asking me to do this. It is dangerous, but I do believe that it is important. And I am not really an outsider; I am uniquely qualified for the task - it will be difficult at first, but seeing as I am one of them –“



Tonks flinched at his words and turned around to face him, a warning look on her face that she usually reserved for dealing with a drunk-and-childish Sirius or an impossible-to-please Moody.



“Remus John Lupin, I don’t want to ever hear those words come out of your mouth again. You are NOT one of them. Just because you share an affliction does not mean you are the same as them. I could never fall in love with one of those mangy beasts…” Her voice softened at the last and she wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his neck and breathing him in deeply. “I’m just… scared. I don’t want to lose you. And you can agree with McGonagall and Dumbledore all you want, but I know how hard this is going to be for you Remus. Especially if you have to deal with Greyback. Just promise me that you will be careful… and that you won’t run away with some hot she-wolf. I don’t know if I could quite handle it if you left me for a woman with excessive body hair who turns into a monster once a month…”



“I won’t. I can barely manage to handle what you turn into once a month.”



“Prat…” Tonks slapped him and giggled, wiggling out of his arms when he tried to retaliate. She grabbed the plate of toast and carried it over to the table, throwing him a smile over her shoulder as she sat down.



“Hey Wolf-man, bring the tea will you?”



Remus poured boiling water into two teacups, stirring honey into one and lemon into the other before joining her at the table. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, pressing a kiss to her temple as he wrapped his arms around her.



“All joking aside... please don’t worry too much. I don’t even know when I’ll be going, I will not be taking any unnecessary risks, and I will not be going after Greyback, seeing as he is so far gone at this point. And most importantly, I will not be running off with some she-wolf… you have me far too domesticated and spoiled for that to even be a possibility. Besides, I tend not to go for excessively hairy women…” Remus nuzzled her neck and smiled as he felt a small shudder course through her body. Tonks let out a soft sigh as he ran a rough finger over the sensitive skin of her inner arm, shivering slightly when his lips brushed across her collarbone. “I prefer my mate’s skin to be smooth…”



“You’ve never called me that before… your mate…” Tonks whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair and gently lifted his head, staring into his eyes for a second before attacking his lips with her own. Remus responded, his kisses matching hers in intensity, pulling back slightly to whisper ‘my mate’ against her lips before attacking them again. He slid his large hands up her back and held her head steady as he kissed her, groaning when she shifted harder against his growing erection.



“You know, there are at least half-dozen bedrooms in this house…” Remus and Tonks both jumped at the sound of Sirius’s gruff voice, both moving at the same time to quickly get away from each other. Tonks shrieked as their movements caused them to tip over backwards onto the floor, and Remus groaned as they slammed into the stone floor. The groan turned into a soft whimper as Tonks’s full weight settled on him, his eyes closing when a sharp pain made it’s way up his back.



Tonks raised her head slowly and started giggling at the look on his face, and she attempted to raise herself off of him without kneeing him in highly sensitive areas. She had accidentally done that to him one morning while they were sleeping and the response was definitely not friendly. Remus seemed to remember that morning as well by how quickly he wrapped his arms around her to gently guide her away from his manhood.



Sirius watched the little fiasco play out in front of him, chuckling as they struggled to untangle themselves without maiming each other. “As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…” Sirius barked out, ignoring the slightly amused glare Remus threw him as he pulled himself then Tonks to their feet, “there are at least a half-dozen bedrooms in this house that you can very well shag in, but every time I walk into a room, there you two are, attached at the...” He gestured wildly in the general direction of his pelvis, then thought better of what he was about to say and shook his head slightly.



Remus and Tonks had picked up their chairs finally sat back down, each of their faces pink with the embarrassment of getting caught making out like teenagers. Again.



“Anyway. Thought you’d like to know that last night after you two disappeared to ‘talk’, that there were some pretty fierce rumors and questions flying around. I of course managed to change the subject to other things every time someone asked where you two were, but some people were not fooled. Mad-Eye for one…” Sirius sat down and smirked as both Remus and Tonks visibly blanched at his words, glad that his point had gotten across to them. “He couldn’t seem to tear his magical eye away from the ceiling actually. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the man more flustered, and he’s a paranoid mess most of the time. He did have the decency to look embarrassed about it, though. And good thing I silenced the upstairs, if Molly would’ve heard a single moan, groan or creak she would have flipped…”



“Sirius!” Tonks exclaimed, throwing a piece of toast at her cousin before burying her head in her hands.



“Yes, thank you by the way. And sorry you walked in on us…” Remus said meekly as he buried his head into a section of the Daily Prophet. Tonks glanced over at him in confusion, the expression on her face clearly telling him that she had no idea that he knew they had been caught by Sirius.



“I could hear someone coming up the stairs and when he got closer to the door I could smell that it was him. If it would have been anyone else then I would’ve have thrown you off of me immediately.” Remus’s face turned even redder at his confession and he buried his face further in the paper, ignoring the chuckle of his best friend across the table from him.



“Just be glad it was me. If Mundungus had been sent up he would’ve somehow found a way to sell tickets to the show.”



“Very funny…” Tonks blushed and laughed, and distracted herself from the conversation by quickly spreading marmalade on a piece of toast. Sirius watched as she handed the toast to Remus, a slight twinge of loneliness creeping through him when Remus put down the paper and take it, thanking Tonks with a kiss. Sirius looked at Tonks longingly as she fixed another piece, using his best puppy-dog eyes on her, and she stuck her tongue out at him as she bit into the toast. Sirius sighed loudly and retrieved the toast she had thrown at him earlier from its landing place on the chair next to him, pausing a moment to brush a piece of lint off of it before biting into it.



“So…” Sirius said, spraying a mouthful of crumbs halfway across the table. “What did McGonagall want to see you about last night?”



Remus told Sirius the whole story, watching his friends face for any sign of reaction at all. Sirius was not known for keeping quiet when he had something to say, so Remus was quite surprised when he managed to get everything out without being interrupted. Sirius sat silent for a minute or two, clearly letting everything he was just told sink in a little before responding.



“And when are you supposed to do this? And are you still going to be taking the Wolfsbane Potion, or are you going to completely transform with the other wolves?” Sirius crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs as he studied his best mate’s face.



Remus watched him as well, the nonchalant coolness he was exuding not fooling him for a second – Sirius was clearly worried about him. He could smell a slight hint of fear coming across the table from Sirius despite how much his friend tried to seem unworried.



The question about the Wolfsbane was one that Remus hadn’t even thought of. Could he get away with still taking it if he was thrown into a pack with several wolves that weren’t? It would be obvious that he was different when he didn’t transform straight away with the rising of the full moon – only direct moonlight causes a werewolf using Wolfsbane to transform. Would they accept them if they found out, or would they completely reject him, or worse, try to attack him for it? Werewolves were not known to be exactly trusting of others, and if they found out that he was trying to fight or eradicate the wolf within, and by means of a wizard-made potion, they would no doubt mistrust him. He already had a great strike against him because he had lived as and amongst wizards his entire life, that his outright rejection of being a werewolf would undoubtedly be met with great resistance.



Another problem had been haunting him since McGonagall had first brought up the task to him, despite his attempts to push it to the back of his mind. Sirius’s question of the potion brought it racing back into his thoughts full-force, and despite his efforts even now, he could no longer ignore it. If he did have to fully transform, since the use of the Wolfsbane potion was pretty clearly out of the question, what if he hurt or killed someone when he transformed?



Could he live with himself afterwards?



Would he ever be able to reconnect with the ‘normal’ life he had tried so hard to build for himself if he literally had blood on his hands? Where would that leave him and his Nymphadora? He wasn’t positive that he would be able to ever face her, or Sirius, or anyone for that matter, if he killed someone during a transformation.



These were the questions he attempted to drown out last night, first with the firewhiskey, then with the comfort of Nymphadora’s arms.



But now that they were staring him in the face once again, he could no longer push them away.



Would the support of the werewolves for the side of the light be enough to justify him possibly destroying his life, his love and even himself over? Could he really put all he had in jeopardy for a task that very possibly be a waste of time, or worse, a death sentence at the hands of those he loathed the most? Was this task, even if it worked and he gained the trust and support of the werewolves, worth it?



He didn’t know.



Torn between his duty to fight the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters and to protect the life that he strived for, and his own fear of becoming a creature he despised and fought against becoming his own life was a battle that had been brewing inside of him for years now. Could he handle it now that that battle was about to begin?



“Remus? Have we already lost him? Pinch him Tonks, I believe that he has lost himself in his thoughts again.”



Remus jerked at the sound of Sirius’s voice and shook his head slightly. His head ached and he felt very tired all of a sudden, the thoughts and internal arguments over what needed to be done and what he dreaded doing exhausting him mentally. He forced himself out of his daze and tried to remember Sirius’s last question, realizing that he had never answered it.



“Um… no. It does not seem plausible that I can take the Wolfsbane while living with other werewolves. I have not really thought about all of the details yet, seeing as McGonagall and I just discussed this last night, but I’m thinking that as long as I do not associate myself with a pack that strives to attack others, I should be fine. As for the question of when this will take place, I’m not positive. I have to meet with Dumbledore to find that out.” Remus looked down at his tea cup to avoid Sirius’s eyes, not trusting himself to stay calm if he for a second thought that he saw pity in them.



“Well. You’re lucky. At least you get to actually do something useful for the Order. All I’m doing is sitting around playing host whenever we have a meeting. What I wouldn’t give for a little adventure in my cursed life.” Sirius exclaimed, closing his eyes as he tipped his chair further back and folded his arms behind his head.



Remus looked up at him sharply; about to argue the fact that he was lucky to be given this task, but Tonks’s hand on his arm stopped him. He glanced over at her and she shook her head slightly, leaning in to whisper that Sirius didn’t mean anything by it. She broke the awkward silence filling the room by standing up and pushing her chair in loudly, snickering when Sirius bounded forward to avoid repeating her and Remus’s actions earlier and falling backwards onto the floor.



“Well gentlemen, I would love to stay for a chat, but I have to go to work to finish up some rather lengthy and boring paperwork. And who knows, maybe I’ll even get to catch an evil wizard today. You never know. They may let me out of the office one of these days.”



Sirius chuckled and reached over and snagged the half-eaten piece of toast from her plate, winking at her as she threw him a slightly disgusted yet amused look.



“Remus? Walk me to the door will you?” Tonks asked, holding her hand out for him to take it as he stood.



He was puzzled by her request, Tonks usually scoffed at him when he tried to show any sort of chivalry, her views of it being that she could take care of herself and didn’t need protection or assistance from a man. He followed her out of the kitchen nonetheless and up to the front door, his puzzlement growing as she cast a silencing and sealing door on the kitchen door before turning to him.



“Remus… don’t bring up what Sirius said earlier about you being lucky for the task; I don’t he meant it in the way that you clearly took it. I know you have known him longer than I have even been alive,” she winked at the small involuntary jerk Remus made at the comment on their age difference before continuing in a serious tone, “but I think that Sirius is just scared of losing one of the only connections he has to his past. Did you see the look on his face when you told him what McGonagall asked you to do? He looked terrified. And he knows, more than anyone probably, even me, that this task will be difficult for you. But he also knows that you are going to do it. So him telling you that you were lucky to be able to do something for the Order was, as I took it, just a way to show that he supports you.”



Remus nodded, knowing full well that she was right in everything she had said. Sirius knew what this task could do to him, and he would never actually be that flippant about it, but in order to support and let Remus know that it was all right, he pretended that it was not as big of a deal as it was.



“Men… you are so afraid people will know you care about each other that you feign indifference to hide behind instead of just showing your feelings. Silly creatures.” Tonks whispered as she wrapped her arms around Remus’s waist and rested her chin on his breast bone to look up at him. He chuckled and reached up to smooth her pink shaggy hair back from her forehead to place a kiss on it before pulling her into a full hug.



“Well darling… if you didn’t have to go to work, I’d very clearly show you my feelings, seeing as we were so rudely interrupted earlier.” Remus whispered in Tonks’s ear, smiling wolfishly when he felt a shiver run through her.



She reluctantly pulled away and narrowed her eyes at him, a smile playing on her lips as she visibly gathered her wits about her and reached for her coat from the coat rack.



“And if I wasn’t absolutely positive that Shacklebolt would have my head on silver platter, I wouldn’t hesitate to let you finish what you started earlier. But seeing as I have been late almost everyday for the past… seven months… I better go.” Remus laughed and picked her bag off of the floor to hand it to her before walking her the rest of the way to the door.



“Have a good day love. Don’t get into too much trouble while I am gone. Play nice with Sirius… Oh… almost forgot.” Tonks waived her wand in the direction of the kitchen and released the silencing and locking spells before turning to kiss Remus.



She pulled him into the kiss, first with slighlty teasing kisses tugging on his lips, then by stroking her tongue against his sensuously. He returned the enthusiasm of the kiss and wrapped his arms around her tightly to pull her flush against him, groaning when she made contact with his groin. He was just deciding on whether or not to pull her into the coat closet for a quickie or simply ravish her against the door when the hall clock struck nine and Tonks wrenched herself away from him with a shriek.



“Damn damn damn! Late again… hold that thought. Meet me at my place for dinner around six. Make it five – you’ll need time to cook before I get home…”



She giggled and disappeared out the front door, looking around cautiously before running across the street to the little park to disapparate. Remus watched from the front door as she blew him a kiss before disappearing and he took a few breaths to calm himself before returning to the kitchen.



“That woman will be the death of me…” Remus muttered as he clambered down the steps to rejoin Sirius at the table. He grabbed his teacup from the table and headed over to the stove to refill it, looking up as Sirius whistled at him. Sirius motioned for him to get him a cup too, grinning mischievously as Remus rejoined him at the table.



“You two didn’t just shag against my front door did you mate?”



Remus smirked at his best friend, trying not to laugh as he picked up the Daily Prophet once more; deciding that the best way to torture Sirius Black was to ignore his adolescent proddings.



“For Merlin’s sake Remus, the least you could have done was use the coat closet. She’ll be bruised for a bloody month from that door knob…”