Remember

CHAPTER 22: An Empty Shell









Harry Potter and Ron Weasley raced through the halls of Hogwarts as the news of Hermione’s return reached them. They yelled the password to the Gryffindor common room at the portrait of the fat lady, scaring the poor woman into conniptions as they scrambled through the portal and into the room. They stopped suddenly when they saw her curled on the sofa, her head resting on Ginny’s lap while the girl stroked her hair.







“What is going on?” Harry asked, staring at the pale face of his best friend as she slept. Ginny looked up, tears glittering in her eyes as she held her finger to her lips for them to keep quiet as she slid from beneath Hermione’s head and pulled the boys to the side.







“She got in yesterday she just refused to leave her bed.” Ginny said. “I had to force her out today and she wouldn’t go any further than the common room.”







“Is she sick?” Ron looked over at the girl curled in on herself, her hair a tangled mess and still wearing her night clothes.







“No, Ron, she isn’t sick.” Ginny said sadly as she stared at her friend. “Her heart is broken.”







“Heart broken? What do you mean her heart is broken?” Harry asked.







“Apparently, she fell in love and they were separated when she returned to school.” Ginny said.









“Fell in love with whom?” Ron asked, frowning slightly. “Where was she? Where did Dumbledore send her?”









“She won’t say where and she won’t tell me who.” Ginny said, shrugging her shoulders. “She won’t say anything more about it, she just cries until she falls asleep then she wakes up to cry some more.”







“What can we do?” Harry asked uncomfortable knowing that Hermione was in such pain and still livid that she had been sent away and out of contact for so long.







“I don’t think we can do anything, Harry. She is grieving for him, whoever he is. All we can do is try to be there for her if she needs us.” Ginny said, watching as Hermione whimpered softly then sat up on the sofa.







She looked around the room, the familiar décor and smells of the common room did not bring her the comfort she had thought it would. She glanced over to see Ginny, Harry and Ron watching her and she began to cry once more.







“Mione…” Harry rushed to her and pulled her into the comfort of his arms. She clung tightly to him and cried against his chest until his robes were soaked through. “He must be some wizard to make you cry for him so.” Harry whispered.







“I love him.” She sobbed softly, sniffling as she pulled away and blinked up at Ron. “Hello, Ron.” She said with a teary smile. “I missed you guys so much.” She said, breaking down into shuddering sobs once more.







Ron took the cushion on the other side of her and leaned forward to kiss her cheek.







“Come on, Mione, it can’t be that bad, just write letters to him and then perhaps you can see him over the summer.” Ron said, rubbing her back in slow circles that were meant to offer comfort.







“It isn’t that easy. It is much more than distance that separates us.” She said. She knew that they wanted to cheer her, they wanted to fix it for her and she loved them for it.









“Was he…I mean who is he?” Ron asked, just a hint of jealousy in his voice. They had figured out that a relationship between them just wasn’t going to work, but it didn’t stop the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness from bubbling up once in awhile.









“It doesn’t matter.” She said, sniffing and blowing her nose on the tissues Ginny had brought her. Ron and Harry knew when it was time to let an issue drop and they knew that no matter how much they nagged her about it, she wouldn’t tell them anything until she was good and ready.





“Why don’t you put some clothes on, Mione, and join us downstairs in the hall for dinner.” Harry said, his hand resting on her back.







“No thank you.” She said, barely above a whisper. She couldn’t go to the main hall, he would be there and he would be staring out over the sea of students with those cold, unfeeling eyes and he would skim right over her. She couldn’t handle that, it was going to be hard enough for her to go to class the next day and hear his voice, smell his scent when he walked past her and know that he was oblivious to the fact that they had loved.







“Mione, sweetheart, you didn’t eat at all yesterday and you haven’t had anything more than a cup of tea today and you only drank it because I forced it on you. You need to eat.” Ginny said, her concern for her friend growing more intense.







“I will, Gin, when I am hungry I will eat something.” Hermione offered a weak smile and pushed herself up from the sofa. “I think I will just go back to bed, I am just so very tired. I will sit down and visit some more when I feel better.” With that she made her way back into her dorm. She closed the bed drapes and curled up beneath her blankets in the darkness, her fingers stroking the silky braid wrapped around her wrist, the only thing she had to remind her of the one she loved.









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“She returned yesterday, Headmaster, and she hasn’t been seen outside of her dorm at all?” Severus sat in front of Dumbledore’s desk and listened as the man told him about Hermione’s return to current day Hogwarts.







“Her friends came to see me earlier, it seems she will not leave her bed and has slept all of yesterday and today. Apparently Miss Weasley managed to get a cup of tea down her but nothing else.” Albus said, his hands folded over his abdomen as he leaned back in his chair and watched Severus’s reactions. “They are demanding to know where she has been and who this person is she cries for.”









“I assume you did not tell them.” Severus said. “Somehow I doubt they would be thrilled knowing that it is I whom their friend pines for.”







“I told them that it was her tale to tell and that she would, when she was ready.” Albus said. “The question is, will you tell her that you refused to let me wipe your memory?”









“I don’t see how it will benefit anyone. I am her teacher and too old for the witch. It is better to let her…crush….run it’s course and allow her to move on to a wizard her own age.” Severus said, though it left a rancid taste in his mouth.







“Why don’t I feel as though you mean that?” Albus asked quietly. “And I think that her feelings are more than a…crush. As I might add, are yours.”







“What do you want, Albus?” Severus asked coolly. The many years of being a double agent had taught him to school his features, to mask his emotions and control his temper. But inside he seethed. “Do you want me to confess to the witch that in a dramatic moment of adolescent angst I refused to allow you to steal my memories? That I mourned for the witch and used my anger at her absence to fuel me as I participated in dark deeds and spied for the Order? Do you want me to carry on an illicit affair with a witch who is under my tutelage within the halls of this school? Tell me, Albus, what would you have me do to fix this mess you created with your infernal meddling?”









“What I want is for you to be happy with the witch you were meant for. The other half of you. I saw it in her fifth year, I knew she was the only one who could compliment and complete you. If I had not interfered, would you have seen it, Severus? Would you have seen what was beneath your nose this entire time?” Albus watched Severus’s eyes. His face would never reveal his inner self, but his eyes were the windows to his soul. “You can be happy, Severus. You love her and she loves you.”









“She loves a boy who no longer exists, Albus. She wants him, not an old, battered wizard with a shady past.” Severus spat. “What kind of life can I offer a young witch? I teach in this school and in my free time I sit alone in my rooms reading. I do not socialize and I do not care for the pursuits of the young. What young witch in her right mind wants that kind of life?”









“Miss Granger is not so shallow, Severus. She sought the boy out because she already recognized you as kindred; she has harbored feelings for you that she tossed off as a simple schoolgirl crush for the last two years. She did not fall in love with you based on trivial things, Severus. It wasn’t for looks…” Severus scoffed and rolled his eyes at the comment. “Or for money, or popularity. She fell in love with you because you are so much alike it is frightening. You are two halves of the same whole.”







“Albus, you have done enough damage.” Severus said as he stood. “I was perfectly content with my life as it stood but you could not leave it alone and you had to interfere. Now I have had to endure months of agony while my past was altered and my memories changed. I am now overcome with feelings for a witch who is way too young for me and she is now grieving for a man who is long gone. When will you learn that it is not your right to interfere?”







Albus didn’t react; he had expected Severus to grow angry and to lash out at him. He knew that it would not be an easy road for the couple, especially Severus, but he knew it was the right course, they would never have seen it otherwise and would have lived only half lives without the other to complete them.







“Do you regret loving her?” Albus asked. “I too have dealt with the memories changing. I recall you being happy, Severus, even laughing when you were with the witch. You changed when you were with her. You were happy and you found your pride, you stood up for yourself and you became stronger all because of that witch. Tell me you do not want to experience that again.”









“What I want and what is best for Hermione are two separate things, Albus. As always I will sacrifice for the greater good.” Severus said. Albus did not fail to notice his use of her first name.









“And what about Miss Granger?” Albus asked.









“What about her?” Severus frowned, trying not to think about her crying for him.









“She will be in your class every day, you will see her often and you will bear witness to her grieving. You have it in your power to end her suffering and your own with a few simple words yet you will withhold it. How will you handle it?” Albus knew he was playing dirty but he couldn’t help it, he was right









“I will handle it the way I handle every unpleasant task I have been called upon to perform. At the peril of my own happiness.” Severus turned and left the Headmaster’s office in a swirl of black robes.







He stopped at the bottom of the main staircase, watching as they changed from landing to landing over his head. Everything in him urged him to make his way to Gryffindor tower and comfort her, to tell her that he knew all and he cared. He fisted his hands and furrowed his brow, shoving his tender feelings aside. With a slight growl he turned and made his way towards the dungeon entrance instead.









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OK, lemme help explain this as best as I can…..the way this played in my head was that Severus had no memories/amorous feelings for Hermione before she was sent back….hence the headaches and dreams. Her being with him in his younger years did not “save” him. He still became a deatheater then spy. The only change in that part of his life were the pleasant memories of being happy and loving her that he protected fiercely and turned to when his world was shit. Everything else went on the same. So…you could say that until she went back in time he had no memory of her at all, then “remembered” once his past began to be altered. I hope you can understand that LMAO….I cant really explain it well.