The Moon Has Spoken

Fiddler was in the Medical Lounge, sitting cross-legged on a rather shabby loveseat, holding a tea mug in one hand and a yellow paper in the other one, staring at nothingness, not even blinking.
She remained that way until the door screeched open and a young female doctor wearing a pink maternity scrub walked in. Fiddler’s eyes darted to the other woman’s midriff of their own volition widened somewhat. The other doctor grinned, put a hand to her rising belly and said:

“Yes, I’m getting bigger every day”.

Fiddler smiled back absently and looked back at the yellow sheet in her hand.

“Got your results?” the doctor in the pink scrub asked.

Fiddler nodded.

“I got mine as well. I have a minor urinary infection, but that’s it. Free for another six months!”

The pregnant woman gave Fiddler the thumbs up, and she mimicked the gesture mechanically. She looked at the sheet yet again and sighed.
It was mandatory for all personnel to undergo a thorough medical check up every six months, this to ensure their health status and to prevent any legal complication regarding infectious diseases and such. Fiddler had asked for an additional test this time, and although she knew it was bound to turn out positive (they hadn’t been exactly careful… not ever), it was not any less astounding for that reason.

“What about you, Fidd?” asked the other woman. “Everything all right?”

Fiddler sighed again and folded the sheet.

“I think I’m gonna need the address of your scrub designer, Pammy”, she said.

Pammy frowned.

“What?” she looked down at her middle section and then it clicked. “Oh, Fiddler! You are? That is so wonderful! Congratulations!”

Fiddler raised her eyebrow as if saying: “Yes, well”, but right now, she felt nothing but sheer astonishment. Well, actually she felt faint, also, and perhaps just a little queasy. And definitely with a huge lump in her throat.

Wonderful? Yeah, maybe.

Are you insane? What the HELL are you going to do with a CHILD?”

I don’t know.

Oh, such a brilliant answer! But first things first, though. How the hell are you going to tell Severus?

That was a fair question, Fiddler had to admit. She wasn’t sure how he’d react or feel about the whole situatigivegiven his previous history, and Fiddler’s queasiness had a lot more to do with the idea of breaking the news to him than with the actual fact of pregnancy.

Oh, dear goodness, I am PREGNANT.

She felt like laughing, like crying, like climbing up the walls, like jumping out of the window, all at the same time. Apparently, Pammy sensed her distress, and walked near her to put a hand to Fiddler’s shoulder.

“Fiddler, it’s going to be all right, you know”.

Fiddler nodded.

“How far along are you?”

“My guess would be around six or seven weeks”.

“Early yet. Still trying to figure out how to tell the father?”

Another nod.

“Well, why don’t you try what I did? I shagged him senseless and told him in the afterglow. Of course, he was half asleep already, and he didn’t pay much attention, but then I got to look offended when he didn’t remember!”

“That was low”, Fiddler said. “Besides, I don’t think that’ll work in my case… I always fall asleep first”, she added grimly.

Pammy laughed.

“Oh, try not to… Because, Fiddler, believe me… It always works”, bentbent to grab whatever it was she’d gone there to retrieve and added: “If you’re serious about the scrubs, though, the truth is my Mum makes them for me. I’ll give you a call. I might even drop by someday... It would be nice to know the lucky father!”

Fiddler smiled feebly.

“You never told us anything... is he from around?”

“No… He’s... British, I—”, anddlerdler closed her mouth, realizing how close she’d been of saying “I think”.

“Ooooooh...! And... His name?”

“Severus Snape”.

Fiddler watched Pammy struggling not to laugh. And for the first time she realised Severus’ name was more than a little droll.

“Yes, well”, she heard Pammy say. “Congratulations, Fidd. I’ll call you”.

And without another word, she left the lounge.

Fiddler sighed and drank from her mug. The tea was disgustingly warm and that did it for her. She had to get up hastily, nearly tripping over with her own legs, and jumped to the bathroom to be shamefully sick. She grabbed both sides of the toilet bowl and let the tears flow at last.

This is entirely your fault, you know.

Yeah, I do. Leave me alone.

You’ve ruined everything. There’s not a better way to scare a man away than getting pregnant.

She clenched her fists.

Do show bac backbone, will you? Get it over already!

She got to her feet and washed her face, brushed her teeth and tamed her hair. She dared to look at her reflection and decided that waiting until the evidence of tears had cleared away from her face before going back to work was a good course of action.

Fiddler got to Elvenpath at her usual time, not really expecting to finyoneyone up. On her way home she had decided not to say a word until the evidence could no longer be denied. She remembered her adoptive mother once telling her everytime she got pregnant she’d be so thrilled the first thing she did was to pick up the phone and let everyone know. But after more miscarriages than they could count, Fiddler’s adoptive parents had let their Irish superstition get the best of them and they had decided to keep the next pregnancy secret until Mum had delivered. Of course, there was no other pregnancy, because there was something painfully wrong with Mum’s womb, but then Fiddler had come along. And since they took her in when she was no more than four months old, they had been always able to pretend Mum had given birth to her.

Fiddler couldn’t honestly say she was thrilled about the pregnancy, but she was an Irish lassy all right, and a very superstitious one, in fact; and she didn’t want to risk losing the baby by breaking the news all too soon.

Be honest here, will you? You don’t want to risk losing Severus by breaking the news at all.

SHUT.UP.


She wasn’t even sure she’d be able to carry the child to full term… given her atypical nature. So what was the point of getting everybody all worked up, if she was to lose the child anyway? Fiddler looked like a human… well, sort of… Hence, it was easy to forget that she was only half one. And despite all the amount of time she and Hermione had spent in the library at Hogwarts, they couldn’t find a single thing about body chemistry and physiology of Banshees. Fiddler was sure that things weren’t so different between wizards and normal people, which would explain Half bloods, and Severus had already engendered a child, but she wasn’t normal in the best of cases. So there was always the question…
And Fiddler really didn’t want to know the answer, unless she could be sure she would like it.

That’s you at your utmost, you know.

Who asked for your opinion?

Her harping mind didn’t seem to have a reply to that.

Thank you.

She blinked, and realised she’d been standing at the door for almost fifteen minutes. Shaking her head, she produced the house key from one of her white coat’s pockets, and spent the next minutes struggling as usual with the damn lock, the blasted wards and the stupid password.
She walked into unsettling darkness, and she felt her hair trying to stand upright. Instinctively, she flexed her knees and splayed her toes on her trainers, for support, and her left hand went inside her backpack, looking for something she could use as weapon. Of course, she could find nothing more murderous than a heavy Obstetrics book, and she thought that if things came to worst, she could always knock someone out with it. Knocked up indeed, her cynical mind chided.
She gave two stealthy steps forward, not really knowing what to expect, but what did happen nearly scared her off her trainers.

“SURPRISE!!!!!”

Surprise? She thought as the lights went on. It’s not my birthday… Unless— God damn you, Pammy. I am going to kill you.

Apparently her also pregnant friend had done a little more than just giving her a call.

Fiddler stared at the festive balloons and the CONGRATULATIONS’ signs hanging from the walls, and to all the baby’s motifs displayed around the lounge. She looked at Molly’s gleeful expression, at Arthur’s wide smile, at Lupin, with his arm around Tonks, both looking as if they were planning to get pregnant at that very same minute, at the Kids, who seemed more shocked than happy, at Moody who was staring intently at her, as if he could see the baby right through (And Fiddler suspected he actually could), and at Fred and George whore hre hanging from the wall bright signs that said things like: The Slytherin slithered all right, A bundle of sarcasm is on the way, and Let’s hope he won’t have his father’s nose.

Fiddler laughed despite herself and looked around for the father in question, but Severus was nowhere to be seen.

Fiddler walked to the nearest chair and slumped into it, receiving their congratulations and good wishes a little numbly. She really didn’t want to hurt Molly’s feelings so she unwrapped some of the presents reveling cute baby outfits, rattles, pacifiers, diapers, toy wands and many suspicious-looking items that bore George and Fred’s signature indeed. She ate a piece of cake and drank a cup of very strong tea, trying not to look too blatant in her search for Severus.
But Tonks noticed it and asked out loud:

“Where is Severus?”

They turned around, looking everywhere, and, apparently, noticed for the first time he wasn’t there.

“Well, wouldn’t you know. The Greasy-Father-To-Be and he’s not even here to begin with”, George said.

Fiddler tried to laugh with the others, but for the life of her couldn’t find enough wind to do it.
Molly sat next to her and drew out of her all the information she could, regarding the upcoming bundle of sarcasm. It was then when Fiddler learned that Pammy had called indeed, told Molly both the “good” news and the fact that Fiddler didn’t seem to know how to make them public, so they had spent the rest of the afternoon shopping and decorating the house for the surprise party.
Fiddler was beginning to relax and to decide that maybe she could enjoy the rather premature baby shower when she heard all too familiar steps coming down the stairs, and her whole body tensed.

Severus froze in shock when he reached the lounge, and his ferocious gaze fixed on the decoration, then on Fiddler, half-buried in baby garments, and at last, on Fred and George’s ingenious signs.

“Wotcher, stud!” exclaimed Tonks mischievously. “Congratulations!”

Severus’ jaw dropped. He looked again at Fiddler, who was tense to the point of breaking, and then at the sign with the nose remark.

“Witty”, he sneered. Then he addressed Fiddler: “Care to explain?”

It came out far more aggressive than he had intended, but saying he was shocked to his very core was not saying enough.

“Well, I think the answer is pretty obvious, don’t you?” Fiddler replied, matching him tone for tone. “I am pregnant”.

Severus’ face blanched. A part of him had half hoped it was only a really bad joke.

“How—How— Did that came to be?”

Fiddler rolled her eyes and gifted him with the withering look she reserved for Sonia.

“I would have thought by now you’d know how”.

Severus watched the rest of them roar with laughter, and that was the straw that broke the camel\'s back for him. He turned on his heels and left the room, slamming the terrace door behind him.

It was then when they realized that maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to throw a surprise baby shower after all.

“You weren’t planning on telling him just yet, were you?” Hermione said.

Fiddler shook her head. Her eyes were glued to the door.

“Fiddler, dear”, said Molly, putting her hand on her shoulder. “I am so sorry… I didn’t think… We imagined… Well— I wanted…”

“That’s all right, Molly”, Fiddler said softly. “Don’t worry about it. It’s my mess to work out”.

“Oh, but dear, it is not a mess! A baby is always a blessing!”

“Oh, is it? Did it look like a blessing to you?” she replied, pointing at the terrace door.

“He’ll come around, Fiddler, he’s just surprised…”

“Yes, imagine that, the git’s gonna be a dad! That’ll shock everyone all right…” Ron said.

Fiddler smiled feebly. She felt seconds away from bursting into tears.

“Well… I am going to bed now”, she said. “I must get up early… Thanks… for everything…” she made a vague gesture around the lounge and sighed.

She didn’t take a single present with her.


Nor did she go to bed.

She went straight to the music room, which also led to the terrace, and went in search of Severus.
She found him near the archways, walking restlessly, as the sweet smelling wind blew and the crickets sang. The stars shone above and the Full Moon was looking down on them.

It was a beautiful night.

The days were brighter,
Gardens more blooming,
The nights had more hope,
In their silence.
The wild was calling,
Wishes were whispering,
The time was there,
But without a meaning.

The echoes of the song reverberated in Fiddler’s mind. She closed her eyes and reveled in the soft music she could conjure in her head, forgetting about Severus if even for a little while.

Away, away in time,
every dream\'s a journey away.
Away to a home away from care,
Everywhere\'s just a journey away.

The days departed,
Gardens deserted,
This frail world
My only rest?
The wild calls no more,
Wishes so hollow,
The Barefoot Boy
weeping in an empty night.

But of course, her mind had wicked ways to remind her of him.


Cherish the moment,
Tower the skies,
Don\'t let the dreamer,
fade to grey like grass.
No falling for life,
A gain for every loss,
Time gathered me,
But kept me flying.

For this gift of dream
I must pay the price,
with the loss of life\'s pleasures…


Her blood curdled.
Damned be her mind.

Fiddler had wanted to talk to Severus, but faced with his brooding pace, she didn’t dare to. She shook her head and retreated, back into the house and towards her room.


She cried for a long time before she fell asleep.


~*~*~*~*~


Severus walked inside the room he’d shared with Fiddler for over two months and leaned on the threshold to watch her sleep. He looked at her clock alarm and realised she was bound to get up soon. He sighed.

She was pregnant.

His heart still skipped a beat everytime he formed the word in his head. He hadn’t been able to sleep just thinking of it.

A child.
His child.

Again.

After… twenty years?

Yes, Lucas would have been twenty years old in January… Had he lived.

Lucas Ludlow Snape, two years older than Potter and his cronies.

Severus shook his head. He was too old for this.

He was not the fatherly type of man. Not even with Lucas, although that hadn’t been entirely his fault. Wynn had hardly allowed him to become involved. He had felt like a stallion, whose seed had been extricated from him for the sake of others… But that had been Lucas’ destiny all along.

He realised that it was exactly how he was feeling now.

Used.

And betrayed.

As if Fiddler had gotten herself pregnant just to annoy him.

Snape, that is unfair and you know it.

He did all right, but it did not make any difference.

He liked his life the way it was, he liked being with Fiddler, loving her, sharing her thoughts, his mind, her soul, their bed.

Just the two of them.

Not third parties involved.

He’d never thought she’d sink as low as to betray him like that. All the more since she knew how he felt about that particular subject.

Severus sighed again and smoothed away a lank tendril of his hair, thinking about what would come next. He did not wish to lose Fiddler, but the newly included “bundle”, he was not so willing to embrace.
He was saved from further thought by the loud clock alarm, and he watched Fiddler rolling over sleepily, probably trying to reach for him, and then moving her head as if tutting herself for her own stupidity.
She left the bed and Severus felt a pang of lust as she stretched with her catlike style, lust that was quickly replaced by surprising concern when she brought a hand to her belly and her mouth opened in a soundless “ow”.

“OK, don’t do that again”, she told herself. She looked at the bed, at the spot Severus usually occupied, and, as she walked slowly towards the bathroom, Severus watched her wipe from her eye a single tear.






A/N.

TBC, please R & R!!!!!

Thanx a lot to my kind beta Ian for his BRILLIANT thoughts!!!


Disclaimer: All characters and HP universe belong to J.K. Rowling, except for the ones you don’t recognize. The plot as well is mine and solely mine!! No profit is being made!!!!