Remember

CHAPTER 23: To See You Again









Severus watched her coming towards him down the hall. He actually felt her when she entered the dungeons. She had her books clutched to her chest and her head bent forward, her hair hiding her face. It was a familiar tactic, one he had used in his youth to hide himself, to hopefully go unnoticed. It wasn’t working for her, she was too well known, too popular for the student body to leave her be.







“Well, well , well, if it isn’t the bookworm.” Draco Malfoy pushed himself from where he was leaning against the wall to step in front of her. “I thought the castle had an odd stench about it, when did you get back?”







Hermione just stood there, she didn’t say anything as she looked up.





“Holy shit, Granger, what the fuck happened to you?” Draco asked, his voice quiet. He liked to fuck with her, to goad her and to argue with her. But the sight of her, so pale with dark circles beneath her red and puffy eyes took him aback. He didn’t mean to, wasn’t sure what possessed him to do it, but he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. “You should go see Pomfrey.”









“No thank you.” She whispered, her voice hoarse and her throat raw. Draco winced at the sound. He didn’t want to spar with this imitation of Hermione Granger. He was beginning to wonder if it were really her. This pale, weak creature that was hiding behind her hair frightened him, worried him and he didn’t want to be worried about her. He wanted the fiery, witty, feisty witch he was used to engaging with. They weren’t friends by any means but had come to an understanding. He tormented her and she gave it back, it was an arrangement that worked for them. He couldn’t handle this sullen, depressed witch.









“Come on, don’t you want to hex me?” He prodded.









“No thank you.” She said, stepping around him and making her way to class. She stopped briefly at the door and glanced up at Severus as he stood outside the classroom. He saw her eyes begin to fill with tears before she ducked her head and hurried inside. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was more difficult to see her than he thought.







“Mr. Malfoy.” Severus drawled as he grabbed the back of the boy’s school robe before he could pass over the classroom threshold. “Do not, for any reason try and provoke or harm Miss Granger.” He said darkly.









“I don’t want to harm her, Sir. She and I…we just like to argue…but something is wrong with her.” Draco scowled, staring through the classroom door at the girl bent over her desk, her hair falling into a curtain around her. “Do you know what happened to her?”







“Miss Granger is none of your business.” Severus said as he released the boy’s robe and shoved him into the classroom, following behind him and slamming the door. He took a bit of satisfaction at the way the students jumped and watched him walk to the front of the class. All of them but Hermione at any rate.







Severus slapped his wand against the blackboard and immediately the day’s potion appeared in his sharp, slanted nearly illegible handwriting.







“Set up your cauldrons and gather your ingredients.” He snapped, watching the students scramble. He took a seat behind his desk and opened a journal in front of him. He wasn’t writing in it however, he was observing her. She looked pale as she moved slowly to set up her cauldron sending Longbottom to the cupboard to collect their ingredients. She wavered slightly as though fighting off a dizzy spell and Severus felt his ire rise as he watched her.







She went through the motions of brewing the potion, doing more than her share as was usual but she refused to talk to anyone outside of what it took to get her work done, and that was unusual. She wasn’t waving her hand about trying to get his attention to ask questions or to seek out extra credit. She simply sat there with her head bent low. When she wavered again, Severus could not help himself.







“Miss Granger, my office, NOW!” He said, rising from his seat and storming into his office. He walked to the fireplace and called for the kitchen staff to bring him some tea and toast, then stood behind his desk and waited for her to come in.







“Yes, sir?” She whispered staring at her feet.









“I am not on the floor, Miss Granger; look at me when you speak to me.” He said and immediately wished he hadn’t when she lifted her face and looked straight through him. Her eyes were filled with tears as she focused on the buttons of his jacket and not on him. She was so pale, her lips and the skin beneath her eyes a sickening shade of purple. Her eyes themselves were over flowing with tears and were red and swollen. He wanted to hold her, wanted to make it better but he fought against it.









A house-elf popped into the room carrying a tea service and a plate of toast. The servant placed it on the professor’s desk and popped out of sight once more.









“Sit down, Miss Granger.” Severus said, his tone softer though he didn’t mean for it to be. It seemed that he couldn’t quite control his reactions to her. She was in pain and he wanted to fix it. He poured her a cup of tea, adding more sugar than was really necessary but he knew she needed it. “Drink the tea and eat the toast, I expect it to be gone before I return.”







He bounded by her and out the door into the class room. She caught his scent, the bayberry soap he used was so familiar and her stomach clenched as the sobs came unbidden from her chest. She drank the tea, wincing a bit at the nearly sickening sweet flavor and nibbled at the toast.









After a time she heard him dismiss the class then return to the office. He stood staring at her for a long time, saying nothing. He could see the black braid wrapped around her wrist and he recalled the night he gave it to her, the night they made love for the very first time.







“Miss Granger, you are neglecting to care for yourself adequately.” He said finally. “Your blood sugar was no doubt in the dangerously low range and I would wager a guess that you were close to losing consciousness. You are scheduled to sit your N.E.W.T.S in two weeks and graduate this institution in three, you will do neither if you can not function properly.”







“I’m sorry, sir.” She said, staring at her hands twisting in her lap. She needed to get away from him. His voice, his scent, his nearness was torturing her.







“Look at me!” He raised his voice, irritated at this unfamiliar creature inhabiting the body of his witch. She lifted her eyes once more and met his, her lower lip trembling as she stared at him. “You have to tend to yourself or you will end up in the hospital wing with Poppy shoving potions down your throat. Believe me, it is not a pleasant experience.” He snapped.







“Is there anything else, sir?” She asked, unable to prevent the tremor in her voice.







Yes! he thought to himself. I know it hurts, I am hurting to and it is killing me to see you like this. To see you period is like someone twisting a knife in my gut because I love you and I can not have you.







“No, you are dismissed.” He said, looking away as she left his office. He cursed his besotted, adolescent romantic notions for the hundredth time. He wasn’t a man who voiced emotion, he kept his softer side, not that he had much of one, locked away from the world, only letting them see the hardened mask that kept him safe and sane.







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Hermione raced through the halls and to the girls bathroom where she vomited the tea and toast into the basin. She fell to the floor and scooted back against the wall, her arms wrapped around her knees as she sobbed.







“Oh, poor little Gryffindor, what has you crying?” A shrill voice asked.







“Nothing to concern yourself over, Myrtle.” Hermione said to the ghost who chose to haunt the bathrooms of the school.







“Now don’t be that way golden girl…is it a boy?” She asked, settling alongside Hermione.







“Yes, sort of.” Hermione said as she wiped her eyes.







“It isn’t Harry is it?” Myrtle asked, her tone turning almost jealous. The ghost had a bit of a tendre for young Harry Potter.







“No, it isn’t Harry. I fell in love with someone and we were forced apart.” She said softly.







“Is he a pureblood then?” Myrtle asked. “Did his family not approve of you?”









“No…it was nothing like that. It is too complicated to explain, suffice it to say I love him very much and can not be with him and I don’t think I am going to survive the pain of being apart.” She cried softly.







“At least you got the chance to love.” Myrtle answered softly. “I read somewhere that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”







“I feel lucky, blessed even to have gotten the chance to love like that, Myrtle. But I don’t want to live without him.” She said, letting her head fall back against the stone wall.







“Perhaps in time your pain will ease and you will love again.” Myrtle said.







“Not like that, Myrtle. I will never love like that again.” Hermione whispered. She looked over at the ghost and smiled softly. “Thank you for listening.”







“I had nothing else to do.” Myrtle said. “Come back again if you wish to visit.” She drifted up and winked at Hermione just before she performed a loop de loop and dove head first into one of the toilets. They immediately began to shoot water into the air as the ghost flooded the bathroom.









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Here you go, I knew you would be wanting to know what happened when he saw her again :) off to work!!!!