Love, Lies & Loneliness

Chapter 24
(Dismal Departures)

Harry sat quietly in the window seat in his room. It was the last day of the Christmas holidays and in an hour’s time he would be on the train back to Hogwarts. After the chaos of Christmas Day the week following had been rather quiet. The house seemed empty with everyone gone. The Weasley’s had returned to the burrow and all of the order members had been off on assignments, even Lupin had been whisked away by Dumbledore on some errand. Which left only Sirius and Harry in the house.

Harry had been ill, or more specifically sick with worry.

From the few conversations Harry had overheard, it seemed that Snape had not yet returned from his summons with the Dark Lord. Two days ago the dark mark had been spotted south east of Hogwarts at a little muggle town, two hours later the entire village was razed to the ground not a survivor among the 78 permanent residents. The Auror’s had gotten there too late and while they’d been close, they hadn’t been close enough to get to Voldomort. Not that that bothered Harry, what he was more worried about was Snape’s wellbeing.

For the past week Harry had replayed the moment in the hall over and over in his mind, reliving the moment of heart stopping ecstasy that had come from the simple gaze the professor had given him. But that moment of ecstasy was brief and it was the nightmares about the possible scenarios involving Snape and the dark lord that plagued his sleeping hours. Last night they’d come to a head, Harry screaming in pain as he dreamed of Snape undergoing Cruciatus again and again at the hands of Voldomort. Sirius had burst into the room expecting Voldomort himself to be in Harry’s bedroom but instead he’d found a pale frightened boy, rocking back and forth in tears. Sirius had stayed then, holding his godson through the rest of the night even thought Harry remained eerily silent on the subject of his nightmare.

This morning Harry had awoken again his appetite non-existent like it had been for the past week. Having packed his trunk the day before Harry had sat almost all day in his room staring out of the window onto the small backyard and the field beyond. Sirius had pestered him continually; coming in and out of the room tempting Harry with food, treats and mail from his friends but all Harry really wanted to do was to see Snape again.

In the past few months Harry had believed that his affections for Snape would never be returned, Malfoy even reluctant to get Harry’s hopes up. Yet there in the hall on Christmas Day Harry was sure he saw a flickering of emotion even if it was buried under so much hate. Harry longed to talk with Draco about what had happened but with their relationship as it was the idea of sending Hedwig with a letter to the other boy was just out of the question.

“Harry?” Harry barely looked away from the window as he heard Sirius come into the room. From the sounds coming downstairs everyone had arrived again to escort them to the Train Station. Ron’s voice filtered upstairs, his argument with Hermione over some trivial matter about school “We’ve got to go or we’ll be late.” Harry nodded silently and taking a moment to take one last look out of the window stood up from his seat and cast a levitation charm on his trunk. Sirius watched sadly as his godson collected Hedwig’s cage and walked out of the room.

“Oh Harry you don’t look well luv.” Mrs Weasley was the first to meet Harry at the bottom of the stairs and Harry paused as the elder witch placed her hand against his forehead testing his temperature. “Here, let Arthur take your trunk out to the car.” Harry relinquished the spell on his trunk to Mr Weasley who immediately disappeared out of the door with Hedwig and the trunk trailing behind him. Harry managed a weak smile at Ron and Hermione and noting with silent amusement that the pair was now holding hands their fingers interlaced.

“Come along then everyone, or the train will leave without you.” Mrs Weasley began ushering everyone out of the house. Harry glanced back at his godfather and didn’t miss the concerned gaze that flickered his way, as Sirius spoke to Remus in hushed voices. It was hardly surprising to Harry that Sirius would tell the others of his nightmare, it had become common practice for Harry’s entire life to be discussed in conversation.

“Goodbye Harry, it has been wonderful having you here for Christmas. I’ll see you in the summer, if not before.” Sirius left his conversation with Lupin and moved over to Harry who was the last to the leave the house. Harry smiled weakly as Sirius hugged him, the squeeze surprisingly tight as if Sirius didn’t want to let go. Harry hugged his godfather in return, which earned him a kiss to the top of his head. “and remember if you need anything at anytime day or night just tell Dumbledore and I’ll be there as quick as lightening.” Sirius pulled away from Harry a little to stare intently into his godson’s eyes. Harry knew that look; it was the look of a father who feared his son’s life. “Promise?” Harry nodded in silence. As much as Sirius was over protective of Harry, it was all in pursuit of Harry’s wellbeing and happiness and for that Harry couldn’t condemn him. With that Harry turned and made his way out to the waiting car. Mr Weasley helped him into the overly large back seat along with Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and the twins. With a final glance back at the house as the car pulled away, Harry managed a small wave as the images of his Godfather and Lupin drifted into the distance.

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“I’ve got to go to the toilet, I’ll be back.” Harry rose from the train seat, he’d occupied for over an hour. Unlike previous trips the mood in the carriage had been relatively sedate. Hermione had been reading ahead in her Transfiguration text while Ron was buried in his new Quidditch Monthly magazine. Ginny and Neville were trading wizard’s cards they’d collected over Christmas. Harry had merely sat staring out of the window thinking. Finally his bladder had drawn him to his feet and with a small explanation had left the compartment and headed down the small corridor towards the bathroom.

Harry took his time in the bathroom washing his face and his hands to cool himself before returning to the corridor. Ginny and Neville ran passed him towards the prefects compartment and Harry smiled at them. Reaching their carriage again Harry looked in through the window as he went for the handle. What he saw inside the compartment however made he stop. Hermione and Ron were locked in a heated kiss, Hermione’s leg draped over Ron’s lap and Ron’s hand gently massaging her breast through her top. Harry watched them for a moment before looking away. His two best friends had obviously finally got their act together but instead of feeling happy for them Harry felt a guilty pang of jealousy settle in his chest. It was not surprising that the two of them had grown together over the past six months. With Harry spending most of his time in the Slytherin dorms the two of them had had time alone together to act on their feelings. In a way Harry wished it would be that simple with Snape.

At the mere thought of the professor Harry strode away from their compartment with a sigh. Looking for a spare compartment at this point in the trip was probably useless but Harry tried all the same, glancing in through each sliding door window to see if the compartments were occupied. Harry was nearing the last compartment when he glanced in through one of the windows to see a familiar blonde head. Smiling Harry didn’t think to knock as he slid open the door to the compartment.

“Draco! How was your…” Harry paused mid sentence as Malfoy threw his head back against the bench train seat, a drawn out groan drifting out from between his parted lips. Harry followed the stretch of Malfoy’s arms downward and then stared in aw at the curly brown haired girl that was kneeling at Draco’s feet her head bobbing up and down in Draco’s lap. Harry froze unable to move as he watched Draco sigh with content his eyes fluttering open as the girl sat back from his lap to wipe the corner of her mouth.

“Potter!” Draco spotted Harry first and Harry almost jumped out of his skin as the young girl turned towards him, and Harry recognized Luna Lovegood’s pretty face. “Merlin Harry don’t you knock!” Draco hastily stood pulling his trousers back up and zipping himself together, but not before Harry had glimpsed the glistening, rosey member of Malfoy.

“I didn’t… I mean I couldn’t…” Harry struggled to find words for the explanation he knew he should have but in the end he just dropped his head to his chest and shrugged his shoulders guiltily. There was a silence then and Harry knew he was being stared at.

“Thanks.” Draco’s voice broke the silence and Harry glanced up briefly just long enough to see the shared kiss between Luna and Draco. Luna nodded then and pushed herself past Harry, the sliding door of the compartment opening and closing behind her.

“Sorry, I didn’t know. I mean I only saw you through the window.” Harry looked up from his chest as he watched Draco sit back down on the bench.

“Don’t worry about it, they tend to get clingy if you don’t end it quick.” Draco casually reached into his bag sitting on the bench next to him and pulled out two chocolate frogs, offering one to Harry who accepted and sat down on the opposite bench to the boy. “You came in just at the right time really, saved me the awkward post sex conversation.” Harry managed a half smile at this, although he didn’t really understand what Draco was talking about having never actually had sex let alone a conversation after ‘it’. “So how was your Christmas Potter?” Casually brushing a crease from his trousers Draco bit into his chocolate frog, unmoved by the fact a few minutes ago he’d just been getting head.

“Em,” Harry faltered trying to get his mind on Christmas rather than the image of Malfoy’s cock he now had in his head. “Good until this week.”

“Yeah? What happened?” Draco licked his fingers free of chocolate before reaching in his bag for a small flask of water to wash it down.

“Snape. He was summoned on Christmas day.” Draco sat up immediately his eyes narrowing in concern as he realised just how awful Harry looked.

“Shit. I was pissed that he didn’t come and see me like he said he would but I guess now it makes sense, cause Lucius hadn’t come home as planned today.” Harry felt a little better at hearing that Lucius hadn’t returned from the summons yet either which meant it wasn’t just Snape that was being kept.

“Yeah, Snape hasn’t returned yet either or that’s what I overheard from the…” Harry realised at the last moment what he was about to say and instantly shut his mouth looking at Malfoy in apology. Malfoy nodded in understanding not pushing Harry to finish his sentence.

“That’s okay, I don’t need to know how you know.” Draco sipped again from his flask of water before stowing it back in his bag. “Well at least we know Snape will be back today.” Harry raised an eyebrow in curiosity as Draco reclined easily back in his chair.

“We do? How do you know that Voldomort won’t…” Harry was stopped mid sentence as Malfoy rolled his eyes in the usual way he did when Harry was saying something stupid.

“Cause Voldomort’s not that stupid. Keeping Snape from teaching at Hogwarts would raise suspicion from the Ministry, and considering Snape’s the only insider at Hogwarts Voldomort’s hardly going to risk losing his most reliable source of information about the goings on in Hogwarts.” Draco paused as the new information sank into Harry’s thoughts, the boy instantly brightening at the prospect of Snape already safe back at Hogwarts. “Sometimes Potter, I really do have to wonder if your head contains any brain cells at all.”

“Piss off.” Picking up a pillow from the bench seat next to him Harry threw it across at the other boy who automatically caught it and threw it back twice as hard. The cushion knocked Harry’s glasses askew but before he could retaliate the train shuddered to a halt. Glancing out of the window Harry smiled as he saw the familiar station.

“Better go find your little friends, I’ll see you tonight in the common room.” Harry nodded and with a short wave to Draco took off down the hallway of the train to collect his things, his chest feeling considerably less heavy as he thought of Snape already waiting for him up in the great hall of Hogwarts.

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A/N Sorry this is a pretty pointless chapter really but I liked the idea of everyone else getting love where Harry isn\'t....now can everyone say \'awwww poor little harry\'. Thought so but anyway more to come and a cliffy that will send you off the wall.