#6 ~ A Matter of Matrimony

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR (except Marcus Delaluci). All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 23 ~ The Serpent Claims His Lioness

Hermione did not show up to lunch or dinner in the Great Hall. Severus took both meals there, barely tasting his food as he ate, concerned about her, but not wanting to intrude on her solitude. Marcus’ seat was noticeably empty, no doubt convalescing in his rooms until the bruising faded. Severus smiled at the recollection of Hermione busting the blonde wizard’s nose again. He was lucky that was the part of his anatomy she aimed for. It could have been so much worse.

When Severus returned to his rooms, he retrieved the scrying mirror to look in on Hermione. He found her in her study, uncharacteristically seated in an armchair and staring morosely into the fireplace. Normally she would have a book, or be writing. But she stared into the fire, her eyes hollow, her face drawn. She had the look of someone haunted and lost. Someone who had just had something precious taken from her. Severus’ heart went out to her, even as it clutched in anger at the thought of Marcus and his cruel one-sided observations. Severus could tell by her slumped position, Marcus had succeeded in making her feel less than what she was, a beautiful, brilliant loving and appreciated woman.

Severus put the mirror down and rose from his armchair. Hermione had enough of whatever hell through which she was wandering. He was going to retrieve her and hopefully, restore her. He walked through his lab, her lab and into her office. He found the private entrance ajar, and pushed his way through. He walked softly behind Hermione, who sat staring into the flames, her face expressionless.

“Hermione,” he whispered, leaning over the back of the armchair.

Hermione didn’t acknowledge him. She was still dressed in the outfit she wore to the club the night before. She must have directly fallen into the chair when she returned from her confrontation with Marcus, and not moved again. That had been almost ten hours ago. He placed his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently.

“Hermione,” he said again. This time she stirred and looked up at him.

“Severus,” she replied, her voice so full of anguish that Severus rushed from around the chair and pulled her up into his embrace. She didn’t embrace him back, but simply leaned limply into him. Marcus had really done a job on her. Severus grasped her hand.

“Hermione, come with me, love,” he said softly, leading her to the study entrance. She didn’t resist. She followed him like a little lost sheep. He guided her through the labs and back to his study. Severus sat down in the armchair before the fire, and pulled her onto his lap, letting her head rest against his shoulder. He caressed her hair gently, and listened to her breathe for a while, waiting for her rhythm to match his. This was something he learned over the years. When she was relaxed with him, her breathing exhalations synched with his own. He didn’t know if this was a common occurrence between lovers, but he liked to think it was not. He preferred to think it was evidence that they were matched body-to-body, soul-to-soul. How silly love made him. He was always looking for proof this love was real.

Finally her breathing leveled out, and she relaxed against him. He tried reaching her again.

“Hermione,” he said softly in her ear.

“Yes, Severus,” she answered, her voice drawn and soft.

“Marcus is wrong about us,” he said gently, “he is wrong about you, what you mean to me.”

“He said I am a whore, Severus, and he makes me feel like one. The things he said…” she said brokenly.

Severus pulled her up on his lap so he could look at her eye to eye.

“Hermione, I have been with whores, many times before I had you. I found them convenient when I needed to release. A whore is a willing warm vessel in which to appease the urges of the flesh and empty oneself, then they are paid and forgotten. There is no connection, no closeness, certainly no love with a whore. A whore expects and wants nothing other than recompense for her services. What have you ever wanted from me other than my love, Hermione?

“Nothing. I’ve always only wanted to be yours, and you to be mine,” she answered quietly.

“And when I make love to you, Hermione, what does it feel like I want?” he asked softly.

“Every part of me,” she replied, “Everything I am. All of me,” she whispered.

“Yes,” he replied, smiling at her gently. He continued.

“Two nights ago I poured my heart out to you. Told you how deeply I love you and how much you mean to me. You know in your heart that Marcus is wrong. He knows nothing about the love between us. That night he saw only the surface and nothing of the depth. What he wanted from you, he could never get, even if he had managed to follow through on his plan. He would have been disappointed in the end. Because you have no love for him as you do for me. And he wouldn’t be able to take you where I take you, because he has no love for you. It is more than physical, what we share, Hermione. Every time you accept me, you accept all of me, the total man with all my love and power and weakness and faults. There is no gratification for you without this. It isn’t the pain, Hermione…it’s the love. Our sex life is a powerful physical expression of this love that is in our hearts. My strength gives you pleasure. Your acceptance of my strength gives me pleasure. It takes us over. Don’t ever be ashamed of the way we love and take our pleasure of each other.”

Here, he drew a deep breath.

“But he did say something that struck me to my heart, Hermione…because he was right in a way. We have been together a long time. You surrendered yourself to me and my dark passions, you have shown loyalty when others turned away from me, you have nursed me back to health when others would have given up and left me to die, and you have stood by my side and faced death with me. I can’t imagine ever being without you. I shared my fears of losing you, and I know you don’t intend to leave me…but I will remain insecure. I can’t help myself, because even though you have accepted me, my love, you haven’t accepted all of me.

“Severus, what do you mean?” Hermione said. “I have accepted and loved everything about you, embraced all that you are, even the dark side of you. How can you say I haven’t accepted all of you?”

“Remember years ago, when you told me what you wanted out of life? To seek knowledge, travel, and not be hindered by marriage or children?

“Yes,” she replied, “I also remember telling you I would be happy to stay with you like this for the rest of my life.”

“But what if I want more? You asked me that once, in the beginning, and my reply was you weren’t ready for more. And it was true. But you can’t give me that same answer. I have been ready for more for years, Hermione. I want you to stay with me for the rest of your life, but I want you beyond what we have now. Marcus, as twisted and sick as he is, struck a chord in me; he spoke a truth that was undeniable.

I have never cared what others thought about me, but you deserve better than to have your good name ruined, and being my paramour may have done just that, even if you do not hear it spoken of. I love you and I am proud of you. I will not have others accusing you as Marcus has done of being anything other than what you are. And I am selfish, I don’t want others to be able to say you aren’t rightfully mine. I want you beyond the reach of other men, Hermione. Only then can I truly find peace with your love. I don’t want to hinder your dreams, and that is what has hindered mine. I haven’t had many dreams in my life, Hermione. And you have been the answer to the few dreams I did have. I don’t want you to resent me for loving you so much as to want you for my wife, but the fact remains I do. I do want you for my wife. I have for years.”

Hermione’s eyes went wide, wider than he had ever seen before. Her mouth dropped open. Severus pressed forward, trying to convey what was in his heart.

“You deserve that respect, Hermione. Marriage to me wouldn’t be a chain around your neck, it would be a crown of my regard, reverence and love for you. A shout to the world, if you will, of the depth of my love, a proclamation that I hold you in esteem above and beyond any other woman, and you in return hold me above any other man. I wouldn’t force you to do anything more than you are doing now, my love.

He reached in his robes pocket and pulled out the velvet box. He opened it, and showed her the rings.

“These belonged to my mother. She had pawned them for a few galleons to buy alcohol after my father had cut her off from getting funds in an attempt to stop her drinking. It took me years to track them down. I never bothered seeking them out before you. My parents’ marriage was dysfunctional. My father was abusive to both of us, and my mother drank to deal with his cruelty. These rings once represented nothing but misery, but then, when I found you…I thought they could finally represent what they were made for, true love. So I employed a solicitor to track them down. It took several years. And I have held them since, in case you would one day accept me as your husband. I will never put them on another woman’s hand if you deny me.”

He looked at Hermione, and held the box a little higher.

“Please say you’ll wear these rings, Hermione. Please say you will be my wife and complete me. Release me from my fears of losing you.”

Hermione swallowed. She couldn’t believe this. Severus was proposing. She struggled to get up off his lap. Severus drew her back tight to him and tightened his grip.

“Oh no you don’t, Hermione Granger. You aren’t running from me this time. You are going to sit right here until you give me an answer, “ he growled.

“Severus, I need time to think,” she said, struggling.

“You’ve had seven years to think. You’ve already filled the role of my wife in all things, Hermione. You have loved and honored me, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse. You have forsaken all others and kept yourself only for me for as long as we’ve been together. You deserve these rings. They already belong to you. Say you’ll marry me. Make me a truly happy man, Hermione. Please. I love you.”

Hermione ceased her struggles. She looked at him, hesitating.

“All right, Severus. I’ll marry you,” she said softly, “if that is what you really want.”

Severus felt his heart clutch and release, and the coil of fear that had rested in his belly for years, finally unwound. A joy like he’d never known filled him. The darkness pulled away. She agreed. She agreed, and would be his forever. He blinked back the water filling his eyes. He felt her cool hand caress his cheek.

“Severus…oh, Severus,” Hermione whispered, seeing the tears forming in his eyes.

And he embraced her. He would never, ever let her go.

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A/N and there we go…the proposal. Please review.