*Deserving Of Love*

A/N: It's rough, but here it is. Read and review.

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“Mr. Potter is not concentrating meticulously enough, leaving his mind completely vulnerable to the Dark Lord; despite all my efforts with teaching Mr. Potter occulmency. The Dark Lord will not hesitate to use Mr. Potter’s carelessness against him once he realizes that he can, so my most prudent advice would be to cut yourself off from the boy. The less communication he has with us, especially Black, will greatly reduce the risk of him opening an emotional window in which the Dark Lord can enter. Cutting off communication will also ensure that any information exchanged between Order members stays that way – between Order members. If the Dark Lord catches a glimpse of our actions because Mr. Potter was too weak to block him from his feeble mind… I believe that I need not to discuss the dire consequences that that will bring to all of us. Mr. Potter is not a member of the Order and letting him in on inside information puts the entirety of the group at risk. I believe that most of us would agree that putting ourselves in even more danger than we are already in by entrusting inside information to a weak-minded child would be a foolish thing to do. And while some of us can not help it, most of us are not fools.”

Remus grabbed one of Sirius’s arms and pushed him back into his chair, throwing him a warning sideways glance before turning his attention back to the front of the room. McGonagall was now speaking, her hands held in a tight fist in front of her, her knuckles white under the amount of force in which she was holding her fingers together.

“… At the present moment the Dark Lord is recruiting the darkest creatures possible to join the ranks of the Death Eaters, making our job even more difficult. Many of you have been given very specific assignments by Dumbledore to attempt to reach certain members of these targeted groups. We believe that by getting to these groups first that we may be able to stop the Death Eaters from gaining as many new members; the only way to win this war is to keep the Dark Lord from getting even more powerful. The Ministry, as you are all aware, is still one hundred percent against us and the claim that the Dark Lord has returned. The next meeting will be held next Friday at eight o’clock in the evening here at headquarters. Until then, be cautious about whom you trust. Enemies are much closer than you know…”

Sirius snorted as people started moving and talking quietly around him and he turned to Remus and pointed at the sour-faced man sitting opposite him.

“McGonagall is right. Enemies are closer than we know. Snivellus, for example, is standing right behind her. Look at him. He probably sleeps hanging upside down. The reason he never stays for dinner after the meetings is because he probably only eats insects and small birds. Molly’s chicken just doesn’t suffice.”

In spite of himself Remus chuckled at Sirius’s jab at Snape, the mere idea of the Potions master hanging upside down in his dungeons appealing to the juvenile side that Sirius tended to bring out in him. He watched as Snape wove through the small gathering of people toward the door, obviously trying not to touch anybody or accidentally get into any conversations on his way. Tonks stood and turned just as Snape was approaching her and they nearly collided, Snape glaring at her as she steadied herself against his chest. He pushed past her without a word of apology, heading toward the door in a whirl of black robes. Remus smiled as he saw Tonks turn and give the retreating Snape a very unladylike hand gesture before continuing her conversation with Mad-Eye Moody. He seemed to be chastising her, the look of disapproval on his face and the look of slight amusement on hers was something that was typically present whenever he yelled at her.

Tonks must have felt someone watching her and she turned slightly, catching Remus’s eye and giving him a small smile and a wink before turning her attention back to the grizzled man in front of her. Remus finally tore his eyes away from them when McGonagall approached him quietly.

“Remus, may I have a word with you please?”

Remus nodded silently and stepped away from a smirking Sirius. As his former Head of House and Professor, McGonagall always gave Remus a slightly nervous feeling when she asked to speak to him privately, like she was going to reprimand him for some foolish prank the Marauders had pulled years previous. This time was no different; the stern look on her face told him that this probably wasn’t going to be exactly a happy conversation.

Remus followed her out of the kitchen and into the dim hallway, the soft snores of Sirius’s mother’s portrait the only sound in the narrow corridor. McGonagall looked up at him for a second with her lips pursed, like she was trying to think of the best way to start.

“Remus. There is no easy way to actually put this, so I’m just going to come out and say it. Just know that you are in no way obligated to do this, but you are the best option. Albus and I have been discussing this, and we feel that at some point this may become necessary. When this will take place is not really clear at this point, but Albus and I feel that you should be… presented with this idea sooner rather than later.” She trailed off and watched him carefully, her clasped hands the only indication that she was feeling nervous and wasn’t angry.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, dreading the next words to come out of McGonagall’s mouth. Remus suddenly understood what exactly she was talking about – he was the only one actually equipped to do what was necessary, and despite the fact that he hated to admit it, he knew that it must be done. Ever since the Dark Lord had started regaining power and gathering followers, he knew that it would only be a matter of time before he was asked to do this.

“Remus. As you are well aware, the Dark Lord is gathering followers at a startling rate. We know for sure that he has already sent Death Eaters to talk to the Giants, and I’m sure that he already has –“

“Minerva… I am no longer a child, so please do not treat me like one by sugar coating the truth. You want me to try to win the support of the Werewolves.”

Remus chuckled sadly and shook his head, the cold reality of what she was asking him to do sinking in. McGonagall looked at him apologetically, her hands clasped so tightly in front of her that her knuckles were nearly translucent white.

“I know this isn’t easy for you Remus. And believe me, if there were any other way of going about this, we would not be asking you to do this. But obviously you are the only one –“

“Naturally equipped to do so.”

Remus closed his eyes and cursed, for the millionth time in his life, that he was a werewolf. He had spent most of his life trying to forget the fact he was damned, to distance himself from ones like him, but now he was being asked to associate himself with the ‘others’: the werewolves who fully accepted society’s view of them and lived apart from everyone else, attacking without regret, driving fear into the lives of the one’s who shunned them. He would have to eventually deal with Fenrir Greyback, one of the most vile creatures alive, who not only accepted his lycanthropy, but who relished in it – he was barely even recognizable as a human anymore, even when he wasn’t transformed, because he had given so much of himself over to the wolf within. Remus shuddered at the thought of coming face to face with the one responsible for making him transform every month, the half-man half-wolf who bitterly hated witches and wizards and positioned himself near villages during the full moon so he could attack as many as possible. Remus despised the fact that he was considered by most witches and wizards no better than Greyback because of his Lycanthropy, a belief that cost him his teaching position at Hogwart’s after only one year.

Remus was brought out of his thoughts by a warm hand on his arm and he opened his eyes to look back at McGonagall.

“I know your position on this Remus, and believe me when I say that I am truly sorry to have to ask this of you. Of course we can not make you do anything, but you really are the only one capable of performing this task. You are uniquely qualified to do this… and it would be a tremendous help to the Order. Of course no one is really positive about anything right now, so when this may happen is not clear. I simply felt that it was better to inform you of the plan as soon as possible, rather than asking you at the last moment.”

Remus nodded mechanically at his old Professor and managed a weak smile, the feeling of dread at the idea of performing his ‘uniquely-qualified duty’ to the Order still very much present in his stomach.

“Of course Minerva. Please keep me posted on this – as you said, I’d rather know sooner than later if this is to happen or not.”

Remus turned from her and retreated up the stairs, suddenly not much in the mood for dinner or to converse with the others in the kitchen. He climbed the stairs slowly, thinking over what McGonagall had said to him, and wondering if he would actually be able to bring himself to do what she asked. He wasn’t sure if he could actually infiltrate the werewolves, especially the ones who ran with Greyback, without getting himself killed immediately – he was sure that they would be hesitant to trust him since he had lived amongst their enemies for so long. He knew that it would be very helpful for the Order, getting at least some of them on the side of the light would be very profitable indeed, but at what cost? Ever since being bitten as a young boy he had battled with his ‘fate’. Would throwing himself right in the middle of like-creatures who fully accepted what they are cause him to lose the battle once and for all?

And then there was Tonks. It would be one thing to risk his life, but her life would be at stake too. The fact that he was in love with her and would do anything to keep her safe was his sole concern. He didn’t want to even think about what could happen to her if he offended Greyback and he found out that they were involved. He didn’t think he could stand it if something happened to her because of him; he of course already feared that he would somehow hurt her, but the thought of his Nymphadora in the hands of that foul creature? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

He entered the library and sat on the chaise, rubbing his temples to try to quell the sudden pounding in his head. He didn’t want to think anymore, he just wanted to be numb… Raising his wand he motioned for the ever-present bottle of Firewhiskey on the bar in the corner and caught it squarely before summoning a clean glass. He poured himself a double and drained it quickly, wincing as it burned down his throat, and then poured another. He sipped the second one, the first one already starting to relax him and help clear his mind.
He decided that he liked Firewhiskey – it worked quickly and it was easy to drink, once you got past the initial burn of course. The room was cold and dark and he raised his wand and lit a fire in the fireplace, the crackling of the wood and the flickering of the flames the only distraction from his thoughts.

He must have sat like that for the better part of an hour, sipping Firewhiskey and staring into the flames. His mind quickly becoming foggy with the combination of the alcohol and the warmth of the fire, so much that he didn’t hear the creak of the door as it opened, and he jumped when Tonks called for him softly.

“Remus? Dinner is… are you ok?”

Tonks walked cautiously over to the chaise, standing and looking at him with a look of apprehension and worry on her face. Remus looked up at her and smiled faintly before reaching for her hand. She held hers out hesitantly and allowed him to draw her to him until she was standing in front of him between his legs. He grasped her waist tightly for a second, holding her firmly in place before wrapping his arms around her to pull him close. He nuzzled his nose against her belly, letting out a sigh as her hands went into his hair. Tonks pulled his head back gently to look down at him, Remus’s arms still holding her tightly against him. He looked up at her for a second before moving back further onto the sofa, pulling her with him so that she was straddling his lap.

“Hi… drinking huh?” She whispered as she stroked her fingers through his hair, shivering slightly when he buried his face in the juncture of her neck and shoulder. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Not yet… I’m just glad you’re here.” Remus whispered against her ear and pulled her tighter against him, enjoying the comfort that being held by the woman he loved provided him.

“Molly sent me to look for you… she’ll wonder where…” Tonks trailed off breathlessly as she felt a gentle kiss move across the skin of her neck, sighing softly as she felt Remus’s tongue flick out to taste her. He moved his kisses up her neck slowly, nibbling against her ear before whispering into it.

“Let her wonder. I just need you to myself right now. Will you stay with me?”

She nodded as he kissed back down her neck, pausing momentarily to suck at the hollow of her throat. He pressed his lips against her pulse point for a second then flicked his tongue across it, enjoying the moan that escaped her mouth as he did so. He pulled away from that spot reluctantly and continued his journey to the other side of her neck, keeping the pace slow and steady even though he knew it was driving Tonks mad.

She shifted harder against his lap, grinding against his growing erection roughly to attempt to speed him up. Remus held her down forcefully against him, not allowing her to move much as he kissed her. He desperately needed to be in control of something right now, to have her completely give herself over to him. At least for tonight.

“Remus… you’re driving me crazy… I want you now.” Tonks whispered as he sucked the skin of her shoulder into his mouth harshly before soothing it with his tongue.

“Shhh… just let me make love to you…”

Tonks sighed and relaxed against him, moaning quietly when he kissed down her shoulder and across her chest. Remus lifted her slightly against him, giving him better access to her breasts and dipped his tongue into her cleavage. Tonks threw her head back and arched against him when she felt his hands move from her waist to her ribs, shivering when his large thumbs traced the underside of her breasts. He pulled away from her chest and watched her somberly as he touched her, trying to memorize every expression that crossed her face as she responded to his hands on her body.

Tonks looked down at him and bent to kiss him, a frustrated moan escaping her lips when he pulled away from her. A quick movement by the door distracted her and she looked up at the figure of Sirius in the doorway, a smirk plastered on his scruffy face. She froze; blushing profusely as she made to move off of Remus; but Sirius shook his head and closed the door, winking at her before he fully disappeared.

She smiled when she heard the door lock, returning her full attention to the man underneath her who was currently sliding his large warm hands up under her shirt to grasp her lace-covered breasts. He held them for a second, staring with burning eyes at her chest before pulling her shirt over her head.

“You’re beautiful Nymphadora...” He whispered as he moved forward to nuzzle against her chest, his warm breath against her hot skin making her nipples grow even harder, pressing against the confining material of her bra.

She needed to feel his bare skin against hers and slowly moved her hands down to his chest to start unbuttoning his shirt, hoping that he wouldn’t stop her in the process. She flicked open the last button and pulled the shirt down his shoulders, moving back as he shrugged it off. He pulled his undershirt over his head swiftly then reached around and undid the clasp of her bra, throwing it onto the floor before returning his attention to her breasts.

She moaned when he ran a jagged line from her collarbone down to one nipple with his tongue, circling the pebbled peak slowly before covering it with his mouth. He gently bit at her nipple, sucking on it to tease it into an even harder peak before releasing it to trail his tongue along the underside of her breast. Tonks ground down hard on his hips as he did this, her nails digging into his back and her thighs clenching around his. He chuckled at her reaction and moved to the other breast, giving it the same treatment as the first. He moved his hands down to her waist and pressed her against him, the pressure of her body on his erection nearly undoing him.

Tonks’s wand was sticking out of her pocket and he grabbed it, divesting her of her jeans, boots and socks in one quick move, leaving her only in a pair of simple pink panties. Arousal was coming off of her in waves and he knew he couldn’t wait much longer, the scent of her driving him nearly insane. He ripped at her panties, lifting her slightly to pull them fully away from her when they split at the seams, tossing them onto the coffee table. She smiled devilishly and took the wand from his hand to remove his pants, socks and shoes as well, leaving the tented material of his boxers covering his proud erection, knowing that if she fully unclothed him then she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from fully impaling herself on him. She silenced the room and set the wand on the cushion next to them, then leaned down to capture his mouth.

She stopped a mere inch from his lips when she felt his hand move slowly between her legs, one of his fingers sliding past her wet folds to find her clit. He knew that she was too aroused to take it slowly, and wanted her to be with him when he needed her to be. Remus moved his finger in a circular motion against her swollen bud slowly, quickly bringing an overly aroused Tonks to the breaking point.

“No… I want to… to… wait for you…oh Merlin help me Remus…” She cried breathlessly, throwing her head back and moving her hips in rhythm to his hand.

He leaned forward and captured a nipple in his mouth, licking and sucking it gently as she writhed against him. She came with a low moan, her entire body jerking as she held his head tightly to her chest, his name hissing out of her open mouth as she rode the wave of her orgasm.

Remus picked up her wand and removed his boxers before lifting her onto his nearly painful erection, holding her hips tightly so he could lower her slowly onto him. He could feel her muscles clench around him, the invasion of her body so soon after an orgasm nearly immediately bringing on another one. He held her steady on top of him, waiting for her to relax a little before setting a slow and gentle pace.

“Look at me Nymphadora…” Remus whispered, bringing their faces close together, but not kissing her just yet.

She opened her eyes and bit her lip, obviously concentrating on keeping the pace that he had set. They moved together flawlessly, Remus’s hands guiding her movements against him, Tonks’s hips making a slow circle at each up-thrust of his pelvis. He sped up his pace, knowing he wouldn’t last much longer when he felt the tightening of her around him, wanting them to come together this time. Tonks closed her eyes and dug her nails roughly in his back as she rode him, her breathing erratic as she strived for her second orgasm.

Remus reached up and pulled her lips down to crash against his, slipping his tongue into her mouth and swallowing her moan as she tightened around him one last time. He sucked her tongue into his mouth and he held her hips steady against him as he thrust once more into her, finding his release at last, emptying himself fully into her.

He broke the kiss and buried his head in her neck panting, still fully encased in the woman on top of him. Tonks sighed and collapsed against Remus in complete exhaustion, her body still spasming from pleasure aftershocks.

“Mmmm… If I could move I’d suggest that we do that again, but I don’t know if I’d survive another go right now.”

Remus chuckled and ran his hands up her sweat-covered back to rest on her shoulders, rubbing them as he placed a gentle kiss against the side of her head. Tonks shivered and pulled her arms between them, folding herself against his chest, her teeth chattering as goose bumps rose all over her skin. Remus ran his hands up and down her back to warm her up, making her squirm lightly and giggle when he tickled his long fingers up her spine.

“Cold? Let’s get closer to the fire love…” Remus whispered, standing up carefully with Tonks in his arms. He set her on her feet with a kiss and went back for their wands, summoning some pillows and blankets, and created a makeshift bed on the rug in front of the fire. Tonks laid down first and stretched her arms out, wrapping them around him as he clambered into them. She grabbed her wand and flicked it, sending a blanket over the top of them and wrapped her arms tightly around Remus.

“Want to tell me now what’s going on?” Tonks asked as Remus snuggled against her chest, his head resting underneath her chin. He raised his head and kissed her, parting her lips expertly with his tongue, sucking on her lip gently before pulling away. He laid his head back down, smiling when he felt her fingers tangle in his hair and closed his eyes at the sensation.

“Shhh… sleep. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”