100 Ways to Kill a Weasley

This story is produced by many authors. The charcaters belong to J.K.R. this tiny segment's plot belongs to me. I will return the original characters scurgified and obliviated.

enjoy ~sinbad~

The Great War had ended. Harry won the battle and saved the day.

Celebrations, parties and balls were being hosted all over the wizzarding world. The Ministry of Magic had awarded orders of Merlin to everyone.

Severus survived the the final battle, he was after all a Potions Master and survived being a spy for over twenty years. He simply brewed himself a potion that would negate toxins found in king cobra snake bites. Luckily, Hermione discovered he was still alive before he bled to death. All he needed was Blood Replenishing potion.

He was vindicated and returned to Hogwarts to teach, and although he also recieved an order of Merlin he did not feel he was fairly rewarded for all he had suffered over the years. He told Minerva he had enough dunderheads to deal with, and since the Ministry was full of them he couldn't be bothered with the Headmaster's position. He would have to deal with them constantly and he would have a permanent headache.

Harry and Ginny got married, and Harry and Ron decided to become Aurrors together. Hermione, predictably decided to go back to school. Life continued for everyone.

The Ministry realized that many wizzard and witches were killed by He-who-must-not-be-named over the years. The wizarding world faced a new problem. They were dying dying out.

The Purebloods were producing squibs at an alarming rate, and the population was much smaller. They decided the best way to ensure future generations was to ensure healty offspring. Hence the Marriage law was born.

Severus was reading the Daily Prophet, it was filled with the usual news and boring articles, until he saw a small notice several pages within the paper.

"Marriage Law Passed," read the notice.

Severus realized that only one witch would satisfy him and he still felt he deserved a better reward than what he recieved. A little Miss-know-it-all, who was currently working on her Master's in Potions, Charms and Arithmacy would do quite nicely. She had always been an over achiver who needed to be fucked into a quivering mass of mindless orgasmic delight. He wanted no dunderheaded children so the way was clear cut for him. He was going to make Hermione his wife. His only problem was the fact that she was involved with Ron Weasley. His Slytherin mind started churning, and a smile crossed his face. He is a Potions Master after all.

Meanwhile, Hermione read the same article.

"Damn," she thought to herself.

Ron wanted to get married right after the Battle, she wanted to finish school. Now the Ministry, after cocking up Voldermort's return, was interfering in her life by forcing her to marry! Knowing Ron read only the sports section she called him by floo.

She told Ron about what she read. Predictably, he was ecstatic. Ron did not take into account how unfair the law was as it catered to men, leaving women little in the way of choices. Hermione couldn't complain much though, since she could still finish school as long as she was willing to do it while working on repopulating the wizzarding world.

She heard a soft popping sound. Ron worked fast to get the paper work started. Her marriage scroll had arrived already. She signed it and it popped back to the ministry.

The Prophet's headline that evening read, "War Heroes Are To Marry!"

Severus was not at all worried, in fact, he was counting on this development. He showed the article to Minerva and listened to her praise her finest pupil. She then suggested that they have a small get together to celibrate. Severus blandly suggested that he had a bottle of a rather fine merlot and smirked to himself that Gryfindor's were so easy to manipulate.

Minerva sent an owl to Hermione and suggested they get together on Saturday, which of course was accepted. Harry, unfortunately couldn't make it as he was on duty.

Severus went to work that night. He developed a potion that was odorless, tasteless, undetectable and very deadly to men under the age of thirty. He then added it to the merlot with a grin. He would have his reward.

Saturday night Ron and Hermione arrived. They went to Minerva's office where they were greeted quite warmly by Minerva. The house elves had made several platters of finger foods and the bottle of melot was sitting in a bucket of never melting ice. Severus popped the cork to allow the fine wine to breathe.

He allowed the Gryfindors their chatter with somewhat good grace. You would have thought they haden't seen each other for years the way they were talking, rather a few short months.

Severus poured the wine serving first Minerva, then Hermione, Ron and lastly himself. Ron made a toast and they all drank the wine. They chatted, nibbled and drank more wine until the bottle was finished. Minerva was so proud about her little overachiever's accomplishments and Ron's job.

Ron interupted the conversation by turning an alarming shade of purple and gasping for air. He fell to the floor and Hermione was trying some kind of muggle first aid called C.P.R.

Severus, for appearance sake floo called Poppy for help. No good came of it, Ron died. His body was shipped to St. Mungo's where the cause of death was listed as a slow acting curse of unknown origin. They decided it was a stray curse that was missed in the Final Battle. Hermione was devastated.

Severus spoke to the Ministry on Hermione's behalf and spent time comforting her. It was no surprise when he proposed marriage and she accepted. They discovered they had so many things in common, a dislike for Quiddich and a love of books and learning.

Many people showed up for their wedding. It was a popular event attended by many. Harry, the Weasleys, Luna and many of her friends showed up. The Minister himself performed the ceremony.

Later that night, Severus discovered his wife was an old fashoned girl who saved herself for marriage. He worshiped her lips and throat. He very slowly unbuttoned her wedding gown caressing her skin as it was unveiled before him. Soon she was naked and he simply banished his clothes intent on giving her as much pleasure as possible. He laved her with his mouth, drinking in her sweet juices and bringing her to the brink of her pleasure. He parted her legs so he could nestle his body against her core. She trembled with emotion. Severus whispered words of devotion and promised her only a moments pain. He grasped her hips, his huge errection poised at her entrance, she nodded her permission and bit her lip as he entered her. Severus felt her hymen snap as he seated himself all the way into her, swallowing her gasp of pain with his lips.

Severus felt quite pleased with his reward.

It should be noted that they had a very long, happy marriage and six children. There was not a dunderhead among them.

~fin~