To Teach

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and Co. No profit is being made.

A/N: I know I\'m a bad, bad author for not updating, but here\'s the next installment!!

Papaya: Never fear! If I take a while to update, email me and see where I am. I\'ll answer, promise! =D You did see hints of pagansim in the last chapter.

Mai Malfoy: I hate to break this to you, but this chapter is angst. *ducks flying veggies* I promise smut later, though. =D

eve/roarke: Thank you for your compliment. The last chapter is actually based loosely (very loosely) on a meditation I did a while back. =)

Relicwitch: *huggles* =D Here\'s a bit of angst for you!! LOL

Eowynselixure: It is indeed a bit of myself that I\'ve decided to inject into the story. I purposely didn\'t describe the Lord and Lady because I think that everyone has their own ideas as to what a \'Mother\' looks like, and tht way, all of my readers come back from the chapter with a different experience. =)

DarkRose12: Thanks for the review!! =D

EmeraldEnchantress: I\'m glad you found my story!!! Hooray!!! I should ask you if you\'re the one I\'m sharing my brain with, though. *winks* We think much too much alike. I\'ve had a lot of people compliment on my Hermione. I just think that she\'s got more going on in her head than she lets on. Besides, it totally sets everything up for Sev and Harry going to her club. *grins evilly*

wanessa: Thanks for the review!!

greenangel: Nightmares for you!!! =D We\'ll have a bit of smut later, promise!

Tesgura: You didn\'t sound a bit pushy to me!! I like blunt and straight to the point!!

Phoenix Black: You wish is my command. LOL! I\'m glad to know at least one of my readers is indifferent as to angst or smut! LOL!

Jessica: Nightmares it is then!

FallenAngel: That circle casting is one that I prefer to do when I cast. (I usually do my stuff indoors and I\'ve got all kinds of protections up, so I don\'t cast a circle very often.) It\'s good to be the smart one, isn\'t it? Especially being the ringleader and looking all innocent and stuff. *grins* I promise smut in the next chapter. I had to do a bit more for the plot this time.

mirestelfea: You and I think alike!!

antipyro: I\'m glad you found my story! The circle casting was not meant to be \'religious\', as far as people see paganism. I actually wrote that for a couple of different reasons. The first was Severus inviting Harry into his family in his own backward, not really saying it way. Here\'s the quote: “The Snape family has a tradition concerning one’s twenty-fifth birthday. It’s a bit of old magic that basically just affirms your place on the Earth and in the grand scheme, so to speak.”
The second thing, was I thought Harry needed some kind of affirmation that he wasn\'t a total screw up like he thinks, and I thought about him seeing his parents ghosts or something, but thought that might be too traumatic. *rolls eyes* I know, I\'m hopeless. LOL! There\'s great angst in this chapter, and I assure you, there will be a scene at Hermione\'s club. I\'ve got it planned out in my head already. (It\'s going to be funny!) *grins* Hope to see another review and you enjoy the next chapters!! Oh, and many thanks for the compliment on my writing style and grammar and stuff. I\'m totally anal when it comes to spelling and grammatical errors. I could have been an English major in college. LOL!!

Onyx Dragonfly: Thanks for the review!! Also, thanks for your suggestions!! The only creative writing class I\'ve ever taken was 10 years ago, my tenth grade year, and my writing was not nearly as descriptive as it is now. =) Can you tell I\'m one of those people who feel that the journey is as important as the destination? I\'ll be thinking about your suggestion as I write the subsequent chapters.

Ok, now that I\'ve answered all of my reviews! I\'ll just say this:

ON WITH THE STORY!!!




Harry was still acting like a sullen child when he crawled into bed. Severus just sighed and kissed Harry’s temple as he pulled the younger man into his arms. Listening to the slow breathing of the older man usually put Harry to sleep in no time, but tonight was different. He kept going in circles thinking about what the Lady had told him.

Harry had himself convinced that if he told Severus some of the more horrific things about his life then he’d run away screaming. He knew that living in a cupboard for ten years had screwed him up. He also knew that his relatives were right in that no one would ever really want a freak like him.

I know she is the Goddess, but can she really guarantee me a life with Severus? I resign to have a lonely life depending on no one but myself, and she offers me the opposite. What a price I must pay, though! What if it’s like growing up at Hogwarts? I can’t stand another decade of manipulation and deceit! I… Harry huffed and turned onto his side, punching his pillow to fluff it.

“Will you be at least trying to sleep now?” Severus asked as he pulled his partner closer and kissed him on the shoulder.

Harry stiffened. “Have I kept you up? I’m sorry.”

Severus rubbed his thumb up and down Harry’s stomach in a soothing motion. “No, it wasn’t you. I was reflecting on my visit with her so many years ago. When Mother Danu appeared, I wept.”

Rolling over the younger man raised an eyebrow. “Danu?”

Severus smiled and had a far away look on his face. “Yes, Danu. She is a Celtic Earth goddess and the matron of the Tuatha De Danann.”

Harry smiled. “I enjoyed the company of Demeter tonight, Greek goddess of the fields and…”

With is eyes wide in surprise Severus finished, “Mother to Persephone.”

“Rather appropriate, don’t you think?” The green eyed man asked as he tucked his head under his lover’s chin and snuggled close.

“She was very comforting to be around, but I still don’t want to talk about what was said. It’s still too raw.” Harry sighed.

“I understand,” answered Severus. “It’s been twenty years since my walk with her, and I’ve never told anyone what transpired. Until tonight much of what was discussed was still a mystery to me. Will you tell me where she took you?”

“We went to a beach, at sunset. Did you know I’ve never been to the beach? It was nice.”

“Her consort was ah…Neptune then?”

Harry answered, “Neptune is Roman, but yes, it was Poseidon. I think I’d prefer not to talk about this any more. Maybe some day I’ll relate to you what she said. Most of it, I’m still trying to understand.”

Severus pulled the young man closer, deciding not to press Harry any more. He listened to his partner’s slowed breathing, and soon drifted off into a restless sleep. At daybreak, Harry woke and watched his mate sleeping for a while. All of the usual worry lines on his face were smooth. It occurred to Harry that his bed partner looked many years younger than forty-five.

Untangling himself, Harry decided to get up and let the other man sleep. He saw no reason to rouse him when what Harry really wanted to a little peace and time alone. He took his morning tea on the Eastern balcony as had become usual and contemplated the easiest way to breach the topic of his talk with Her.

As the sun rode higher in the sky, Harry’s thoughts drifted on the slight breeze that was blowing. His thoughts chased each other in circles until he heard a strangled cry. Dropping his tea cup, he raced in to find Severus thrashing wildly on the bed, the sheets in the floor.

For a moment, Harry was gripped with panic. He’d had episodes such as this, but he’d never experienced one from the outside. Thinking about what Ron did with him, he reacted quickly and lay down beside the older man, wrapping his arms and legs around him, stopping the thrashing around. In a soothing voice, he whispered, “Shhh… Severus, listen, it’s Harry. You’re alright. You’re here with me.”

The larger man’s wild thrashing quickly became nothing more than a twitch and his screams became whimpers. Harry awkwardly maneuvered himself to hold his mate’s head and shoulders to his chest. Pushing a long strand of hair from the man’s face, Harry still spoke softly, “Please wake up Severus. It was just a dream. You’re here with me, Harry, and you’re safe. No one can hurt you or anything while you are with me. Please wake up Sev.”

Instead of waking, the older man settled in. As Harry held him, a wave of relief washed over him followed by a bit of understanding. He gently raked his fingers through the man’s tangled hair and muttered “I understand.”

About half an hour later, Severus finally woke up. He looked into the peaceful face of Harry, who was holding him, fingers still woven in his hair. Harry’s head was leaned back against the headboard and he was sleeping. When Severus untangled the younger man’s hand from his hair, it woke Harry.

The young man looked at his lover and tears welled up in his eyes. He hugged the older man close to his chest. “I’m so glad you are okay.”

Severus’ brow furrowed. “You are?”

Harry shook his head and whispered with a tear roughened voice. “Yes. I got up at dawn and had some tea on the balcony. I just wanted a little time to think, Sev and you were sleeping so peacefully. And then you screamed and when I got in here, you were flailing about and it scared me. I got you calmed down and you never did wake up. You just drifted back to sleep.

“I almost panicked. And then I remembered what Ron would do when I had a nightmare to keep me from hurting myself. I’ve never seen anyone have an episode like that. I…it scared me.”

Leaning back on Harry’s chest, Severus answered, “I haven’t had that particular nightmare in many years. I can’t think of a time when there was someone to comfort me, though. You must have done me some good because I usually can’t sleep after that dream.”

A noticeable shiver went down Severus’ spine. “Thank you, Harry.”

Kissing his temple, Harry replied, “Anything for you my love.”

As Severus got up and showered, Harry sat on the bed and mulled over the realization he’d had earlier. Goddess kept telling him that he was like Severus more than he thought, and now he knew at least one way in which he was. It broke his heart to know that his Sev didn’t have anyone there to hold him and wake him while he was having a nightmare. It made Harry remember all the summers he spent at the Dursley’s while he was having visions and nightmares. These memories made him feel cold and empty inside and quickly shadowed the fact that Goddess was right.

By the time Severus came back in the room, Harry was brooding. He merely grunted when his mate told him he would wait for him to dress before summoning brunch. Harry dressed and made his way to the dining room. Severus smiled as he walked in and sat down. Harry gave him a wry smile in return as he piled fresh fruit on his plate.

With a sigh the older man began to eat slowly. “Harry, you’re brooding.”

He looked into this lover’s worried face. “I’m lost Severus. I…Everything was going so well. I just need some time.”

With that, Harry pushed his plate away and got up. He wandered around the castle and finally out onto the grounds. It was over an hour later when he finally made his way back inside. Harry was surprised that Severus didn’t come after him, but was relieved. He searched the castle for his lover and couldn’t find him. Finally, he decided to make his way down into the dungeon area. Severus had converted it into a laboratory near the beginning of the summer and spent many days down there experimenting.

He opened the door to find his love with his back to him, quill scratching away on a parchment. There were no cauldrons out and no potions brewing, so Harry quietly walked up behind the larger man. He reached out a single hand and gently slid it down his back.

Severus froze. His rational mind screamed at him that it could only be Harry behind him, but the terror that gripped his whole being was in control. His breathing sped up as the younger man brought his other hand up and circled his waist. “I need you my love,” Harry whispered causing the older man to stiffen. Many thoughts ran through Severus’ mind as this was happening.

Harry leaned himself over and put his head on the larger man’s back. Severus grabbed Harry’s hand that was encircled around him and threw him to the side as he began to backpedal repeating, “No, no, no, no…” shaking his head.

He knocked over a stool and ran into one of his work tables as he tried to get away. He looked at Harry with sheer terror on his face. Finally, he backed into the wall and made his way to the corner where he slid to the floor and curled himself up in a ball, still chanting, “No, no, no…”

A bewildered Harry watched this and simply stood there. He was at a loss as to what to do. Finally, he slowly made his way to his mate. Speaking in soothing tones as he approached. “Severus, it’s Harry. You don’t have to be afraid. I’m going to sit next to you.”

Harry sat down and reached out and touched Severus’ shoulder. The older man flinched at the contact. “Sev? Love, look at me. It’s just me, Harry. I’ll never do anything to hurt you.”

Severus lifted his head just enough to see Harry’s questioning face. He realized immediately what had happened and grabbed the younger man. He buried his face in Harry’s chest and began to sob. Harry wrapped his arms around his lover and rubbed his back soothingly. He kissed the top of his head and whispered in his ear.

Soon, Severus’ sobs quieted and Harry just held him. The larger man pulled back and looked up at Harry. He just smiled lovingly and wiped the tear tracks from his face. “I’m sorry I startled you Severus. This was the farthest thing from my mind when I walked in here. Do you want to tell me about it?”

Clearing his throat, the older man shook his head. Harry helped him up and led him from the lab by the hand. He took him to the sitting room and sat on the couch, pulling him into his lap. “Sev, I’m not exactly sure what just happened in there and I know you’ll tell me about it when you are ready, but just remember that I’ll never, ever do or say anything to hurt you. I’ll always understand.” He hugged his mate before finishing with, “Now I know that we are more alike than either of us will admit.”

Severus was at a complete loss. He’d worked for many years to bury what had just come violently to the surface. I will not think about this. It’s too many years past. I am beyond this. His thoughts chased each other in circles until his back began to hurt from sitting in Harry’s lap for so long. His young lover had begun to doze, still whispering soothing words.

He stilled Harry’s hand and tried to get up without waking the young man, but did not succeed. Harry snorted as his head jerked up. “Are you ok, Sev?”

Sitting next to Harry, he shook his head and sighed. “I suppose I am not, Harry. I’ve not had an easy life, and I think the conversation with Miss Granger coupled with your journey have brought some things violently to the surface that I’ve tried to bury for years.”

“You shouldn’t bury things, Sev. It’ll eat away at you until you can’t deal with it any more.”

Severus snorted. “Calling the kettle black, are we?”

Harry smiled sadly and looked at his hands. “You’re right. It’s just hard to get someone to relate who’s never been where you are, you know?”

“Indeed.”

The tension in the air was palpable. Neither man knew what to say, so they sat in silence. Finally, Harry asked, “Do you want to know what happened on my journey? I mean, we’ve both got a lot of skeletons in our closets, and I guess I’ve got to start somewhere. Right?”

Severus shook his head. “I suppose we both need to start somewhere. Tell me what you will.”

“What I’ve got to say, a lot of it, is awful. I think I want to start with my relatives and move on from there.”

Severus nodded and Harry proceeded with a deep breath. “I lived in a cupboard under the stairs until I got my Hogwarts letter at eleven. Hermione knows this, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Ron. My relatives were mean horrible people. When I was five, they decided that it was time for me to start ‘earning my way’ as Vernon put it. I quickly learned to cook and clean. It only took me dropping a hot skillet of oil once to never forget that lesson. After the blisters on my legs healed, Vernon beat me unmercifully. That was after he starved me almost a week. Another time, I got bleach in a cut on my hand and immediately put the finger in my mouth when it started burning. I think I was six. The bleach burned the inside of my mouth and I ended up with a swollen tongue and the inside of my cheeks and gums peeling because they wouldn’t take me to the doctor. I was very lucky that I didn’t die that time. When I was about nine, Dudley and his friends beat me to a pulp and Vernon laughed. Petunia didn’t even attempt to clean me up. I have a split in my lip for weeks after that happened.

“So went my life from the time I could remember until I got my Hogwarts letter. Of course, it didn’t get any better as I got older. The summer after Sirius died, Dudley’s friends came into my room one night and tied me up. Hey took me out to the playground near Privet drive, and they stripped me and Pierce tried to rape me.”

Harry’s voice cracked at this admission. He was breathing hard and wringing his hands together. “I’m not exactly sure what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was laying on my bed minus the ropes.”

Severus growled in anger. “You aparated, Harry. It was spontaneous magic, and wandless magic at that. Did your family not understand how important you were to the wizarding world?”

He shrugged. “I don’t think they cared. I was Petunia’s sister’s freak kid who was dumped on their doorstep. They made it perfectly clear that they didn’t want me around from the beginning. What’s so bad about it is I went from being ‘boy’ and ‘freak’ to ‘the-boy-who-lived’ and everyone’s ‘savior’ when I got my letter. I thought I was going to have a chance at being normal.”

The tears in Harry’s eyes rolled down his cheeks. Severus knew his pain all too well. He lifted Harry’s chin and turned it to face him. “Normal is relative. What is normal to you and I may not be normal to anyone else. Shall I tell you about my childhood?”

The young man raised his eyebrows and frowned. “You don’t have to.”

“I should, though. You’ve been kind enough to open yourself to me.”

He took Harry’s hand and ran his thumb over his knuckles. “My father was an evil, evil man and my mother was a saint. She dealt with him and his tirades for many years before my sister and I came along. He was one of the original supporters of the Dark Lord, going back to when they were in school together.

“My mother was put in an arranged marriage with him and she took the whole ordeal with more grace than most pure-bloods. While he was out terrorizing the half-bloods and muggles she was at home dutifully taking care of the finances and the manor. She brewed many different healing potions for father after his exploits.

“When he would come in injured or cursed, she would gently guide him into the bath she’d draw for him and quietly wash him from head to toe before administering any potions or healing salves he needed.

“Eventually, my sister and I came along, and thought father never actually said anything, I think he despised us being twins. That came from my mother’s side of the family. He really wasn’t around much, and didn’t have anything to do with us unless it was discipline. He was exceptionally strict with us and many times he tortured my mother as punishment for something we did.

“The summer before my sister and I were to attend Hogwarts, she and I were making mischief, much like twins do, and we broke an old vase. For what ever reason, father was home and he caught us before we could have mother repair it. He used crutacius on Fae and made me watch. I’ll never forget him telling me that petulant women should be dealt with accordingly. My mother swooped into the room at my sisters screams and immediately hexed my father and grabbed my sister, carrying her into the bathroom.

“Fae didn’t survive that night. My mother didn’t either. Father was so angry that my mother would undermine his disciplinary actions in my presence that he took her to the Dark Lord to be dealt with. I don’t know what happened, but at daylight, he stumbled in and collapsed on his bed.

Harry was staring at his mate with a horrified look on his face. “Yes, Harry, every day growing up was like that. I had to deal with a maniac for a father and the loss of my twin and mother at once. It’s no small wonder that I’ve made it to my forties without going insane. That summer was bad, but after I got into Hogwarts, they got worse. I’d rather not discuss it right now, though.”


A/N2: I know everyone demanded smut, but my muse demanded angst. I promise a chapter full of pretty sex very, very soon, though. I don\'t think I\'m very happy with this chapter and yes, you will find out what exactly was going on with our dear potions master. I promise. Now, let me know what you all think!!