The Fortress Within

Severus was dizzy


Severus was dizzy, his
head was swimming, and the horrible roar of blood being pumped too hard was
filling his ears.  He forced himself
to look away, hoping to hide the look of sheer horror on his face. 
He had stared too long and she knew.
 


“Don’t
be ashamed of your reaction, Snape.  I
didn’t expect anything more from you.  How
do you think we feel?”


 


Severus
recomposed his face and turned back to her, speaking evenly, “There are
spells.  You know that. 
Why didn’t you find out who the father is?”


 


The
woman in front of him laughed, “Oh, Gods, yes, the spells! 
Why didn’t I think of that, I’m soooo stupid.” 
She walked slowly to the other side of the room, then turned and let
loose.  “What kind of an imbecile
do you take me for, Snape.  Of
course I thought of the spells!  Have
you forgotten, though, that the father must be present. 
So, I should have gone trotting up to those bastards ‘Excuse me, I seem
to have gotten knocked up, and I’d like to check and see if you’re the one
who did it while you were raping me.’ 
Great idea.”


 


Severus
rose to face her.  “This could be
my child.  Why didn’t you come to
me?”


 


“Oh,
lets be honest here, darling.  You
may be rather potent, but the odds are definitely stacked against you. 
Even if you are, we don’t want to know.  This
changes nothing.  Once this baby is
born we are moving on.  I’m sure
there’s a nice wizarding family who would adopt a poor, abandoned little
soul.”


 


Severus’
horror was quickly turning to anger.  In
several long strides he crossed the room and towered over Hermione. 
“The chance still exists,” he roared, “If you expect me to turn my
back on my flesh and blood, you little bi…” He caught himself before he said
something that would only make the situation worse. 
With a cleansing breath, he tried to keep from throttling her, and
continued on,  “If this child is
mine, it will stay with me.  Did you not think that I had the right to know, the right to
decide?”


 


The
Deatheater had shrunk back from him ever so slightly.  She had never faced the Potions Master when he was in such a
state of emotional upheaval.  She
deferred to him, “I suppose it’s your right, yes.  I never considered your feelings in this. 
That bastard Voldemort, he said he could smell the change in me. 
Always knew he was an animal.  He
thought I should tell you right away.  I
was surat, at, if you knew, you would pull me from the operation immediately.”


 


Severus
nodded, a bit calmer now.  “You
were one hundred percent correct.  That
battle was no place for an expectant mother. 
It went smoothly, yes, but it could have just as easily been a violent
confrontation.”


 


“Yes,
well.  It’s over now, and here we
are.  Fine, if this child is yours
and you want to claim it.  Be my
guest.  We still want no part of
it.”


 


Severus
could not believe his ears.  “If
the child is mine, you still will not be a mother to it?  In Merlin’s name, why?”


 


Hermione’s
eyes narrowed dangerously, “Because it will always be a reminder. 
A reminder of that night, a reminder of this place, a reminder of all
that has happened.  If you can’t
understand that, then I’m sorry.  But, if you want to play Daddy, go right ahead. 
You’re doing it alone.”


 


“I’ve
always been alone in this, haven’t I?” 
Severus pulled his wand from his sleeve and moved toward her abdomen.


 


Hermione
immediately spun and moved away from him, shielding the child inside of her with
her back.  “What do you think
you’re doing?  If we wanted to
know if you were the father, we would have found out long ago. 
You know you did sleep sometimes.  No,
this can wait until after this kid is here. 
It will wait.  Or will
you force me to do something like this against my will? 
Oh, wait, that’s right, you already had me kidnapped and stripped of my
powers.  While you’re at it, chain
me to the bed spread eagled and have your way with me, too.”


 


“Gods,
Hermione, why are you doing this to me?” 
Severus slipped his wand back in his sleeve and sat down hard in
Poppy’s desk chair, defeated.


 


Hermione
followed suit, sitting down shakily on a bed. 
“Severus, I’m not doing this to you. 
What will happen if you find out now, either way?  
If this child is yours, which I sincerely doubt, you will spend the next
2 months trying to convince me that we can be the happy family. I can’t know. 
Do you think I could leave if I knew this baby is yours?” 
A sudden burst of hope lit up Severus’ eyes.


 


Hermione
quickly snuffed it out.  “It would
be too dangerous to know.  If we know
it’s yours, she will do everything san tan to destroy it. 
She knows that I would try to fight, to try to stay. 
I made a deal and for this child’s sake I have to uphold my end of it. 
Don’t make this any harder for me. 
Please, Severus, wait until this child is born, and don’t ever tell
me.”


 


“I
don’t have a choice, do I?”  Severus
lowered his head into his hands, dragging long fingers through his hair. 
“If I agree, then you will stay here at the castle until the baby is
born?  You look like hell. 
You’re clothes are hanging off of you. 
You haven’t been eating, have you?


 


Hermione
smiled a bit, “It is kind of hard to hold down a paying job when you’re
being hunted.  Yes, I’ll stay at
the castle until the baby is born.  I
was thinking about coming back anyway.  Was
kind of being forced into it actually. I’m sure Albus can help me find a place
for the baby. ”


 


Severus
rose on shaky legs, “Very well, then.  I’ll
speak to Albus and see to getting your quarters in order.”


 


Hermione
examined her hands, splayed across the child within her. 
Severus was near the door when he heard her quiet request, 
“I suppose staying with you is out of the question?”


 


Severus
stopped, his hand on the knob.  Emotionally
broken, he answered in a voice choked with unshed tears, “Hermione, don’t. 
I can’t make this journey again.  I
can’t do this.  Please, just leave
me alone.”  He didn’t wait for a
response, just swept out the door with as much dignity as he could muster at
that moment.  He paused outside and
faced Albus and Harry, who had been waiting anxiously. 

 


“Albus,
she’s staying.  Please make her
former quarters in the dungeon ready.  Mr.
Potter…. Harry, thank you for everything you’ve done. 
If you’ll both excuse me I…” He couldn’t finish without
embarrassing himself further. Severus moved quickly through the castle, ignoring
the students and staff alike.  A
last minute change of mind had him moving from the dungeon stairs to the top of
Serpens tower.  Once there, he
locked and warded the door.  Finally
alone, he slid down to the hard stone floor and tried to process all she had
told him


 


This
was his fault, all of it.  He should
have protected her that night, even against Draco.  Now, because of his failing, another life was being forced
into this world.  An innocent child
who would have to, one day, face the horrible circumstances of its birth. 
Him, the Deatheater had called the child him.


 


A
son, perhaps his son.  The thought
was as exciting as it was terrifying.  Perhaps
the child was his.  Foolishness,
surely; but still… 


 


She
would be leaving him again.  In
scarcely 2 months time this child would be born and she would be leaving. 
Maybe he would be alone; maybe he would have a son. 
Either way she was going to walk out of his life and walk out of her
child’s life. 


 


Severus
was never one who made deals with the Gods. 
He was prepared to make a deal with almost anyone at this point. 
If she would only stay, he would love her and the child until the end of
time.  It didn’t matter who the
father was, the boy was a part of her.  He
would protect them and care for them. 


 


Severus
would never be sure when his thoughts of the child within her changed. 
At some point, staring up at the star-filled sky, things became clear to
him.  He would have a son. If she
didn’t want him, fine.  Severus would have a piece of her always. 
It didn’t matter anymore whose seed had started the child growing
within her.  He would love that
child as if it were his own.  With
or without Hermione, he would raise the boy and give him the guidance, love, and
direction his own childhood had been lacking.


 


His
mind made up, Severus rose and released the wards on the door. 
A few minutes later he was standing in Albus’ office. 
“Where’s Harry?”  Severus
inquired, not wanting to have the impending discussion with an audience.


 


“He’s
left for the Ministry.  Minerva is
helping to get Hermione settled in.  Tell
me, Severus, what’s going on.  Is
this child yours?”


 


Severus
took the chair on the opposite side of the desk to face the Headmaster. 
“Probably not.  When she was beaten at the Halloween revel, her powers were
stripped temporarily.  It never
occurred to me that her contraceptive charms should fail.  I suppose it should have. 
I could have prevented this easily enough.”


 


Albus
interrupted him softly, “You can’t blame yourself for this, Severus.”


 


“Well,
that’s where you’re wrong, Albus.  I
can blame myself and I do.  That’s
only water under the bridge, though.  The
fact still remains because of my failings, she is pregnant. 
There were nine wizards that night, Albus. Nine men who brutalized
her.  No wonder she ran from our
world and from me.”


 


Albus’
eyes had widened, “Oh, Severus, I’m so sorry. 
I had no idea that there were… I had no idea.”  They were both silent for a moment.  “So what have the two of you decided?”


 


Severus
closed his eyes and swallowed hard before speaking.  “She has decided for me. 
She does not want to know who the father is.  Her two sides have struck some sort of unholy bargain. 
My Hermione has agreed to leave me and this world in exchange for the
child’s life.  Because of this,
neither side has any desire to know if I am the father. 
It’s probably for the best.  I
think the dark side would do anything to destroy the boy if it were to be mine.  It would be a bond to me so strong that the light side may
feel compelled to stay.  The dark
side is determined to survive and really doesn’t care what she has to do
it.”


 


Albus’
eyes were troubled, but he nodded in acquiesce.


 


Severus
continued, “She will remain here at the castle until the child is born. 
She will be asking you to make arrangements for the placement of the
child.  I’ve told her, in the
unlikely instance that it is mine, that I will be a father to my son.”


 


Albus
smiled, “I expected nothing less of you, my boy.  I’m sure that we will have no problem finding a wizarding
family to adopt him, if need be.”


 


Severus
shifted uncomfortable in his seat.  “You
don’t have to worry about that.  Just
tell her it’s arranged.  I will
raise the boy as my own, whether he is or is not. 
I can’t turn my back on her child and I won’t.  The boy needs to know that no matter what the circumstances
of his conception, no matter the fact that his mother turned her back on him,
that someone wanted him.  It’s
important to know you were wanted.”


 


“A
courageous decision, Severus.  You
do still have 2 months to try to sway her. 
Perhaps….”


 


“No,”
Severus shook his head firmly.  “Perhaps
nothing.  I can’t continue on
playing this game with her.  It
hurts too badly.  No, that chapter
of my life is over.  With the birth
of my son, a new one will begin.  In
the meantime I will try to exist around here. 
I’m thankful the students are leaving tomorrow. 
I’ll have the summer to pull the tattered remains of myself back
together again.  Oh, I suppose I’m
going to need bigger quarters.  The
dungeons are no place to raise a child.  If
there aren’t any available I can rent a house in Hogsmeade, I suppose.”


 


Albus
rose from his chair and came around the desk to lay a hand on Severus’
shoulder.  “Of course there are
larger quarters.  I’ll have the
third floor corridor, right hand, transformed into something suitable for you
and your son.”


 


“I’ll
plan to move after she leaves the castle, so there is no rush. 
Please make sure there is a room for a nanny. 
With my classes, I will need some help.”


 


Late
in the night, Severus was lying awake.  He
could feel her so close to him and was sure that were he to sneak across the
hallway, he would find her awake as well. 


 


Crookshanks
had been howling at the door when Severus had returned. 
As soon as the door was opened, the cat had gone to cry at Hermione’s
door.  Severus had not waited to see
if she responded, just slipped inside his chambers. 
He didn’t know how he was going to spend the next two months so close
to her and not be with her.


 


It
turned out he didn’t have to wonder.  Severus
heard his chamber door open and grabbed his wand from the bedside table. 
Feigning sleep he tensed and waited for the intruder to show him or
herself.  He slipped the wand under his pillow as Hermione’s rounded
silhouette appeared in the doorway.  “Severus,”
she whispered, then a little louder. “Severus are you awake?”


 


He
remained still and silent, waiting to see what she had planned. 
Quietly, she slipped into bed to lay beside him. 
Inch by inch she backed up until her bottom was pressed against his hip. 
Severus heard here give a small contented sigh. 
He didn’t know why he allowed himself to be tormented so. 
Two months were two months and if that was all the time he would have
with her, then so be it.  He was
tired and lonely and his very soul was crying out for her.


 


Still
playing the sleeping wizard, Severus mumbled softly in his slumber. 
He rolled to his side and threw an arm over her waist. 
His hand came to rest on her rounded stomach and he felt the baby within
her thump in response.  The urge to
smile was overpowering, but he managed to contain himself as she snuggled more
closely to him.


 


Soon
he heard her breathing become soft and regular.  Experience told him she was asleep and he allowed his hand to
gently explore her habdoabdomen.  He
was amazed to feel, again, the child within her give a nudge in response to his
touch.  The taps and bumps followed
his hand as it roamed over her.  If
he had a doubt that he could love this child as his own, it was forgotten in the
quiet of the night.


 


Finally
the little boy swimming around became quiet and Severus allowed himself to sleep
as well.  He dreamt that night of
Hermione and a child with coal black curls and cinnamon brown eyes.