Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 16—part 2

September 1

The end of my summer was not pleasant. I don’t think I’ve spent so much time away from the sun and locked away in the library since the last time my father…

Well, since before I went to Hogwarts anyway.

Mother has been worried sick. She’s looking worse than I am and Aunt Bellatrix spent most of her time watching over me. She would help me search in the books for different spells and curses that might be useful to me. She said Mother was too busy digging through boxes of old antiques that she inherited from her family.

Aunt Bella said that the Blacks had many items of great magical power that could prove useful to me. I suppose that she was trying to help me in her own way.

This morning, before I got onto the train, my mother pulled me aside and handed me a small package tied in black paper. She told me that there was a note inside that would explain everything and that I wasn’t to tell anyone about it. It was my “back-up” in case things did not go well… In the event that I wouldn’t be able to complete my task.

I gave her a mildly confused look but nodded nonetheless and got onto the train to find my compartment with the rest of my usual gang.

Oh yes, I’ve given up my prefect status. They also offered me Slytherin Quidditch Captain but I refused it. I have too many responsibilities on my plate already; there is no way I can do all of them.

Those titles don’t mean anything to me anymore.

Somewhere mid-way through the trip, Blaise was called out of the compartment. The kid didn’t say why but he left us. I can’t imagine why anyone would call Zabini anywhere. He’s not a prefect, nor Head Boy, nor is he Quidditch Captain… he’s not the greatest student and he’s not very strong spoken…. In fact the only thing I see people paying attention to him for is that he’s rather attractive.

So I’m told. Personally, he’s not my type.

…… I have a type?

I have got to stop thinking like a child.

I guess I showed my frustration on my face because Pansy suddenly offered to play with my hair if I needed to relax. She really can be a good friend sometimes… I know she probably still has feelings for me (or whatever you want to call that) but she is good at comforting me…on occasion.

I lay down with my head on her lap and let her stroke my hair. I found myself wishing that it was Potter stroking my hair instead, but then snapped my head to the side to get rid of the thought. Pansy jumped and apologized for no reason. I shook it off and went back to listening to the others talk about absolutely nothing of any interest.

Then Blaise came back. He stepped in and tried to shut the door but it stuck, flung open again and then there was a small gust of wind. While Blaise tried to fix the door my eyes followed the wind and I saw the briefest flash of white over the seat before the door shut and Blaise took his seat again.

My eyes lingered on the spot for a minute, thinking hard and listening intently. I had this sinking feeling that I knew what was going on but I didn’t say anything. The last thing I’m going to make myself seem is a fool.

Blaise briefly explained that Slughorn (new professor) had called some random students to meet in his compartment for a little ‘party’. He said that he assumed they were supposed to be students with impressive backgrounds or very promising magical abilities. Potter, naturally, was called, along with MacLaggen, the She-Weasel and Longbottom.

I should have figured right there that it was all some crazy joke. Who would included the SHE-WEASEL and LONGBOTTOM in their group of ‘influential students’?? I figured that he just hadn’t heard I was on the train but Blaise shot that idea down in a heartbeat.

Apparently, Slughorn doesn’t like Death-Eaters.

Funny, I don’t remember becoming one.

I rolled my eyes while Pansy made some snide comments to Blaise about why the She-Weasel would be invited. Apparently many boys like her. Fantastic. Now that I know that I can die fulfilled.

Honestly, the comments that come out of that girl’s mouth sometimes just make me wonder how she doesn’t fall down more often.

Besides, the She-Weasel is wholly unattractive in any and every way. HOW could anyone see anything worthwhile in her??

I don’t think it’s possible.

Anyway, I told them that I don’t care much about whether or not Slughorn likes me or not. I said it wouldn’t matter much anyway because I may not even be coming back to Hogwarts next year. They all stared at me for a while, asking me why or what I could possibly be doing otherwise?

I told them that I might be on to “bigger and better things” by then. They all took this to mean that I would be working for the Dark Lord. They asked me why I thought he would waste his time with an unqualified and underage wizard working for him. Why I was so special.

I’m no fool. Whether or not I was right about the gust of wind and the flash of white, I wasn’t about to give myself away there.

I told them simply that perhaps whatever it was I was supposed to be doing might not require me to be qualified.

They all stared at me for a long moment, considering what I was telling them.

The truth behind all that was that I know I won’t be back at Hogwarts next year because, one way or another, I’ll be dead.

Simple as that.

I lay back on Pansy’s lap and let her keep playing with my hair until we decided that we were getting close enough to school that we should change into our robes. I waited a moment, after standing up and paid indirect attention to the spot over where Blaise was sitting.

Then Goyle reached for his trunk and I heard it. This strong smacking sound as though his trunk had hit someone in the head. There was a sharp intake of breath immediately afterwards and I turned quickly, staring directly at the empty spot but there was nothing.

It didn’t matter that I couldn’t see anything, though. I know what was there.

If Potter wanted to watch me change into my robes, that’s perfectly fine with me.

Though he has terrible timing… I don’t like him anymore…

I got into my robes just as we were pulling in to the station. Pansy and the others went ahead and I told them I’d be with them in a moment. I closed the door and pretended to rummage in my trunk for something before spinning on my heel and casting the body-bind curse.

There was a muffled yelp and then a crash to the floor as Potter fell in his awkward position, frozen at my feet, half uncovered by his Invisibility Cloak. I stared at him for a while, thinking terrible things as he lay helpless and vulnerable beneath me.

“I thought as much,” I told him. I told him it was no matter because he didn’t hear anything I care about but then this overwhelming urge came over me. Something I couldn’t control and wish with every part of me that I hadn’t done.

I smashed his nose with my foot… and I told him that it was for my father. I think it nearly tore me in half to have to do that.

I wanted desperately to kneel down next to him and kiss him again. To taste him and fix his nose and tell him that it didn’t matter.

Then I realized that I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t keep letting myself get distracted like that. I stiffened, covered him back up with his cloak and told him that they likely wouldn’t find him until they got back to London. I said goodbye and stepped on his hand as I left the compartment, feeling sick to my stomach and wishing that things were different.

But I can’t do this anymore!! I CAN’T!

I can’t have him think that he affects my every move! He can’t do this to me!!

I was shaking with rage and with frustration. I could feel the light trickle of blood down my arm and I just screamed and banged my hands on the wall of the train before getting out and getting into a carriage to go up to the castle.

But then Potter showed up to the feast anyway.

I nearly broke something when I saw him strut down the Hall to join his friends at the Gryffindor table, still wearing his Muggle clothes.

To make up for it, I started mimicking breaking his nose to my friends, who all found it wonderfully hilarious. But that didn’t help…

I wanted him AWAY from school!! I need him GONE! I CAN’T afford to have him around ruining everything!!

I can’t afford to have him tempt me…convince me out of my job…

Dumbledore started his speech and I immediately tuned it out. I played with my fork (levitating it) instead. Listening to his words would be allowing myself to believe that the whole situation is real and not (as I have found myself thinking) just a game… nothing more. Then I would be less sure of myself and less devoted to my task…I can’t have that.

The both of them… I wish they were both gone from school so that I didn’t have to worry…so that I wouldn’t have to deal with their charming offers of safety and protection.

Though if Dumbledore were gone there wouldn’t be much of a task for me, would there?

*******

We each had individual meetings with our Heads of Houses today to decide what courses would be best to take for whatever career we hope to get after school. I thought the whole of it was kind of pointless for me, seeing as I don’t have a future to speak of, but I went anyway.

Snape took a look at my grades and basically said I could take whatever courses I felt like taking. He spent some time staring at me and I stared determinately back at him. He’s always been my favourite teacher but there is something wrong with the way he was looking at me… and what with everything that has happened over the summer, I just don’t know if I can trust him.

“What do you want to do, Draco?” he asked me. I was so surprised by the question that I didn’t answer right away. “Draco! What do you want to do with your life??”

I know it was foolish and absolutely meaningless, but I turned away. I let my tongue run over the backs of me teeth as I thought about it.

“I don’t really have much of a choice,” I answered, refusing to look at him. He rolled his eyes. I didn’t see him, but I know he did.

“Don’t be foolish,” he snapped. “What do you want to do?”

“I…” I sat up straighter and regained my composure and determination. I wouldn’t let him see me like that again. Especially not while I told him the truth. “I’ve always kind of wanted to be an Auror.”

He stared at me for a good five minutes before he even opened his mouth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Snape speechless before. Not ever.

I doubt anyone ever has.

I was slightly pleased with that alone, but I knew what was coming. Or at least I thought I did.

“Very well then, you have all the courses you need for that at your disposal,” he made some marks on a piece of parchment, as I stared at him, dumbfounded that I wasn’t going to get a lecture or a sneering comment. “Here is your timetable.”

I took it without a word. I didn’t look at the paper; I just left the room and went on with my day.

There was something distinctly wrong with that whole scenario… something terribly wrong.

*******

I had my first Defense Against the Dark Arts class today. The sixth and seventh year courses are NEWT courses and so the classes are made up of a mix of students from every House. It turns out that most of my courses are with Potter.

That and since Snape is now teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, today was a very eventful day.

We started learning non-verbal spells. Well, the rest of the class started learning about them. I have already been practicing, though I still have some trouble with certain ones.

We were supposed to be blocking jinxes non-verbally in partners. I partnered with Pansy, solely because I refuse to partner with Crabbe or Goyle anymore. NOT for spell-casting.

Potter, on the other side of the class, was having great difficulty with his spell. Though so was Weasel. Snape decided that Weasel’s jinx was so pitiful that he had to show the class how it was done and jinx Potter himself.

I don’t know what the hell was going through his mind, but Potty decided that he didn’t need to practice non-verbal spells and countered Snape’s jinx with the most powerful shield charm I have ever seen. It was so strong that it sent Snape hurtling back into a desk.

Snape was not impressed by his inability to keep his mouth shut and, for some reason, Potter decided that this was a good time to talk back. He said the most arrogant thing I think I’ve ever heard to Snape and got himself detention.

I didn’t pay attention to that though. It was still bothering me that he could do ANY spell with that much power behind it. I was mesmerized for a good few moments before Pansy threw a jinx at me and snapped me out of my stupor.

Damn Potter… I told you I can’t deal with his distractions anymore.

******

Potions. First class with Slughorn. And Potter, of course. Potions would simply not be the same without Potter. Though I’m beginning to think that there is something awry with Hogwarts this year.

Slughorn started his damn lecture by asking the class to identify several potions at the front of the class. Naturally, without missing a beat, the mudblood steals the moment to spew out every ounce of knowledge she can stuff in that bushy head of hers.

I was not impressed. Slughorn, however, was delighted.

He presumed that she simply MUST be that “friend of Potter’s that he claims is the best in the class”!

Oh well isn’t that just delightful!

I want to hex him. Granger isn’t the best in the class!! I got JUST as many OWLs as she did!! What’s to say that she’s better than I am, just because she always has her damn nose shoved in a book?

Just because that idiot Potter says it’s so doesn’t make his word law.

She identified the potions and I couldn’t help but laugh when she came to Amortentia, which is the strongest love potion imaginable. It causes uncontrollable infatuation and obsessive love. I made some comments to Nott, who laughed along with me until Slughorn noticed me (finally) and scolded me. He said that one should never underestimate the power of “obsessive love”. I shut up but not because he scolded me.

I shut up because I know that it’s true.

My attention was quickly drawn away, mind you, when he got to Felix Felicis. Pure liquid luck. He told us that the challenge of the day would be to brew a potion and that the student that was the furthest along by the end of the class would win Felix Felicis.

I sat up straighter and stared intently at the potion, knowing that I needed that.

But then something hit me.

The very first thought I had when I thought of what I would do if I had that potion was get Potter… I could get him to pay attention to me, to like me… to care about me.

But that’s not right!!

I’ve got many more IMPORTANT and more DANGEROUS tasks to accomplish and using Felix Felicis for THOSE would be SO MUCH MORE USEFUL. I could save my own skin with that potion but all I’m thinking about is getting Potter bat his eyelashes at me???

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG!

I was so frustrated with myself that I wasn’t moving quickly enough with the damn potion and, by the end of the class, believe it or not, POTTER was the furthest along.

POTTER WON THE DAMN LUCK POTION.

AS IF HE NEEDS IT!

He has MORE than enough luck to serve the whole WEASLEY family and THAT is saying something!!

I can’t stand this. I can’t go on like this.

I’m to the point where I want to rip my hair out! MY HAIR!

I wish this was easier. I wish I could be as carefree as he is…

But I’m not. And I never will be again.

This is it.

-----IIIII-----

A/N: Oh my, it’s going to get worse. DON’T WORRY! I promise you that there will be good parts and it WILL get HAPPY again! I’m a great big cheeseball at heart, so no worries there. I’m going to do my best to put in some twists into this book, particularly because it leaves some nice open ends for me. Love to hear your thoughts!!

Also, if anyone wants me to alert them when I post, I need to know how you want me to do it… as of now I think I can only send emails… so if you’d like an email… please tell me! ^^ I will be sending to the email listed on your userpage unless specified otherwise. If you would like to email me, feel free! My email is on my userpage as well!

COOKIES FOR REVIEWS! I think I should start trying to offer smut instead of cookies hahah I wonder what that would do hehehe