The Fortress Within

Sometime during the night Severus was woken from his slumber


Sometime
during the night Severus was woken from his slumber.  Without opening his eyes he could feel Hermione was awake and
studying him.  Carefully and slowly,
he opened his eyes.  In the dying
firelight he could see she now faced him.  Her
head lay cradled on her arm, her pillow missing.  Hermione noticed the confused knit of his brows and lifted
the blankets, showing him where the child within her lay cradled on her pillow. 
“It’s uncomfortable, the weight of him, without some support,” she
whispered, blushing slightly.


 


Severus
smiled and reached under his pillow to retrieve his wand. 
With a wave, Hermione head was supported as well. 
“Better?”


 


“Yes,
thank you Severus.  Can we talk? 
I know it’s the middle of the night, but she’s not here right now. 
I don’t have much time when it’s just me, when she’s at rest.  The baby is such a drain on us both, though, that we tend to
switch off a lot more.”


 


Severus
sat up, propping himself against the headboard of the bed and folding his arms
across his chest, unconsciously taking a defensive pose. 
“What is there to talk about, Hermione? 
I don’t know what you’re trying to do to me.  
You push me away and then sneak into my bed during the night. 
You tell me you can’t stay with me and then you lie here and look at me
like you are.  You are tearing me
apart.”


 


Hermione
closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that were forming. 
“I’m so sorry, Severus.  I
wish things were different.  Truly,
I do.  I pray that this child is yours, every day, whenever I get
the time alone.  If I knew it were
yours, then maybe, somehow I could find my way back here someday.”


 


Severus
reached a shaking hand to her face, cupping her chin.  “Fight her, Hermione. 
You can fight her.  This is
your life.  Your life is here, in
this castle, in this world.”


 


Her
tears were flowing freely now, silent tears that ran to the side and wet the
pillow beneath her head.  “My life
is right here in this room, Severus, in this bed. 
It’s a life I can’t claim now; may never be able to claim. 
I’m in no condition to fight her and the Gods only know what such a
battle would do to this baby.  No, I
have to play by her rules now.   Just
remember, when this is over, that I’ll try to return. 
I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”


 


Severus had always been a
cynical man and the occurrences of the last day had just reminded him of how
fate played terrible games with peoples lives, especially his. He refused to
allow himself to hope.  Too many
times he had allowed himself to hope, to dream and the ending was always the
same.  “Ah, Hermione, just enjoy the moment, live for now. 
I won’t allow myself to hope for a future.” 
He ignored the hurt in her eyes, “The future will happen how it wants
to happen.”
 


With a sigh, he slid back
down into the covers and turned to face her once again. 
“Why did you come here tonight?”
 


She smiled sadly and
lifted a hand to brush the raven strands of hair from his face. 
“My best nights sleep since all this happened have been here.  I’m so tired, Severus. I just wanted some peace for a
while.  If it disturbs you, I’ll
go back to my own bed.”
 


Severus moved closer to
her and angled himself so he could pull her, somewhat, into his arms; her head
resting on his shoulder.  “Then
sleep,” he said simply.  Despite
the smile he felt against his skin, her tears continued to fall for some time. 
It wasn’t until she had cried herself out that he felt her body go limp
and she fell back to sleep. 
 


He didn’t sleep for a
long time.  Severus focused in on the feeling of her in his arms. 
Her chestnut curls tickling his nose, the way she tucked so securely
under his chin, and the periodic stirrings of the child against his stomach. 
Under different, more normal, circumstances it would be bliss. 
Instead Severus knew these sensations would only serve to torture him in
the future.  Still, if he could
provide her the comfort to sleep, he would do it. 
These memories would just be added to a long list of horrors that already
plagued his dreams.
In the morning he found
himself, not surprisingly, alone.  When
properly showered and dressed, he made his way out into the living room. 
Hermione sat in his chair with her feet propped up on the side table. 
Balanced precariously on her stomach was a huge plate overflowing with
eggs, fried potatoes, bacon, and toast.  She
giggled at the surprised look on his face. 
“It takes a lot of fuel to grow a wizard.”
 


“So it would seem.” 
He walked to the fireplace and in a few moments was seated across from
her with a steaming cup of coffee in his hands.  “So, Granger, how have you been? 
I assume the pregnancy has been normal thus far. 
Have you received any medical attention?”
 


Her eyes hardened just a
tad and she placed the remains of her meal on the floor next to her, groaning at
the movement.  “We’ve been seen
in several muggle clinics along the way.  Just
for checkups and to get the vitamins.  The
pregnancy is progressing along, everything is normal. 
The muggle doctors place the baby’s arrival somewhere around July 26th.”
 


“You should have Poppy
check you out to be safe.  I will
speak to Albus about having you unbound.  I
trust your word that you will remain here until the child arrives.”
 


Hermione smiled grimly,
“Makes no difference, actually.  Even
the most simple spells are difficult for me now. 
I’m afraid last nights little “display” in the infirmary was the
last of my reserves.”  The
Deatheater was silent, obviously trying to force herself to say something
difficult.  Finally, she spoke
again, “Thank you for not throwing us out of your room last night. 
I needed the rest.  Most of
the time I remained alert, working with her to throw off your spe&nbs 
To say I was exhausted would be an understatement. 
Despite everything that has transpired between us, I trust you Snape. 
I must admit that I have missed you, as well, these past months.”
 


“Then stay; both of you,
stay.”
 


She shook her head, “No,
we can’t stay here.  There are too
many memories in this place.  Too
many people who know what I am and how I came to be. 
My only chance at a ‘normal’ life is far away from the magical world. 
Don’t push this, please.  We’re
tired, wrung out.  I don’t want to
spend the next two months fighting with you, fighting with her. 
I just want to end this chapter in peace and move on.”
 


“As you wish,” Severus
was resigned to the facts of the situation. 
He drained the last of his coffee and rose, placing the mug near the
hearth.  “I would advise you to stay here in the dungeons for the
day.  The last of the students will
be leaving this evening, as well as most of the staff. 
Minerva, y, Ay, Albus, and I are the only ones who will be remaining for
the summer.  You will have full
range of the castle and grounds.”
 


Severus left the dungeons,
not returning until around 10:30.  The
students were in their houses, readying themselves for the leaving feast at noon
and then the trip home.
 


Hermione was much as he
had left her, sitting in his chair with her feet up. 
She was now dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of her own stretchy
pants.  “I hope you don’t mind
me robbing your wardrobe.”  Severus
noted the puffiness of her feet and ankles and mentally rebuked himself for not
noticing them in the morning.
 


“Let’s go, we’re
going to see Poppy.  I don’t like
the look of your feet.  The students
are all packing so we should have the corridors to ourselves.”
 


“Oh, Severus, it’s
normal.  Most pregnant women retain water in their feet. 
Don’t look so concerned.”
 


Severus gave her his most
evil scowl.  “Is this expression
better, Hermione?  Practice has
allowed me to keep this on my face for hours.”
 


Hermione giggled as she
allowed him to help her up.  “No,
I saw enough of that face in potions classes to last me an eternity. 
By all means, feel free to be concerned.” 
 


Severus led her by the
hand up the long dungeon stairs, carefully masking his concern as she sat on the
top step to catch her breath.  He
sat beside her for a few minutes and smiled as she reached down to poke her
stomach.  Catching his grin, she
reached over and took his hand and guided it to her stomach. 
Foot or arm, he couldn’t be sure. 
Something small and hard was definitely pushing forth with stabbing
movements.  “He seems to think
he’s going to be a beater when he grows up,” she laughed.  “OK, got my wind back. 
Let’s go.”
 


In the infirmary Poppy
examined her feet and quickly ushered Severus out the door to do a more thorough
check of the mother to be.   Severus
paced the hallway outside the hospital wing nervously. 
As if on cue, Minerva and Albus chose that moment to make an appearance. 
Although he most likely knew the answer already, Albus had the good grace
to ask, “So, is Poppy having a look at Miss Granger?”
 


“Yes, her feet were
quite swollen this morning.”
 


Minerva smiled
reassuringly, “That can be quite normal at this stage of her pregnancy,
Severus.  I wouldn’t be
worried.”  The Transfiguration
professor moved to the infirmary door, knocked and opened it a bit. 
“Poppy, Hermione, it’s me.  Can
I come in?”
 


At Poppy’s affirmative
answer, Minerva slipped through the door and closed it quietly. 
No sooner did it shut then Severus started. 
“Normal or not, Albus, I’m quite concerned about her. 
Have you seen how thin she is?  She
could barely walk up from the dungeons and had to stop to rest at the top of the
stairs.”
 


Before he could continue
on, Poppy emerged from the ward.  “Minerva
is helping her to dress.  I’ve
taken the liberty of ordering in some maternity robes for her, since she hardly
has any clothing that fit her anymore, muggle or wizard.” 
Poppy took a seat on the bench in the corridor and continued to fill them
in on her findings.  “The baby is
fine at this point.  Much longer,
though on their own and the child would have been in jeopardy. 
The swelling in her lower extremities is due, primarily, to high blood
pressure.  She is also extremely
malnourished.  She’s been existing
mostly on some kind of mugglop, op, boxed macaroni and cheese and Ramen noodles. 
Very inexpensive fare, but hardly any nutritional value whatsoever.
Severus, she said she stayed with you last night. 
I trust that this arrangement can continue?”
 


He nodded his agreement
and sat down next to Poppy.  “Good
then.  I’m not ordering complete
bed-rest at this point; although if her pressure goes any higher, it will be the
only option.  She is to stay off her feet as much as possible and keep them
elevated.  Make sure she eats 3
square meals a day and as many good snacks as she wants.  The baby is small for its gestational age, but that is to be
expected given the circumstances.  Keep
her stress level down, too.  The
next couple months will be difficult, but I believe she will carry to term and
deliver a healthy child.”
 


If Poppy’s information
was supposed to be reassuring, it wasn’t. 
Severus found himself more worried than ever. 
At the sight of he blanched face, Poppy made a quick decision to try and
take his mind off of things.  “Now,
if you would be so kind as to run down to Diagon Alley and pick up her robes,
Minerva and I will see her back to her quarters after the leaving feast and keep
her company this afternoon.  In
addition to the robes, she will also need some new bras and underwear. 
I’ll send her measurements down there as well and see that they have
them waiting as well.  Also, she is
absolutely dying for something called a Big Mac.  I understand this is also some sort of muggle garbage they
call food.  It’s also loaded with
calories and fat, which she needs right now. 
If you stop off at the ministry, Harry should be able to steer you in the
right direction.”
 


Severus was none too happy
about his assignment and his face showed it. 
Pulling himself to full height he turned to Albus, “OK, if you think
I’m going panty shopping alone, think again. 
Floo Potter and have him meet me in Diagon Alley. 
He’s said several times that he was responsible for this. 
He can damned well go panty shopping with me.”
 


Severus stalked down the
hallway and ignored Albus’ giggles left behind in his wake.
 


By the time he arrived in
Diagon Alley, Harry was waiting in the center square. 
“Albus said I was to meet you here, Severus. 
What’s up?  How’s
Hermione.”
 


Severus scowled at him. 
“With the proper rest and nourishment she and the baby should be fine. 
Come along, Mr. Potter.  Hermione
is in need of a new wardrobe.”  The
two wizards began their trek to the witch’s clothing store. 
“You have the great distinction of helping me pick up, not only robes,
but bras and underwear as well.”
 


Harry put the brakes on. 
“Oh, no.  I’m NOT going
shopping for women’s underwear.  Why
couldn’t Minerva do it?  Or they
could have floo’d Ginny, she would have been happy to help.”
 


“Oh, yes, Mr. Potter,
you are going women’s underwear shopping with me if I have to put you under
Imperious to do it.”  Severus
began to walk again.  “Now
move.”
 


Harry caught up to the
taller wizard, “You’d do it, too.  Put
me under imperious I mean.”
 


“Without a second
thought.”
 


They entered the small
shop and walked straight to the counter.  Severus’
commanding voice hid any sign of his discomfort. 
“Madam, I am Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts. 
I understand that Poppy Pomfrey has sent down some measurements for one
of our colleagues.”
 


“Ah, yes. I was hoping
Poppy would have come down herself, though. 
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen her and I would have loved to catch
up.  Oh well. 
I have picked out seven suitable robes as well as brassieres. 
Both are enchanted to expand as she does.  The underwear is quite another problem.” 
The clerk looked oddly at Harry, who was turning beet red in the face. 
“I’m not quite sure what style she prefers.”
 


The clerk reached under
the counter and brought out several different sizes. 
The first she held up looked like a small tent, “These are the normal
maternity panties.  They are
designed to go up over the baby.  Since
the witches today usually don’t like to look so maternal, even during their
confinement, we also have the bikini designed to ride under the child. 
Lastly, for those witches used to a thong, we have a maternity version
available of that as well.”
 


It was Severus’ turn to
go crimson.  “Gods, I don’t
KNOW.  Just put seven pair of each
in the bag and be done with it.”  He
handed his wand over to the clerk so she could charge his account. 
 


Harry grinned up at him,
“What’s wrong, Severus?  Can’t
remember which kind she wears?”
 


Severus took his wand back
from the clerk.  “Sod off, Potter.  Get the bags and let’s go.”
 


Outside the shop, Severus
took the bags from Harry and shrunk them down. 
When they were safely in his pocket, he informed Harry of their next
assignment.  “Hermione would like
something called a Big Mac.  Since
you were raised as a muggle I was hoping you could accompany me to London to
find this item.”
 


“Sure, let’s go, I’m
famished myself and a good, greasy burger sounds like just the ticket. 
We’ll lunch there ourselves.”
 


“I can hardly contain
myself, Potter.”
 


Harry pulled out is wand
and in an instant was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a West Ham United
sweatshirt.  “C’mon, Severus,
you can’t go dressed like that.”  When
Severus was appropriately attired in a pair of black trousers and a black
t-shirt Harry grasped his arm and apparated them to Trafalgar square in London.
 


Harry led the way to a
building with a garish yellow M on the roof. 
Once inside, Severus walked up to the counter and sneered down at the
clerk behind the register.  “Yes,
well, what does that thing say?  Ian. 
Yes, Ian I would like something called a Big Mac.”
 


The clerk punched a few
keys on the register in front of him, “Would you like the combo meal?”
 


“Excuse me?”
 


Harry pushed the Potions
Master out of the way.  “Please
pardon my friend her, he’s from out of town. 
We’ll have two Big Mac extra value meals super-sized with Cokes,
please.”
 


“Is that for here or to
go?”
 


“Here, “ answered
Harry at the same time Severus spoke, “To go.” 
Harry gave the taller man a sharp elbow. 
“That will be for here.”
 


Ian finished punching the
keys.  “That’s 5.97p.”  Severus
had been moving to retrieve his wand and was stopped at the request for pounds. 
Harry shook his head and pulled out his wallet. 
He offered several notes to the cashier and thanked him.
 


Harry found a small table
and Severus folded himself up in the seat. 
“I told you lunch sounded good, Severus.” 
Harry unwrapped his burger and dumped his French fries on the wrapping
beside them.  Severus mimicked
Harry’s moves, splattering the front of his shirt with ketchup from the little
foil packet in the process. 
 


Severus raised his upper
lip in disgust.  “I can’t
believe you actually eat this stuff.”
 


Harry laughed ar a
a
mouthful of French fries.  “Don’t
knock it until you try it, Severus.  Then
again, if you aren’t that adventurous, I’m sure I can eat both of them.”
 


Severus raised an eyebrow
at the younger wizard and took a large bite of the hamburger. 
Special sauce joined the ketchup down the front of his t-shirt. 
Although the greasy, sloppy consistency was somewhat nauseating, Severus
found the food tasted surprisingly good and he finished his lunch before Harry. 
“I stand corrected, Mr. Potter.  This
was rather good.”  Severus had
drunk his soda a bit too fast and punctuated the sentence with a large burp. 
He looked around, horrified, to see that no one was paying any attention. 
No one except Harry, who was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
 


Harry was still smiling as
he wrapped up his trash and carried their tray to the garbage. 
They walked back up to Ian.  Harry
ordered “Another Big Mac value meal to go, with a coke.”  Severus added, “Make that two.” 
At Harry’s inquisitive look he said, “I have to give one to the house
elves, maybe they can duplicate it,” in a low voice.
 


Bag in hand, Severus
followed Harry out into the busy circle.  In
a crowd such as this, no one paid attention when the two walking men just
disappeared.  Back in Diagon alley,
they transfigured their clothes back to normal. 
Severus offered a hand, “Thank you for your help.”
 


“No problem, Severus. 
Tell Hermione I asked about her.  If
you need anything else, just floo me.  Now you better get that back to her before it gets cold, or
you’ll be paying Ian another visit.”
 


Severus apparated to the
gates and rushed down to the dungeons.  With
a warming spell the food was hot once more. 
Hermione was in their room asleep on the bed, her stomach once again
supported by a pillow.  Severus
smiled and sat on the edge of the bed.  At
the movement of the mattress, Hermione was startled awake. 
Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she focused on Severus and sniffed once,
then twice.  “Is that McD’s?”
She didn’t wait for an answer, just ripped one of the bags from his grasp and
opened the bag, stuffing several French fries in her mouth. 
She set the bag down and tried to slide up and sit against the front of
the bed.  Severus sat down the other
bag and the drinks in their carrier.  With
a strong arm behind her back and another under her legs, he lifted her up until
she was sitting with a pillow behind her back. 
Using her tummy as a tray, she dug into her food.
 


Leaving her to her feast,
Severus floo’s the elves and instructed them to create a spell to mimic the
burger and fries and asked for a big glass of milk. 
He returned to the bedroom, extricated the soda from her hand and
replaced it with the milk.
 


“At least something
about this meal should be nutritious.”
 


Hermione laughed at him,
before catching a bit of sauce on the edge of her lip with her tongue. 
“You could have brought me a milk shake.  That would have been nutritious.”
 


“A what?”
 


“Oh, never mind. 
Thanks for this, it’s pure manna. 
Where did you get it?”
 


Severus pulled the
packages from his pocket and returned them to normal size. 
“I picked up your new robes as well as a few other things Poppy said
you would be needing.  Harry said to
give you his regards, as he assisted me on a trip to Trafalgar Square.” 
Hermione set her glass on the table and reached for one of the bags. 
Without ceremony, she dumped the assortment of bras on the bed. 
“Oh, these are real beauties. 
Gods, they look like something Minerva would wear.” 
The next bag was dumped, “Severus, how many pair of panties do you
think I need?”
 


Severus’ face turned
crimson, remembering the clerk.  “Don’t
ask, Hermione.  Just don’t ask.”  Severus pulled her new robes from the bag and held them up
one by one for her approval.  When
they were hung in his closet he returned to sit on the corner of the bed.
 


Hermione set the remains
of her lunch aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. 
Before Severus could ask where she was going, Hermione set off toward the
bathroom.  When she emerged he noted
the buttons on the front of his shirt were spanned tight across her stomach. 
“Looks like I picked those robes up just in time. 
Why don’t you change into a set and lie back down. 
Do you need anything?”  He
asked while moving toward the door.
 


 


“Nah, I pilfered a few
tomes from your library earlier.  I’ll
just read for a while.” Before Severus could shut the door, she added,
“Thank you for everything, Severus.  I
appreciate it.”
 


Severus smiled sadly,
thinking about all he would do for her if she would only allow it. 
“It’s no problem, Hermione.  If
you need me, I’ll be in the other room.”
 


Hermione stayed in bed all
afternoon, while Severus busied himself with the latest issue of “Potions
Master Monthly.”  He checked on
her once, to find her sleeping soundly. 
 


Towards evening she
waddled out into the living room to join him for dinner. 
Once again she ate heartily, this time a more balanced meal of salad,
chicken pie, and fresh fruit for dessert. 
 


The Deatheater reared her
head to challenge him to a game of wizard’s chess. She sat sideways to the
table with her feet up as ordered.  After
several hours she announced, “I believe that’s checkmate, Snape.”  Severus was mortified at having being bested and sat studying
the board while she readied herself for bed. 
 


Hermione came out dressed
in one of his pajama shirts.  She
had left the buttons across her abdomen open, showing an expanse of taut flesh
covered in angry, red stretch marks.  Severus
smiled at her, “I believe we forgot to get you some nightgowns.”
 


Hermione blushed and
tried, unsuccessfully, to cover her expanding stomach. 
“Yes, well, I suppose we can order them tomorrow and have them
delivered.  Or you could run down
and pick me up some Bertie Bott beans at the same time.”
 


“No Bertie Bott beans
for you, my dear.  I’ll order the
gowns in the morning.  Now, off to
bed with you.”
 


Hermione’s looked
stricken, “Aren’t you coming, Severus?”
 


“I’ll be in in a bit. 
I just want to study the board for a while.  I still can’t believe she beat me.”


Hermione nodded sadly and
closed the door.  Severus dropped
his head into his shaking hands.  He
didn’t know how he would get through the next two months. 
She needed him and every fiber of his body was screaming its need right
back at her.  This wasn’t a
physical need; it was the soul shattering need of his mind and heart. 
He rose from his chair and stared at the door, fighting the urge to turn
around and run from the room, run from the pain he felt every time she touched
him.
 


Instead, he entered the
room and readied himself for bed quietly.  As
soon as he slipped between the sheets, Hermione spooned her body against his,
seeking out his warmth even in her sleep.  Severus
was careful not to allow his arms to embrace her. 
He needed to at least try and elicit a modicum of control over his heart. 
He wasn’t aware, until morning, that as soon as he fell asleep his arms
came round her of their own volition.