Snapey Went A Courting
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Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
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Adult ++
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27
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Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
27
Views:
12,205
Reviews:
255
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
I Need a Hero
Snapey Went A Courting
It all belongs to Rowling, except what you don’t recognize.
Chapter 23 – I Need a Hero (in honor of the movie Shrek 2)
“Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy,
Somewhere just beyond my reach there\'s someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat,
It\'s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.”
She was about ready to leave Madam Puddifoot’s teashop when she spotted it. It was sitting on top of a table where two Witches were seated, an animated button saying “Granger for Minister of Magic”. It blinked on to “Granger’s our M.O.M.!” She stopped dead and seated herself at the table. The two Witches there eyed her nervously.
“Yes, can we help you?” asked Priscilla Everest.
“Is that ‘Hermione’ Granger for Minister?” asked the heavily glamored Witch.
“Why yes. It is!” replied Lolly Lingham.
“Hermione Granger-- the Mudblood aomanoman of loose morals who disgracefully gave birth to a pure blooded Wizard’s son out of wedlock?”
“The very one! Oh, this is good, Lolly. Look at the high rate of recognition she’s got.”
“You couldn’t buy publicity like this!” chirruped Lolly.
“Yes, Granger’s our gel!”
“And will she be kept terribly busy running for this office?” Her voice was low, cold and cruel.
“Oh, I should say so,” nodded Lolly.
“Too busy to get married and settle down?” she drawled, concealing her excitement.
“Well, we couldn’t speak for her, but if she does really want the office,” said Priscilla hopefully, “I’d say it would take up a considerable amount of her time.”
“But, if I remember right, you two losers have never gotten anyone into office?” The Witch was tapping her elegantly enameled four-inch nails on the table. An uncomfortable silence fell. “Don’t you two usually ride about in the Night Bus handing out free sugar quills to anyone who will fill in your political surveys?”
“I’m not sure what you are getting on about,” Priscilla answered. “But we’ve been known to do so.”
“Must be expensive,” she purred.
“That it is.”
“Do you think you could guarantee me that Granger would not marry that pure blood she’s chasing after?”
Priscilla and Lolly looked at each other and frowned. They spoke almost simultaneously. “We don’t even know if she’ll agree to run.” and “She’s been sleeping on it.”
“Sleeping on it? Ha!” She gave a reptilian smile and took out her checkbook and a quill. After a quick scribbling she said, “Now, in words of one syllable or less,” she held up the check, “do you think you could keep her from marrying him?”
Lolly and Priscilla exchanged looks again. “We may be Witches, but we aren’t clairvoyants,” said Priscilla.
“Still we’d try,” continued Lolly. “A campaigner needs to stay focused and there is no time for lovey-doveying around.”
The Witch took back the check, and added on a couple mzerozeros. “Be sure you do.”
Lolly looked at the check and whispered, “Why that’s five hundred times our yearly budget.”
Priscilla did a double take and double-checked the signature and name printed on the top of the check. “Thank you, Achlys er… Mrs. Snape. Bright blessings be on you!” She waved the check daintily.
The teashop door slammed shut with a tingle of little bells. Thirty seconds passed and Luna Lovegood walked in.
“What have I missed? You two look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
&&&
Hermione sat down and began to give the House Elf her instructions. “First, a nappy change is in order. Best do that in the loo, don’t want to upset anyone—“
Snape looked over the menu and made a face. “I’m sure Teaseh knows better than to change him out here.”
“Teaseh’s my elf, thank you.”
“You are micromanaging.” Snape kept his eyes directed downwards on the menu.
“And you are interfering. Isn’t ‘micromanaging’ a Muggle term?” She cut Snape a look.
Snape shook the menu as if that might change or improve the offerings therein. And he gave a small smile. He wasn’t quite as clueless about Muggle affairs as Hermione thought, thank you Gentlemen’s Quarterly.
“Then after the change, Waldo will probably fall asleep. So go home to the flat and get his bassinette, the portable one, and bring it here. We’ll be eating.”
Teaseh looked fit to burst with pride and happiness. “Yes’m, Miss Granger. Teaseh take care of it all.” The House Elf took the baby and it’s nappy bag and practically skipped to the restrooms.
“I’m surprised that you enjoy having a House Elf so much. I mean, with all your attempts to free them and all.” He continued to stare at the menu, even though it had not changed in all the years that he had been going to The Three Broomsticks.
“It all came clear once I realized that House Elves needed to work. I merely transferred my efforts into gaining them proper working conditions.”
“Actually, you mean that you realized that they enjoy slavery. Why sugarcoat it?”
“And why demean them by calling it slavery? Dobby wanted to be treated well.”
“Dobby is a freak. None of the other Malfoy elves ever complained. Most elves don’t care how you treat them, as long as they know you won’t give them clothing.”
“And can you imagine how nerve wracking it must be to never know at any point in time if you will be given clothes? With a union contract, a House Elf can relax and pay attention to the job, worry free! Did we come here for a political debate on the House Elf issue?”
“You know we didn’t.”
“Then?” Hermione was interrupted by the appearance of Rosmerta who took their order. They had just finished ordering when Teaseh reappeared with a freshly changed Waldo.
Waldo yawned and stretched out his little red hands. Both parents melted a little. Hermione rocked the infant and his eyes drifted shut. Snape put his hand around Hermione’s shoulder.
“I want us to be a family.” He said quietly.
“I understand that. But at the moment, we don’t seem to be much of a couple. I mean you are quite capable of being wonderfully charming, but then--”
“It’s not easy. I’d never planned to be with anyone. And most people irritate me.”
“Do I irritate you?” she asked with a stricken look.
“Hermione.” Snape exhaled in frustration.
“Well?”
“Well, you have been incredibly-- Oh, what is the word?”
“Hormonal?”
“Shrewish!”
“To be candid then, you haven’t been much of a prize yourself. And what do you expect? This motherhood thing is exhausting. Madam Pomfrey said I needed to head to bed and stay there a few weeks. If I keep all this running about, I might lose my milk supply.”
“I’d think you’d have plenty of rest what with your own House Elf now.”
“I can’t keep handing Waldo off to Teaseh. Waldo will bond with her and grow up thinking he’s part House Elf.”
“That’s the way most pure bloods do it.”
“And look how they turned out.”
“Any more insults? Go ahead get them all out of your system. Care to make personal comments as well? Is there a shampoo you’d like to recommend to me?”
“If you don’t want me, why are we going through this? Just for Waldo? Is that the only reason for marrying me?”
“Yes, you know it is. There is no way on Earth I’d be sitting here in this pub with you if it weren’t for him. Although I do find you attractive, we are here because we both want what’s best for him.”
Hermione felt sad and trapped. So he didn’t love her. And she’d fallen for him. Oh, it just wasn’t fair.
“I want to marry someone who loves me. A loveless marriage isn’t a good example for our child.” She felt tearful again, but was quite sure she wouldn’t let them show.
“Most pure blood marriages are arranged. One learns to live with it. I already love you as the mother of my child. I respect you as his mother. And as soon as we wed, I’ll find a way to make things up to you for having gotten you pregnant. We both just need some time to get used to one another.” He smiled in an oily manner.
Hermione sat back and surveyed the food that had just been set before them. She was starving. Taking a large bite of her sandwich, she sighed. Why had she thought he felt more for her? It was only wishful thinking on her part.
Snape was quite pleased. It seemed that he was getting someplace and she was finally acting in a reasonable manner.
“So, I guess the reason we keep hurting one another is because we have these expectations. I want you to be romantically in love with me.”
“I have tried to be romantic. I’m not good at playing a Lothario.” He stabbed a morsel of meat from his steak and kidney pie. “I do wish you to be happy, though.”
Hermione chewed thoughtfully and took another sip of her pumpkin juice. It seemed to her he’d done an excellent job of winning her heart. “And I get angry because you don’t maintain the pretense.”
“It might get better once we are wed.”
“Why in the world would you ever believe that?”
“Well, if you were mine, I’d take care of you. I’d love you.”
“But you would never be ‘in love’ with me. It would just be part and parcel of your responsibilities.”
“I think we have very different notions of what a marriage is,” he effectively stifled the sneer.
“Indeed. I want what we witnessed this morning. Remus and Alicia love each other so very much.”
Snape snorted in distain. “That farce! That pathetic attempt to put a good face upon their sordid little…”
“How can you say that? It was beautiful.”
“I can give you pretty trappings. But take my word on it. That’s all it was. They got caught with their pants down and they had to pay the price if they wanted to keep their jobs. The Scarlet Mouse probably planned it that way. Merlin knows she wouldn’t be able to get a husband by any other method.”
“She’s a wonderful teacher.”
“She’s a moron. I’ve known her for years. Sneaks around the castle, afraid of her own shadow and can barely string a sentence together.”
Hermione shook her head. “She’s brilliant at Arithmancy.”
“And cursing. But that’s about it. She had me in the infirmary for over a week.”
“Severus?” Hermione was groping to understand, “Alicia would never harm a fly.”
“So much for your naivety. She’s a nasty piece of work. Just this morning she was cackling on about how she’d cursed me.”
“Cursed you? What? Had you had a fight? Ah! Were you lovers at one time?” Hermione tried to imagine them together.
“Oh please. I would never sink so low. It takes a werewolf, a beast, to get that low.”
“I’m about ready to walk out on you. You haven’t a good word for anyone. I find your attitude quite repulsive and reprehensible.”
She started to stand and he grabbed her arm. “Don’t keep walking away from me. See, that’s the problem here. If we were married, you’d have to stand your ground. You wouldn’t be able to escape. I can dissemble, which you don’t seem to want. Or I can be honest, but you don’t seem to care for that either.”
“I don’t want to be married to you, even if I do love you. You’re just as foul as Harry makes you out to be.”
“Harry!” Snape make a rude noise. “Don’t start me on that popinjay.”
“No. I won’t.” Hermione wiped her mouth with her napkin. “If you will excuse me. I have a meeting to go to.”
“May I see Waldo tonight? I miss him.” Although Snape would never admit it, he needed them both. He did love Hermione and his son and he had never stopped thinking of them during his time in the Faerie Court.
Taking a deep breath, Hermione replied, “Of course, you’re his father.” She started to leave some sickles on the table.
“No, no.” Snape put the money back in her hand. “From here on in, I take care of you and my son.”
Hermione was tired of the discussion. It seemed that they had not moved one whit from their original positions. He wanted marriage and she wanted to be loved. To him a loveless marriage for his son’s sake was fine. And to her mind, it was disastrous. Well, perhaps they could at least be respectful to one another? She left.
&&&
“So, you would pay me to go around and make speeches. Rendering my opinion on subjects I’ve personally researched. I’d be free to put my thoughts into writing. And I’d get to have political debates?”
“With Arthur Weasley, most likely. Although Dumbledore could decide to run, he’s a bit tired after the war. Most likely it would be Arthur.”
“Or Kingsly Shacklebolt,” threw in Luna who was fighting with her Quick Quotes Quill.
“Aye, that’s a thought. We did approach him, but his views are much too conservative. He’d be worse than if Fudge stayed.”
“But rumor has it that Fudge is tired of being a widower and has fallen in love,” said Luna, her thumb covered in purple ink. “He plans to leave office and devote himself to his new paramour.”
“So very romantic,” the two elder Witches sighed in unison.
“I’d love to do it.” Hermione felt it -- the old call to arms. Yes. She could and would fix the world!
“Mind you. You are very young. We expect nose to the grindstone,” said Priscilla.
“No romances for you!” Lolly waggled her finger playfully.
“And you need to be aware that this is for the long haul,” said Luna still focused on the Quill which was now spurting ink all over her hands and face.
“Right. The first time you run you probably will not win. Consider it a dry run.” Priscilla’s eyes glittered with excitement. “Our best guestimate is that five to ten years from now, the bloom will be off of Weasley and they will run to you by the droves. You just have to stay the course.”
“Stay the course.” Hermione nodded. It sounded familiar. “One more question: Why did you choose me?”
“Well, there were many factors. Your age for one: Mellisande Tinkleberry is now one hundred and seventy-three and is quite deaf. She was perfect, and in fact has made an excellent go of it this past century and one half, but we needed young blood, fresh blood.”
“And someone with a high profile. Everyone knows Hermione Granger.”
“And guts. No guts-- no glory.” The ink on Luna was turning a pinkish color and starting to bubble. She ignored it and continued trying to get the quill to work. “After that famous ‘pick it’ photo, most people would run away from politics with their tail between their legs.”
“But not you. You are either incredibly stupid, and my dear your N.E.W.T.s prove you are not, or incredibly bull headed. Just the ticket.”
“And you are not married, but a mother,” said Lolly in an approving voice.
“Single Mother Takes on Wizarding World Single Handedly,” pronounced Luna. The Quill copied the quote perfectly and ran out of ink.
Priscilla dabbed a tear from her eye. “You are perfection, in a word, perfection.”
“But if I wanted to marry?”
For the space of twenty seconds the entire teashop went so silent, one could a pin drop, and then, “That would not be good. Perhaps after you get into office.” Lolly was grim. “If you have any plans to be wed, please let us know right now, so we can begin our search for someone else.”
Hermione thought about Severus. She really didn’t want to be in a one-sided relationship or in a loveless marriage. “Fellow Witches, I don’t think that will be a problem.”
Much to Hermione’s shock the entire teashop took up singing,
“For She’s a Jolly Good Witch-ey,
For she’s a Jolly Good Witch-ey
Though she might be a bit Bi-itchy
That nobody can deny.”
“Who are all these people?” asked Hermione.
“This,” said Luna, flaying her arms about, “is the staff of the Quibbler along with the members of the WWPPSGP – The Wizards and Witches Peace and Prosperity Sociably Green Labor Party.”
&&&
Snape had only just entered the gates of Hogwarts when he saw the Deputy Headmistress waving to him from atop the hill. She hopped on an old Thunderbolt broom and flew down to him.
“Severus. Oh, it’s good that I caught you. Tell me that you got married to her.”
“Minerva, what are you talking about?”
“The Headmaster’s back and—“
“Severus! My office on the double.” It was Dumbledore’s voice amplified by a Sonorus spell. It boomed out from the entrance of the castle where the Wizard stood.
&&&
It was late, very late and Hermione had been asleep for several hours. Teaseh woke her with a gentle shake of her bed.
“Oh, what is it, Teaseh?” Hermione said groggily and then, waking up. “Is Waldo all right?”
“It is Professor Snape, ma’am. Should Teaseh let him in? He’s asking to see you and his son.” Teaseh’s voice lowered, “And he’s been drinking.”
Hermione quickly wrapped her bathrobe around her and went to let Snape in. He practically fell into her arms. The smell of brandy was strong on him.
“Do we have some of tSobeSober-up, Teaseh? You know, that bottle Madam Pomfrey gave you for me at the hand fasting earlier today?”
Hermione got Snape on the couch and undid the top buttons of his robe. Snape’s eyes were half closed and he seemed rather unaware of his surroundings.
Teaseh appeared with the potion and Hermione took it from the elf. “Severus, please drink this.”
Snape’s head rolled around, “I was on the Knight Bus. Afraid I’d Splinch.”
“It’s all right, drink this.”
Snape sniffed it. “No, I don’t want to be sober. I paid good money to get like this.”
“Why? Severus last time you got drunk--”
“I hurt you. Yes, I ruined your life.”
“Oh, please don’t be maudlin. I’ll have to insist on you drinking this if you are going to embarrass yourself.”
“Right.” Snape’s eyes focused on her for a second and he seemed to sober up. “Made a complete fool of myself that night, too. I thought you wanted me. Idiotic!” He chuckled.
“No. I was worried about you. Harry and Ron had been saying nasty things about you. I thought maybe you’d heard them and that’s why you left.”
”Save your pity,” he tried to snarl, but it came out self-pitying.
“I shall. So what brought this on?” asked Hermione, being gentle but stern.
“A clause in my contract.” Snape laughed and played with a strand of Hermione’s hair. “The no perverts clause. Not supposed to touch a student.” A wistful look came into his eyes.
“I wasn’t a student. I was alumni and eighteen.”
“But you’d not been out of Hogwart’s long enough. It was in the itsy-bitsy, wee print. No playing around with alumni until at least a year or two has gone by. Then they are fair game.
“The white bearded arsehole called me a ‘sexual predator’. Ha! Rapist would have been the accurate term.” He stroked the side of her face. “I forced myself on you.”
“It was an accident.” Hermione took his hand and gently kissed it. “If I can let go, why can’t you?”
“You are a sweet girl, Hermione. And what I am?”
“A bastard?” Hermione quipped.
The warmth left his face and he started to sob. “I kissed him. Told him it was the biggest favor he could have done me. Kissed him to spite him, I did. I figured, I wouldn’t let him know. I gave the best years of my life to the bloody place.”
“Getting maudlin again, Severus. I’m going to make you drink that potion.” She kissed his cheek, which was stubbly from the long day.
He looked at her in shock. “You are my sweet, little Muddle love. I do love you. Can I go to bed with you now?”
Hermione giggled. “Can you walk?”
She stood up and pulled him up and off the couch. “Teaseh?”
“Yes, Ms. Gee?”
“Keep an eye on Waldo. Warm up a bottle for when he wakes, I think I need to take care of Waldo’s dad tonight.”
“Right, Ms. Gee.”
Hermione threw Teaseh a look. “Ms. Gee?”
“Saw it on the Telly.”
Hermione walked Snape into the bedroom. Letting him collapse on the bed, she used a spell to remove his clothing. She managed to get him under the sheets.
“Like Ic-charus, I saw your shining glow and, flying too close, my wings melted and I fell into the sea.”
“That’s lovely, Severus. Did you make that up?”
“Hmm. Wanna fuck?” he slurred.
She kissed him lightly on the lips, “All right.” She reached down for his semi-hardness and touched him. He grew hard. She maneuvered herself over him and brought his cock into her. For a few thrusts, it was good. She was excited and felt the tightness begin to grow in her core. Then he groaned and it was over.
“Damned Crimson Mouse’s fault,” he muttered. “Not mine.”
Hermione felt him soften and fall out of her. She kissed him thoughtfully as he began to snore. She was glad she’d take her anti-pregnancy potion provided to her by Madam Pomfrey. It should be good for at least three months. And, surprisingly, it looked like she might need it.
A/N: Hugs and many thanks to my reviewers: Innerfeline, LittleBird, Spaz141, Moyra and Deb.
As an extra bonus for Farscape fans, here’s a link to a rather amusing “I Need a Hero” music video based on the tv series. http://www.birgitsvids.com/farscape-vidpages/hero/ Enjoy!
I’m a huge fan of the music and lyrics of Jim Steinman. Just couldn’t resist after hearing this song used in Shrek 2.
Holding Out for a Hero
Lyrics by Jim Steinman/Dean Pitchford
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where\'s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn\'t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
Larger than life.
Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy,
Somewhere just beyond my reach there\'s someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat,
It\'s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above,
Out where the lightning splits the sea,
I could swear there is someone somewhere watching me.
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood,
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood.
(Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood)
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
http://www.neverlandhotel.dk/lyrics.php?no=64
It all belongs to Rowling, except what you don’t recognize.
Chapter 23 – I Need a Hero (in honor of the movie Shrek 2)
“Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy,
Somewhere just beyond my reach there\'s someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat,
It\'s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.”
She was about ready to leave Madam Puddifoot’s teashop when she spotted it. It was sitting on top of a table where two Witches were seated, an animated button saying “Granger for Minister of Magic”. It blinked on to “Granger’s our M.O.M.!” She stopped dead and seated herself at the table. The two Witches there eyed her nervously.
“Yes, can we help you?” asked Priscilla Everest.
“Is that ‘Hermione’ Granger for Minister?” asked the heavily glamored Witch.
“Why yes. It is!” replied Lolly Lingham.
“Hermione Granger-- the Mudblood aomanoman of loose morals who disgracefully gave birth to a pure blooded Wizard’s son out of wedlock?”
“The very one! Oh, this is good, Lolly. Look at the high rate of recognition she’s got.”
“You couldn’t buy publicity like this!” chirruped Lolly.
“Yes, Granger’s our gel!”
“And will she be kept terribly busy running for this office?” Her voice was low, cold and cruel.
“Oh, I should say so,” nodded Lolly.
“Too busy to get married and settle down?” she drawled, concealing her excitement.
“Well, we couldn’t speak for her, but if she does really want the office,” said Priscilla hopefully, “I’d say it would take up a considerable amount of her time.”
“But, if I remember right, you two losers have never gotten anyone into office?” The Witch was tapping her elegantly enameled four-inch nails on the table. An uncomfortable silence fell. “Don’t you two usually ride about in the Night Bus handing out free sugar quills to anyone who will fill in your political surveys?”
“I’m not sure what you are getting on about,” Priscilla answered. “But we’ve been known to do so.”
“Must be expensive,” she purred.
“That it is.”
“Do you think you could guarantee me that Granger would not marry that pure blood she’s chasing after?”
Priscilla and Lolly looked at each other and frowned. They spoke almost simultaneously. “We don’t even know if she’ll agree to run.” and “She’s been sleeping on it.”
“Sleeping on it? Ha!” She gave a reptilian smile and took out her checkbook and a quill. After a quick scribbling she said, “Now, in words of one syllable or less,” she held up the check, “do you think you could keep her from marrying him?”
Lolly and Priscilla exchanged looks again. “We may be Witches, but we aren’t clairvoyants,” said Priscilla.
“Still we’d try,” continued Lolly. “A campaigner needs to stay focused and there is no time for lovey-doveying around.”
The Witch took back the check, and added on a couple mzerozeros. “Be sure you do.”
Lolly looked at the check and whispered, “Why that’s five hundred times our yearly budget.”
Priscilla did a double take and double-checked the signature and name printed on the top of the check. “Thank you, Achlys er… Mrs. Snape. Bright blessings be on you!” She waved the check daintily.
The teashop door slammed shut with a tingle of little bells. Thirty seconds passed and Luna Lovegood walked in.
“What have I missed? You two look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
&&&
Hermione sat down and began to give the House Elf her instructions. “First, a nappy change is in order. Best do that in the loo, don’t want to upset anyone—“
Snape looked over the menu and made a face. “I’m sure Teaseh knows better than to change him out here.”
“Teaseh’s my elf, thank you.”
“You are micromanaging.” Snape kept his eyes directed downwards on the menu.
“And you are interfering. Isn’t ‘micromanaging’ a Muggle term?” She cut Snape a look.
Snape shook the menu as if that might change or improve the offerings therein. And he gave a small smile. He wasn’t quite as clueless about Muggle affairs as Hermione thought, thank you Gentlemen’s Quarterly.
“Then after the change, Waldo will probably fall asleep. So go home to the flat and get his bassinette, the portable one, and bring it here. We’ll be eating.”
Teaseh looked fit to burst with pride and happiness. “Yes’m, Miss Granger. Teaseh take care of it all.” The House Elf took the baby and it’s nappy bag and practically skipped to the restrooms.
“I’m surprised that you enjoy having a House Elf so much. I mean, with all your attempts to free them and all.” He continued to stare at the menu, even though it had not changed in all the years that he had been going to The Three Broomsticks.
“It all came clear once I realized that House Elves needed to work. I merely transferred my efforts into gaining them proper working conditions.”
“Actually, you mean that you realized that they enjoy slavery. Why sugarcoat it?”
“And why demean them by calling it slavery? Dobby wanted to be treated well.”
“Dobby is a freak. None of the other Malfoy elves ever complained. Most elves don’t care how you treat them, as long as they know you won’t give them clothing.”
“And can you imagine how nerve wracking it must be to never know at any point in time if you will be given clothes? With a union contract, a House Elf can relax and pay attention to the job, worry free! Did we come here for a political debate on the House Elf issue?”
“You know we didn’t.”
“Then?” Hermione was interrupted by the appearance of Rosmerta who took their order. They had just finished ordering when Teaseh reappeared with a freshly changed Waldo.
Waldo yawned and stretched out his little red hands. Both parents melted a little. Hermione rocked the infant and his eyes drifted shut. Snape put his hand around Hermione’s shoulder.
“I want us to be a family.” He said quietly.
“I understand that. But at the moment, we don’t seem to be much of a couple. I mean you are quite capable of being wonderfully charming, but then--”
“It’s not easy. I’d never planned to be with anyone. And most people irritate me.”
“Do I irritate you?” she asked with a stricken look.
“Hermione.” Snape exhaled in frustration.
“Well?”
“Well, you have been incredibly-- Oh, what is the word?”
“Hormonal?”
“Shrewish!”
“To be candid then, you haven’t been much of a prize yourself. And what do you expect? This motherhood thing is exhausting. Madam Pomfrey said I needed to head to bed and stay there a few weeks. If I keep all this running about, I might lose my milk supply.”
“I’d think you’d have plenty of rest what with your own House Elf now.”
“I can’t keep handing Waldo off to Teaseh. Waldo will bond with her and grow up thinking he’s part House Elf.”
“That’s the way most pure bloods do it.”
“And look how they turned out.”
“Any more insults? Go ahead get them all out of your system. Care to make personal comments as well? Is there a shampoo you’d like to recommend to me?”
“If you don’t want me, why are we going through this? Just for Waldo? Is that the only reason for marrying me?”
“Yes, you know it is. There is no way on Earth I’d be sitting here in this pub with you if it weren’t for him. Although I do find you attractive, we are here because we both want what’s best for him.”
Hermione felt sad and trapped. So he didn’t love her. And she’d fallen for him. Oh, it just wasn’t fair.
“I want to marry someone who loves me. A loveless marriage isn’t a good example for our child.” She felt tearful again, but was quite sure she wouldn’t let them show.
“Most pure blood marriages are arranged. One learns to live with it. I already love you as the mother of my child. I respect you as his mother. And as soon as we wed, I’ll find a way to make things up to you for having gotten you pregnant. We both just need some time to get used to one another.” He smiled in an oily manner.
Hermione sat back and surveyed the food that had just been set before them. She was starving. Taking a large bite of her sandwich, she sighed. Why had she thought he felt more for her? It was only wishful thinking on her part.
Snape was quite pleased. It seemed that he was getting someplace and she was finally acting in a reasonable manner.
“So, I guess the reason we keep hurting one another is because we have these expectations. I want you to be romantically in love with me.”
“I have tried to be romantic. I’m not good at playing a Lothario.” He stabbed a morsel of meat from his steak and kidney pie. “I do wish you to be happy, though.”
Hermione chewed thoughtfully and took another sip of her pumpkin juice. It seemed to her he’d done an excellent job of winning her heart. “And I get angry because you don’t maintain the pretense.”
“It might get better once we are wed.”
“Why in the world would you ever believe that?”
“Well, if you were mine, I’d take care of you. I’d love you.”
“But you would never be ‘in love’ with me. It would just be part and parcel of your responsibilities.”
“I think we have very different notions of what a marriage is,” he effectively stifled the sneer.
“Indeed. I want what we witnessed this morning. Remus and Alicia love each other so very much.”
Snape snorted in distain. “That farce! That pathetic attempt to put a good face upon their sordid little…”
“How can you say that? It was beautiful.”
“I can give you pretty trappings. But take my word on it. That’s all it was. They got caught with their pants down and they had to pay the price if they wanted to keep their jobs. The Scarlet Mouse probably planned it that way. Merlin knows she wouldn’t be able to get a husband by any other method.”
“She’s a wonderful teacher.”
“She’s a moron. I’ve known her for years. Sneaks around the castle, afraid of her own shadow and can barely string a sentence together.”
Hermione shook her head. “She’s brilliant at Arithmancy.”
“And cursing. But that’s about it. She had me in the infirmary for over a week.”
“Severus?” Hermione was groping to understand, “Alicia would never harm a fly.”
“So much for your naivety. She’s a nasty piece of work. Just this morning she was cackling on about how she’d cursed me.”
“Cursed you? What? Had you had a fight? Ah! Were you lovers at one time?” Hermione tried to imagine them together.
“Oh please. I would never sink so low. It takes a werewolf, a beast, to get that low.”
“I’m about ready to walk out on you. You haven’t a good word for anyone. I find your attitude quite repulsive and reprehensible.”
She started to stand and he grabbed her arm. “Don’t keep walking away from me. See, that’s the problem here. If we were married, you’d have to stand your ground. You wouldn’t be able to escape. I can dissemble, which you don’t seem to want. Or I can be honest, but you don’t seem to care for that either.”
“I don’t want to be married to you, even if I do love you. You’re just as foul as Harry makes you out to be.”
“Harry!” Snape make a rude noise. “Don’t start me on that popinjay.”
“No. I won’t.” Hermione wiped her mouth with her napkin. “If you will excuse me. I have a meeting to go to.”
“May I see Waldo tonight? I miss him.” Although Snape would never admit it, he needed them both. He did love Hermione and his son and he had never stopped thinking of them during his time in the Faerie Court.
Taking a deep breath, Hermione replied, “Of course, you’re his father.” She started to leave some sickles on the table.
“No, no.” Snape put the money back in her hand. “From here on in, I take care of you and my son.”
Hermione was tired of the discussion. It seemed that they had not moved one whit from their original positions. He wanted marriage and she wanted to be loved. To him a loveless marriage for his son’s sake was fine. And to her mind, it was disastrous. Well, perhaps they could at least be respectful to one another? She left.
&&&
“So, you would pay me to go around and make speeches. Rendering my opinion on subjects I’ve personally researched. I’d be free to put my thoughts into writing. And I’d get to have political debates?”
“With Arthur Weasley, most likely. Although Dumbledore could decide to run, he’s a bit tired after the war. Most likely it would be Arthur.”
“Or Kingsly Shacklebolt,” threw in Luna who was fighting with her Quick Quotes Quill.
“Aye, that’s a thought. We did approach him, but his views are much too conservative. He’d be worse than if Fudge stayed.”
“But rumor has it that Fudge is tired of being a widower and has fallen in love,” said Luna, her thumb covered in purple ink. “He plans to leave office and devote himself to his new paramour.”
“So very romantic,” the two elder Witches sighed in unison.
“I’d love to do it.” Hermione felt it -- the old call to arms. Yes. She could and would fix the world!
“Mind you. You are very young. We expect nose to the grindstone,” said Priscilla.
“No romances for you!” Lolly waggled her finger playfully.
“And you need to be aware that this is for the long haul,” said Luna still focused on the Quill which was now spurting ink all over her hands and face.
“Right. The first time you run you probably will not win. Consider it a dry run.” Priscilla’s eyes glittered with excitement. “Our best guestimate is that five to ten years from now, the bloom will be off of Weasley and they will run to you by the droves. You just have to stay the course.”
“Stay the course.” Hermione nodded. It sounded familiar. “One more question: Why did you choose me?”
“Well, there were many factors. Your age for one: Mellisande Tinkleberry is now one hundred and seventy-three and is quite deaf. She was perfect, and in fact has made an excellent go of it this past century and one half, but we needed young blood, fresh blood.”
“And someone with a high profile. Everyone knows Hermione Granger.”
“And guts. No guts-- no glory.” The ink on Luna was turning a pinkish color and starting to bubble. She ignored it and continued trying to get the quill to work. “After that famous ‘pick it’ photo, most people would run away from politics with their tail between their legs.”
“But not you. You are either incredibly stupid, and my dear your N.E.W.T.s prove you are not, or incredibly bull headed. Just the ticket.”
“And you are not married, but a mother,” said Lolly in an approving voice.
“Single Mother Takes on Wizarding World Single Handedly,” pronounced Luna. The Quill copied the quote perfectly and ran out of ink.
Priscilla dabbed a tear from her eye. “You are perfection, in a word, perfection.”
“But if I wanted to marry?”
For the space of twenty seconds the entire teashop went so silent, one could a pin drop, and then, “That would not be good. Perhaps after you get into office.” Lolly was grim. “If you have any plans to be wed, please let us know right now, so we can begin our search for someone else.”
Hermione thought about Severus. She really didn’t want to be in a one-sided relationship or in a loveless marriage. “Fellow Witches, I don’t think that will be a problem.”
Much to Hermione’s shock the entire teashop took up singing,
“For She’s a Jolly Good Witch-ey,
For she’s a Jolly Good Witch-ey
Though she might be a bit Bi-itchy
That nobody can deny.”
“Who are all these people?” asked Hermione.
“This,” said Luna, flaying her arms about, “is the staff of the Quibbler along with the members of the WWPPSGP – The Wizards and Witches Peace and Prosperity Sociably Green Labor Party.”
&&&
Snape had only just entered the gates of Hogwarts when he saw the Deputy Headmistress waving to him from atop the hill. She hopped on an old Thunderbolt broom and flew down to him.
“Severus. Oh, it’s good that I caught you. Tell me that you got married to her.”
“Minerva, what are you talking about?”
“The Headmaster’s back and—“
“Severus! My office on the double.” It was Dumbledore’s voice amplified by a Sonorus spell. It boomed out from the entrance of the castle where the Wizard stood.
&&&
It was late, very late and Hermione had been asleep for several hours. Teaseh woke her with a gentle shake of her bed.
“Oh, what is it, Teaseh?” Hermione said groggily and then, waking up. “Is Waldo all right?”
“It is Professor Snape, ma’am. Should Teaseh let him in? He’s asking to see you and his son.” Teaseh’s voice lowered, “And he’s been drinking.”
Hermione quickly wrapped her bathrobe around her and went to let Snape in. He practically fell into her arms. The smell of brandy was strong on him.
“Do we have some of tSobeSober-up, Teaseh? You know, that bottle Madam Pomfrey gave you for me at the hand fasting earlier today?”
Hermione got Snape on the couch and undid the top buttons of his robe. Snape’s eyes were half closed and he seemed rather unaware of his surroundings.
Teaseh appeared with the potion and Hermione took it from the elf. “Severus, please drink this.”
Snape’s head rolled around, “I was on the Knight Bus. Afraid I’d Splinch.”
“It’s all right, drink this.”
Snape sniffed it. “No, I don’t want to be sober. I paid good money to get like this.”
“Why? Severus last time you got drunk--”
“I hurt you. Yes, I ruined your life.”
“Oh, please don’t be maudlin. I’ll have to insist on you drinking this if you are going to embarrass yourself.”
“Right.” Snape’s eyes focused on her for a second and he seemed to sober up. “Made a complete fool of myself that night, too. I thought you wanted me. Idiotic!” He chuckled.
“No. I was worried about you. Harry and Ron had been saying nasty things about you. I thought maybe you’d heard them and that’s why you left.”
”Save your pity,” he tried to snarl, but it came out self-pitying.
“I shall. So what brought this on?” asked Hermione, being gentle but stern.
“A clause in my contract.” Snape laughed and played with a strand of Hermione’s hair. “The no perverts clause. Not supposed to touch a student.” A wistful look came into his eyes.
“I wasn’t a student. I was alumni and eighteen.”
“But you’d not been out of Hogwart’s long enough. It was in the itsy-bitsy, wee print. No playing around with alumni until at least a year or two has gone by. Then they are fair game.
“The white bearded arsehole called me a ‘sexual predator’. Ha! Rapist would have been the accurate term.” He stroked the side of her face. “I forced myself on you.”
“It was an accident.” Hermione took his hand and gently kissed it. “If I can let go, why can’t you?”
“You are a sweet girl, Hermione. And what I am?”
“A bastard?” Hermione quipped.
The warmth left his face and he started to sob. “I kissed him. Told him it was the biggest favor he could have done me. Kissed him to spite him, I did. I figured, I wouldn’t let him know. I gave the best years of my life to the bloody place.”
“Getting maudlin again, Severus. I’m going to make you drink that potion.” She kissed his cheek, which was stubbly from the long day.
He looked at her in shock. “You are my sweet, little Muddle love. I do love you. Can I go to bed with you now?”
Hermione giggled. “Can you walk?”
She stood up and pulled him up and off the couch. “Teaseh?”
“Yes, Ms. Gee?”
“Keep an eye on Waldo. Warm up a bottle for when he wakes, I think I need to take care of Waldo’s dad tonight.”
“Right, Ms. Gee.”
Hermione threw Teaseh a look. “Ms. Gee?”
“Saw it on the Telly.”
Hermione walked Snape into the bedroom. Letting him collapse on the bed, she used a spell to remove his clothing. She managed to get him under the sheets.
“Like Ic-charus, I saw your shining glow and, flying too close, my wings melted and I fell into the sea.”
“That’s lovely, Severus. Did you make that up?”
“Hmm. Wanna fuck?” he slurred.
She kissed him lightly on the lips, “All right.” She reached down for his semi-hardness and touched him. He grew hard. She maneuvered herself over him and brought his cock into her. For a few thrusts, it was good. She was excited and felt the tightness begin to grow in her core. Then he groaned and it was over.
“Damned Crimson Mouse’s fault,” he muttered. “Not mine.”
Hermione felt him soften and fall out of her. She kissed him thoughtfully as he began to snore. She was glad she’d take her anti-pregnancy potion provided to her by Madam Pomfrey. It should be good for at least three months. And, surprisingly, it looked like she might need it.
A/N: Hugs and many thanks to my reviewers: Innerfeline, LittleBird, Spaz141, Moyra and Deb.
As an extra bonus for Farscape fans, here’s a link to a rather amusing “I Need a Hero” music video based on the tv series. http://www.birgitsvids.com/farscape-vidpages/hero/ Enjoy!
I’m a huge fan of the music and lyrics of Jim Steinman. Just couldn’t resist after hearing this song used in Shrek 2.
Holding Out for a Hero
Lyrics by Jim Steinman/Dean Pitchford
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where\'s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn\'t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
Larger than life.
Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy,
Somewhere just beyond my reach there\'s someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat,
It\'s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above,
Out where the lightning splits the sea,
I could swear there is someone somewhere watching me.
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood,
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood.
(Like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood, like a fire in my blood)
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
He\'s gotta be strong and he\'s gotta be fast
And he\'s gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the morning light.
He\'s gotta be sure and it\'s gotta be soon
And he\'s gotta be larger than life.
I need a hero,
I\'m holding out for a hero \'til the end of the night.
http://www.neverlandhotel.dk/lyrics.php?no=64