Dirty deeds

15 January

Work continued much as usual. Message got across loud and clear and sheep not even trying to get me to do anything. Tosser sitting in his new office, with brand new leather chair, staring disaster in the face. Spent morning applying for new jobs and using Ministry owls to do so. Bad Hermione!

Afternoon off for lunch and shopping with Ginny and Pansy.

As I suspected Pansy was looking for advice about Ron. Apparently the silly sod has been shilly-shallying and there has been no actual shagging going on. Plenty of snogging, fumbling and fondling but always stopping short of the actual act.

On the plus side this does mean Ron has discovered foreplay.

Didn’t share this thought with Pansy as thought would be a bit tasteless. Best to wait until gloss has worn off their relationship before we can start slagging Ron off over bitchy lunches.

Something very primitive about way girls happiest in groups of three. Boys naturally seem to prefer twosomes – them and their best friend – or larger groups. Wonder if its something to do with the triune aspect of the goddess. In which case mildly worried about which one of us is the Hag. Don’t much fancy being the Maiden or the Mother either.

Think there should be three new aspects to the Goddess in light of modern world. The Bossy-one, the Girly and the Slutty. Not that I mean slutty in a bad way. Nothing wrong with a girl going out and having what wantwants at all. Repeatedly and in as many positions as possible.

Did suggest to Pansy that after critical mauling from me about his performance was probably feeling worried, particularly in light of her vast experience. Didn’t use word vast, was more tactful, but was nasty moment when she thought I was having a dig. Continued that I thought that a woman of the world was just what Ron needed and that if anyone could train him properly it would be her. By sounds of things she had him firmly under the thumb and that is where he would like to be.

Pansy has met Molly and they got on well.

If had been told that when at Hogwarts would have been even more shocked that if told would end up shagging Severus. I mean, shagging Severus always improbable but not impossible – he could have used a potion, we could have been drunk, etc. As far as I am aware there is no potion to make prospective mother-in-law like you, and Molly doesn’t drink.

Apart from the memorable celebration when she danced on the tables in Grimmauld Place. Very happy that all her family had made it through the war intact, and no one begrudged her the moment. Next day she was very apologetic and apparently it took her hours to get the scuff marks off the table.

So we boosted Pansy’s self-esteem, which seems a bit wobbly really, and then we went shopping. Thought we were just going to look at shoes but Ginny dragged us into a sex shop. Had a bit to drink at lunch so we all thought this was very funny.

Pansy tried on several negligees. She had determined to get Ron into bed. Ginny said she should go for the dark red one with little bows up the side, saying that if she wasn’t strictly heterosexual she would shag Pansy in it herself. Not sure that either of them are strictly heterosexual though. Probably both filed it away for future reference in case current targets fell though.

Not sure whether relieved not to be invited to join the Sapphic trio, or offended to be overlooked.

I didn’t see much point in buying a new negligee to wear in front of Severus as we had never got to the getting dressed before we go to bed so we can get undressed again stage in the relationship and were stuck at the clothes off now! then bed / sofa / floor / wall stage of relationship. Judging by the price tag on the clothes in there that has saved me an awful lot of money.

However have had idea lurking in back of mind since detention so headed off to the back of the shop. There they were. A pair of handcuffs. Magically enhanced so that they wouldn’t chafe or bruise the wearer but definitely suitable for restraining a naughty Severus.

Ginny and Pansy had followed me and were clearly amused at thought of me buying something like that. Ginny wondered whether Severus liked the idea of dominating me, as he seemed the type. Told her she was a silly cow and that were for me to use on him. Look of shock on their faces priceless. Believe that standing as sex goddess now firmly established.

They wandered off to look at something else leaving me standing idly by some shelves. Then one of sales assistants came over and started talking to me about the merchandise. Realised with dismay that standing next to the vibrators. He talked at length about their different features and relative merits. There were rotating heads and love beads, and clitoral stimulators and … the list seemed to be endless. The girls had noticed what was going on and were giggling.

It seemed to me that could do with one so as to alleviate pining, but also might have possibilities involving Severus. Obviously couldn’t go for one looking like substitute willy as would have fits if I came towards him with one in my hand. Probably. Although bearing in mind the rumours about Slytherins there are no guarantees. If was Lucius would probably complain that was too small, and then show you his ten personal favourites from his own collection. In the end selected something called clitoral stimulators but occurred to me that could equally well be applied somewhere else, particularly once the other participant had been tied down.

Also purchased a pensieve especially designed to hold the more racy details of a person’s life. Had special security charms so that only two people could ever use it or look into it.

Girls again open mouthed, which is not an attractive look, when explained what intended to use them for.

Then home to a lonely bed and a letter from Severus.

Dear Hermione,

I am glad to hear that you liked the gifts and even happier to learn that you will keep this foray into sentimentality a closely guarded secret.

Unfortunately, and continuing the theme of bosses being bastards, I won’t be able to join you on Friday night after all, and will have to meet you at the party on Saturday. Something about a staff meeting and then having to oversee a Quidditch match the next day.

I think you may have a point about getting something on Albus, as refuse to allow him to get away with this again.

Love,

Severus
I
I thought it would cheer him up if he heard a friendly word so I sent him a reply straight away. Would love to see his face as he opened it at the breakfast table.

Dear Severus,

Obviously I am very disappointed not to be able to see you on Friday. I have had a pleasant day shopping with the girls, and I have bought you a little present or two.

I’m not sure whether you deserve it after disappointing me like this, but perhaps you deserve it more.

Handcuffs, and something else I won’t tell you about yet. I just wondered if you found the idea of spending Sunday chained to my bed entirely at my mercy whilst I worked my will on you at all interesting?

I suspect you would, so get plenty of rest and build your strength up.

Love,

Hermione

A/N the scene in the sex shop is based on something that happened to me last weekend. It was absolutely hilarious being lectured on the relative merits of vibrators by a bloke.

And Bindi - why Lexi?