Never Piss Off a House-Elf

Hermione had been so happy when she'd woken next to Severus. She'd enjoyed herself with him, learning hands on about her body and his, and she knew that she'd like to continue to do just that. But having him bring up her parents, his apparent self-loathing, and his staunch refusal to be more human ~-- just as she knew he was, to boot! ~-- was all too much.


She'd stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind herself. She didn't even realize until she was back in her own room ~-- which happened to be pretty much next door to Severus's ~-- that she'd left her clothes behind.


"Damn it!" Hermione shouted. She stomped her feet a few times and shrieked obscenities until she felt a bit better. "Well, no way am I going back in there. Miki!"


Miki appeared in Hermione's room, and she looked confused.


"Miki thought the Master was giving Himeko the in-outie? Is the master being in Himeko's bathroom?" Miki said, peering into the dark bathroom. "Where's the Master?"


"Master got the in-outie, Miki, and now I'm back in my rooms. Go get my clothes from his rooms, please," Hermione said. Not even the house-elves would be completely unscathed in her anger at that moment.


Miki trembled as she winked out and back, Hermione's clothes in her hands. She bowed and kept her head low.


"Is the Himeko needing anything else?" Miki said, a bit of an edge in her voice. She was not necessarily the meek elf Hermione and Severus had assumed her to be and as Satchel was finding out, that could be very good, or very bad.


"Is my paper here yet?" Hermione asked icily. It may have been witch against elf, but the situation was degenerating into a bitch-fest.


Miki's ears flattened against her head. She nodded, and she made the paper appear on Hermione's desk as she winked out.


And for good reason. The headline bore:


You Hear It First From the Daily Wizard: Hermione Granger Has Shunned Not Only The Boy-Who-Lived Harry Potter but also Ronald Weasley in Favor of Severus Snape, her instructor and Potions Master of Hogwart's
by Rita Skeeter


You heard it here first: Hermione Granger, former paramour of both Ronald Weasley and the Boy-Who-Lived has shunned not one but both of her suitors in favor of her instructor, Hogwart's Potions Master Severus Snape!


It is unclear as to how the muggle-born Granger managed to snare the dark and deadly wizard, former Deatheater and spy for Albus Dumbledore. What is clear, however, is that Granger will be the new Madam Snape before the end of her school year.


Quite the way to ensure top marks.


Hermione's eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. She took a few deep breaths which grew into great gasps. She began hyperventilating, fanning herself and trying to keep her calm, and failing. Hermione plopped down on her butt on the floor, tears in her eyes. She was still sore from the night before, and now this on top of that and the fight.


"How could she have found out?" Hermione said aloud, alone as she was in her rooms. She re-read the article, but Skeeter always made sure to keep her sources confidential, not even mentioning an inside source this time around. Hermione threw some clothes on and grabbed her wand. Heads were going to roll.


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Severus trotted down the stairs a few hours later, having decided to indulge in a long nap after his exertions. Between the physical exertions and the argument with his intended, he felt he deserved the extra sleep. He'd pulled on his more normal day clothing, reverting to his Potions Master self and was knocking on the dining room door when he heard mutterings from the kitchen. Frowning, Severus went into the kitchen instead, where Miki was kneading the hell out of some poor, unsuspecting dough.


"Himeko is being bad to the Master," Miki was seething, punching the dough. "Gives the Master the in-outie but being back in her rooms. Bad Himeko. No good for the Master to be alone!"


Severus had to chuckle at the sight. The dough was large and quite elastic thanks to Miki's ministrations, and was growing into quite the super ball. She continued her tirade about Hermione's actions in English and Japanese until Severus cleared his throat.


"Oh! The Master is being up for the day?" Miki asked, plastering a large smile on her face.


"Yes. And where is. . . Himeko?" Severus asked. Miki sniffed.


"Left. Tooks her paper and left, not being waiting for the Master, even after their in-outie!" Miki said, clearly more than perplexed and put out by the situation.


"What did you call Hermione, Miki?" Severus asked. His translating charm was beginning to wear off, and he'd rather not use another one, instead preferring Miki to speak in English.


"Himeko. Is meaning 'Princess', Master; Miki calls the Mistress that in love, but today, Himeko is being Himeko," Miki spat. Severus understood completely. He nodded to the dough.


"Care to let the dough die peacefully, Miki? I think I prefer bangers today, anyway. And I think I'd like to see my paper, as well. This can't be good if Himeko left so quickly," Severus said, dismissing his own role in her departure.


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Completely disregarding protocol, Hermione apparated directly into the house at Grimmauld Place. She broke the wards and appeared in the living room on top of a wizard's chess set that Ron and Harry had been using. She heralded her own arrival with a modest clap of thunder, and both Ron and Harry fell off their seats at her sudden appearance.


"Bloody hell, 'Mione! What the hell d'you think you're doing?" Ron yelled, struggling to get to his feet quickly, surprise darkening his face.


"Which one of you decided to get back at me by telling all to Rita Skeeter?" Hermione shouted, having already augmented her voice. Ginny darted out of her chair and over to Harry, who was busy repairing his glasses yet again with the spell Hermione had taught him so long ago. "Severus and I have told no-one, so you three are the obvious suspects. Come clean and I will deal with you, and keep Severus from harming you."


Ron snorted. "Fat chance. Every time we left you alone with him he snogged you. You probably just picked the wrong alley to snog in."


"Once. We snogged once in this house, Ron. And it isn't your house ~-- you can't make it wrong just because you don't like it!" Hermione shouted, climbing down off the chess set.


"Hermione, it is still Harry's house ~-- how do you think Harry liked seeing you snogging the Black Bat?" Ron said, drawing on Harry's status yet again.


"Oh, so now you're going to put words in Harry's mouth?" Hermione seethed. She turned on Harry, who was standing pale beside Ginny. Ginny was wrapped around Harry's arm, her body curved into his for morale support. "Well, Harry. What do you have to say? I assume you three are all done with the silent treatment. Come on, give it to me. I have had a long night and a bad morning. So go ahead."


It was Ginny who spoke.


"Hermione, we didn't tell anyone about you. We wouldn't ~-- no matter how angry we were with you. And you know better than to play Ron and Harry against each other," Ginny said, trying to be somewhat placating.


"What was that, Ginny? You're trying to be the sage here? You and Ron up and left because you mistook what I said, even though you, in particular, knew how I felt about children. I want to know – who ran to Skeeter and told her about the situation?" Hermione said, anger rising in her voice.


"None of us, Hermione," Harry said in an abused tone. "Were you swarmed by beetles while you snogged? Maybe someone overheard you speaking about it outside this house."


Hermione's thoughts flew to Halain and Raina. She shook her head. Neither one of them would dare break silence ~-- Severus would have their heads, if nothing else. She stared at her friends.


"Well, since I'm here, shall we start the apologies?"


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Severus read his paper quickly, leaving his front-page appearance for last. Miki had served him quickly and without much speech. She was angry at Hermione but Severus could tell that she was holding her tongue because she didn't want to speak disparagingly of her new mistress. Bonded or not, that was how Miki and Satchel saw Hermione.


As Miki cleared the table, Severus folded his paper and stood up, addressing her.


"Miki, please have Satchel help you clean the rooms on the second floor. I want you to make sure every room is spotless, and I would like the two of you to start carefully moving a few of Hermione's things into my rooms. Carefully; this is going to be a very covert operation. If she asks for something that she can't find, get it for her, but do not let her go looking for it. I have something I must attend to," Severus said. He folded the paper and tapped it with his wand, shrinking it. He had to discuss the article with its authoress, and he wanted to give the elves something to do, instead of having them plot for Severus and Hermione.


Severus made his instructions quite implicit because he planned on getting the witch back in his clutches the way he wanted. . . she wanted humanity from him. He'd give it to her until she screamed. He was going to make her a Snape in the best way.

The Slytherin way.