Sing for Me, Cry for Me

23. Who Do You Belong To?

November was slowly progressing into December. Things were staying the same with Harry, Ron and Draco being friends and getting still closer and closer making it top in every class. Though Harry promised Ron that there would be no pranks on Granger after their encounter in Snape’s classroom Harry drastically changed his mind and started ruthlessly attacking Hermione’s work in every way possible recruiting other members from other houses to assist him. There wasn’t a class now that something didn’t happen to her. Her books and assignments disappeared constantly and no amount of charms saved them from getting out of her room or of her bag. Sometimes she found them all smudged and torn just before the class was supposed to start thus not being able to hand in her home work and getting a rather bad mark. Now it was absolutely impossible for her to get a book from the library. Not only Madame Pince still held a grudge but also it seemed that the whole school now was relentlessly reading all the books in every subject. Under all this stress and pressure Hermione seemed to stop functioning normally and could hardly master strength enough to study like she did before not to mention that now she had too little material to study with. Teachers of course were aware that something was happening and that not all failures were solely Hermione’s fault but as long as there were always a lot of people to do something and there were never direct evidence as to who was at fault teachers could never point out the culprit and in the end gave up trying assuming that soon this unfortunate war would come to an end. And of course there was Potions, Snape, Slytherins and Harry combined together the force that was impossible to beat and so Hermione was always the one to be beaten in the end. Snape was true to his word and there was no test that Hermione wouldn’t fail. So by the time winter holidays arrived Hermione was indeed a laughing stock of the whole school along with being the most unpopular person and with rather low grades. That is why she was extremely relieved to leave Hogwarts and to go home away from the hellhole it became even for a short amount of time though she was afraid that her parents wouldn’t be too pleased with the results she achieved.

For Harry, Ron and Draco naturally that time was quite the time of their lives. They spent all their time together leaving no room for doubts that they indeed were dating. Everyone got used to that idea eventually and decided that being on the good side of the three of them was already good enough and judging by Granger no one ever ventured to be offensive in any way to one of them not that they had any reason to. The three of them kept to each other bothering no one just studying and spending joyous time together. After Harry’s and Lucius’ last encounter it was Harry’s duty now to report to Lucius as to his mental and physical state as well as to his transgression if any. Though Harry absolutely refused to report to Lucius every day persuading Lucius took about a week of everyday writing on Harry’s part but in the end Lucius conceded and made it once a week. Almost.


Lucius,
Be realistic! Every day? You must be kidding! I am so not writing to you every day!
Harry.


Kitten,
You need to learn some manners. It’s not the way to write letters to a Malfoy. And what is so offensive and unrealistic about writing a letter every day? After all Draco did it and never complained. The one who is unreasonable and rather obstinate here is you my little one.
Lucius.


Almighty Lucius,
I’d like to point out to you because maybe you left it out of your sight sitting somewhere on the top of the world that Draco did what you told him only because he absolutely had to. After all you threatened to disown him should he disobey. And the fact that he is your son and was fulfilling his duty as a loving son helped the matter as well. I am however not your son and you surely can’t disown me. So I say it will be once a week.
Yours ever unreasonable obstinate and with no manners whatsoever Harry.

Love,
Your style is surely developing and if you continue writing to me every day by the end of the year you will become a master of epistolary. But as such I think I will have to concede. If I didn’t love you that much though you would have to sweat some more but I grant you my permission to write me once a week.
Lucius.

Lucius the Great,
Aren’t we generous? You grant me permission? If you only knew how much I wish to scratch your eyes out right now. I am oh so sure that they are glittering with arrogance and superiority and this condescending amusement of yours. Oh, I so hate it.
Yours humbly Harry.


Yours humbly? I like it love.


Bastard!


Not so humble any more Harry,
Watch your language. Whatever am I going to do with you if we ever go out?


Don’t you dare patronizing me!


Two more letters, love, and you will make it every day a week.
Lucius the Great.

Bastard!


One more letter.


I hate you.


Love,
You made it.

***

Winter holidays arrived and Harry left to spend them with Sirius and Remus. They were going to spend this time in a very snowy town somewhere in the Alps where they rented a nice comfortable cottage nearby another wizarding village.

“That’s so great!” exclaimed Harry looking out of the window. Everything was covered in pearl white snow and not far away the mountains were shining in the sun.

“Can we go out? I want to walk around. It’s so beautiful! I’ve never seen so much snow in all my life!” chattered Harry excitedly.

“Sure, kid.” answered Sirius ruffling Harry’s hair, “We hardly came here to spend all days inside.”

“So what are we waiting for then?” asked Harry bouncing on his feet like a five year old.

“We are waiting for Remus to unpack some stuff and than we can go wherever you want.”

And before Sirius could add something else Harry was already up the stairs opening the door to Remus’ room with a loud bang. Though this behavior didn’t startle the werewolf much. Being that a werewolf Remus could easily sense and feel somebody’s presence from a distance. He could also feel that Harry was extremely excited and enthusiastic about the whole trip but there was also something else going on with Harry, something much deeper and much stronger. Harry was all shiny and sparkling and his aura emanated waves, which usually were coming from those who found their soulmates. Remus could feel the beginning of completion that usually the discovery of ones soulmate brought. He was very surprised when he first felt those sensations around Harry and wondered if Harry knew that he found his mate. Remus also wanted to know who was it. Was it a common witch or a wizard or a magical creature. But from what he could feel it was definitely not a werewolf and a vampire and for that Remus was extremely grateful but he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t some other creature. Somehow he could hardly believe that Harry’s mate would be a common wizard. Besides Harry was producing absolutely special sensations which meant that it was a sort of a creature. But which one? He could feel that Harry wasn’t bonded yet but the process had already started and was progressing successfully judging by the happiness Harry radiated. And now Harry was standing in front of him with his huge emerald orbs shining and his cheeks all flushed.

“Oh, come on Remi. Surely you can unpack later? Please?” said Harry batting his eyelashes and giving Remus one of his conquering smiles, “I so want to go out there before it gets dark.” He continued hugging the werewolf.

Now Remus could definitely feel in all proximity how strong Harry’s feelings were. For someone with such accurate scent as he possessed it was almost as if being engulfed in flame.

“Ok, Ok! If you so want to go at that very moment let’s go. Just don’t forget to put something on or you’ll be ill for the rest of the holidays.”

“Sure mum Remi.” saluted Harry and dashed downstairs yelling for Sirius to get ready.

Now and just who managed to lighten up Harry from within like that? What kind of person and what kind of creature could possibly be his mate? Remus decided that he really needed to talk to Harry and not only about his mate. As Remus heard from Albus and Minerva on several occasions that they met Harry had changed a lot. None of them though could point out when exactly the change took place but that now Harry was not exactly the same as he had been before. Though Remus didn’t see much change in Harry’s personality right now. He looked and acted like a normal seventeen year old who enjoyed life and wanted to spend the whole day bathing in the snow though of course there was the question of that internal glow of his but that was only for the better. If a wizard found its mate and their souls united into one that was the best thing ever to happen. And if that what indeed happened to Harry it was only for the best. But Remus wondered what other changes they meant. Yes he heard about his extreme enmity with Hermione and about his extreme friendship with Draco Malfoy … Draco Malfoy? It hit Remus. What if the person was Draco Malfoy? Remus could hardly see any other reason for their sudden friendship and he wondered if the rumors that accompanied their friendship were true though of course there were also rumors that were connected also with Ron. And of course Harry’s sudden interest and great success in academic life of the school. Though Harry was never stupid and always researched many things his researches were usually based on his instincts and feelings and hardly ever included books. But now his methods changed considerably and all he was doing was studying which in itself was very strange because now Harry was thinking more with his head than feeling with his heart. Remus recalled the quantity of books Harry took along with him for the holidays saying that he doesn’t want to fall back to his old pattern of life. Remus also wondered what brought the hostile behavior towards Hermione. He remembered Minerva complaining that some terrible things were happening to her school work and that Harry might very well be the main reason for it though she had no evidence whatsoever. Harry was becoming quite a mystery and Remus was going to get some of his answers tonight.

The three of them spent the perfectly happy time together. They were skiing and having a snow fight and simply relishing in the beauty and peacefulness of the scenery. Remus watched Harry very closely noting that Harry sometimes spaced out with blissful smile plastered all over his face. That was the time when Harry was thinking what it would be like to spend his time here with Lucius. He wondered if Lucius would ever go skiing with him or they would have a snow fight. Though Harry could hardly imagine ever imposing Lucius acting like a child all covered in snow but than again Harry was sure that Lucius would always trick his way out of any undignified situation and that Harry would be the one all covered in snow. And how nice it would be to lie down on this soft white blanket somewhere where no one would see them and just stay like that forever. Harry touched the ring on his finger. It was helping again. Harry wondered if his nowadays calm and happy state was somehow connected with the fact that he finally accepted what was destined though he didn’t know for sure what it was. But after Harry finally gave in and after he spent the whole night in Lucius’ arms the world seemed way brighter and happier. And now he was spending time with his godfather and Remus the closest people to a family he ever had and he was as happy as he could ever be with the reminder of Lucius’ presence in his life on his finger and with the smile on his face he thought that life couldn’t be better.

They were now sitting at home all cozy and cuddly with Remus sipping their hot chocolate in front of the fire while Sirius was upstairs taking a nap. When they finally reached the cottage they were wet to their bones but with huge grins on their faces. Harry’s exuberant enthusiasm made them feel like children and they had fun they didn’t have in a long time.

Now Remus decided was the best time to talk. He cleared his throat and started:

“Harry I wondered if you might want to explain some changes that happened to you during this term.”

Harry looked at him and smiled.

“Well there’s not much to explain really. I just wanted to change some things and … and that’s about it.”

“And what about Hermione? From what I’ve heard you became quite some enemies.”

“Well it’s her fault really. She turned her back on me when I asked her to help me. She pretended to be oh so helping and than just betrayed me.”

“Was it when you started going out?”

“Remi, first of all, we never were dating and never even started. It was a stupid rumor spread by none other than Ron who decided that we were dating. But we were not and would never be. Whatever anybody else might think. I always considered her my best friend. I always thought that she was much more forgiving and understanding than Ron and when I asked her to help me she agreed but it only took me a couple of times to answer better and quicker than she did and get top marks from Snape that she turned on me and accused me of all sorts of things.”

“What sort of things?” asked Remus getting more and more curious.

Harry shook his head:

“You don’t want to hear.”

“Harry?”

Harry closed his face with his hands still shaking his head.

“She said that I got top marks in Potions because I slept with Snape.”

“Excuse me? Harry could you say it louder please. I definitely heard that you said…”

“I did say it.” Harry looked at Remus through his fingers. “She said there was no other way I could get top marks.”

“I don’t believe it.” whispered Remus.

“Imagine my reaction. And that wasn’t once that she accused me of sleeping with Snape. Once she came upon us when I still was in the class and said bluntly into Snape’s face that she knew that we were lovers.” Here Harry burst out laughing while Remus’ face was expressing horror.

“You should have seen Snape. His face. I will never forget it. But he made her shut her mouth. Since than her grades dropped so low that I don’t think she will ever be able to get back to the top. Not that I am going to give her a chance.”

“I don’t believe that Hermione I knew could say something like that.” said Remus still in deep state of shock.

“But she did and now she’s paying her dues.” retorted Harry with a smirk.

Here where Remus saw the first real change in Harry’s personality. That ruthless expression on his face with absolutely no compassion.

“Harry do you have to do anything with all those things that were happening to Hermione?”

“Remi, don’t blame me, ok? But she hurt me deeply. She cut me through. And no actions of mine will ever hurt her as much as her words did. And I am not the only one who’s doing all the stuff. There’s Ron and Draco and all the houses. It seems that no one likes her much. Especially after that rumor I spread about her cheating on me.”

“Harry…”

“But Remi she accused me of treating her with violence. What was I supposed to do? I only paid her back in her own coin.”

Remus shook his head once again.

“It’s so hard to believe that all these things happened during this term. So you decided to take her place at the top of the class. Well it looks like you succeeded.”

“Thanks Remi. Thanks for understanding. I need you to know that I would stop tormenting her with all sorts of pranks I even gave my word to Ron but she struck me again and this time I couldn’t let her go that easily. It’s just the way life goes. Eye for an eye as they say.”

Remus was looking at Harry. His eyes now became darker with anger and hatred and there was power emanating from within that could easily blow up the whole place. Harry did change and Remus wasn’t too sure if the change was for the better or for the worse. Remus noted that Harry became vengeful and cruel in some ways, less forgiving and more powerful. But he still was a faithful friend and Remus was sure that he would always be there in need. Also there seemed to be no room for compromise and it scared Remus a bit that’s why he decided to talk on less painful topics.

“I understand Harry. I am just shocked, appalled even that such a friendship turned into hatred. I never thought I would see the day that you Ron and Hermione would break apart. And I definitely never expected her to not believe in you. Though I seem to recall since the time you were in your third year how jealously she guarded her place at the top of the class. I even remember how disappointed she used to be when someone answered the question before her. Pity, pity it all turned out that way.”

“It is pity Remi but there’s nothing we can do about it. I begin to understand that there are some things in life that are just meant to happen and whether you fight them or not it doesn’t change a thing. You just have to accept them because fighting them will make it only worse. And there are some relations that you just have to let go. If you’re letting go of something old it’s a sure sign that something new will soon take its place.”

“Since when did you become so wise and contemplating?”

“There are moments in life that you understand that what you had is not what you needed and what you needed is not always what you wanted in the first place. But time makes things so much clearer.” Harry shrugged his shoulders, “Sometimes life really surprises you. But what you have to remember is that nothing is what it seems.”

“Sometimes you surprise me Harry. It seems that you have grown up much.”

Harry looked at Remus with a sad smile:

“I did Remi, I did. And in more ways than one.”

This answer alerted Remus but he was cut off by Harry:

“Anything else Remi? I know there are lots of questions you want to ask. Go ahead.” Said Harry laughing at the uncomfortable look that crossed Remus’ face, “Oh don’t be embarrassed. You are like a family to me and you have the right to know everything you want.”

“Ok than if you’re sure.” said Remus sheepishly.

“Go on. I’m ready.”

“What are your relationships with Malfoy?”

“Which one?” blurted out Harry before thinking. (Oh, fuck I did not just say that!)

“Beg your pardon?”

“What exactly do you want to know?” asked Harry quickly.

Remus let it slip but he was now extremely intrigued by Harry’s answer. Which one that? Is there more than one Malfoy in Harry’s life now? Interesting.

“Well, what I want to know is where did this sudden friendship came from along with rumors accompanying it.”

“Draco was always obsessed with me. He always made my life miserable. In our first year he wanted to be my friend but I didn’t like the way he acted towards the first friend I acquired, Ron, and so I rejected his hand. He could never forgive me that and decided to take revenge on me in any way possible. But now that I lost one of my friends and started noticing Draco more often lurking in the corners watching me I decided to ask him to join Ron and me and so it went from a sort of companionship to friendship and I am really happy. You don’t know how much Ron and Draco make me feel protected and safe and it is lots of fun to spend all of my time with them. And those rumors are just rumors and nothing more. We are just friends. Honestly.”

Remus could see sincerity in Harry’s eyes and it really started bothering him. If Harry and Draco were just friends than it left only one person Harry was involved with and it was none other than Lucius Malfoy. There was no doubt about that especially with Harry’s question as to which Malfoy Remus was inquiring about. And all those changes and this more mature outlook on things and what with Harry’s admitting that he changed in more ways that one. Sweet Merlin. And if it was also the matter of their souls…there was indeed nothing anyone could do. Remus started recalling all what Harry said about life and its surprises. It all fitted. It was indeed Lucius Malfoy. And it looked like Harry was fighting it for some time but now he finally accepted it. Remus didn’t know what to say or what to do. Of all the things to happen to Harry that was the least he expected. Lucius Malfoy of all people. Who could have thought. Remus wondered how far it went between the two of them. He felt his head spinning. He needed to think. He looked at Harry who once again had that happy blissful smile on his face and knowing who exactly made this smile appear on Harry’s face Remus fled the room.

And while Remus was thinking over the situation with Harry and Lucius Malfoy Sirius was thinking about Harry and Remus. He saw the way Remus was looking at Harry and saw how happy they seemed to be together and imagining that there was something starting between the two of them decided to leave them alone thinking that that was exactly what they needed.

Meanwhile winter holidays were slowly coming to an end. Everyday they would roam the forest and hills nearby would spend almost the whole day outside and almost always it was the company of Remus and Harry while Sirius was staying behind. And if either of them was surprised by Sirius’ sudden attitude no one mentioned it presuming that Sirius found someone to spend his time with.

But good weather eventually ends and happy feelings are often clouded by vicious storms. It was the last day of the holidays and Harry along with Sirius and Remus went to a wizarding village that they visited on several occasions for the last dinner in the company of each other. They were sitting eating drinking laughing and all went as it usually did in jokes and funny stories on Remus’ and Sirius’ parts and cheerful crystal laughter on Harry’s.

Harry was finishing his dessert when he felt that presence, presence that brought so many different feelings on him. Harry turned his head and saw something he would never wish to see. There was walking Lucius with his wife hanging from his arm. They were directing towards another room. The feeling as if his heart was ripped out came so suddenly and with such a force that it instantly left Harry without breath. He felt that he was suffocating. It was too much. Seeing Lucius together with his wife. Harry never even imagined that something could bring so much pain. But the pain didn’t stop it was only intensifying, tearing Harry’s heart into small pieces. He couldn’t stand being there no longer. Being in the same place where Lucius and his wife were. Harry abruptly stood up and without saying anything ran away. He didn’t put on clothes but he didn’t care. He was running and running with all his might until he reached the cottage. But he didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to be found. He just wanted to bury himself somewhere, somewhere where the pain would subside, where the pain would leave him and so he buried himself in the snow. He was lying there crying until somebody’s strong arms lifted him up and took him into the warmth of the house.

Remus felt that something wasn’t quite right when he suddenly felt the change in Harry’s mood and in his feelings. An intense pain ripped through his senses and he looked at Harry who became extremely pale and absolutely unhappy. He saw that Harry had problems with breathing but before he could ask what happened Harry was already gone. Sirius was very confused and started asking questions Remus couldn’t give answers to that’s why they decided to go after Harry as fast as they could. Of course they couldn’t catch up with Harry fast enough and it took them some time to find him lying all pale and tearstained in the snow. It took them quite some time to warm Harry up. But Harry didn’t care. He closed his eyes and was absolutely indifferent to the outside world while his inner world was shattering and coming apart.

Harry didn’t know how much time passed but he opened his eyes only when he could no longer hear footsteps and hushed voices. He crawled out of the bed and sat on the floor shivering with incredible cold though the fire was lit and the room was very warm even hot. But it was Harry’s heart that was freezing and there was nothing that could warm it up. He crawled closer to the fire though knew perfectly well that it was all in vain and started singing.


Je tourne en rond
Tu sais que quelques fois je me sens seule et perdue
Est ce que tu me reviendras
Je tourne en rond
Tu sais que quelque fois je me sens loin de toi
Dis est ce que tu te souviendras de moi
Je tourne en rond
Sur la terre entière je me sens abandonnee
Dis est ce que tout ça va changer
Je tourne en rond
Pour habiter ma solitude de mon mieux
Moi qui ne sais qu'etre deux
Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelque fois j'ai peur de toi
Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelque fois j'ai peur de moi

Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes

Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelques fois j'ai peur de toi
Je tourne en rond sans toi
Tu sais que quelques fois j'ai peur de moi

Et j'ai tant besoin de toi
Et j'ai tant besoin de ta voix
Je veux tomber dans tes bras
Je voudrais marcher dans tes pas
On invente les règles du jeu
Quand on est tous les deux
Ensemble nous irons jusqu'au bout du chemin
Je tiendrai dans ton ombre
Si tu me prends la main
Retiens moi si je sombre je suis ta prisonnière
Si loin de notre monde j'ai la tete à l'envers
J'ai vraiment besoin de toi
Si demain commençait ce soir
Si demain commençait ce soir

Tant pis si j'en pleure tu as tous les droits sur mon coeur
Si demain commençait ce soir

Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart

Et j'ai tant besoin de toi
Et j'ai tant besoin de ta voix
Et je veux tomber dans tes bras
Je voudrais marcher dans tes pas
On invente les règles du jeu
Quand on est tous les deux

Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

Retiens moi si je sombre je suis ta prisonnière
Si loin de notre monde j'ai la tete à l'envers

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Si demain commençait ce soir

Tant pis si j'en pleure tu as tous les droits sur mon coeur

Total eclipse of the heart
Si demain commençait ce soir
Regarde moi droit dans le coeur


He felt much better after singing and he also felt that someone was holding him tight. He opened his eyes, wiped the tears away and found himself in Remus’ arms with his eyes shut.

“Oh, Remi, I am so sorry. You must have felt all the pain.”

Remus slowly opened his eyes that were holding his own tears.

“Indeed. That was quite too much.”

“I didn’t know that you were here. I just started singing and…and it all started going away…”

“That’s all right. Don’t worry yourself over that. You must be one of…”

“Yes, yes from that legend. Ron told me. That’s why I started concentrating more on different ways my emotions should go but today I just couldn’t master enough strength…though frankly I didn’t even try…”

“I understand. Voice is a very powerful instrument, Harry. Especially such as yours. You know that there are some magical creatures that find their mates by their voice?”

“No.” Said Harry shaking his head, “Who?”

“Veelas.”

“Veelas? But I thought that everything about magical creatures and their mates is a secret that is kept within their community only.”

“It’s true. But I’m a werewolf that means I am a magical creature too. And sometimes there are special books dedicated to different species of magical creatures all in one. That’s why I know that Veelas hear their mates by their voice, we werewolves find our mates by scent and we mark them and vampires of course find their mates by scent of their blood and they also mark them you can guess how.”

“I see.”

They sat in silence holding tight.

“You are not going to ask me what happened?” queried Harry.

“No. I know you won’t tell me right now. I believe that this is the matter of your heart and soul and that no one should pry in. I’m sure you will tell us everything when the right time comes.”

Harry looked at him in surprise:

“You know you are one of the most understanding people on this earth. And I always wondered why I loved you so much.”

“Well thank you.”

Harry laughed and then after awhile asked timidly:

“Can you stay with me for tonight? I need someone near.”

Remus smiled:

“Of course I will. You need a lot of sleep. After all you’re going to Hogwarts tomorrow. And I don’t want people to think that Sirius and I treated you badly during holidays.”

“And I here wondered why you agreed so readily. Care about your reputation?”

“But of course.”

Harry laughed again and Remus was only too glad to do anything to ease Harry’s pain and to see him laughing again.

They settled comfortably in Harry’s bed with Harry securely in Remus’ arms where he fell asleep in no time and the way they were discovered in the morning by Sirius.

***

They were at the King’s Cross Station saying good-bye before Harry would board Hogwarts Express. Harry hugged Sirius and then Remus. Sirius noted that it took Harry much longer time to hug Remus. Now he wasn’t quite sure if it was such a good idea to let them spend so much time together alone because in his opinion their relationships were developing too fast for his liking. But Sirius was hardly the only one who didn’t like the way Harry was hugging Remus.

Lucius who was accompanying Draco didn’t like one bit the way his mate was hugging the werewolf. That’s why when there was a commotion because of all the students and their parents Lucius grabbed Harry by his forearm and dragged him into the corner where no one could see them.

Harry looked Lucius dead in the eye while Lucius hissed:

“You belong to me Harry. You are my mate. Don’t you ever forget that.”

Harry wrenched his hand from Lucius’ grip and hissed back:

“And who do you belong to, Lucius? Do you belong to me too?”

And with that Harry ran off leaving a shell-shocked Lucius behind.