Penance

HermioneMalfoyFan: Calm yourself, I’m not a terrible person, I swear!


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Hermione could hear voices and she wondered if that’s what it was like to be dead. To be able to hear and see what was happening around you, but to not be able to interact. If so, that would be cruel…

The blackness was all she saw, the murmuring filling her hours. She couldn’t distinguish, her tired mind not working. All she felt was that tired, sinking feeling. All she wanted to do was sleep…

That touch…she knew that touch. And that smell. She wasn’t dead…she couldn’t be…but then how…?

The darkness consumed her and when she woke again the voices were more distinct, closer. She tried to reach out to them but couldn’t move, her body was so heavy…

Touch. Someone was touching her again. Her hand, holding her hand, that warm, comforting feel. She knew it, but couldn’t place it in the darkness.

“She’s squeezing my hand back! Look!”

Hermione drifted off again.

She didn’t know how long it took her to fully wake, every time she came around it was a little clearer, she was able to hear more, feel more. She started to feel the pain but thought of it as a good thing. She wanted to live, but a part of her was telling her she needed to be dead. She didn’t know why. Everything was so confused.

The black, the dark, the voices, the touches, they filled her world. And then the pain. She cried out as it hit her unexpectedly but it came out only as a moan.

“Madam Pomfrey! She’s in pain! Can you make it stop?”

Something was in her mouth, it was wet. Liquid slid down her throat and she coughed, choked.

“She’s coming to. Talk to her.”

“Hermione, Hermione it’s me, it’s Draco. Can you hear me?”

Draco…Draco! She smiled. She loved him so much. He was there, he was always there. She swallowed, coughing some more at the burn.

“Is she alright?”

“Just fine. Give her a minute.”

She was lain back down and she breathed deeply, opening her eyes.

Everything circled for a minute and she tried to raise her hands to her head to steady it but she couldn’t, her arms were like lead. The pain dimmed slowly and she was able to think again. She blinked several times until the world came into focus. She looked up at the high, arched ceiling then moved to the tall windows, now covered with curtains. It was dark, nighttime. She turned her aching head to look at the figure next to her. Draco. She smiled.

“Hermione, oh gods, I’ve been so worried…”

Worried? Well, probably. She was in the hospital wing. If only she could remember what happened.

She tried to tell him how tired she was, ask why she was there but her mouth wouldn’t work. She watched his angelic face as her eyes fluttered closed.

When she woke again it was day, light streaming through the window. Draco?

She must have made a noise because someone was talking to her.

“Hermione? Can you hear me?”

She turned towards the voice. Harry. He looked tired, ragged. His hand came to her cheek and she smiled at the touch.

“Hey there,” he said, a smile dawning on his pale features. “Decided to finally wake up, eh?”

Hermione licked her dry, cracked lips. She took a breath and tired to talk, but all that came out was a croak. She was so thirsty.

“Don’t talk. It’s alright. Can I get you some water or something?”

She nodded and decided it wasn’t the smartest thing to have done. Once again, the arm she would have raised to still her pounding head was glued to the mattress. Harry lifted her with one arm and the other brought a goblet of cool, refreshing water to her lips. Her head swam as she drank greedily and leaned heavily against Harry. She wanted to apologize for her rude body but as soon as he laid her back down the dark was taking over once again.

Upon waking she felt something next to her. A body. She turned her head to the comfort and opened her eyes. Draco was lying on her left side, an arm wrapped over her body, his head settled on her chest. She smiled and breathed in his scent. Lifting a heavy hand she placed it on his cheek. He looked so tormented.

He jerked awake and looked up at her, his steely eyes wide.

“Hermione, you’re awake. How do you feel?”

He made to move off her but she stilled him. She quite liked the comfort his body brought. Licking her lips again, she tried talking again.

“Sore,” she croaked, her dry throat scraping. He smiled.

“I’ll say. Do you need anything?”

“Water?” The last part of the word was lost but Draco got the gist and retrieved her goblet, helping her sit up as Harry had done. He went to lay her back down but she shook her head.

“Let me sit up,” she said, her voice like sandpaper. Goodness, what had she been up to?

Draco positioned her and she lay back against the pillows, exhausted from that small strain. But she took a deep breath and looked into Draco’s face. It was dark again, but she could make out his features.

“What time is it?” she asked, her eyes closing.

“Erm…a little after one, I think.”

She nodded. “How long have I been out?”

“Well, this would make it your eighth day.”

“What?” Her eyes shot open. What had happened? What was wrong with her? She felt alright, not like she was going to die or anything. She gasped.

Wait. She was supposed to die. She should be dead. She sat up quickly, the blood rushing to her head as she reached for Draco.

“Hermione, calm down, relax-,”

“No, no no….you were supposed to, Harry was…where’s Harry? I don’t hear him; I can’t hear Voldemort…what’s going on?”

“Hermione, stop, slow down. We’ll explain it to you later, when you’re stronger.”

“She’s awake?” a voice came from behind Draco. Hermione looked over to the bed next to hers where Harry was reaching for his glasses on the nightstand and pulling back the covers. He’d obviously been sleeping there.

“Harry…I thought you…I saw you do it, I heard it, I felt it. What happened?”

“Hermione, it’s a lot to explain. Maybe you should get some rest first…”

“No, now, I need to know.”

Harry and Draco exchanged looks and Draco took a seat on a chair next to her bed while Harry sat on her bed, taking her hand.

“Alright, here goes. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“You killed me. That’s the last thing I remember!”

“Alright. Yes, I did. I don’t know how, but I did. You were laying there and your eyes were wide and you didn’t move,” both the boys shifted uncomfortably at this point, the memory obviously still painful. “And then you, you sort of exploded. The spell killed that last part of Voldemort as you said it would. It took us both out,” he indicated Draco and himself. “And then when we checked on you, you were alive. It’s like you died and came back. We didn’t know at the time, but McGonagall explained it.” He took a deep breath. “I killed the evil inside you, but I couldn’t kill you. She said it’s because I’m unable, I can’t hurt something I love. That love kept me from killing you. Sort of like that barrier my mum had made for me unintentionally. I didn’t know it would, but gods it was killing me to have to do it. Hermione, don’t ever make me do it again.”

She smiled sadly at him. “Don’t worry; I’ll be dead in a few days anyway.”

Draco grinned like the Cheshire cat. “What?” she asked. She certainly didn’t find that fact amusing.

“When Harry took out Voldemort, the spell went with him. Apparently for that spell to work, the caster has to keep it going. Once Voldemort died, the spell was lost. They’ve never really researched it since the caster had never died before the spell was finished, but we checked it out, researched everything. It’s gone, Hermione. You’re not dying.”

Hermione looked from one happy face to the next and let out a joyful sob. Harry hugged her close and she held him back, though rather weakly. The weight was lifted, her life was back. Until he pulled away.

“Hermione…there’s something we need to ask you about.”

She sat back and looked at them. She knew.

“Did Lucius come back? Did he say anything?”

“Yeah, you said something back as well,” Draco said with a grin.

“Really?” she said, thinking back. She couldn’t remember anything after the curse. “I don’t recall…”

“You said something along the lines of ‘point one for Mudblood’,” Draco told her, still smiling.

“What?” she exclaimed. “No!”

“Yes, and it got us in a whole hell of a lot of trouble,” Harry said. “Draco practically had to thrown you into my arms so I could get you out of there.”

“And you left as well, right?” she said to Draco who shifted uncomfortably.

“Eventually,” was his reply.

“Were you hurt? Did you fight him again?” she asked, scared for him even though she knew he was quite alright seeing as he was sitting in front of her with no visible wounds.

“You could say that,” he said. Finally he caught her eyes. “He won’t be bothering you again.”

Hermione’s breath caught in her chest. “You…did you…?”

He nodded. Hermione knew it was nothing more than the sick bastard deserved, but the thought of Draco having to do it himself…it broke her heart. He didn’t seem perturbed by the idea but she knew him better than that. It was killing him.

“Draco…I’m sorry…”

“He killed your parents. He raped you. He’s done the same to nameless hundreds. I did the world a favor.”

Hermione nodded. She wanted to cry for him, but knew he would shun her pity so she held it in.

“Hermione…we need to know,” Harry started. She could tell he was nervous so she laid her hand on his and smiled reassuringly. She had known this time would come since she told them in McGonagall’s office. She could only imagine Harry’s confusion as of late.

“I should start from the beginning. After the attack, immediately after, I aparated. I didn’t have a distinct destination in mind and was lucky I didn’t splinch myself. Anyways, I ended up in New York City. I scrounged around for a few days, living off what I could find in trash cans or whatever handouts people would give to me. I think I knew even then. It wasn’t until weeks later, I’d been bouncing around from store to store, stealing what I could when I stumbled upon the women’s aisle and realized I hadn’t started. I got a test and took it in that bathroom. I’d been throwing up a lot, but I had figured it was just from the moldy food I was eating. When I found out, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to stay in New York anymore so I got enough money to get a ticket to anywhere. I continued to live off whatever I could find, took oddball jobs, stole my way into inns. I kept a record of every place I’d been, every penny I’d ever taken from the stores. Eventually I paid them back once I settle down in Gilchrist. I paid back every penny,” she smiled. “I hated it, but there was no other choice. Finally I was walking around in Glencoe, Tennessee hugely pregnant and this woman offered me a job. All I had to do was help her take care of some children at this orphanage and she’d let me stay and eat for free, even gave me some pocket money for new clothes. I hated staying there, I was terrified every minute.”

“Why?” Draco interrupted.

She looked at him in despair. The memories were still painful. “It wasn’t a normal pregnancy. I was volatile. I wanted to kill people, mutilate them. It was something I’d never felt before. All of the sudden I wanted to torture things, kill them just to watch them scream. It was horrible,” she remembered, closing her eyes to the assailing memories. “I couldn’t stop it. I’d wake up and my hands would be bloody. I had no idea why. I was terrified every minute. I don’t think I really slept the entire time I was there, I was too afraid I’d wake up and have hurt one of the children. But oh, they were wonderful kids, each and every one of them. They could make me smile and remember that things would be ok. No matter what this child had started out as, it was mine now. I could teach it, love it. I was starting to get excited, but the pregnancy was brutal. By the end, the women at the orphanage didn’t think I would survive the birth. And then he came,” she said with a small smile, tears streaming down her face. “It was in the middle of the night, I didn’t want to wake anyone so I went outside. I knew it wouldn’t be a normal birth and didn’t want to have to Obliviate them. It was February first, the snow was everywhere, it helped to block out the sound. The pain was unimaginable. I thought, I knew I was dying. But it didn’t matter. The baby would stay with these wonderful people and grow up happy and loved. But I didn’t die. I passed out, I think, and when I came to, the baby was there, in the snow. Except, it wasn’t a baby.”

Hermione shuddered at the memory and wrapped her weak arms around her legs, drawing the up to her chest. “It didn’t even look like a child. It was just…a thing. It didn’t cry, didn’t really move. Just looked up at me with these red eyes. They were red. Newborns don’t open their eyes that wide.” She was shaking so hard her teeth were chattering now and Harry put his hand on her arm, grounding her. It was over. She knew. But it still hurt. “Harry,” she whispered. “It was the last Horcrux. They’d put it inside me and made it grow. I don’t even think it could hear me, or think. It wasn’t a baby, it wasn’t!” she cried as if trying to convince herself again, trying to make what she had done alright. “I had to, Harry…I thought…I’d seen you and Voldemort die…I thought this was the last of him, I thought he was still alive and really, he was. I don’t know where we went wrong, but this baby was the missing piece. So I did it,” she moaned, the tears rampant. “I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I stabbed it. It screamed, but not like a baby. It sounded just like him, Harry, just like Voldemort. I’ve heard him scream and it was exactly like it. There was this bright blinding light and then he just turned into ash, right beneath my hands, his soul shattered. It happened just like the other Horcrux’s.” She stopped for a minute to wipe her streaming eyes shakily and took the handkerchief Draco offered. He always had one. She smiled at that mellowing thought.

“I know it wasn’t a baby, I know it wasn’t real. It was nothing more than another piece of Voldemort’s shattered soul. It killed me even more to know that Ron was the sacrifice that made the Horcrux. Even knowing it in my heart, I still felt, and still do feel as if I killed my own child. I was a wreak afterward. I put the ashes in a box and buried it underneath the tree where I had given birth to it. I put a little rock there and wrote a note for Lucius in case he ever tracked me down. I gave it to Michelle, the woman who had taken me in, and told her what he looked like and that if he ever came by, to give him the note and show hi the grave. She just thought he was a scoundrel who had left me when he found out I was pregnant. I didn’t rectify her beliefs.”

They were silent for a minute when Harry finally spoke up. “Lucius was trying to take over. He knew he couldn’t kill Voldemort so he just disposed of him by putting him in me. Why would he turn around and help to keep him alive?”

“I don’t think he knew,” Hermione said. “Did he take a part of Voldemort? His blood or some hair or skin from you?”

“Blood, yeah.”

“That’s what happened. After killing Ron, he was ready to make another one; his blood would have been ready. If Lucius consumed it in some way, as he must have made some sort of potion to solidify his success, then he would have had that power. He made it in me unintentionally, simple thinking he was taking Voldemort’s powers to make and all-powerful son. I wonder what he would have said to a half-Mudblood daughter?” she laughed coldly.

Draco took over for Harry who went to get her a sleeping potion. By the time he came back she was out like a light, her head resting against Draco’s chest who had once again crawled into bed with her. Harry set down the bottle and flopped on his bed. The world was back as it should be and though the scars would remain, he had a future. Now all he had to do was convince Ginny he’d been a selfish arse and get her back. He thought sadly about her brother, his best mate. The pain of his loss still grieved him but he had to shake it away. He had to look forward. Hermione was alive, Voldemort was dead and he was a hero. He knew he shouldn’t, but he liked the idea.

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Four days later Hermione was finally able to leave. Although still a bit weak, she felt like herself again. Ginny was chatting to her on the other side of her curtain as she dressed and Hermione smiled. They’d all been there for her; Ginny, Harry, Luna, the Weasley’s, even Hagrid had shown up, his face white underneath the beard. He’d been out of communication with his fiancé Madam Maxime while they worked with the giants and had a large number of things dumped on him the moment he arrived by a very serene Luna. It had taken a while to calm the half giant, but now he was puttering away happily in his garden telling Hermione his pumpkins were going to be bigger than his hut with a new ingredient Neville had found him.

When Hermione stepped around the curtain she expected Draco to be waiting for her, but he was absent. Hermione tried not to be disappointed; she knew he was busy dealing with his father’s death and all it entailed. Draco was now the sole owner of all of the Malfoy fortune. Most of it Draco was giving away and he was having a good portion destroyed, including the Manor. Hermione knew he was taking her story hard, he felt so guilty. It ate at him; she could see it more every day. She didn’t know what to do either, because her own guilt had swallowed her whole. They told each other every day that they only did what they had to do, but only time could heal them now.

Ginny smiled encouragingly and said, “He was finishing up a few things. He said he’d meet up with you.”

Hermione nodded and grinned when Seamus and Dean walked in. “Hey guys! What are you doing here?”

“We have somewhere we’d like you take you, Hermione,” Seamus said, holding out his hand.

Glancing at Ginny confusedly, she swept her hands in a go on motion and Hermione took the sandy haired boy’s hand. They led her outside to the apparition point, chattering on and refusing to tell her where they were going. Dean insisted that she close her eyes before Seamus aparated with her so she did, shaking her head at the pair. When they landed she stumbled and was righted by Seamus.

“Alright, there?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. Now what are you going to show me? It better be quick-,”

“Stop yer blabberin’ you’re worse than me mum,” Seamus teased.

“Ready?” Dean said, excitement in his voice.

“Yes!”

“Now!” all three of them shouted. Hermione opened her eyes and looked around. It was a quaint little house, completely furnished with lavish settings. Everyone was there, the Weasley’s, Lupin and Tonks, Kingsley and Hagrid and Neville, Parvati, Padma, Lavender, McGonagall. She grinned at the beautiful image it made and looked to them.

“Where am I?” she asked.

“Home.”

Hermione whipped around to see Draco, grinning like a fool against the wall leading to the hallway.

“What do you mean?” she asked breathlessly.

“Well, you don’t honesty think you’re going to spend the rest of your life in the Den, do you?”

“Well, no, but I-,”

“I found this place when I realized that I wanted the Manor destroyed. It suits you. Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful, but I can’t afford it!”

“I can.”

Hermione eyed him suspiciously. “So, what you’re saying is that you bought this place expecting me to just move in with you?”

“Basically, yes.”

“What makes you think I’d want to move in with you? There you go again, being presumptuous! All you think about is yourself and what you want! What about what I want?”

Draco’s jaw dropped and his face fell. “But I thought-,”

“Well, maybe what you thought was wrong!”

The room went silent and Harry moved out from the hallway. Hermione walked up to Draco, her heart pounding, until she was standing right in front of him.

“But it wasn’t, it was exactly right,” she said and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him hard. He reeled for a moment but kissed her back, both of them smiling madly as the others wolf whistled behind them.

“Took me for a turn there, Granger,” Draco said, brushing his knuckles against her cheek.

“I learn from the best, Malfoy,” she beamed up at him and he took her lips and swung her around while she laughed uncontrollably, her new house blurring with the people who loved her the most.

It was a good day.

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A/N: I believe that would be it, my lovely readers! What do you think? Epilogue? :P

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I thank you all so much for your reviews. They really help to make me a better writer. That, and I’m completely addicted to them. It’s a disease, you guys know how it is :)

Hope you are enjoying my other stories as well, Haunted, Second Time Around and my oneshot Whiskey Lullaby.

I truly love you all <3

XOXO

RynStar15