Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 16—Part 3

Fall term continued

I found out today that the Ministry searched the Manor… AGAIN. As though we’d hidden things from them the last time they turned the place upside-down and practically stripped it bare. Naturally Weasel’s father was leading the pack in the hunt. Told the Prophet that he was acting on a very reliable tip.

Not so reliable now that you know there’s nothing there, was it?

I’m sick of this. The Malfoys have NEVER been subjected to so much scrutiny or disrespect in all of our history. And then what, Harry Bloody Potter comes along and ruins that perfect reputation too, right? Right.

Oh yes. I know it was him. It’s always him. At this point, everything is his fault. In the end, anyway. It’s just the most logical explanation.

Potter’s been taking a leaf out of my book and dogging my bloody footsteps since last year.

I think he’s on to me. No… I know he is. He knows SOMETHING anyway. Or perhaps he just assumes. But it doesn’t matter…he’s not fast enough.

Always just two steps behind me, the little prat.

Just behind me…

*******

Invisible Ink

This is all just getting harder… I’m at my wit’s end.

I’ve been working in the Room of Requirement that Potter used last year for his stupid Dark Arts defense club trying to fix the Vanishing Cabinet… Every spare moment I have I spend in there, struggling with any and every spell I can think of. The room is full of books full or diverse information. I swear, some of those books have been banned since before they were written.

In any case, they haven’t been helping me much… I just can’t figure out exactly what is wrong with the thing!! I’ve tried book after book and spell after spell…

I just don’t know what to do…. I’ve been getting coded warning messages from Mother as well. She keeps telling me that time is running out and that she is getting frequent visits from Death-Eaters… She’s getting more and more anxious as time goes on and I don’t know how much longer I can lie to her and pretend that I’ve got it all under control…

Truth is I haven’t. I’ve got nothing. I’ve been getting more and more desperate. I didn’t realize it was going to take so much work! I…. I haven’t been sleeping well either…

Every time I try I have those damn DREAMS again! But they are getting so much more urgent… like my mind is trying to tell me something that I just don’t want to see.

This one I had the other night… it was so strong…

Potter and I were running from something unseen. There was nothing behind us and nothing in front of us but we were running and he reached back and grabbed my hand to pull me along with him until finally we came to a wall. Just a wall.

Before I had even caught up with him he stopped and tugged me into a hungry embrace, pressing his lips to mine and wrapping his arms around my neck. I let him take me and I buried my fingers in his thick and messy hair, sucking on his tongue as we kissed.

The whole world started turning and spinning around us as he feverishly started pushing my clothes off my body. I let him move and then mimicked him with the same kind of desperation, wanting more than anything to leave his skin bare and rubbing against my own.

The air was thick with breath and sweat and my fingers found his trousers. I started to pull them down when he gasped and arched into me, his hard shaft revealed to the humid air. I dropped his trousers and he started tearing at mine, moaning into the still air at the lack of touching.

We were both…naked then. He pulled me back into a kiss and my hands roamed down his toned back until I slid my fingers… all the way down and probed at his tight entrance…

“Ahh, Draco!” he gasped and pressed back against my fingers. It was dry and he whimpered from the pain but kept pushing back, calling out for more. I pushed in and out slowly, trying not to hurt him but he pulled me hard against him, forcing himself against the brick wall and demanding more.

“H-Harry…” I whispered through the kiss and he moaned and screamed out my name… He looked straight into my eyes with a wanton expression, his tongue running over his lips.

“Draco, please,” he moaned, breathing heavily. “Hurry, we don’t have much time… I want you inside me, Draco… Hard and fast. Now!”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything but feel my heart beat in my ears and want to collapse from the way he was looking at me. I nodded weakly and slicked my…erection… with something. I don’t know where it came from but there you have it.

I lifted him into my arms, his legs wrapped firmly around my waist and I lowered him onto my shaft, hard and fast, just like he asked for.

It was the most overwhelming feeling. There was suddenly this tight, hot pressure surrounding me and Potter was screaming, grasping me hard and pushing himself against the bricks. I could tell his back was scraping against the uneven stones but he didn’t seem to mind. I bucked my hips and he moved up and down on me carefully as I was holding him.

“Yes, Draco… YES!” His voice was like a drug and it sent me over the edge, spilling out into him and he exploded between us in a fit of ecstasy. And then…

“Goodbye…” he whispered and I woke up, shaking and crying and hardly able to breathe.

I cleaned myself up quickly before someone wrenched open the hangings of my bed. Zabini was standing there, giving me the most uncomfortable stare I’d ever gotten.

“Are you alright, Draco?” he asked quietly, glancing over my bed. I gave him a glare.

“Of course I am,” I snapped, looking at him as though he needed a much better reason to disturb me in bed.

“You were just… screaming in your sleep.” He shrugged and closed the hangings and left.

I whimpered soundlessly to myself and held my face in my hands…. What do I do now???

The dreams are getting worse…. So much worse. My bed isn’t safe. NOTHING IS SAFE.

I can’t sleep anymore. I can’t let myself sleep otherwise someone might hear me again and find out… I have to fix that damn cabinet… I have to finish what I started…

I have to do SOMETHING RIGHT!

******

I shouldn’t be writing this in my journal but what does it really matter? No one is going to read this while I’m alive and after I’m dead and gone it won’t matter anymore, anyway.

I’ve… I’ve done something terrible… but I had to! I had no other choice!

……

I think I might have killed Katie Bell.

Almost.

She’s not dead… she’s at St.-Mungo’s… she’s not doing very well but… she’ll be ok. SHE HAS TO BE OK.

I don’t care about her, but… that wasn’t how it was supposed to go!

Ok… ok…. Let me start from the beginning.

I put Madam Rosmerta, from Three Broomsticks, under the Imperius curse. It’s a damn good thing I’m good at that one… Anyway, I needed to do it! I had to! I need someone outside of Hogwarts that I can trust and well…. It’s easier than putting my trust in someone that has free will, isn’t it?

So I put her under the curse and gave her a coin… yeah… I don’t remember the name of the spell, it doesn’t matter now, but I stole the idea from the way Granger had set up the messages to tell people when to meet for their stupid “Dumbledore’s Army” thing. She cast this spell on ordinary coins that look like Galleons so that they could send secret messages to each other without anyone suspecting a thing. Tricky bit of magic. Found out about it last year… but I suppose I didn’t mention it then. It didn’t seem important at the time…

Anyway, I gave her one and I carry one with me. I tell her what to do and she sends me information from Hogsmeade about whatever I need. It’s very useful in the long run, even if it is illegal and… unforgivable.

I got her to order that poisoned necklace from Borgin. She was supposed to wait for a Hogwarts student to come and catch them alone. She was supposed to cast the Imperius curse on them too and then give them the necklace, telling them to give it to Dumbledore… A gift.

It would have been perfect, seeing as it was a Hogsmeade weekend and I was stuck in the castle doing detention with McGonagall… I haven’t been doing my homework. I suppose I just have other things on my mind…

But then… it went so so wrong!

She gave it to the stupid Bell girl and… she wasn’t supposed to touch the thing! She wasn’t supposed to lay any skin on it at all! But then something about there being tiny hole in her glove and she brushed it… I don’t know…

And now she’s been sent off to hospital and Potter jumped on my case right away.

Snape has been to see me too…. Asking me all sorts of foolish questions trying to understand why I would do such a stupid thing if it was indeed me. I lied to him. I told him it wasn’t me, that I had nothing to do with it…

But it’s not my fault!! I had no other choice!!

I…. it was never supposed to touch her. She wasn’t supposed to be hurt at all! It was just supposed to go to Dumbledore, and he was supposed to die and then everything would be ok!!

….but it’s not ok, is it?

None of it. It wouldn’t have been anyway.

I was desperate… that stupid cabinet is still not working and…and I just don’t know what else to do! If I kill him indirectly like this then… then maybe the Dark Lord won’t mind and…and Mother and Father will be ok... and I’ll be ok…

But He WON’T! He won’t just let us live, I KNOW He won’t!!

Maybe I should…tell him. Maybe I should go see Dumbledore… and ask for help… or Potter…

NO! NO!! I CAN’T!

He’d never believe me anyway! He’s just send me away to be locked up with my “loser father” and be glad to be rid of me!

I just feel so lost… and so desperate…

*******

Quidditch –Gryffindor vs. Slytherin

I didn’t play today. I told them I was sick and to play Harper in my place instead. He’s not very good but I don’t care. It wouldn’t matter against Potter anyway.

I really am sick… I’ve made myself ill just by spending so much time away from the light and refusing sleep. I take wakefulness potions to keep myself up through the night. Sometimes I spend the time in the Room of Requirement, trying to fix the damn cabinet… sometimes I spend the time reading in books…

I was going to spend the time while the rest of the school was watching the match in the Room again… but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m so weak. I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I’m looking weathered and grey… no more swagger in my step, no more drawl in my voice… it’s as though the whole experience is just seeping every inch of my soul to leave me empty.

Maybe that’s the Dark Lord’s power… he just eats away at your insides until you are nothing more than a shell… a vessel to serve his end.

That’s what I feel like…

I decided to send a message to Mother today… to try and reassure her that I’m not going to fail and cost us all our lives.

I went up to the Owlery and sent off my owl. He’s beautiful really, Regulus… I named him after Mother’s favourite cousin. She said he was a good man, though I’ve never met him. She never speaks of him to Aunt Bella, mind you. They disagree on him I think.

Anyway, I sat there breathing the fresh air (for the first time in what seems like years) when I saw a flash of white in my peripheral vision. I turned around and saw the only white thing in the room –a beautiful snowy owl, sitting perched in front of me.

I know that owl… that’s Potter’s owl.

She gave me a mistrusting hoot as I stepped closer and then I sighed and cast my eyes down.

“I know, I wouldn’t trust me either by now,” I whispered. I feel so…diminished. As though there is nothing left of the Draco Malfoy I once was.

I looked at the beautiful owl before me for a few moments and somehow felt comforted. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it was Potter’s owl I was looking at. Maybe it was because I was finally breathing fresh air or maybe it was because I’ve just gone so far over the edge that I’ve sunk to making friends with forest animals.

I guess it doesn’t matter.

I stepped closer to her and held out a hand to pet her. I figured at least if she bit me it would assure me that I was still alive and not just stuck in limbo.

For some reason, she let me stroke her soft feathers. It was very relaxing, breathing the cool air of the tower and petting such a beautiful and smart creature…

I actually smiled… It’s been a while since I’ve done that, but it felt nice.

I sat and talked to her for a bit.

I know, you think I’m completely mad now, talking to an owl. But it gave me back a bit of my confidence… just a bit. At least I knew that there was some hope out there that someone or something my care about me past needing me to keep them alive. It was a fleeting hope, but it was there.

Just for a moment.

*******

I’ve been missing lessons. I’ve been forgetting homework and spending almost all of my time in the damn Room, working tirelessly to try and find a way to fix the stupid cabinet. I think it was a fool’s project to pick this as my plan of action. Who am I to know how to fix a Vanishing Cabinet? Who did I think I was to be able to pull this off on my own?

Oh wait, no. That wasn’t me. That was You-Know-Fucking-Who who thought I would be able to.

Pardon my French.

I’m at the point where swearing doesn’t seem too vulgar anymore. There is a certain kind of wonderful release in just saying that word.

God, this is sad. I’m reducing myself to Weasel’s level!

That’s how bloody desperate I am!!

I won’t let anyone see me anymore… I’ve tried to set up glamours around myself to make it seem as though I’m still in good health. It didn’t work for long mind you. Something about my magic is failing me. It gave up right as I was walking up to Professor Flitwick’s class. The little twit didn’t like my appearance and suggested I go see Madam Pomfrey straight away.

So I did…

I told her it was because I wasn’t able to sleep at night. She gave me a moderately powerful sleeping potion to take. She said it would give me one wonderful night’s sleep and then my insomnia would just disappear.

I took it with me but I haven’t had it yet. I still won’t let myself sleep…

Not after the last time… not after that dream and then Zabini… no…

No more Potter!

No more thoughts of snogging him and touching him and…oh god…

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

I can’t do this… I just can’t! Every time I think of that damn git I feel like giving up. I feel like I just don’t have it in me. I feel like walking right up to him, admitting everything and begging him to keep me safe… begging him to be my hero, for once, instead of the cause of all my problems.

I CAN’T FEEL THAT WAY!

I CAN’T LET MYSELF BREAK!

He can’t help me!

No one can….

-----IIIII-----

A/N: ANGST. Oof that hurt, but you did get some smut out of it ehehehehe Also the Hedwig thing is a mark of Draco’s true character. The books are always saying things like she’s a good judge of character and all that and just that she would allow Draco to pet her I think is telling. Well, that’s just my opinion lol.

Thanks for all the fantasmic reviews!! Honestly, they make me so excited to write more I love you all!! And I’ll start sending email alerts for chapter updates, so again if you want to be added to the list, just say so! :)

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