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Chapter 23: Don’t Tell Me









Attn: I’m breaking from canon a little bit (like I haven’t already) for the sake of the story we’re going to assume that Lupin learned to be an animangus with his friends and that he can turn into a wolf.











“So do you two leg-humpers have a plan or are we just waltzing in?”” Fred questioned Sirius and Lupin. They all sat in a circle around the Malfoy summer home. After a small dinner they had all gathered in the parlor of the large house.



Sirius smiled and slung his arms over the twins. “I’ve been thinking it over and I think it’s about times someone carried on a marauder tradition…”



“Sirius do we have time for that?” Lupin looked worried.



“We do if we fast track it.”



George released a curious chuckle. “What do you have in mind?”



Lupin interrupted. “You cant rush that Black.” His voice was stern. “They need time…months.”



“They have days.” Sirius countered, shaking his head. “Moony they can do it. They’re immortal after all. If it goes badly they’ll heal in a few days time regardless. It’s the only way that I know of.”



“This is fun. Us not knowing what you’re going on about.” Fred reminded the men of their presence.



“I’m sorry boys…it’s just what Sirius is suggesting…”



“And what would that be exactly?”



“You two learning to become an animangus. With our guidance I really think that you could do it. It’s risky. A great number of things can go wrong but it’s all rooted in transfiguration, which you two have exceeded at, you both poses great magical ability…and I think it’s the only way. They still have dementors guarding most of the prison. They cant see animals. There is no other way…”



“We could transfigured them…”



“Remus you know that you do not retain as much of your mind that way. We’ll need them sharp and ready.” Sirius shot his lover a silencing glare.



“We’re in.” The twins answered in unison.



“I’ve been thinking about this and I believe that if I use a transformation spell while you two deeply visualize an animal your souls can learn faster how to do it at will.” Sirius had begun fidgeting with his wand.



“The animal has to mirror their aura…they cant pick it.” Remus disagreed.



“Pateo.” Sirius closed his eyes and laid his hand on Fred’s arm. “mm-hmm.” He smirked rebelliously at his mate. “I learned that from Albus. It reveals someone’s animangus form…I had an inkling that it would work.”



“Show off.”



“What am I?” Fred was excited.



“A Raccoon. They’re mischievous and bright…I’d wager that’s where that came from.” Sirius answered.



“Will I be the same then?” George wondered.



“Pateo.” Black tried again. He smiled and the second twin. “No…a fox.”



“It’s because of my fondness for hounds.” He grinned matter-of-factly.



“Now that we know do you mind if we get started Mooney?” Sirius allowed his inquiry to drip with sarcasm.



The tired man sighed. “Have at it.”



*** *** ***



Severus sat on the edge of what had been his childhood bed. He had left Hermione to her studies, explaining that he needed space to come up with a plan. The professor was remiss to find that his sense of overwhelming sorrow would allow for little planning. He longed for his bonded. He granted himself a small reprieve by lying back on the bed and covering his face with one arm. Cold air seeped through a neglected window causing the man to shiver. Thoughts and memories of Harry seemed to be commandeering his mind. Where was Harry? Was he in pain? Did he blame the older man? The professor drew a deep breath, attempting to draw calm into his body. His muscled tensed at the mental image of Marius defiling the young man. It was enough that he was no longer able to maintain his composure. This was all far to much for one man to handle. Snape cried out as his fist soared into his belongings on the nightstand, forcing it’s contents to the remnants of worn blue carpeting. His body flailed on it’s own accord. He had moved into a standing position and was demolishing his room. He threw the crystal lamp to a shattering end against the faded and peeling gray and blue wallpaper. The nightstand flew through the ornate stained glass window, sending colored shards to the bushes below. Tears fell from his eyes to no end, his agonized moans echoed throughout the manor. Severus’s body gave way as he collapsed on the floor, resting his back on the bed and pulling his knees to his chest, he buried his head and for the first time in his life he allowed himself to truly cry. It was moments later that he felt small arms wrap around his shaking body. Hermione didn’t speak a word as she situated herself next to a man she though had no emotions.



“What are you doing in here?” Snape wiped his eyes quickly but, did not move away from the embrace.



“I heard you…I miss him to…” Tears glistened her young eyes. “I know you’re scared but we’re going to get him back.” Severus loosely draped one arm around the girl.



“Well we’re not going to do it while we sitting blubbering on about it.” He pushed himself to his feet and offered his hand to his student. “Let’s go find a Deatheater shall we?”



Granger smiled and accepted his hand. “Alright, but you’re slightly less threatening with tear stained cheeks.” She rubbed her own eyes.



“You do realize, Ms. Granger, that if you so much as utter a word of this to anyone…including Harry…I will be forced to fail you, crushing your hopes of graduation.” He made no move to smile.



“What would I possibly tell them? I didn’t see a thing. You have been admirably brave through this entire ordeal.” She also kept a straight face.



“Glad that we’ve come to an understanding.” Snape surveyed the room.



“Though if one were to have a breakdown this would surely be the way to go about it. I would feel the impulse to congratulate said person on completing the daunting task of getting in touch with his…” Hermione was cut off with her professor’s customary steely tone.



“I may vomit.” Severus straightened his robes.



“I’m not a simpleton, you don’t want to talk about it but I am going to ask you one question and I expect an honest answer.”



“Very well.” Sev answered, slowly exiting the room.



“Do you really love him that much?” She stopped him by placing her hand on his arm.



Snape lowered his eyes to the ground. “He…” tears threatened to return. “He is my very reason for living. With him away from me I feel like…I feel empty inside, like my core is rotting outward…to sum it up Ms. Granger…I feel as though I would welcome death.” He nodded and turned sharply, walking briskly down the hall. “We need to plan.” He called after the girl.



*** *** ***



Dumbledore tapped on the door of a bedroom in Grimwald place. “Are you settling in son?” He smiled fatherly at Ron.



“Yeah…yes sir.” He corrected.



“If it’s all right with you I’m going to send you and Tonks on reconnaissance mission, of sorts. She knows all of our local Deatheater haunts. I’d like to know what they know.”



“Where will we go?” Ron pocketed his wand.



“Knockturn Alley I’d suspect.”



“We’re leaving soon, if you’re agreeable.” Tonks entered the room. “And I need you to take this…” He tossed him a small vial.



“What is it?” Ron shook the liquid.



“Polyjuice potion. We can’t very well waltz in there looking as we do.” She ruffled Ron’s orange hair.



“Uggghhh.” He garbled down the think mess. “That stuff is repulsive. Wait, who am I turning into?”



“Unspecified. Just different…more…Deatheater-y. C’mon bud, it’ll be fun. You…me…death defying acts of…eavesdropping.” Tonks was full of energy.



Ron hiccupped as his height shot up almost six inches. “Oh Merlin I hate this part!” He squeaked. He could feel his bones and flesh shifting to create a new appearance. He rushed to the mirror. His hair was black; he was tall and lanky with unmemorable features. “I look like a Slytherin…I look like Snape.” Ron wined.



“How about this?” Tonks shook her entire body. Her appearance turned to that of a female mirror of her counterpart. Flaccid hair hung drably past her shoulders, her nose was hooked at the end and jagged teeth adorned her mouth.



“I’m way hotter than that. I don’t think you captured the Snape features.” Atheena laughed as she snuck in the back of the room.



“Maybe not yours but surely you see the resemblance between us and you brother. I mean he’s….” He stopped when she sent him a warning tilt of her head.



“He’s what?” Atheena placed her hands on her hips.



“He’s…the…” He was struggling.



“Best Professor we’ve ever had the pleasure of…” Tonks tried to help.



“Of course he is.” Atheena carefully mulled over the new faces. “You should be able to lurk around unnoticed.” Both wore shabby black robes with oversized hoods. “Now remember, if anything goes wrong you simply push the top button on your robes. Dumbledore and I will be notified and we’ll come rescue you or whatever.”



“Actually my dear…” Albus clucked his tongue. “Rachel and Minerva have requested that I return to the school. A large number of the students don’t feel it safe enough to travel. They have decided to remain at the school. A portion of those are children of Deatheaters. It would be best if I were allowed to go back. Atheena if you feel able…” The wrinkles on his face echoed regret.



“Of course Albus. You’re only a fire call away.” She nodded in approval. “Well then I must be off. Atheena Tonks has given you…”



“Loads of property deeds. I’ve already started searching through them. If they have any secret properties I’ll find them. You know it’s a long shot. They probably wouldn’t register.” She tepped her fingers on the wall. “And if you used computers…”



“To each his own Atheena. Look for anything listed to the Snape, Malfoy, Lestrange or Black families…”



“And Crabbe, Goyle, Greyback, Avery… I know the drill if it’s own by a dickhead…”



“You were in America too long. I’ll leave you too it then. Good luck to all of you.” Dumbledore was gone instantly.



Tonks smiled at Ron and Atheena. “We’d best be off too. We’ll see you in a few days, hopefully with news.”



“Be careful. Do you have all of your bases covered? Names…occupations…where are you from? How long have you served Voldemort?”



“Darcy and Odin Pendarvis. I’m a guard at Azkaban, he’s in waste removal for the ministry, from London, new recruits.” Tonks rattled off the information.



“Sounds good.” Atheena grined. “Get out of here.”



Tonks grabbed Ron’s arm and with a poof they had apperated away.



**** *** ***



“Bugger!” Ron complained as they landed in the shady alley. “I had more questions! This is why things are always going badly for us! We don’t plan!”



Tonks shoved him in the direction of a small inn named ‘The Alley Cat.” The remnants of a black wooden cat hung above the door. “You can ask them when we get a room.” The building they entered seemed to emanate darkness.



“We’re dead…” Ron gulped as his stomach rumbled.



“Shhh.” Tonks silenced. She walked up to the front desk and pounded her hand down, waking the old toothless wizard.



“A room.” Her voice was crotchety as she slammed money down.



The man threw her a key. “Third floor.” With that he returned to his nap.



Tonks led Ron through the neglected Hallways. No one looked at each other as they passed and Ron noticed that most people who had their arm exposed possessed the Dark Mark. The room they were given was small and filthy with two unkempt beds and a tiny grungy bathroom. The walls were covered with several types of wallpaper and peeling paint. “This is where we’re staying?”



“Yes. I know it’s a bit of a dump but it’s our best shot.” Tonks seemed practiced. “We’ll go down and sit at the pub. Just keep your eyes and ears open.” Tonks turned and tripped into the hall.



She slammed into a large man who was in turn pummeled by a small girl. “Snape watch where you’re…” She stopped realizing her slip. Her eyes widened.



“Snape?” Ron stepped out of the depressing room. “Bugger all.”



“By the clumsiness I’d wager you’re Tonks.” The unknown man pushed them all back inside. His voice lowered. “What are you two doing here?” He eyed Tonks. “A stitch lost in time.”



“This man is a loon.” Ron shook his head.



“You’ll discover hard to find…Severus.” Tonks regarded her colleague. “Ron it’s alright.”



“Ronald? You look like hell.” Hermione hugged her friend.



“You’ve had better days yourself ‘Mione.” The girl was short and squatty with greasy brown hair and sunken in eyes.



“What are you both doing here?” Tonks inquired. They were supposed to be at the manor.



“What are you?” Snape countered. His long beard and dodgy eyes did not suit him.



“Albus sent us.”



“Likewise.” He lied.



“Do you need an help?” Ron questioned his friend.



“I’m perfectly capable of acting on my own. Thank you Ronald.” Hermione snapped.



“I wont offer anymore, bullocks.” Ron was put off.



“We need to get going.” Hermione reminded her professor.



“That we must. What does Albus have planned for you?” He turned to Tonks once more.



“The Ol’ look and listen. You?” She new the man in front of her was not being truthful.



“Retrieving an artifact from Brogin’s.”



“So late?”



“We needed to exercise caution.”



Tonks nodded in faked agreement. “My best wishes…in whatever it is you’re undertaking.” Hermione edged out of the room. Ron watched it all suspiciously.



“The same.” Snape nodded shortly and followed Hermione out.



“We should just stay in for tonight. It’s to risky with whatever he has planned, too many new faces at one.” Tonks was worried as she locked the door and turned to Ron. “I’ll go out and get us something to eat later on.” She promised.



“Thank Merlin.” Ronald clutched his stomach.



*** *** ***



“Does this change the plan?” Hermione stopped and turned to her associate in the hallway.



“No. We go to the end of this hall. We enter room 17 1/4 . You hit it’s occupant with a stunning spell and I apperate all of us out. You must move quickly. I don’t know who it’ll be and I don’t want either of us injured. Do you understand?” He held her by the shoulders.



“Yes. You’re sure it will be a Deatheater?”



“Certain rooms are reserved for his followers. This is one of them. Granger he absolulty must do this with no witnesses, no struggle.” He stopped outside the door. Snape whispered a spell and the door silently opened. Both crept inside without a sound. Hermione was ready when a woman exited the bathroom.



“Stupify!” She didn’t know if she had finished the word before she felt a whoosh and all three wizards spun out of view. The landed in the bacement of Snape Manor. The stared fantastically at the woman who stood frozen.



“Oh bloody hell.” Severus cursed.



“I would have never seen this coming. This could be bad.” Hermione jumped away.



“This could be amusing.” Snape drawled.







*** *** ***



Harry awoke in the middle of the night to the feeling of eyes on the back oh his head. He turned slowly and with all the cockiness he could muster he met the eyes with, “Cant sleep lover?” Harry took notice that his hands were no longer bound above his head.



“You know I’ve always been more of a creature of the night…I don’t know where that comes from.” Marius laid his hand flat against Harry’s chest.



“Pure evil?” Harry pondered.



“Those meddlesome friends of your are on the move. You’re godfather and one off those obnoxious twins left my loft today.”



“They’re going to find us. Sirius, Severus, none of them will stop until you’re dead.” Potter glared at the man.



“That may all be true but that doesn’t help you know, does it? You fancy my brother some type of saint, a righteous man, don’t you?” Marius was caught in a fit of laughter at the mere suggestion.



“You’re brother is a good man!” Harry’s voice was harsh.



“My brother behaves on account of a forced neutering. You had to save is soul did you not?” Marius sat up and crossed his legs in front of him.



“He did all of those things for the good of the order. He had to maintain his position as a spy.” Harry moved upright just as quickly.



“Oh this is rich. All of those years, you really think he bore revulsion for all of it? Don’t kid yourself Harry. Severus loved the freedom our side allowed him when he was younger. He followed Voldemort for five years before the death of your parents…and after that…he simply lived on the headmaster’s leash.” The older mans eyes gleamed at the memories.



“He has a good soul.” Harry defended. “I’ve felt it.”



“Idiot boy. No one has an absolute inclination to one side or the other, he’s no different. I could tell you stories of him that would curdle your…no my pet…I have something better…” He grabbed Harry’s head and closed his eyes. “Aspicio Meus Praeteritus.” A snicker accompanied the spell. Harry groaned as foreign memories poured into his head. “Hold on love. You’re in for quite a ride.” They were the last words he made out before falling into a dark abyss.



*** *** ***



Potter remembered this experience. It felt just like the pensive. A young man he recognized as Snape, perhaps around seventeen years of age laughed devilishly with a group of his peers. Harry thought one of the boys was Lucius Malfoy. They all sat lazily around a comfortably furnished room. Severus’s wand was pointed with a vengeance at a small boy huddled on the floor.



“Let’s hear lil’ Frankie scream Sev!” A chubby dark haired man taunted.



A smirk smeared across the face of Harry’s future lover as his pray whimpered a quiet ‘no’. “What was that Longbottom? Everyone claims you to be a strong member of the opposition…you couldn’t possibly be begging…Crucio.” Snape yawned and flicked his wand. The boy flailed about, screaming out in pain.



“He’s like one of those spinning tops that the muggles have!” Malfoy hooted. “I take it back Snape…you have mastered Crucio…” The blonde was interrupted when a small child entered the room.



“Sevi, dad told me to come play by you.” Harry deduced that this was a younger Marius.



Severus quickly lifted the spell. “Mar wait for me on the stairs and I’ll take you out on my broom, ok?”



“How long?” The boy asked his older brother.



“Just a few moments. Just long enough to show my guests out.” He had moved so that he stood in front of the broken body. The instant his younger brother disappeared from view Severus turned to this friends. “Regulus, Avery, get rid of him…” They stared, unmoving. “Now!” Snape yelled. “Insolent twits!” The two boys jumped up and quickly drug the shaking form of Frank Longbottom into the fireplace, where they soon disappeared.



“We were supposed to go to him as soon as we were finished. I’ll remind you Severus that you do not want to disobey him.” Lucius argued, his arms crossed over his chest.



“I’ll go as soon as I’m done with Marius. He’ll lose interest in a short time.” Lucius seemed unconvinced. “I’ll go when I go. The Dark Lord has yet to call us.” He finished the conversation by walking past Harry and out of the door, leaving Malfoy angered.



*** *** ***



Harry spun so quickly that when he came to a screeching stop he clutched his stomach, feeling as though he would be ill. It was foul preparation for the sight that burned his. Harry gasped when the picture fell together. Severus had Regulus Black bent awkwardly over an unmade bed. The grunts issuing from the lovers abused his senses. Snape seemed so rough and uncaring…his bonded seemed to want to hurt the other man.



Potter attempted to close his eyes, to him dismay he found himself in the same room on a different occasion. Sun shown through a stained glass window, casting a red tint over Severus’s face. His expression seemed twisted as he growled at the handsome young man that straddled him at the hips. Snape’s pelvis pumped jaggedly. His black eyes like ice. Harry watched as both men finished. The man that Harry did not recognize collapsed on top of Sev. “That was amazing.” His voice was kind.



“What did you expect?” The future potions master shrugged his companion away and stood, pulling on pants.



“Why do you always do that? Get up right after? You could stay and…” He tried to grasp the darker man’s hand.



Snape jerked away. “If I stayed in bed who do you propose would see you out?”



Harry turned away from the fridged tone, his hands clasped firmly over his ears. He was met with unthinkable horror. He stood in the back of a dark room that resembled the chamber of secrets. Everything appeared dark and coated in stale moisture. Voldemort was seated in a throne like chair fondly taking in that night’s proceedings. Harry was unprepared for what he was exposed to has he took a step forward. He would guess his partner to be in his early twenties. He was crouched in the center of a circle of Deatheaters forcing himself on Frank Longbottom. There was no feeling to be read on his face. The movements appeared almost mechanical. He seemed to finish quickly and return to his position in the circle. Tears fell from Harry as he watched Lucius step up for his go. Alice Longbottom lay curled up on Bellatrix Lestrange’s feet, forced to watch the humiliation of her husband.



The pictures began to change rapidly. All were different men. All in area’s Severus had inhabited. His office at Hogwarts, His Potions lab, The classroom, A corridor, The kitchens, The Black lake, Behind a shop in Diagon Ally, The three broomsticks, even a bedroom in Grimwald Place. The barrage of encounters were reminiscent of a view-finder. They switched quickly, yet allowed for full detail. A voice echoed around him.



“Now it gets really interesting pet.”



Potter was transferred to an ancient cobblestone road. It was late night and a miserable drizzle bit at his eyes. He looked around apprehensively. It was an abandoned wooded area. “Sev please don’t! You know the truth! Please don’t do this! I’ll leave, He’ll never know!” The plea caused Harry to turn in the opposite direction that he was looking in. There was someone begging frantically in front of a twenty two year old Severus. “Avada Kadarva!” Harry watched as Snape issued his first killing curse. The seething red light ended a young mans life with utter ease. The frail body fell with a thud to the ground. Severus didn’t give his victim a second glance before he apperated away. Harry was none so lucky. He knelt down next to the murdered man. He all to soon realized it to be the handsome man he had watched Snape with in his bedroom.



Harry was allowed no time for remorse as the scenes began to transform ever faster. Harry helplessly watched as his love massacred countless men and woman. Some Harry new to be wizards by their clothing, others he thought were muggles. People fell pray to Severus at the feet of Voldemort, other’s in battle and still others Snape cursed while he was alone. Potter noticed that his bonded aged regret had filled his features. Harry choked on his disgust.



“Do you still see a good soul pet?” Marius held Harry tightly against his chest. “That brother of mine…he’s quite the character.” His laugh brought Harry out of his shock enough to know to push himself away. “Can you love him now?”



“They’re lies!” The Gryffindor hissed.



“Are they? Don’t you wish you could ask him? Deep down you wonder if he’s capable of it. Well how about this…That man you watched my precious Sevi shoot down, his name is…excuse me…was…Mathias Creevey. Does that ring any bells? Maybe a mousy little photographer…Colin was it? He was killed in the battle wasn’t he?”



“Shut your mouth!” Harry warned. “None of it is true!”



“I assure you that it is. At any rate, Mathias was Colin’s uncle. Sev sure did have a good time with that one, well until…you know…” Marius gestured by placing his hands around his neck. “I was just a child of course but I remember Matty coming around almost daily for at least six months. I’m old-fashioned but I’d call that a relationship, wouldn’t you? And then to just kill him…monstrous.”



Harry simply stared at him. “I hope he kills you.”



“Wouldn’t be anything new for him now would it?” Marius smiled and laid back down. “Wow…that was just exhausting. I think I’m finally ready for sleep.” Marius rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. “Don’t let it worry you too much Harry, after all he’s a good man and the love of your life.” He said no more, instead he left Harry to his raging thoughts















Take time to let me know your thoughts, also I once again need a beta anyone interested? If you’ve emailed before and I didn’t answer please try again and anyone new, I’d love to have you!