More Ways to Kill A Weasley

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.







Finding Mr. Right.





Hermione Granger sat at the Head Table staring in horror at the shocking photos on the front page of the morning edition of The Daily Prophet. This was a nightmare. The photos kept repeating and she watched with a horrible sort of fascination. It was like watching a train wreck over and over again.



Around her she suddenly became aware of a sharp decrease in the noise level in the Great Hall and a momentary look up confirmed that students and teachers were alternately engrossed in their own copies of the rag that called itself a newspaper or were shooting her looks that ran the gamut from curiosity to pity to glee – okay, that last one was coming mostly from those little snots at the Slytherin table. Those little snakes would jump on a person when they were down faster than a hungry dog would snap at a bone. Bastards!



Looking back down, she tore her eyes from the damning moving photos to the article entitled ‘Vold War Hero’s Sexcapades Revealed’. Her analytical side had to give the Prophet credit; they had done a surprisingly thorough undercover expose on the man who had professed that he loved her alone. The man who she had remained faithful to for the last two years. One Ronald Bilius Weasley. The dirty little weasel!



Ron had used the fame he had gained after the war to launch a successful quidditch career. He was now the Keeper for the Chudley Cannons and apparently was highly sought after by the team’s fanatical groupies. She snorted aloud when she read the details of how the Prophet had caught ‘the Gryffindor stud’ on camera with no less than six women. Six! Honestly, how could he keep all these women panting for him? In her experience he had certainly never been anything to brag about in the sack.



Still, she felt a sharp pain in her heart from the betrayal. How could he do this to her? How could he use her like this?



She closed her eyes and slowly balled the newspaper in her hands, twisting it viciously.



“I could stun the idiot, bind him, and haul him back here for you. I’m sure you would find more satisfaction in twisting his neck than that paper. I know I would if I were in your place,” offered Severus Snape from the seat next to her as he watched her cautiously while he took a sip of his morning coffee.



Hermione glanced over at him and couldn’t help giving him a defeated smile. Severus had actually turned into a good friend in the two years since she started teaching at Hogwarts. Now that Voldemort had finally been permanently defeated, Severus no longer had to maintain his miserable bastard act. Once you got to know him he was actually quite mellow and personable, as well as surprisingly solicitous in his dealings with her.



Severus was disturbed to see that tears had welled in her eyes. She didn’t need to breakdown here or suffer the gossip it would fuel. He cast a furtive glance at the other teachers, but their gums were busily flapping fast and furious. Even if he could get one of them – maybe Minerva or Sprout – to take the witch from the hall, they would probably only use it as an excuse to pump her for information to circulate in the in-house rumor mill.



Gently placing a hand on her elbow he leaned over to murmured in her ear, “Come, you don’t need to be put on display like this.”



Her head hanging in mortification, she only nodded and allowed him to discreetly lead her out the nearest teacher’s entrance without a backwards glance.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Gabe Ackerman watched as one Ronald Weasley left the room he had rented overnight and clomped noisily downstairs. The blonde flavor of the week that he had spent the night with had left about 20 minutes ago wearing an oversized bright orange Chudley Cannons t-shirt. ‘Probably payment for services rendered,’ he thought snidely.



Even though Ron routinely stayed at Gabe’s inn in Chudleigh when the Cannons were in town, Gabe really wasn’t a big fan of one Ronald Weasley. He thought the wizard to be overly cocky and didn’t like his using the inn as the base for his dubious romantic liaisons. After all, Gabe had worked hard to earn a reputation for running a respectable inn.



If it was the tourist season Gabe could have suggested that Ron find other accommodations, but as it unfortunately wasn’t he needed to fill rooms any way he could.



Forcing what could pass as a friendly expression on his face as Ron walked up to his desk, the innkeeper asked, “Will you be staying another night, Mr. Weasley?”



Ron smiled winningly and shook his shaggy red hair as he tossed down the room key, “No, I’ve plans to see my girl today. I’ll be staying at her place tonight.”



Gabe repressed the urge to ask which one and instead said, “Oh, well, have a good time then.”



“Righto, see yeah,” Ron called back over his shoulder as he walked out and slammed the door behind him.



Gabe shook his head as he watched the wizard strut down the street. He looked down at The Daily Prophet and started to snigger.



“I wouldn’t be so sure your ‘girl’ – whoever she is – will be happy to see you after this article, you daft fathead. I just hope she has enough sense to check you for Wizarding STD’s … and use a contraceptive charm,” he muttered to himself.



Gabe just shook his head. He really needed to drum up some new clientele.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Exiting the castle’s large oak doors, the two professors headed in the direction of the lake. Severus cast a glance at the witch and noticed that she was furiously trying to wipe away tears. He pulled a folded white handkerchief from a pocket and offered it to her. She accepted it gratefully and quickly dabbed at the tears on her cheeks.



Wrapping her arms tightly around herself she desperately tried to rein in her emotions. However the dam burst and she suddenly threw her arms around the startled wizard while sobbing, “How could he do this to me, Severus?”



“He’s a selfish, immature, idiot who never deserved you,” he replied sincerely as he hesitantly cradled her in his arms, allowing one hand to rub her back soothingly.



Hermione sighed at the comforting feeling of his arms around her and rested her head on his shoulder as she held on to him a little tighter. Her brow furrowed as she again thought about the article.



They continued on in silence until she finally said, “Severus, I keep thinking about it and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s just something really off about that article.”



“What do you mean?” he asked curiously, his dark eyes raking over her.



Hermione hesitated then said, “Well, you see, the article had women describing him as a stub and, from my experience, I’d describe him as a dud.”



The Dark wizard’s eyebrows almost touched his hairline. ‘Weasley’s a dud in the sack? This is too good!’ he thought.



“Surely Weasley has some skill in the bedroom,” he replied with a smirk.



For the second time today he heard Hermione snort. “Let me assure you, all of his ‘skill’ is reserved for the quidditch pitch.”



“Hermione! Don’t leave me with that, woman. I need ammunition to torment him with should I be unfortunate enough to run into him!”



The witch laughed darkly. “Ammunition, you say? Well, how about this? In my ‘unfortunate’ experiences with him, he would drop his payload in three or four minutes tops and be sound asleep within the next thirty seconds! Does that sound like a stud to you?”



Severus stopped walking and stared at her blankly for a moment. She noticed the corners of his mouth twitching and watched mesmerized as he suddenly burst into rich, joyous laughter.



“Dear Gods, I needed that,” he exclaimed as he wiped his eyes.



“I like your laugh. Please do it more often,” Hermione told him as she stared up at him in fascination.



“Only for you,” he replied as he placed an arm around her shoulders and they resumed their walk.



“How could you stand it? Seriously, a gentleman sees to his lady’s comfort from beginning to end. A gentleman always satisfies his lady first before seeking his own gratification. Weasley really is an uncouth country bumpkin,” he said hotly.



Hermione glimpsed up at him and could see that he looked rather angry. “I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have said anything,” she said despondently.



“I’m not angry at you, but at that idiot boy. I’m angry at how he has misused you. An amazing woman like you are should be worshipped by a man, taken to the heights of passion, not shown less consideration than he would give a three galleon whore,” he said fiercely.



Hermione shook her head.



“What? What are you shaking you head about?” he asked.



Walking along the lakeshore, she stared into the depths of the water for a moment before replying sadly, “I’m afraid I have no experience with the ‘heights of passion’ as you call it.”



The wizard gasped, stopped walking and turned Hermione to face him. “Are you saying that the dunderhead never managed to satisfy you?” he said with a dangerous inflection to his voice.



The witch tried to look anywhere but into his deep, obsidian eyes. He reached out and grasped her chin to turn her face to him. She blushed deeply and glanced quickly into those eyes before pulling her gaze away and just shaking her head.



“The idiot. You have lost nothing, Hermione. You are better off without someone as self-centered as that,” he said earnestly.



“I’m the one who feels like an idiot. I can’t believe I wasted two years of my life being faithful to someone with no more self restraint than a kneazle in heat!” she growled.



“I know this has been a terrible shock for you, Hermione. I want you to know that I am here for you should you have need of a shoulder to cry or just someone to help you through this,” Severus said sincerely. “Do not hesitate to come to me.”



“Severus, you’re such a good man. Why couldn’t I have ended up with someone as honest and caring as you are? What is it about me that makes a man think it’s all right to use me like this?” she asked sadly.



“None of this is your fault. You are a jewel and deserve so much better. Forget about him, witch,” he murmured passionately. Severus’ hand, which had dropped earlier from her chin to her shoulder, now rose of its own volition to bury itself in her hair. His other hand grasped her waist gently and drew her to him as he slowly lowered his lips to hers.



They kissed hesitantly at first until Hermione’s arms rose to wrap themselves around his neck and her body seemed to mold itself against him.



The witch’s body was like dry kindling and it didn’t take long for the wizard to ignite her with the flame of his passion. He lifted her in his arms and took her to a nearby secluded spot among the trees where he wasted no time wandlessly casting cushioning, silencing, and notice-me-not charms. Dropping down on his knees, he placed Hermione atop the cushioned ground where the sloe-eyed witch writhed with desire. She held out her arms beseechingly to him and he dove onto them like a starving man at a banquet.



That great twit Weasley had dropped the cauldron and Severus had been right there to catch it. The Potions Master had been secretly in love with Hermione Granger for more than a year and now that the idiot was finally out of the picture, Severus had every intention of doing whatever it took to make the Gryffindor witch his own.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Ron strode confidently through the Wizarding center of Chudleigh on the way to the public Apparition point. He noticed more people than normal staring and pointing at him, but just attributed it to his celebrity status. The Cannons were doing exceptionally well and, well, everyone knew that it was because of his being on the team. The public’s increased attention was only natural really. He waved and smiled back as he continued on his way. Oh, yeah, it felt good to be king.



A couple of Cannons fans that he recognized waved him down and offered to buy him a pint at a nearby tavern. Yes, it was kind of early, but… what the heck, one pint wouldn’t hurt. Being a celebrity had responsibilities, after all. He always needed to promote good relations with his fans. ‘Just one pint,’ he told himself as he was dragged into a nearby pub.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Hermione was awash in sensation, like every nerve ending was on fire. She had never felt this aroused in her entire life. Severus had painstakingly kissed every exposed surface of skin on her body over and over, refusing to take off any clothes – his or hers. She had been begging him to make love to her for what felt like forever, but the irritating man only whispered that he wanted her properly prepared first.



At the moment Severus’ hands were in hers, holding them down on either side of her head. That, plus the weight of his body, was controlling her movements. In short, he was dominating her… and she totally loved it.



The witch purred as he methodically sucked and licked her neck. She stretched beneath him and ground her hips into his, making him moan sexily. The ample evidence of his arousal caused her quim to throb anxiously with anticipation.



Pressing her only advantages, she wrapped her legs tightly around his hips and raised her head enough to latch her teeth to his earlobe. Using her tongue she embarked on an exploration of said ear while continuing to stimulate herself on his covered erection. He helplessly began to dry hump her. Finally he released her throat with a growl, pulling his earlobe from her teeth with a pop.



Looking at her with eyes dark with lust, he suddenly rolled so that Hermione now straddled him. Finding her hands free, she immediately attacked the buttons of his clothing like a woman possessed. Working diligently through the many layers of his clothing, she finally exposed his muscled chest. With a smug look on her face she ran her hands over it before dropping them to his belt buckle. Looking into his eyes, she undid it with a few jerks that left Severus groaning sexily.



Knowing she was closing in on the prize, she slowly unzipped his trousers then pulled both sides open to reveal black silk boxers. ‘Well, it seems the boxers or briefs question has been answered,’ she thought with delight. Ginny owed her 10 galleons for this one.



Placing her small hand on the elastic of his boxers, she locked eyes with him as she slowly lowered her hand until it had enfolder his erection. Those incredible dark eyes were half-lidded as he watched her. Now she held the power – literally – in the palm of her hand.



“I think you are overdressed, witch,” Snape purred as he sat up and enveloped Hermione in his arms. He immediately claimed a toe curling kiss from her, using his tongue artfully to enflame her further. Always someone who prided herself on her multitasking abilities, she roughly pulled the unbuttoned clothing off his upper body and began to map his exposed body with her warm fingers.



His own hands found the clasp of her cloak and made short work of it, tossing the offending item away. Then he wasted no time working his fingers under her sweater and finally had to break the kiss to slip it over her head to join her cloak.



Drawing in a deep breath, he greedily took in the sight of her breasts that were being barely contained by her lacy push-up bra. His fingers traced her full breasts over the fabric as his mouth descended to the visible swell of her breasts.



While he was occupied she slipped her hands down and into his boxers successfully capturing his cock and beginning to pump enthusiastically, which made his hips begin to rock in counterpoint. Soon his long fingers found the fasteners of her skirt. Rolling her onto her back, he discarded both the skirt and his trousers leaving them only in their respective underwear.



“I believe that I am still overdressed,” the witch said huskily as she undid the clasp on the front of her bra and let the material fall away to expose perky breasts.



A whimper escaped his throat as he stared hungrily. Hermione smiled. It seemed Severus was definitely a breast man. She watched as he licked his lips.



Severus was just about to explore those gorgeous pink nipples when his delicate nose caught the scent of her arousal. Slowly he lowered his nose to the crotch of her thong, sighing as her scent embedded itself in his senses. She watched as his eyes became darker with lust and he again licked his lips. Without warning he ripped the thong from her body and descended upon her wet quim. He instantly latched his lips to her erect clit, sucking and licking feverishly.



“Oh… my… Gods!” Hermione screamed as she thrashed on the cushioned ground. Severus had to hold down her legs to continue and she quickly started to pant and keen as he continued his ministrations.



“Sev… I feel… please… want… pllleeeaasseeee…” she shrieked as she came hard. Severus stayed with her as she came down, continuing to gentle lick her until she lay boneless, sated, and trembling.



The wizard quickly discarded his boxers and began to kiss his way up her body. When he reached her mouth he shared her taste with her.



“You really are a wizard, that was simply incredible,” she said, flushed and breathlessly.



“I was inspired,” he said as he stole a quick suckle from her breast.



“I’ve heard that wizard’s have magic wands,” she said nonchalantly as she looked hungrily at his dripping cock, then back into his deep eyes. “Maybe you could show me what you can do with yours?”



Severus smirked as he moved over her and said silkily, “It will be my pleasure.”



He wasted no time working his magic upon her.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Ron had a few more than a pint. In fact, he and his fan buddies kept celebrating until noon when they were finally shut off and asked to leave to make room for the lunch crowd. So it was that a very intoxicated Ron finally weaved his way to the public Apparition point and was off to the gates of Hogwarts.



When he eventually staggered his way over the grounds and made it through the doors of Hogwarts, he was met by a very hostile pack of teachers led by Minerva McGonagall in all her tartan splendor.



“Way to polish your broom, Weasley,” exclaimed Rolanda Hooch from the crowd, earning her an angry glare by Minerva.



Turning on Ron she demanded, “Just what business do you have here, Mr. Weasley?”



Ron looked at the two images of Minerva McGonagall as they swayed back and forth. “ ‘Mione, I wanna see ‘Mione.”



“Miss Granger is not in the castle and I very much doubt she will want to see you at anytime soon. I strongly advise you to go and sober up,” she said matter-of-factly.



The redhead just shook his head.



“What do you mean ‘no’?” she demanded shrilly.



Ron covered his ears and rolled his eyes. “Please! Tell ‘Mione to bring Sober Up! Please!” he pleaded.



Sprout snorted, “Serves you right if we leave you like that, you little wanker! You had no call to use that lovely girl like this.”



Several teachers nodded in agreement.



Minerva sighed. “Dobby!” she called.



In moments the house-elf appeared with a pop.



“Dobby, Please go to the Infirmary and bring me back a bottle marked ‘Sober Up Potion’,” she asked the elf tersely.



The elf cast a calculating glare at Ron. The elves in the kitchen were abuzz with details about Ron’s exploits. He has hurt a friend of Harry Potter’s. A friend of Dobby’s. He is a very bad wizard.



Dobby turned to the Headmistress and bowed. “Yes, Headmistress,” was all he said and he was gone with another pop.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Dobby appeared in the Infirmary and quietly made his way to the locked medication cabinet where he snapped his clawed fingers and the doors opened.



In moments he found the Sober Up Potion. Scanning the rest of the cabinet, Dobby’s eyes lit on a tiny bottle with a colorfully flashing ‘WWW’ on the label and containing translucent liquid that was the same whiskey color as Sober Up Potion. Upon reading the description on the label his bulbous eyes widened and he nodded sagely.



After first checking that he was alone he worked quickly, and then straightened up the area. In a flash he appeared in the Main Hall in front of the Headmistress and offered up the bottle to her. His duty done, he then quietly stepped back into the shadows to watch events unfold.



“Here, Mr. Weasley,” she said unsympathetically as she thrust the bottle toward him. “Drink up, we don’t’ have all day.”



Ron latched onto the bottle like a lifesaver and gulped it down, handing the empty bottle to the Headmistress. He immediately felt his head clearing up a bit. However, what he primarily felt was akin to the Hindenburg exploding in his stomach.



Ron turned white as a sheet and grabbed his stomach, which began making noises more commonly associated with demonic possession.



“Ah, ah… I’ve got to go!” he yelled and raced for the nearby men’s restroom like he was being chased by the hounds of hell.



Minerva rolled her eyes and huffed, “How rude!”



“Well, what did you expect, Minerva,” Flitwick sniffed, “He’s obviously no gentleman, especially in light of his shenanigans in the Prophet.”



Catching sight of Dobby, Minerva called out, “Oh, Dobby, could you please dispose of this empty bottle for me? There’s a dear.”



“Yes, Headmistress,” Dobby bowed low, grasped the bottle, and was gone with the snap of his claws.



In the Infirmary Dobby washed out the bottle and placed it with other empty bottles waiting to be reused.



He was quite satisfied with the punishment he had meted out on Weasley. He had followed the Headmistresses command and gave her a bottle marked ‘Sober Up Potion’, so he was still a good elf. Unfortunately for Weasley the contents weren’t Sober Up Potion. Dobby exposed several rows of sharp little teeth when his face bloomed into a sinister smile. As he prepared to leave the Infirmary, he absently wondered just how long the effects of U-No-Poo Potion lasted.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



It was after four in the afternoon before a pale faced Ron ventured from the men’s restroom. At first he had been thankful to find a copy of today’s Prophet left in the stall by a previous occupant, but his gratitude immediately evaporated when he saw his escapades plastered on the front page.



He needed to find Hermione and smooth this over. Ron was always a strategist. Quidditch is a fun career while it lasts, but he knew most players didn’t last ten years thanks to all the injuries they received and there were virtually no retirement benefits to speak of. Marrying Hermione would guarantee him a nice security blanket. She’d be tenured in a few years and already had insurance coverage, life insurance, a free apartment, and all her meals paid for. Without those worries he’d be free to pick up a couple of endorsements now and then and, of course, have a groupie or two on the side.



He didn’t even want to think about what his mother would have to say if he lost Hermione.



Thinking quickly, he decided that he would just have to appeal to Hermione’s soft heart. And beg. He knew that he would have to do lots and lots of begging to get her back after she had read that article. Yes, that would work.



Something of a plan in place, he was just starting toward Hermione’s apartment when he heard his name called.



“Mr. Weasley, where do you think you are going,” bellowed Minerva McGonagall as she approached him.



“I’m looking for Hermione. We need to talk,” Ron offered anxiously.



Minerva snorted. “Miss Granger isn’t in her quarters, Mr. Weasley,” she stated.



Ron took this in. “Okay, where can I find her? The library?”



Minerva pinched the bridge of her nose. “Miss Granger fled the castle this morning after reading the Prophet’s article about your philandering, Mr. Weasley. She was naturally quite upset and hasn’t returned to her quarters as of yet.”



Ron looked out the main doors which had been left open. The sun had just set and it was getting dark fast.



“Gee, she could be anywhere. Do you have any idea what direction she headed in Professor?”



“I’m told she was heading toward the lake, Mr. Weasley,” Minerva stated. “I would think that if she experienced any difficulty she would simply head over to Hagrid’s. She’s a capable witch after all.”



Ron nodded and started toward the doors. “Well, I’m going to take a quick look around for her. I’ll let you know if I find her,” he called over his shoulder and disappeared into the night.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Hermione was hooked.



She was giving serious consideration to chucking the whole teaching thing to become Severus Snape’s personal sex toy.



In their first encounter by the lake she had had three orgasms – count them: three! – and that was just their first time together.



WOW!



After that Severus brought her to his quarters using a hidden passageway that doesn’t even show up on the Marauders’ Map. How cool is that?



Since then they had had sex in the tub, on the bed, on the couch, and against his book shelves. And every time Severus focused all his attention on her pleasure first. That man should definite earn mention in Hogwarts: A History as Slytherin House’s Resident Sex God.



Hermione was touched that after every encounter he offered her a variety of potions to take care of any lingering discomfort. Ron wouldn’t even get off his arse to get her a glass of water. There were definitely advantages to going out with a Potions Master.



Right now she was lying in his bed snuggled up to him with her hair draped over his chest. The man actually had both arms around her like he’s afraid that she might disappear. He did this after every time they made love. It’s really so comforting. Who would have thought that Severus Snape was the cuddling type? She smiled against his chest.



“Are you laughing? Having a woman laugh in my bed isn’t very good for my ego, you know,” he said huskily.



Hermione shifted go that she was leaning over him and looking into his eyes. “I was smiling, silly. I happen to be deliriously happy and was pondering the merits of being your personal sex toy versus a teaching career.”



Severus raised an eyebrow. “As ripe with possibilities as that position is, I was rather thinking that I would like you to be my fiancé, and eventually my wife,” he murmured in a silky drawl. His grasped her hand and brought her knuckles to his lips, kissing each one.



“I know you must think this is impulse, Hermione, but I assure you that it’s not. I have been in love with you for most of the time you have been teaching here. I couldn’t say anything as long as you were with Weasley, but now… now I am free to let you know how I feel, and what I want. And I want you. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me, Hermione Granger?” he whispered against her lips.



Hermione smiled down at him. “That depends,” she whispered back.



“Really, on what?” he asked anxiously.



“Well, if I said ‘yes’ would I still get to be your personal sex toy?” she asked teasingly.



“I’d be disappointed if you weren’t,” he murmured with in a rich tone that could melt the finest chocolate.



The witch shivered as his voice caused Goosebumps to rise on her skin. “Then, yes,” she whispered.



Severus smiled and claimed her mouth fully, his tongue entwining hungrily with hers.



Suddenly Hermione became aware of the sheet moving near her thigh. Turning her gaze in that direction, she was shocked to see that Severus’ cock was standing up proudly, tenting the sheet.



Looking back up, she saw Severus watching her with lust filled eyes and a cat that got the cream smile on his lips. Suddenly he rolled her over onto her back, pinning her down. Lowering his head slowly he whispered in her ear, “Time to try out my new sex toy, witch, in multiple positions.”



Sloe-eyed and trembling, Hermione greatly anticipated each delicious one.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Splash!



“Damn it. I can’t see a thing. I walked right into the lake!” Ron complained loudly.



Ron managed to create quite a bit of noise as he splashed about, having trouble negotiating the embankment to get out of the water in his still slightly inebriated condition.



Close by, all the noise Ron was making had caught the attention of the giant squid, which turned a sleepy eye his way.



Having the ability to see well in the dark, the squid was captivated by the flash of red on the creatures hide. Watching it closely it seemed vaguely reminiscent of the red underbelly on a particularly tasty species of freshwater carp.



The squid just adored snacking on freshwater carp.



The squid continued to watch closely, all the while quivering with anticipation, before suddenly lashing out a tentacle to capture the creature.



Ron Weasley heard a sudden disturbance out on the lake then abruptly found himself tightly bound around his chest. His arms were pinned to his sides, so he couldn’t get his wand.



“Oi, let me go! Help! ‘Mione! Help!” he screamed into the night as he struggled desperately.



The squid slowly headed out toward the middle of the lake with its screaming catch. Without warning it dove, taking a helpless Ron with it, about 300 meters under the water to its favorite feeding spot.



No trace of Ronald Bilius Weasley would ever be found.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Severus and Hermione woke at about nine o’clock the next morning. Luckily it was a weekend. Hermione headed into the shower first, trying to get ready quickly and catch the last part of breakfast. Unfortunately for her, Severus headed in about a heartbeat later and consequently they didn’t make it out of his quarters until lunchtime.



They strode arm in arm out of the dungeons. As they approached the Great Hall, they both noticed Harry Potter, Nymphadora Tonks, Minerva McGonagall, and an extremely upset – and extremely pregnant – Lavender Brown having an animated discussion in the Main Hall.



Lavender narrowed her eyes when she saw Hermione approaching and screamed accusingly, “There she is! What have you done to my Won-Won?” she wailed.



Hermione rolled her eyes. “Listen Lavender,” Hermione said hotly, “I haven’t seen your ‘Won-Won’ in over two months and I don’t mind telling you that if I never see that laying snake again it’ll be too soon. You want him? He’s yours. Got it?”



“Really Miss Brown, control yourself,” Minerva said with annoyance. “I’ve already told you that he walked out of Hogwarts at about five o’clock yesterday evening. That’s the last anyone has seen him here.”



“I’m sorry Lavender, but since the article in the Prophet, three more women have shown up at the Ministry and made claims that they were Ron’s fiancé, and two of them are also expecting,” explained Harry.



“Yeah, the most popular theory about his disappearance is that he just took off to avoid having to pay child support on all the paternity claims. There’s just no evidence to support foul play,” said Tonks.



“I don’t care about that!” screamed Lavender tearfully. “Has anybody even bothered to ask her where she was yesterday? I know she had something to do with his disappearance. She couldn’t stand that Ron loved me more than her!” Lavender accused.



Severus stepped forward, coming between Lavender and Hermione. “Miss Brown, Miss Granger was in my company all day yesterday. I can assure you that we never saw Mr. Weasley. If you have trouble accepting my word on the matter, I can give you a wand oath as proof,” he said calmly.



“You said she was with you all day, but it’s possible that she could have met up with Ron last night or this morning…” Lavender continued, working herself up.



Severus held up his hand in exasperation, “Please, stop.” He looked at Hermione and gave him a little nod to continue. He sighed deeply. “Miss Brown, let me be clear. Miss Granger has been in my company… continuously… since breakfast yesterday morning. At no time have we been apart. And, no, we never saw your Mr. Weasley.”



Everyone stood in stunned silence. It was Tonks who finally spoke up, “But, Hermione, why were you with Snape all that time?”



Hermione sighed, walked up to Severus, and placed a propriety arm around his waist. He reciprocated by putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. Hermione continued to look into Severus’ eyes as she said, “We’re seeing each other, Tonks. Well, engaged actually. And, for the record, I wouldn’t trade one Severus Snape for an army of Ronald Weasleys.” Severus responded by claiming her lips in a sensuous kiss that left no doubt of their involvement with one another.



“Ew, I did NOT need to see that,” Harry said as he furiously tried to rub the image from his eyes.



Severus smirked viciously, “Now, if you will excuse us, we’ve worked up quite an appetite. Come along, my dear,” he purred to Hermione as they both headed for lunch. Hermione glanced back with a smug look on her face.



“Too much information! I may need months of therapy to erase that image,” hissed Harry.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Severus wasted no time and placed an engagement ring on Hermione’s finger that very day. They were married by the end of the year and Hermione delivered their first child the following year.



Severus had beaten the jock and won the heart of the girl of his dreams.



When Severus took the time to reflect on how lucky he was, he always acknowledged that sending that anonymous note to The Daily Prophet detailing Weasley’s sexual exploits was the smartest thing he had ever done.



Hehe.



~ Fin ~