Never Piss Off a House-Elf

Severus's first stop after he left Spinner's End was, surprisingly, Hogwart's. He apparated just outside the gates, as most of the other staff had to. He could apparate directly to his rooms or lab, but he wanted Albus to know he was coming.


The grounds were beautiful, quiet and peaceful. So unlike the campus while the term was rolling. Severus would have liked to stop and enjoy the relative silence, but he had a Headmaster to interrogate. He hiked up the green to the massive doors, ignoring the huge waves coming from Hagrid. The half-giant seemed to think that everyone wanted to be his friend. Severus disagreed.


With a thought, Severus had the doors open. House-elves were furiously working at getting the school ready for the next term. He sighed; explaining to house-elves the concept of having plenty of time for a task was fruitless.


Perhaps I could suggest that to Hermione. . . she would spend the entire summer trying to prove me otherwise, Severus thought, and he mentally laughed at the image of Hermione trying to explain to house-elves that tasks can take a while to finish. And then she'd be mad at him for tricking her.


Severus walked straight up the stairs to Albus's office and stared down all the paintings on his way. He blanched when he saw the Fat Lady visiting with a milk-maid near Dumbledore's office. He pinched the bridge of his nose and kept his head down, praying she wouldn't see him, but it was too late.


"There he is, Tilly! I told you! And you can smell it on him!" the Fat Lady shouted, pointing at Severus. "He's the one that took the Granger girl!"


"I hoid ya, Fattie," the milk-maid said in a frustrated tone. "And I thought ya were here tae visit wi' me, not loo' for ol' men 'o like 'ittl goils!"


Severus listened to the women bicker for a few minutes before she stopped them.


"Enough!" he roared. "It is no business of yours. Hermione is well of age, and we are engaged. And you," he pointed at the Fat Lady, "are a painting. You have no sense of smell, you old hag. Now get back to your own damned painting!"


"Bat," the Fat Lady tossed over her shoulder as she tried to trot off, only managing a less-than-stately waddle.


"I' ya need a warm body, let ol' Tilly know," the milk-maid said coyly, smiling and revealing a mouth full of broken teeth. Severus shuddered at the sight and thanked whatever gods existed for Hermione's dental work. Certain things would be quite difficult if her teeth were like the milk-maid's.


"I'll be sure to remember that," Severus said, covering his mouth. Her teeth really were quite awful. he shuddered again before reaching the door to Albus's office. "Lime ricky."


He really spends too much time in the muggle towns, Severus thought to himself as he contemplated the muggle treat that was the latest password to reach Albus.


"I know you're up there, Albus. You are so pleased with yourself that I can hear you twinkling," Severus said irritably. He'd set out in a rather alright mood, but it was deteriorating. Severus climbed the last of the stairs and faced the final door to Albus's inner-office. It was unlocked. He opened it and entered, closing it behind himself and he finally dropped into a chair. "Get your paper?"


Albus laughed and nodded. He smiled and leaned back in his own chair.


"I was wondering when you'd come by to see me. It's been what, three days, four?" Albus said, twinkling at Severus, who scowled blackly.


"I don't remember. And stop that insufferable twinkling, damn it. Did you talk to Skeeter?" Severus jumped right in with the interrogation. "Or did you have Minerva say something?"


"Severus, I am truly hurt that you think I would meddle like that, or even worse, pawn it off on my own Minerva to do," Albus said dryly. "Unfortunately, you are still wrong. Your leak is elsewhere. Do you have any other ideas?"


"A few. I know how you trust everyone at the house, but I don't. I figured that it hadn't been you or Minerva, but I felt it would be better to give you fair warning before I decided to interrogate those in residence at Grimmauld Place."


"I don't suppose I could persuade you to wait a bit before you storm the bastions?"


"No. If there is anything else you wish to mention before I leave, I suggest you say it now."


"You're only upset now because you slept with her and she's left your bed," Albus said, and Severus stared at him. "I can tell, you know. How you walk. How early in the day you came to me. I assume it was last night, and you said something nasty that coupled with the headline pushed Hermione to leave Spinner's End."


"I didn't say anything nasty. I simply told her not to expect a sudden change in my demeanor. I'm no gentleman, Albus, and she needs to see that," Severus said, standing and heading for the door.


"And she's no lady, I assume? You both have much learning to do," Albus said as Severus left, unsure if the man had heard him. "Alas, I find that I, too, miss my better half."


Albus grabbed some powder and tossed it into his ever-burning fire. He muttered something and was rewarded with the sight of Minerva MacGonagall's bedroom.


"Min, I feel a need for you. . . my love," Albus said tenderly. She'd been sleeping late, and her voice was drowsy as it came to him.


"Then you can get up and come here. My bed's already warm."


555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555


Hermione spent the better part of the day with her friends, though it was tense and filled with awkward silences. She spoke with the other occupants of the house, and by dinnertime, she was sufficiently convinced that none of them had been the ones to run to Rita Skeeter. But that was the problem ~-- how did the buzzard get the story?


Hermione carefully questioned the adults staying at the house. Some were nice about the whole thing, like Remus, who offered both congratulations and sympathy, allowing for Hermione to pick which she needed. She had laughed and hugged him.


"Remus, how are you and Tonks dealing with this law? Surely she's being pressed to marry as well," Hermione asked, sipping her soda as she sat across from Remus.


"Well, we have a year to figure it out. Don't worry about us, Hermione. We'll find our own way. You have to worry about yourself," Remus said, smiling slightly. His eyes were warm. "I don't think Tonks is about to let me get away this time."


Hermione also spoke with Sirius and Rosmerta. Roz was rather indifferent about the whole matter, having settled her own situation. Sirius was still livid about the whole thing. For Sirius, Severus should have been put to death for being who he was.


"Hermione, you should try to kill him or get him to kill himself. Honestly, he's no good for you. You would be much better served with Ron, having lots of brainy ginger-headed kids," Sirius proclaimed from his sitting room where the wireless was playing, crackling badly. Hermione turned it down and took a seat near him.


"Sirius, that is cruel of you. He's not the reason you went through all you did," Hermione said, wincing at the sounds still coming from the radio. "Could you turn that off?"


Sirius waved his wand at the radio, which promptly silenced itself.


"Sirius, he doesn't want to die, but he still doesn't seem to be too happy about the whole thing. And I would not be better served with Ron ~-- I don't want a whole gaggle of kids," Hermione pointed out. She shook her head. "I'm not having this conversation again today. I just need to know if you spoke to anyone about what's been happening, just to spite Severus."


"Would I do that?" Sirius said, and Hermione had to laugh at his expression of mock-disdain.


"Yes."


"I would, but I didn't. I like to be able to eat and drink, you know."


"Fine. I'll assume you're telling the truth. And I'll enjoy letting Severus know that you're so afraid of him."


"Witch."


"It's what I am. I'll be around for a bit more, Sirius, but then I'll be going home for the rest of the summer. I'll visit, though."


"It is so strange to hear you calling Snivellus's dingy ancestral manor 'home'."


"Isn't this your home?"


"Point taken. Now leave before I hex you just to annoy the old bat."


555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555


Hermione gave up on trying to question the rest of the people at Grimmauld Place. She was tired and still upset with Severus, but she had no place else to go. She said her goodbyes to her friends and headed for the apparation point down the road. She was nearly there when strong arms came around her shoulders.


"Little girls shouldn't wander out alone," a silky voice breathed in her ear. Hermione sighed involuntarily.


"Severus. . . "


"How'd you guess?" the tall man said, turning Hermione so he could look into her eyes. His eyes were dark and slightly dangerous. Hermione looked at her outfit: cut-off denim shorts and a shirt that didn't meet them. "Where are your robes?"


"It's hot, Severus. I'm not going to pander to your modesty and die of heat exhaustion in the doing," Hermione said, trying to get out from his grip.


"It isn't my modesty you should be wary of, Hermione," Severus said. His expression was strange for a moment, but he let her go. "Ahem. I was on my way to speak with your cohorts at Grimmauld Place, but I would assume that you already interrogated them about the newspaper. If I may?"


Hermione was shocked, but she nodded.


"Legilimens," Severus said softly, allowing himself to gaze into her mind. He assumed that occasionally asking her permission would build her trust in him. He saw her day, from her dismay when she woke up in his bed and that discussion to her arrival at Grimmauld Place, as well as her discussions with both Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. But it was Ginny Weasley's words that resonated with him. "Hermione, did you see any beetles when we were out in London or Diagon Alley?"


"No, Severus. No beetles. Just the mosquitoes, which seem a bit worse this summer," Hermione said, but her face paled. She looked into Severus's eyes. "She's already got one unregistered animagus form. What if she has another?"


Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. He was still somewhat connected to Hermione's brain, and he understood why the reporter hated her: Hermione was young, beautiful and smart, and on top of that, she discovered Skeeter's secret and had used it against her in a most vindictive way. Hermione had kept the woman in her beetle form for quite a while. Since her release, Skeeter had made Hermione her special project, printing anything that anyone would believe, so long as it made the younger witch look bad.


"Hermione, I do believe that we have another errand to run today. . . and I have a plan," Severus said, smirking. Hermione shook her head, but grinned evilly.


"No. We do this my way, Severus. And here's what we do. . ."